He Wont Call Me

[Madonna]

My ex-fiance's mother called me the other day and told me that my ex had been really sick. He spent a whole week in the hospital and got down to almost 100 pounds. I told her I had a feeling something was wrong with him and she gave me his phone number to call him so I could express my concern and sympathy.

My ex-fiance' and I have not spoken for 15 years. I told my husband about the phone call and asked if it would upset him if I called my ex to see how he was doing. He said it was OK with him.

So I called my ex and left a nice voicemail and two days later, no return phone call. I called him again and left another voicemail and still no return phone call. I know he is available because his mother told me she had just talked to him before she called me.

We were together for four years and we even moved here together. Before, if I would call him, he would always call me right back. That was before I got married. Do you think he doesnt want to talk to me anymore because I am married (he is not)? Why didnt he ever call me back?

 

[lorihart]

He is probably thinking "why bother?". If you weren't married it would probably be a different story.And ya never know, maybe it may bother him to talk to you, even though it as been years.And there could be a number of reasons why he hasn't bothered.I think you did your part, don't beat yourself up over this.
Lori

 

[luckyruns]

You made the effort and I'm sure he knows this by now. It's up to him now, whether he wants to call back etc. Its his choice and he has his own reasons for not calling right back or maybe not at all. IT was very kind of you to call him and check in. YOu did your part I'm sure he appreciates it.

Ive gone through something similiar and yet different. I was able to find my bio family. At the beginning of the relationship, everyone was willing able and welcoming. BUt when it came down to meeting me all communication stop. I have a bio sister that lives three hours away from me, Ive written to see if she wants to get together for a coffee. (mind you before the invite--we talked daily) I sent a letter asking her-- all of sudden she has stopped talking. I had to stop beating myself up over that and realize it's her choice for not wanting to talk now and by no means am I the cause of it. Maybe she needs time, maybe they dont want to meet at all. But at least Ive made it known my door is open to it. It's time to move fwd

 

[wendyjpa]

Perhaps he doesn't want you to see him like this?? Maybe his illness has taken quite a toll and he is sensitive about the way he appears?
I am just trying to empathize here and see how i would feel if i were in his shoes. I'm not sure i would want an "ex" love of my life to see me suffering.

And then, also i have to agree with Lori, maybe he is bothered by talking to you after all these years. I have an ex that i don't like to talk to, even though it's been 20 yrs and i've been happily married for 14. It was just too bad of a breakup.

 

[Fit_mommy]

How long has it been since you last talked to him? Maybe if it's been a long time he thinks this is a "forced" phone call and therefore doesn't want to talk to you??? I'm not saying it is...but maybe he feels that way?

 

[nancy324]

It's okay if he doesn't call you back. He knows you care, and I'll bet anything that it's nice for him to know that. If he's that weak, he may not be up to such a phone call. It might be a bit stressful for him. Just let it be, and know that you did a good thing.

-Nancy

 

[icklemoley]

.

 

[Conni]

I think the point here is that you felt the need to touch base with him and express a concern for his well-being. Mission accomplished.
You did what you set out to do, so if he feels too uncomfortable to call ( for whatever reason ), that is up to him. Let it go, you did the right thing. Anything else is secondary.

 

[clareMc]

I'd leave him alone, not badger him. You've made contact, now the ball's in his court.

Some people like to leave past relationships in the past and move on. I am like this too. I don't go back, just forwards. maybe this is his thinking too? And if it is, you have to respect it really.

Clare

 

[Miss Lee]

Honestly, IMHO I think it's a little odd that his mom would contact you and ask you to call him--because you broke up sooo long ago, and more importantly, because you're married now to someone else. I probably would've told the mother that I was sorry to hear of her son's problems and that you would remember him in your prayers, and that would be it.
I would not call him back.

I know my husband wouldn't appreciate it if I started up communication with an old boyfriend. It's one thing to run into somebody on the street. It's something else to pick up a phone and deliberately call them.

Michele

 

[Madonna]

I have an update for everyone. He finally called me. He made the excuse of not feeling well, but hinted at the fact that he had to get up his nerve first. He told me he weighs 118 pounds and doesnt look very good. We had a nice chat and I asked him if he needed anything and he said no. I asked him to keep me up to date on his progress. He has been so sick and was in the hospital for six weeks and out of work for a full year.


Love,
Madonna