Having anxiety about a big change in my life!

toughYrun

toughYrun

Cathlete
I suddenly have an opportunity to work full time. I've not worked (for pay :)) for about 3 1/2 years, and when I did I was able to work part time and primarily from home. The new position is full time and at the office. I'm very nervous about accepting a full time position.

The main thing causing my anxiety is that my role as mother will change significantly. My 8 year old daughter is a dancer. She's quite good and so we've invested a lot of time (and $$ :)) in her lessons. She's taking 9 classes at three different studios right now and so I'll have to find someone to cart her around to all of that. She's not going to be happy with me going to work and I'm feeling like I would be abandoning her!! Not to mention that I will be very sad not to be able to be as involved in her life.

I know some of you mothers work full time and I'm wondering how you keep it all balanced.
 
anxiety

I feel your pain. I am so stressed out today. Besides the two jobs I work and have not been getting enough sleep the past two days, my 20 year old daughter is pregnant. Just when I was about to move back in with my boyfriend. Who I still have to tell.

I can not get in any of my schedule workouts, because one of the girls is out of the office and I had to come in earlier to cover. I hate that. I am still getting in my weight lifting, but no aerobics, and of course I am losing weight.

You will figure it out with your daughter, people do tent to help.

Sharon
 
{{{{{Elaine}}}}} I'm neither a parent nor an employee, so I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to give you a hug and a little reassurance that things will work out somehow. You are a wise and loving parent and you will make sure your daughter has everything she needs. Your anxiety is normal under the circumstances. Many prayers coming your way, my friend.
 
I would continue to work part time.

IMO, as children get older they need you more, but in different ways, than when younger.

I have two children, DS 15 and DD 13, and stayed home full time when they were babies. Once they were in school, I went back to work part time. My hours are flexible, so I work then they are in school. That way I can do all the afterschool stuff like homework, driving to activities, etc.

HTH!


toughYrun said:
I suddenly have an opportunity to work full time. I've not worked (for pay :)) for about 3 1/2 years, and when I did I was able to work part time and primarily from home. The new position is full time and at the office. I'm very nervous about accepting a full time position.

The main thing causing my anxiety is that my role as mother will change significantly. My 8 year old daughter is a dancer. She's quite good and so we've invested a lot of time (and $$ :)) in her lessons. She's taking 9 classes at three different studios right now and so I'll have to find someone to cart her around to all of that. She's not going to be happy with me going to work and I'm feeling like I would be abandoning her!! Not to mention that I will be very sad not to be able to be as involved in her life.

I know some of you mothers work full time and I'm wondering how you keep it all balanced.
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Ask yourself the most basic question:
How do you feel fulfilled?

I work full time, have a 2yr old, and have one on the way in August. I will return to work full time once I am finished with that maternity leave.
I, personally, am NOT fulfilled by staying home with my child(ren). I'm a better mom when I've been able to put in energy elsewhere, for myself. I come home excited to see him and ready to play.

Some call me selfish for that. I think that the fact that I know that about myself, does my kid(s) a favor.

You're clearly interested in going back to work full time. Why? Do you need something else in your life? Sounds like you've spent a lot of time for your daugther's talent (and that's great!), but that you now need some time for you.

Follow what makes you feel complete. Everything else will work itself out.
 
Well, you would clearly need to have a plan for child care - do you have that worked out yet? I don't mean to scare you, but depending on where you live, that might take some time to determine. If you want to keep your daughter as heavily involved in dance as she is today, your only option may be to have a nanny (this is what we do and it's worked out great - highly recommend this route).

It's certainly possible to balance work and family life - lots of people do it, and do it extremely well. But you have to have a plan - since you haven't mentioned what you are planning to do with child care, it's hard to really comment further.
 
Wow first off how awesome that you have an 8 year old who not only loves to dance, . .but is good at it.
I think you can do it all. I have 2 kids 7 and 9 and I'm a stay at home. I used to struggle with whether or not I should go back to work for more money for the family. I used to be an insurance billing accounts manager (part time) from home for a dental office. I kept the job for the flexibility and being able to be home for my kids. If you can do part time I'd stick to part time. Only so you can slowly get back into the work force and balance everything with family. Trust me I feel ya. It is a really hard decision to make. I tried working full time for 1 month and couldn't handle it. It just did not become worth it. When I did the math with having to pay for after school care and work clothes, gas, and my time I was barely making a profit. Esp when summer, and winter breaks came. Summer camp for 2 children is expensive. I would be honest with the person offering the job and say. I'm interested but I also have children and they are very important to me. Could I possibly start part time? How flexible would you be? I know that there are very few jobs out there right now that it almost feels like you have to jump on any and every opportunity that comes by but trust me there WILL be another opportunity that fits the bill that will come along just at the right time. It is just like finding love. :)
 
Hey there,

I went back to full-time for a brief period- got laid off with half of the office. What I can tell you is that I felt sooo fulfilled and "grown-up" again!! Being able to get dressed up in something other than "mommy clothes" every day and feeling productive and getting PAID for it was wonderful! I had my OWN money for the first time in years and it was incredibly empowering. I was really bummed when they cut half of the company and still feel some angst over it.

Now, on the flip side. Did I feel guilty?? Of course! My son has had a history of health issues and his health was under control and it still is, Praise God! My husband was (and still is) working out of state so I was truly a single working mom for that period. The funny thing is that somehow I was much, much more organized at home and our scheduled flowed much easier. I managed to get it all done and it felt good, I was less resentful over doing all of the usual house stuff. I was able to work the hours that my son is in school from 9-4 essentially and did have some work I could do at home (research) after he went to bed.

I also enjoyed the time with my son much more. I really cherished the time we had together. I wasn't as distracted and felt compelled to give him more of my undivided attention. I was also more relaxed because I had had time to do something else that fulfilled me.

It's not selfish at all for mom's in particular to NEED something else to bring you fulfillment. It's a different kind of fulfillment than parenting. It can help us remember who WE, the non-mommy me is. And as I said, I felt I enjoyed my son more.

Squeezing the workouts in was probably the biggest challenge. I broke mine up and did half in the morning by getting up earlier and did the other half in the afternoon-I should say, tried to get the other half in- that was the more difficult challenge.

I plan on getting my own at-home recruitment business going after Spring Break. I have all the bones ready, I just have to get my office in order and get my courage back up again to make those 70 phone calls a day!

One final note, I'm a Christian so the first thing I do is to pray about it and listen for answers as to which direction I am to go. That does not apply to everybody, I understand that.

Anywho, I hope that helps!!

Hugs & prayers your way!
Pam
 
Oh my, I have been struggling with this issue myself! I DID go back to work; and I do enjoy it, but still find myself wondering if it's really making me more money as mentioned with child-care and gas for the 30 minute commute every day. Good luck on your decision and let us know how it works out!
 
I am in the exact same boat! I start my full-time job next Wednesday from being a SAHM for almost 13 years and am feeling bit anxious about the new schedule!

But, honestly, I felt like I wasn't productive staying at home. Some of the moms kept an immaculate house, volunteered at school, etc. I didn't do anything. I sometimes wouldn't even work out because I had too much time!

Most of me is excited about going to work and being "grown up" and making money! But, I'll miss picking the kids up from school and hearing about their day. It's going to be very busy on some days.
 
I have to say, I am in complete agreement with Melissa on this one.

You are a better parent for being fulfilled and happy in yourself. You can devote yourself 150% to your kids and do nothing for yourself and everything for them and be so miserably unhappy that neither they nor you are happy. If you manage to sort out a good ratio of work and home life, you will be happy and your family will feel the good effects of that. Notice: I did not say the word "balance" because in every arrangement a mother makes with herself and her family, there will have to be give and take, not a perfect balance and never the symmetrical 50 % for me and 50% for them. Some weeks, it's all about them and you barely fit any workouts in, and other weeks, they sail along and don't need much from you except meal preparation and then it's all about you. So it's not balance per se, it's swings and roundabouts.

So, if you fancy the idea of being a person who earns her own salary, an economically independent woman, and no woman should ever underestimate the importance of this, and if you want to explore other facets of yourself other than the mommy/wife ones, then for heaven's sake, take the job and see what happens. You will find that you suddenly acquire far more value and receive more social validation once you are full time employed. Sad, but true. SAHMs receive hardly any social respect from the culture at large, no matter how much lip service society pays to the vauable and priceless job mothers do, blah, blah.

As far as feeling you will have abandoned your child to resume full time work, that's just pure bullshit. Full time employment actually benefits your family, not only because you may be more satisfied with your life, but also the money will come in handy and you will have additional health care coverage. Not to be sniffed at!

You have already given 8 years of continual dedication to your daughter. She is extremely lucky. But no-one said you had to sacrifice your ambition and reaching your potential just so your daughter can reach hers. Were you not around before she ever was and do you not matter in this world just as much as she does? Well then.

I am sure you can find someone to help with transporting your daughter to her dance classes. And again, she should consider herself lucky that her mother supports her ambition and talents with so many dance classes per week! Most kids do not get this chance or attention to their talents from their parents. Finding someone is just a matter of logistics. Is there a mother or neighbour who would like to earn a small wage by helping you in this way? Is there another mother from the dance class? Do you have a parent living close by who might take on the job or an under-employed sibling? You could always advertise at the local library.

Your biggest decision isn't, "who is going to do the driving?" but "what do I want to do with my life?"

You have the right to make this decision and expect your family to manage the logistics with you, in cooperation. Yes, family life will change if you go back to full time work, but change is a good thing. If someone else drives your daughter to her dance classes, this is actually a chance for her to forge a relationship with another adult in her life. She can learn from this experience and be enriched by it too. .

In your position, I would leap at the chance to explore other facets of myself by taking up the full time employment. If it didn't work out, you would have lost nothing by trying. But if you never try, you might lose yourself or parts of yourself to eternal self-sacrificing motherhood. That, in my opinion, is the greater risk than that your daughter might feel a little resentful for a while. She'll get over it. You wouldn't get over not reaching your full potential. That would be a crime.

All the best,

Clare
 
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Beautifully said, Clare!! It's too easy for moms/wives to give everything we are and forget about us... the other us's!!
 
I have been in the same situation! You need to sit down a make a list of the pros/cons of going back to work full time, seeing it on paper sometimes helps to kind of clarify it. This is a tough decision and one that your probably going to have some guilt over no matter what. The truth is, at least for me, that you can't really keep it balanced all the time because each day will be a little different. Some days work will take over a little more, some days family stuff will, but you just have to roll with it. Remember your daughter will be fine no matter what your decision is, but will you feel comfortable with it? Let me know what you come up with!:)
 
toughYrun said:
I suddenly have an opportunity to work full time. I've not worked (for pay :)) for about 3 1/2 years, and when I did I was able to work part time and primarily from home. The new position is full time and at the office. I'm very nervous about accepting a full time position.

The main thing causing my anxiety is that my role as mother will change significantly. My 8 year old daughter is a dancer. She's quite good and so we've invested a lot of time (and $$ :)) in her lessons. She's taking 9 classes at three different studios right now and so I'll have to find someone to cart her around to all of that. She's not going to be happy with me going to work and I'm feeling like I would be abandoning her!! Not to mention that I will be very sad not to be able to be as involved in her life.

I know some of you mothers work full time and I'm wondering how you keep it all balanced.
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What are the positive things about working full time that is making you consider taking the job? Other than money? Here's what I would offer: there may be positive things that you would teach your daughter by taking the full time job that would balance out not being able to be her chauffeur. However, maybe the experience of being with your daughter in this way is so positive for both of you that the job wouldn't be able to make up for losing that time with her. It's not really about what would make your daughter happy in the short term; it's about what's best for her and you and your whole family in the long term. There's all kinds of things that make kids happy that aren't good for them!
 
I think you should go for it. Give it a shot. If it turns out to be the wrong choice for you then you can always resign. I recently got a f/t job after being home with my son for 4 years and I was extremely nervous about it so I know how you feel. (((HUGS)))
 
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