Has anyone else's older parents gotten peculiar???

delfin

delfin

Cathlete
I think peculiar is a nice word, here. My father has gotten so antagonistic that my DH has banned him from the house when DH is home. My mother, who used to call me crying over my father's verbally abusive behavior, and who used to call me every day to chat, no longer calls. I have to call her, instead. It's almost like she needs me to prove that I'm a good daughter. My kids want to see my Mom, but are almost afraid of grandpa. Has anyone else's parents gotten just plain strange?
 
If your father was never like this before, I would get him checked out for dementia or alzheimer's. There could be something wrong with him mentally.

If he's always been like this and got worse as he got older, he could be scared of being old. Some old people are like this. We're dealing with DH's grandmother. She just wants to die so she's being kind of bitchy when she was never bitchy all her life. It's sad though but then again I'm not sure if I want to live to be 87 yrs old with multiple health problems.

Hope this helps and I hope your situation gets better. You're in my thoughts.

Lisa
 
delfin, it's so odd that you post this, I've been thinking about this in terms of my own folks. I've absolutely seen a change in them. They've had a couple of hard knocks the last couple of years and it has shifted them somehow. My mom especially; she's always been super sharp and dynamic and now, I don't know, it's as if she's being willfully dumb/dopey sometimes. She does the not calling thing too. We're a close family and used to talk on the phone all the time. Now I feel as if I don't call, she won't. Weird. My sis and I have talked about the change endlessly. I was very impatient with it for a while, but then I realized that the one thing I want is to look back on my own behavior towards them and not be ashamed. They saw me through my silly stages with grace and patience (mostly), and now I'm going to return the favor. Provided I don't kill them first. :D

Good luck! Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Yes--my FIL has become increasingly irritable over the past 2 or 3 years. It's really unfortunate. He's always been a kindly gentleman, and he still is--kind of. It's just that he is so easily frustrated and irritated these days that it makes it darn hard to be in his company. I've decided that it's to compensate for a loss of control in other areas of his life.

He's just plain cantankerous. We used to meet up with my inlaws in restaurants fairly often. Now we can hardly get him to go out, and when we do, he does nothing but complain. The last time we went to a restaurant, we had to change tables 3, yes THREE times, because he thought he could smell smoke, or the chair was uncomfortable, or the sun was in his eyes. Geesh! He's downright impossible to please anymore.

Well, thanks for opening up a forum where I could vent--LOL!

ETA that Sparrow once again puts me to shame with her analytical skills and kindness in the face of adversity. Me--I'm somewhat of a curmudgeon in my old age, too.;)

Michele
 
I just spoke with mom yesterday. Seems like she is having a hard time hearing me and then when I mention someone's name that she knows, she will ask, "Who" over and over again. Finially, I was like, "Mom, I gotta go". I just hate repeating myself and she said I spoke too softly. It might be that she wasn't fully awake. Mom sleeps until 10am most of the time. Dunno. She is 66 now.

Charlotte~~
 
>delfin, it's so odd that you post this, I've been thinking
>about this in terms of my own folks. I've absolutely seen a
>change in them. They've had a couple of hard knocks the last
>couple of years and it has shifted them somehow. My mom
>especially; she's always been super sharp and dynamic and now,
>I don't know, it's as if she's being willfully dumb/dopey
>sometimes. She does the not calling thing too. We're a close
>family and used to talk on the phone all the time. Now I feel
>as if I don't call, she won't. Weird. My sis and I have
>talked about the change endlessly. I was very impatient with
>it for a while, but then I realized that the one thing I want
>is to look back on my own behavior towards them and not be
>ashamed. They saw me through my silly stages with grace and
>patience (mostly), and now I'm going to return the favor.
>Provided I don't kill them first. :D
>
>Good luck! Sparrow
>
>
>Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of
>arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but
>rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn
>out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage

Yes, I'm trying to really patient w/my Mom. It's hard w/my Dad, though, because he's always been difficult -- pushing people's buttons, trying to get a rise out of you -- I actually had a dream the other night that they paid a surprise visit and were happy and smiling, then I woke up feeling blue cuz of the current situation. But I'm trying to "rise above it!"
 
Would like to cheer for my mom. Since my father's death 3 years ago (& she made him her whole life), Mom has begun teaching at the age of 65, making use of the English degree she's always had; and she gets in her car and goes everywhere, is involved in everything, and even took Amtrak from Savannah to Connecticut to see one of her grandsons play football at the US Naval Coast Guard Academy. I still can't get her on a plane.

Just proud that she has not rolled over and quit.
 
>ETA that Sparrow once again puts me to shame with her
>analytical skills and kindness in the face of adversity.
>Me--I'm somewhat of a curmudgeon in my old age, too.;)
>
>Michele

hah! Michele you think too highly of me :p It's selfish on my part really. Of course I don't want to hurt them at all, but also, I figure I don't need the guilt when I look back, you know? I'm an extremely impatient person...some would say crabby too...and it takes every once of grace that I have not to freak out at them sometimes. I think if I were truly a good person it wouldn't be so hard to be patient and kind.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
>Would like to cheer for my mom. Since my father's death 3
>years ago (& she made him her whole life), Mom has begun
>teaching at the age of 65, making use of the English degree
>she's always had; and she gets in her car and goes everywhere,
>is involved in everything, and even took Amtrak from Savannah
>to Connecticut to see one of her grandsons play football at
>the US Naval Coast Guard Academy. I still can't get her on a
>plane.
>
>Just proud that she has not rolled over and quit.

Melody, good for your mom! My folks are trying so hard to get back on their emotional feet - they exercise, meditate, spend time with grandkids - but something was lost in the last few years.

Totally OT, but I love GA. I lived in Atlanta for a couple of years.

Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
<Totally OT, but I love GA. I lived in Atlanta for a couple of years.>

Cool. I'm in the mountains 25 mi o/s Blue Ridge. Love it!

Wanted to correct my first post here, Mom is 69 - will be 70 September.
 
Delfin,

Your father could be depressed. I did some reading up on depression in older adults and being more and more obstinant is one of the symptoms. You might want to suggest medical attention.
 
Yes, my mom has become very difficult too over the past few years since my dad died. I think part of it is depression, for sure. She spent her whole life caring for her family, and now I think she feels somewhat at a loss. She has also recently developed a few minor health issues, nothing serious, but she is taking several different medications for the first time in her life. I think when older people start taking a lot of different medication, it changes their personality somewhat. They become forgetful and confused. And of course, one cannot ever overlook Alzheimer's when an older person becomes hostile or difficult.
 
I think I will look into depression. My father's always been a "big thinker" (remember seeing the H. Hesse books in the bookshelf when I was a kid), but has also been someone who enjoys pressing people's buttons and watching them squirm. It's gotten so bad that I've had to put him on my email's blocked senders list, because his emails get me so upset.
 
Just a thought, maybe your Mom's behavior is a sideline of your Dad's. I no longer have my mother & dh no longer has his. We only have fathers. Mine has changed. He seems more needy of family. He is 80 but still very active. He has always been a strong influence in my life. DH father on the other hand has grown to an increasing trial with age. And I know drove his mother to react oddly.
Diane Sue
http://wd.1ww.us
 
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