Give me ideas for what I am doing wrong!

[wavewench]

OK, this is a bit confusing, so let me start at the begininning. 7 years ago I was 180 lbs. I am 5' 1/2 ". I got sick of the comments, so I finally took responsibility for myself and joined wieght watchers, then Curves. In two years, I went down to 107. I kept it off for years, and at one point dropped to 93 (I was super stressed). I outgrew Curves, but kept going, but did add a weight training routine I put together myself as well as some Tae bo. In the last two years, I let myself perhaps eat too many slices of cake on my "eat what I want for dinner" Saturday.

I had modified my workout to three days of full body weight work for about 90 minutes with 30 minutes of Curves and three days of cardio for about 90 minutes and yoga. But the body fat went up, and I lost that 6 pack I worked so hard to get.

I think it went to my head more than it should have.

I bought Cathe's "Pyramid Upper Lower Body", a stepper, and got to it.

At first, I did upper with Curves for 3 days, then lower and the Cardio core DVD for 3 days. IN two weeks, I saw no change. In fact, I gained a pund and a half, which looked like fat to me. I got frustrated.

My doctor in this time switched my birth control to a new hormone cocktail.

For two weeks I did upper and curves three days and lower and Curves three days. I gained 4 pounds in less than 7 days, and broke down.

I knew years ago I had outgrown Curves, and it's high time I left. Sadly, few Curves members actually go to seriously exercise, and many of the employees do not hold themselves to the standards of fitness one would expect in a fitness facility.

My head is all over, and well-meaning friends have lobbed advice at me from all over. Eat more. Eat less, workout more, workout less. The best advice I got was from a co-worker who is a cut, in shape ex UCLA football player. He said "That's GOTTA be water, you can't work out like that and gain so fast. You can't gain so fast naturally. Just keep at it. It could be the brith control pills."

I have quit Curves and joined the Y so I can use their cycles and ellipticals daily.

I have also modified my strength so I do three days of the upper pyramid, go right to the lower pyramid, do the ab floor work and stretch, then 30 minutes on the cycle at about 130-140 heart rate. Three days I do around 5o minutes of a Cathe Cardio, hit the bike for another 30 minutes and maybe do yoga for 30-50 minutes later. I walk my dogs 2 times a day, but they're bulldogs and it isn't exactly cardio!

I eat about 5 times a day.

Breakfast can be egg whites with pumpkin and a handfull of nut free granola or fat free Fage yogurt (a half cup or so) with fiber and maybe another handfull of granola. I eat veggie sticks 3 hours later, a salad with 3 oz of tuna, shrimp, beans or something for lunch, a bigger salad with beans-veggies with a quarter cup of home made lower fat hummus for dinner. Then I have tea or lime aid right before bed.

Saturday we go out to dinner, but I eat light all day. For dinner I get what I want and always have dessert. I think I may lose control too much. I drink alcohol only on Saturdays.

I do not use guar in my tea during the week, I don't drink juice or soda: water or green or black tea only during the week.

Sundays are rest days and light eating.

I also, well, have an eating disorder. My God, that's the first time I've typed that out. My husband knows, and it scares him, but he doesn't know how to help. I need to conquer it. It only came back this last year. Last Saturday, I went into therapy for it. I am confident I can kick its sorry butt and get fit again the way I originally did: treating my body right. This is probably my main issue. I Imagine my metabolism is SHOT!

Any tips?

Help

 

[maddiesmum]

Hi:

I wrote an extensive response on this forum to galina a few days ago, under the post title of "What am I doing wrong?" Have a read of that, because I would say a lot of it could be useful to you also.

I think you have outgrown Curves, if you have graduated to Cathe weight workouts. Save the money you were spending on Curves and invest it in equipment for your home gym, like dumbbells, a barbell and plates, mat, step, bench, etc. Time to build some muscle for yourself so you can turn your body into a fat burning machine and get some stability and consistency in your workouts. Fitness is a journey, not a destination. This is a plan and routine to embark on now and for the rest of your life. Fitness is health and is, therefore, a way of life. It is also a form of self-respect and self-care, which you need to heavily invest in right now. A reputable therapist can certainly help you on this journey. Very few therapists are actually trained to help their patients with anorexia.bulimia and that horrible mental state of aftermath from these two issues that plague many of us and that constitute a life lived with an eating disorder that is no longer full blown anorexia/bulimia, but which is still far from "normal." I have spent time with many therapists who said that yes, they could help me with this, but then it was always the elephant in the room that never got dealt with. Make sure your therapist can prove to you she is accredited to help treat eating disorders specifically.

Getting help with the eating disorder is the biggest challenge you face and the most important step you can take because it will change the relationship you have with yourself. Only once you respect yourself, love yourself and think yourself worthy of being healthy and of receiving gentle, loving care, just like everyone else, can you heal and eat normally, exercise normally and start to look up and notice that there are far more interesting things in life outside of yourself and counting calories and fat grams and denying yourself pleasure. An eating disorder is not living, it is denying oneself the vitality of life and the ability to spontaneously accept the adventures that might come your way.

So, in addition to the therapy, strive for moderation in all things. An eating disorder reveals an immediate tendency to over-do and to obsess. This is not the right approach for your fitness journey, which should progress steadily, slowly but surely. Aim for three or four cardio sessions per week for about 30-45 mins duration. Vary your activities. Take it outside where the sunlight will help with your serotonin levels. Aim for two or three sessions of weight training to make sure each muscle group is worked out once, but no more than twice each week. Yes, keep the yoga sessions and make them all about pleasure. Ease into that stretch and enjoy how it makes your body feel.

Take out the "shoulds" and "have tos" in your fitness program. Stop getting on those scales. Plan for the long haul and make sure there is enjoyment, not punishment in your fitness activities. You are alive, you have a body that lets you do things, move through space, occupy space, take up space and possess it, just like everyone else sees the right to do. You are healthy, not sick, you have much to be thankful for. Fear is your enemy, Don't let it control you. Push back against it. Go out there, do some workouts, enjoy each experience, be gentle to yourself and remember always: you are worth it.

Clare

 

[wavewench]

Thanks for the great reply!

I have a pretty good set of home workout gear now: a mat, a set of dumbells, a barbell, two stability balls, a medicine ball and such.

I agree that I have moved way beyond Curves. Sometimes it's hard to give up what helped you out once. I am determined to ue my Curves funds at the YMCA so I can suppliment my weight workouts and cardio with swimming, cycling and and classes, just to have variety and avoid a rut. It costs less, offers more, and I like the vibe. Curves is good for those starting out, I think. It certainly heloped me become active. But we all outgrow things. Quitting Curves will also mean that the Pyramid Wieght training is done properly.

I have been exercising regularly now for many years, and my biggest issue is that I had to teach myself from videos and books. I exercise becuase it makes me feel good and will keep me alive and healthy longer. I know there are people who feel it is a means to an end. I think I couldn't be happy now if I couldn't exercise.

Obsession is a problem, I think. I am a worrier. I do NOT want to go back to 180 pounds. I have kept it off for years (most of it), and this scares me. I never had a problem keeping it off before.
That, to be honest, pisses me off!

There are other things that have brought me back to an eating disorder from childhood. Weight worry is only part of it. I hope my therapist can help with it. OR at least what is behind it. I don't know, there's a lot there that has nothing to do with this forum and that I don't expect anyone here to comment on. That's my personal issue to deal with. But I imagine that really does mess with my fitness success. I have no clue what it does to my metabolism, but it couldn't be good.


I take your advice to heart! Thank you so much, Clare!

 

[maddiesmum]

Thanks for the great reply!

I have been exercising regularly now for many years, and my biggest issue is that I had to teach myself from videos and books. I exercise becuase it makes me feel good and will keep me alive and healthy longer. I know there are people who feel it is a means to an end. I think I couldn't be happy now if I couldn't exercise.

Obsession is a problem, I think. I am a worrier.

There are other things that have brought me back to an eating disorder from childhood. Weight worry is only part of it. I hope my therapist can help with it. OR at least what is behind it. I have no clue what it does to my metabolism, but it couldn't be good.

I take your advice to heart! Thank you so much, Clare!

Hi there:

Some thoughts in response to your words above:

1. there is nothing wrong with being self-taught, in fact, I think that is the route to true, long lasting knowledge and wisdom;

2. you have found that exercise is the best therapy there is for you. It is the antidote to your near constant anxiety, it helps keep things in balance and helps you keep perspective. I am like you: I have a history of eating disorders, anxiety and depression. I am allergic to the SSRIs as a group of medicines so I exercise as my drug to help me stay sane and not lose it; keep the exercise, just don't let it get close to the obsession end of the spectrum;

3. you seem to understand the pattern of behaviour which you fall into at times of great stress and anxiety, because this is when the eating patterns go awry and the disorder comes rearing back. It is a knee-jerk, almost unconscious reaction we have to stress that is outside of our control. I understand this and I am the same. I have a tendency to under-eat nearly all the time. I have to make a conscious effort to think "nutrition". I made a conscious decision to step away from over-exercising and now only work out a maximum of 4 days a week because I need balance. I cannot allow myself to over-do anything, mentally this is not good.

Use this understanding you have of yourself --that resorting to appalling eating habits and extreme regulation of your eating is your knee-jerk reaction to stress and anxiety-- and explore this in depth with your therapist. It could take a year or two because this pattern is already deeply ingrained and it has to be weeded out. It needs to be replaced with new ways of thinking about yourself, about how you handle stress and anxiety, and alternative, practical methods need to be explored to handle the stress.

I wish you all the luck in the world. But, this is so worth doing, it may be the most difficult thing you ever do because for it to work you will have to be brought to a point where you are ready and willing to let go and give up old patterns of thinking and behaviour, to which you have become attached because to some extent they do offer you comfort and control when you most need it. Without the erratic eating, you may feel vulnerable. Gonna have to stick your neck out and try it though. There are other ways to confront anxiety and stress and problem solve. Don't hit that panic button!

With you in spirit, wishing you a successful journey towards a more healthy relationship with your body,

Clare

 

[wavewench]

You are amazing, Clare!

I will do whatever it takes to stop this destructive eating disorder behavior. I HAVE to work out 6 days a week-I teach special ed and the stress is killer. It makes me feel good to get the endorphin going. I need it to decompress. Saturdays are lighter, though. I'm going to try a spinning class. Sunday's are totally off.

I need variety, I think, and more group things. Working out alone is good for weights, but not all the time. I need more fun active activities. I think changes, like quitting one gym for another that fits better, will help. Thinking ahead and not behind.

Fitness is not just about muscles and BMI. How can I call myself truly fit if I keep hurting myself? How can I move ahead if I let the past drag me down? If I can get up and teach a class of gang members with behavioral problems about the Magna Carta and the Cubist Art Movement without any probems, I should be able to get myself back on track.

Frankly, I also need to look at my nutrition to be sure I'm really fueling myself properly.

 

[galina885]

I LOVE reading this thread! Clare, you are amazing! I love your post to my question, but this is very helpful to me as well.

Wavewench, I would love to know how old you are. Because I have the exact same problem as you. I eat REALLY healthy, watch everything that goes into my mouth. As a matter of fact, I am on myfooddiary.com web site, which I love, recording everything I eat, all of my exercise and according to them I should be a stick, but I am gaining weight. I hope it's water, but I am not sure. I am 51, so it could be hormonal although my gyn sais that I am not in menapause. Like you said, I read all the nutrition articles that say "low carb, high carb, fat is bad, fat is good, more protein, less protein, etc". I am lost and I have no answers. I wish someone could come up with a tailor made diet and exercise program for people like us. Years ago I also lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers and kept it off, but is it creaping up and I am FRUSTRATED !

Good luck to you and I will keep watching your thread.

Galina

 

[wavewench]

I am 35. I know how youe feel.

Sometimes, I wish I was like my dogs. They get fed twice a day, I put in the right amount of food (herring and sweet potato kibble) a few squirts of Grizzly Bear fish oil for dogs, a teaspoon full of kelp and a teaspoon of pumpkin. Friday they get a raw egg, and they have a few doggie cookies for training treats. They are sleek and muscular on that with playtime and two walks a day of exercise.

But when I think, I realize a few things:
1. my dogs get plenty of good sleep every night.
2. My dogs don't care how big a treat is, just that it's a treat. A half a doggie cookie is as good as a whole one. A sixth of a doggie cookie is just as good.
3. My dogs don't really stress over things. If something bothers them, they pretty much forget about it within a half hour. They take life as it comes and make the best of it.
4. My dogs don't overthink their walks or play times. Chase the ball, chase the cat, chew on each other's faces, now let's go walkies! Yaaay!


So I guess I should take the positives of dogginess and apply it to myself, and ignore the kibble thing.
1. Get plenty of sleep
2. Make sure I prepare good food, but give myself the occasional treat. A small treat is just as good, if not better, than bingeing on cake.
3. Have fun and play every day.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't sweat the big stuff, either. Just take care of it if I can. Sweating is for exercise only! (dogs don't sweat at all, come to think of it)
5. Let go and don't fall into a vicious cycle of trying to mentally figure out every little thing.
6. Take life as it comes as much as I can.

 

[jldx2in2000]

Sorry to butt in on your post here. But I have to say I really like your comparison to how dog's view life. I have often wished I was a dog (just because of the reasons you said not because I really want to be one).

If only we all could learn to live like dogs, I bet the world would be a much happier place!

 

[wavewench]

My dogs also don't worry about being bloated at the end of the day in reaction to medication. I do. I still do. Even though I KNOW what it is.

But I see results. I've shed a little water and body fat this week. I'm trying a spinning class Saturday.

Variety in exercise is a good thing for a body caught in a rut.

 

[Muscle Car]

Hi wavewench!

Welcome to the forums I just wanted to say I also loved your comparison to how dog's view life. Good stuff

jldx2in2000, you are right the world would be a much happier place