Finding the strength to work out when life turns on you

[dutchgirl]

I am pretty new to this forum and hope that it is not too much of an inconvenience to be posting this.

First, some background. I am a 33 year old woman. I accomplished my weight loss goals about 4 years ago (lost 28 pounds) and have kept it off give or take 5 pounds or so. My fitness goals now are not about the scale, but about the composition of my body. My thighs and butt are not a sturdy as I would like and would just like to feel tighter overall.

In recent months life has hit me with several whammies. I had major oral surgery in February that had me on a liquid diet for 10 days. At the end of February my boyfriend of a year, who I thought was my soul mate and someone I would marry, ended our relationship because the feelings he had were not those on one of the popular diamond commercials on TV. In March I got laid off for my job (I work in education in California). In April I found out that I did not pass the final phase of my MFT licensing exam and must retake this in September. And just 4 days ago I had to euthanize one of my beloved cats because he came down with an incurable infection and his health had deteriorated to the point that he was starting to suffer. I am currently waiting to see if my other cat has come down with the same infection. Things just seem to have fallen apart and I'm finding it so hard to pursue the activities that I used to love, one of them being working out. I would appreciate any advice on how to overcome this intense funk I'm in and any encouragement you may offer. I have enjoyed reading the many threads in this forum and am pleasantly surprised by the amount of genuine support everyone gives to one another.

Thank you for letting me post this,
Sabine

 

[getnfit@39]

RE: Finding the strength to work out when life turns on...

Hi Sabine,

I'm genuinely sorry for the trials you've been experiencing, each one followed by another so quickly really makes you feel almost buried. But I truly believe that there is a bigger plan for us when these things happen to us. Each trial we endure makes us stronger, so times like this when you're forced to endure so much at one time is almost frightening cause it makes you wonder, "geez, if I come through this okay what's next?" But I believe in the saying, "God only gives you the amount of burden He knows you can bear!" So trust yourself to come through this wiser and stronger!

As for working out, I could only imagine it would make you feel more focused. It may be hard to get started, but I think once you did, you'd be glad you pushed yourself to do it. I mean, if there's no new guy yet, then that means total focus on YOU! Time to get your body composition like you want it and time to pursue the job you want.

One phrase I like to remind myself of when life gets like this is:

"When life gives you lemons, make lemon-aid!"

So right now things are overwhelming for you I'm sure. But there's always a reason for why these things happen, we may not understand today, but in time when we look back, it all looks so different.

So focus on you, and what you have control of. No point allowing yourself to become depressed or stressed over things you cannot change or control. So focus on you!

Donna

Fitness~ It's a journey, not a race!

 

[sarahs]

Hi Dutchgirl!

Wow, life certainly has been throwing you some bad punches. Doesn't help that it seemed all at once. Well, the only thing I can say is that you have a right to be grieving over your losses. I dont' thing you would be normal if you didn't get into a slump. These are major life changes! Loss of your job, boyfriend and your sweet kitty :-(

I think the biggest step is to acknowledge that you need to get on with your life. You have done that by posting this! I truly believe that things good or bad happen for a reason. You may not know the reason for years, but one day you will look back and think "thank goodness I am not with him" or "wow, I love the job I have now and I never would have gotten it if I was never laid off before". I have three kitties of my own so I can't see any good in having to part with one so just remember you did the right thing, no matter how hard it was ;(

Also, I believe we have all had problems and mishaps where we just can't find the strength to workout or enjoy our activities. But I do know that once you start taking care of yourself again you will start to heal some of your wounds. If you are not ready and need more time to go through the grieving process, then take the time. But remember that exercise helps depression and relieves stress. So start back slowly and see how you feel.

Pamper yourself daily, because you certainly deserve it! Things will eventually start to come back together :+

Let us know how you are doing!

Sarah

 

[CYBERSIS]

I am sorry about all the bad things that are happening to you but please remember that things will turn around and get better!

I agree, you must concentrate on things that are in your control even if its just exercising regularly and eating properly. If you can accomplish these small tasks you will start to feel more in control of your life. Each day take time to exercise, try new tapes and feel the sense of pride when you complete something new. Each day add a new task and feel proud.

I know it must be hard losing so much in such a short period of time so do take the time to grieve these losses. Don't just pack them away without properly grieving.

Find more time for your friends and family. These people will understand better then anyone your losses and give you love and support. Remember you do have friends here on these boards as well.

Chin up!

 

[schnebbles]

Hi Sabine -

I'm very sorry to hear that everything seems to have come crashing down on you all at once.

I don't have alot of advice, but in a small way, I'm kinda right there with you, I highly suspect that I have MS.

While this totally freaked me out initially, I have spoken to some people who have been very supportive (mind you, all of the people I found were from the internet - and they have been very encouraging.

I've basically come to the fact that I can't change it, so why dwell on it? There for a couple weeks (right when I was doing so good on my weight loss/fitness) I totally quit my workouts (wasn't sure that it was a good thing at the time), but then I thought, I'm working out and not going to let it get me down. I was well on my way to my goal, and unless something is physically prohibiting me from it, I'm going to do it while I can. My feet were fairly numb, but I was still able to do my Cathe!


I feel bad about your kitty too, we have cats and I love them dearly.

Try to turn your thoughts to the positive side, it will make a difference, believe me. This coming from one who tends to get depressed over circumstances very easy. I feel alot better when I decided not to waste days worrying about the possibility of MS. If it is that, worrying is not going to help. I know it's easier said than done too!

 

[kathryn]

Sabine,
I'm so sorry to hear about your recent bout of bad luck and worse. Doesn't life seem to suck sometimmes? Like nothing but bad things are happening, one right after the other, and it's hard to see the good.

I have always loved cats dearly, and have unfortunately have had to make the decision to have one of my dearly loved pets euthanized more than once. I'm sad for the loss of your obviously well-loved companion, but I'm sure you did the best for him. I hope your other kitty is all right. My three kitties and I will keep him/her (?) in our thoughts. [When one of my kitties was very ill with chronic renal failure--kidney failure--I began to volunteer as a cat socialze at local shelter a couple of times a week. It helped me see that there are many kitties who are deprived of the love of a special person, and who didn't have the wonderful life that my kitty had up until then. A couple of months after his death, I decided to adopt one of these cats, and she is one of the sweetest and loving kitties I've ever met, both with me and with my other two cats.]

Though you can't necessarily control everything that happens to you and around you, there are certain things you CAN control. For example, you can take care of yourself and make sure that you take time to do things that are good for you and that support your health, like eating right and exercising (even though it's very tempting to blow off both when you're going through stressful times). Stress is easier to deal with if you are physically healthy.

Sometimes, doing something that helps others and that takes your mind off of yourself can help,too, like volunteer work with a group that you believe in (Habitat for Humanity, the local animal shelter, some other cause you believe in).

Also, though it may sound trite, I sometimes find comfort in the idea that you can look at problems as difficulties that are overwhelming you or as challenges. Kind of like puzzles that you are working to find a solution for. It gives you back some power and makes you feel less "victimized" by circumstances.

Take care, and don't be shy about looking for support here. As you say, we're a supportive community.

 

[Jane P]

RE: Finding the strength to work out when life turns on...

Sabine,

Isn't there a psychological scale that gives a numerical rating to traumatic events. If so, your number is very high and you need to give yourself the time and space to heal. I would cut yourself some slack. It may be a time to return to some beginner tapes. Your body and psyche are so stressed that you may need to back off a bit. Putting your body through too much may only make you sick right now.

One time after a traumatic breakup, I took out some personal ads. I didn't meet the man of my dreams, but I got back into circulation. I think my ex-boyfriend was stunned at how quickly I started dating again. I insisted on paying my own way so I didn't have any obligations I didn't want, and I could just enjoy myself.

Also do you have girlfriends or a member of the clergy you could talk to? You need more personal support than we can provide here. Once you've mourned your kitty, you may decide to get another one. You'll know when you're ready.

Jane

 

[Aquajock]

Hello, Sabine - man, you've gotten socked with a huge amount recently.

I'd like to briefly add my voice to the chorus of #1 thanking you for posting and encouraging you to continue posting here, and #2 to offer an alternative viewpoint re your exercise program:

Instead of going back to beginner workouts, or those that are not as intense as those you are currently capable of, this might be the perfect time to INCREASE the intensity of your workouts both in terms of strength training and cardio. I suggest this for two reasons, neither of which have to do with calorie-burning or body shaping. I suggest this because the more intense your workout, the more you have to mentally focus on what you're doing as well as physically focus, and this has always worked for me in terms of putting my troubles aside for an hour or so. Also, high-intensity exercise (within safe limits for a person's overall fitness profile) releases many natural endogenous chemicals that assist in making a person feel better emotionally, making it a bit easier to cope with life's trials.

About two years ago almost to the day, I learned that a dear cousin of mine who lived out of state was killed by a drunk driver. My employer was kind enough to let me take the next day off, and I did Interval Max like I'd never done it before. And on September 12, 2001, a night when I teach an aqua aerobics class, I thought no one would show up . . . and 18 people did, and we went hammer and tongs for 80 minutes. Exercise helps you cope.

Just a suggestion. Please let us know how you get on.

A-jock