Feeling sorry for myself

L

Lindylft

Member
I don't post very often but I've been coming to read everyday for about 3 years. I kept talking myself out of posting this because it seemed kind of lame. But this morning I'm so depressed and sad I just can't stand it anymore. On Christmas Eve my family was enroute to my SIL's house to celebrate. I got a call on my cell phone informing me that my brother had just been diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer. We dropped off our 2 kids (8, 12) and continued on to see my brother. My husband and I spent several hours with him before picking up the kids and heading back home. We had driven for about an hour and were about 10 minutes from our home when our car was hit. Two cars were drag racing on the freeway and one of them lost control. He hit the back of our car (we were in the fast lane) and spun us around. My husband was driving and fought as hard as he could to control our car. We hit the guard rail at an angle, bounced off it from the front and then the back of the car. The car then flipped and skidded down the freeway for about 100 yards. I am so grateful to God and the man I married for saving our lives. My children were uninjured, my husband bruised. I dislocated my left should and my left bicep suffered major tearing and bruising. My car (a 7,000 pound yukon XL) was totaled and crushed beyond recognition. The kid that did it was arrested at the scene. My brother died 3 days after I saw him.

This was a horrible Christmas. I'm grateful - really. But I'm so mad at the kid for turning my life upside down. I bought a new car yesterday but I really loved my old one. My new dvd's are on order and I can't lift my arm let along my weights. I've already started physical therapy with a sports specialist. He says it will take about 3 months before he can get me lifting my regular weight again. My daugher turned 12 the day after Christmas and her birthday was a disaster. Then just to add insult to injury she managed to come down with chicken pox 2 days ago and she was vaccinated against them.

There's no point to this post. Just needed to vent to a bunch of people that don't really know me and won't think I'm being petty for complaining when I should be grateful.

Thanks for listening.
Lindy
 
Oh Lindy,
My heart broke when I read your post. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother suddenly and your accident. I hope they are prosecuting that moron kid that hit you. Thank god you survived and your DH and kids are fine. That is truely a miracle.
My thoughts are with you.

Marci
 
Lindy,
I don't post here often either, but I had to respond. I just want you to know that you are not feeling sorry for yourself. You have every right to your feelings. I'm sure everyone would agree with that. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you recover from your injuries very soon.

Aimee
 
Of course there's a point to this post! And yours is most certainly NOT petty complaining. Petty complaining is when your new workout top gives you a rash and you won't stop showing people. And even though we don't know you, many of us really do care. There's nothing I could say, probably, to make you feel better, but if listening can help you at all, I'm all ears (eyes?). I believe we need to allow ourselves to feel sorry for ourselves for a time in order to move on. Personally, I set myself a goal, a time period in which I allow myself to really wallow in self-pity, and at the end of that time, I start to try to move forward. The time period is different, based on what I'm trying to cope with, and what you're trying to cope with is major, in my opinion. Many times, I just take baby steps. Sometimes, moving forward is simply getting out of bed or throwing in a load of laundry. And many times I backslide. But it does help to give yourself time to grieve and, to use my favorite term for it, to really wallow in it.
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jan-05-03 AT 03:01PM (Est)[/font][p]Hi Lindy

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't began to tell you what 2002 was like for me. I'm still dealing with it. We the family just found out that my mother has pancreas cancer, so believe me I understand. So sorry to hear of your lost. Do know this, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Even still, *YOU* have much to be thankful for, hugs.

Teddygirl
 
Lindy, I'm so sorry about your brother and your horrible accident. You and your family are in my prayers.
 
Lindy, I am heartbroken for you as well. I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss of your brother, and of that horrific car accident! I am glad you came here to post and vent! Sometimes just talking about things helps even a tiny bit. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Hollie
 
Lindy, I am so sorry, you really did have a terrible Christmas. You alone have the right to decide how to feel about this... no one else can tell you you're being petty or you "should be grateful." They don't know. You do sound like you're grateful for your blessings, but at the same time, you suffered a brutal series of losses. Please allow yourself time to grieve.

I'm really sorry about your brother.

Jenne
 
Hey...

you ought to have seen all the support I got last year with my accident...here is the Best place to be for help!! You got dealt a very heavy hand....thankfully, you will be all right eventually. But, it is Hard...thankfully, you can ALWAYS TALK TO US. Thinking of You, Murph
 
Dear Lindy,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. You have been through some really awful times, and reading your post brought tears to my eyes and a prayer to my lips & heart!!
May God see you thru this and bring you the comfort and the peace you need. May he also bring a physical healing for your injuries.

God Bless--- Hugs, Linda
 
Hi Lindy! I am so glad you took the time to post to us. My heart just goes out to you. I read your post to my hubby and could hardly keep from crying as I read it. I CAN relate with some of your sorrow and pain. I lost my Mom to a car accident(not her fault), my Dad to a heart attack and my brother to cancer all at young ages. I know you have heard the phrase "Time Heals". It does, but now I know it seems like your life will never be normal again. Come here any time you need to talk and don't ever think you are being petty or complaining. You have more then your share to deal with. I also know how much you will want to be doing your new tapes. Keep at your therapy and I bet you come back really strong! Keep us posted on how you are doing. Sending prayers, thoughts & a BIG cyber hug to you!{{{LINDY}}}

Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Thank you

Thank you all SO much for your warm thoughts and wishes. You all helped to lift me out of the deep hole I was in this morning. I can never tell you how much your words mean to me.

I know in time my brother's death will be easier to comprehend. For now, I'm glad that he had enough time to say his goodbyes but not much time to suffer. He dedicated himself to picking on me but I loved him anyway.

Thanks to Cathe, I'm physically strong and more than a little used to pushing myself. I know I have what it takes to get thru my physical therapy. My PT told me I could go ahead and do some cardio, so tomorrow a.m. I'm getting out my step bench.

I know I have to focus on what I have instead of what I lost. I'd rather deal with my own pain than to have one hair harmed on either of my children or my DH. They're safe and they're with me.

Again, thank you for listening and for caring.

Love to you all,
Lindy
 
RE: Thank you

Lindy,
My heart truly goes out to you:) I will pray for you and your family this week. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hang in there and do count your many blessings. I don't know what more to say other than that as you said hopefully time will heal. Don't feel petty about posting. I don't think it is petty in anyway! We are all ears (and eyes) are definitely here for you.

God bless,
-Pammer http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/sport/sport001.gif If Only I Can Be 1/2 the Woman my Dog Thinks I am!
 
RE: Thank you

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss of your brother, and of that horrific car accident! I am glad you came here to post and vent! Sometimes just talking about things helps even a tiny bit. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Hollie

Lindy:

I 2nd what Hollie and DebbieH said. Couldn't have said it better myself. Debbie, you also have had many losses, and my heart goes out to you as well. My prayers and cyberhugs to both of you.

Love,

Martina
 
RE: Lindy -

Lindy, what a sad and scary time you've had recently. Of course you can pour out your sorrow here - that's a large part of why forums like these exist.

Being a committed exerciser, you're in a great position to recover more quickly and fully from your injuries. Please let us know how you progress on that score.

Being a human being, you do need to let yourself grieve. This isn't "feeling sorry for yourself", this is letting yourself feel the normal reactions to a profound loss, as well as another profoundly frightening event. To do so isn't self-pity.

Please know you have my sympathies for your loss, and my encouragement for a full physical recovery from your injuries.

Annette
 
Hi Lindy,

This is a little late, but I just got back into town.
I am so sorry for your loss, and glad that you are OK.
I hope you are feeling better. I know is sounds trite but hang in there.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Cari
 
Oh, Lindy - my heart goes out to you, what a shocking time. Want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family, thinking of you.

Anna :)
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am nursing my left bicep and shoulder though it is not appear to be as bad as your situation. I should be better in about 2 weeks which is about the time I estimate the dvd's to arrive. I am currently working on a lower body routine and will be alternating Lean Legs and Strong Legs since I can only do lower body and abdominals and cardio right now. Please take care of your injury and do not rush back into upper body conditioning until your body tells you it is okay. Be patient. It will only take longer to heal if you try to rush the healing process for the new workouts (do not enter the pain zone either). Don't mean to nag but this is my second shoulder injury and I know how I am when getting new workouts and being laid up by injury.
Good Luck, Lindy
Sheila
 
Lindy,
I've been off the boards for a while and just read your post. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss! Please don't feel like you shouldn't express this- you have suffered a terrible loss and you have lots of healing to do. Honor those feelings and listen to what they are saying to you. You need to really care for yourself right now. In addition to getting support from us here on the board, check in to some support groups in your area for people who have lost loved ones. Local hospitals and hospices frequently provide these services free of charge.

Usually I don't like to talk about my work on these forums, but I'll make an exception in the hopes you'll find something you can use to help you in your healing. I am a nurse who works with children who have cancer. Many of them die. People often ask me how I can do this, and what I tell them is that after 10 yrs. of reflection I have a strong belief that 1)there is an order to the universe, 2)that this order is guided by a loving power (whatever name you want to have for that), and that 3)things ALWAYS work out the way they are supposed to, even though we may not get it at the time. I have had many experiences with dying children (they're so blatantly honest, bless their souls!) and with my own father who died a few years ago (also from cancer) that I am convinced that there is so much more to our existence than what we experience in this physical realm! Maybe you're hurting too much to believe in that right now, that's okay. That's why human beings exist in a community. If you cannot bring yourself to believe in that right now, then I'll believe for you and hold you in my prayers until you have healed enough to begin to explore it for yourself. I know this all kind of sounds like psycho babble, but that's what you get when you do my job for as long as I have :)! Those who can't embrace that philosophy just can't work with the dying- it's too overwhelming.

Anyway, know that we on this board are all thinking about you and sending you all kinds of good and positive thoughts. Please keep letting us know how you are doing.

FitnessRN
 
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