fears taking over....

R

ruppie

Cathlete
Hi everyone -
I'm dealing with a bit of an issue right now. For some reason, I've developed an INSANE fear of flying. When I was younger a flew a lot, then suddenly one day, wham, I fear it. (this was before 9/11 too, so I'm not sure where it came from).
Anyway, my DH and I have a trip planned with his family to Hawaii, which involves a LOT of flying - two >5 hr flights and then one 10 hour flight. I'm now preggo and have the opportunity to back out if the travelling feels like it would be too much for me. I've actually been taking progressive steps in that direction - backing out. However, I'm in the very beginning on my 2nd trimester (when they say is the best time to travel), and luckily my pregnancy has been very uneventful regarding morning sickness and such, so I really have nothing to complain about.
We're expecting our first baby, so I know another get-away opportunity wouldn't happen for a while (though, this isn't really a DH and I get-away, his whole family is going and we're staying with his family).
So here it is. If I dig down, I can admit, the only reason why I don't want to go and want to get out of it is because I'm AFRAID of flying. Once, a couple of years ago, I got on a plane and got off before we took off and completely cancelled my trip due to this fear. And I know it sounds horrible, but anytime I had to fly I would either have a few drinks to take the edge off and sleep or would take something to make me sleep through it. Being pregnant this is not an option to me now.
Anyone have any advice? I know I shouldn't let this fear cripple me, but I'm having a very hard time with it. That damn Alanis song 'isn't it ironic' keeps going through my head... the one time I convince myself to get on a plane....

;( ;(
 
Ruppie, I am with you 100%. Maybe we can support each other. I am so afraid to fly, never flown before but I have this intense fear of it and I am going to Italy and Spain this year which involves a 9 hour trans-Atlantic flight for my first flight!!!! Right now I am just trying not to think about it but I'm sure I am going to ask my doctor for something when the time gets closer. You are past your first trimester, so your doctor may be able to give you something safely, check into this.

I am so afraid I am going to panic in the airport and run screaming to the parking deck!! I am going with my DD, she is a high school history teacher and is taking students over there. She has been to Italy before when she was in college and loves to fly.

She told me if I panicked and made a scene, she'd knock me out and drag me on the plane, so we have a backup plan.:+

Seriously though, I keep trying to tell myself that the chance of something happening is small.

I posted something similar to this thread last fall and received a lot of support which prompted me to push forward with planning my trip. It's paid for now, so I'd better not back out!

HTH
 
I hear ya. I'm also afraid to fly, but I still do it. I believe that a good way to conquer your fears is to face them, over and over. Once you get used to something, chances are you will stop fearing it. That being said, I'm sure you don't have the luxury of flying everyday to expel your fears. If you really want to go, I'd practice some visualization techniques like picturing yourself boarding a plane and so on. Mentally prepare yourself for the experience and imagine what it really feels like to be on a plane, from take-off to landing. I would also work on learning to meditate to help put you in a more peaceful state of mind.
I still have to take Dramamine from time to time when I fly. Being pregnant, are you forbidden to take that? Good luck to you. And if you decide that you are just not up to the trip, then don't feel bad about your decision. Do what is best for you at this time.

Carolyn
 
Check and see if your local airport (international or regional) offers any type of information regarding managing your fear. My Uncle was able to take a seminar that allowed you to sit in a simulator of sorts and then they went through the motions of take off through landing describing all the noises and checks etc. of what they do.

Another thing to try since you may not be able to take meds, is to get noise cancelling headphones. BOSE makes the best but they run around $300. I have some from Best Buy for about $50 and they still work great. You can plug them into your CD/MP3 player or they come with an attachment that works with the planes 2 prong plug.

HTH

Jeanette
 
Ruppie, I'm terrified to fly too, but I do it. I've learned to take things to keep myself occupied, like a really great book, or a laptop computer so you can watch your own DVD's, etc. They'll offer movies during the flight too, but beware; the inflight movie on our way home from Germany was Twister--LOL! I thought it was so strange that they would show a disaster flick on an airplane.

I don't mean to be evil, but if I cancelled this trip it would be because my inlaws were going--LOL! I know, I know--I'm a big ole biznitch! I only say this because my inlaws want to take a trip to Hawaii and have asked DH and I to go along. I told DH, and I was very sincere, that I love his parents but a trip with family is NOT a vacation, especially since my DH puts in about 100 hours a week at his job and we have precious little time together. I feel strongly about that but then, my inlaws, dear though they are, can be a little persnickety and that's just hard to take when you're trying to have fun and relax. My FIL is a clock watcher and it drives us all nuts. It's time for this, it's time for that, we better get going...Aye yi yi;( .

Anyhoo, before I digress further, if you're really that frightened, maybe you should talk to your doctor about it and see if s/he has any advice, especially since you're pregnant. I think it may bring you a sense of peace. I'm not sure how you get over the fear. I was never able to, but I fly anyway because my desire to see fabulous, far away places is greater than my fear of getting there.

Take good care and don't stress. It's just a trip and you can go another time. Don't worry--it's not good for you or your baby;)

Michele
 
Count me in as another fearful flyer. I bought a book on conquering the fear of flying, written by a pilot. He also encouraged people to go to their airport and ask if they have a class for the fearful flyer. They have simulators and pilots conducting the class to answer any questions that one may have. I haven't flown in almost 7 years and I will have to fly in Aug. (Not looking forward to that at all.)
 
If you don't mind me asking: What is about flying that you are so afraid of? I can tell you that it is the safest mode of transportation there is. The people that work on the plane want to live just as much as you do, and the air traffic controllers are awesome at their jobs!

Missy
 
I can't thank you all enough for your responses!!!
This is really driving me nuts. Michele, don't feel bad about your in-laws comment!!! The thing with this trip is that it's NOT just DH and I - if it were, I might be more motivated to try and push myself..
Missy, I can't really place what I'm afraid of, or where it came from. I used to fly a lot when I was a consultant when I was younger, and then one day - wham!! I was terrified of it. And it was before 9/11 so I don't know from what! I have this horrible sense of being out of control of the situation, and we're just so HIGH up!
Thanks for all of you who wrote about sharing my fear! Jane, that's great that your DD has a back up plan for you! :7 And that trip sounds like a once in a lifetime trip with her - I'm sure it will be worth it!!
For me, I have so many excuses that I can use not to go!! Only I'm only admitting to myself the REAL reason why! And I don't want my fear to run my life, but arrrgh! It's so hard!
Jackier, I love the idea about reading a book written by a pilot. Do you happen to remember the name of it? It does help me to actually see the pilot before getting on the plnae, and to really look at the stewards and stewardesses - that reminds me that they will do anything to get us there safely too!
 
Hi Ruppie,
I can relate to your fear. I too am afraid of flying .. But I have been able to sort of work through it and am now living in Italy! If you knew how I used to be on planes, you'd know what a HUGE step this was for me! (Believe me, I don't love it ... but I have gotten to a point where I can do it)

I have found that for me, it is very helpful to have a distraction. For example, I take advantage of in-flight movies etc... I stash lots of magazines in my carry-on too. Anything to keep my mind busy so that I don't think about things too much. I used to sit in the aisle seat to not think about what was happening but for some reason, I found that I am more comfortable if I can look out the window. I am not sure why this helps me but it does. Also, I try to be a bit sleepy when I fly. I think it may be because I am less alert and don't focus as much on every little thing happening. I also remind myself that flying is safer than a riding in a car. Deep breathing is also very helpful for me too....

I think you have gotten some great suggestions. I have also heard that some people have used hypnosis to help them, but I have never tried them myself.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you, but I wanted to let you know that I can relate to your fear. While I still don't love flying, I am now to a point where I can get through a flight to get to where I want to go... It was a process for me... And like others have said, you may not be able to go this trip but maybe somewhere down the line you can be in a place where you can ...

Good luck to you and let us know how things go...

Cath :)
 
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