Excuses, excuses

[fitover40]

I know many of you have tried to share your fitness excitement with others to no avail. That's happened to me to so I drop trying to get others to get fit. No problem.

Anyway, now my sis is checking in with excuses as to why she isn't working out. Even though I haven't conversed with her about exercising for weeks.

And the excuses aren't all that valid. Frankly, I'd prefer her not even to checkin with excuses because I'd already given up on her exercising. Seems like a big time waster to me.

So how do you handle it when they continue to checkin but give excuses? What does it really mean when they do this?

We won't even discuss my other sis, she is 100 lbs overweight and doesn't seem the least bit concerned that she is causing herself major health problems, in fact she's eluded to not wanting to live.

This is all so depressing for me and I continue to have to ensure that them and their issues do not impact my life and goals. That sounds so selfish to me on my part but honestly it's the only way I've found to protect my interests.

Thanks for the vent and any comforting thoughts.

 

[ldy_solana]

This is all so depressing for me and I continue to have to ensure that them and their issues do not impact my life and goals. That sounds so selfish to me on my part but honestly it's the only way I've found to protect my interests.

Thanks for the vent and any comforting thoughts.

i don't think you are being selfish at all. you did your part to help and extend your hand of knowledge and they chose to smack it away. i have family like that too. two of them i even gave away some videos to and they just sit there. i feel bad for asking for them back but if they aren't going to use them then i want to give them to those i think will. its very depressing and hard to deal with but i always try to change the subject. one does the "i will start soon i have to sort all this other stuff out" and my sister just thinks "fast food is cheaper but i don't do huge portions" i just do the "uh-huh yeah sounds great". i think they are catching on but like you i give up. they are wasting my time and my time is better spent chatting on the boards with you gals(and guys!!)and doing workouts when they get serious and i see them making the changes i might change my mind,but until then you and i are better off just keep doing what we are doing.

kassia

 

[autumn]

I understand your frustration, concern, and disappointment.

First, I would encourage you to share your enthusiasm for health because enthusiasm is contagious. But most importantly, this is who you are so let your enthusiasm go. Fitness isn't just what you do...... it is part of who you are..... and that is a good thing.

How do you handle the excuses? Weeeellll, I guess that depends on the dynamics of your relationship and your personality. I told my mom to stop complaining about symptoms she experienced and were made worse by her poor lifestyle choices ..... but that was the nature of our relationship.

One of the most important lessons I learned as the daughter of 2 smokin' parents (and I don't mean smokin' hot ) and as a nurse is to share what I know, trust I have done my best, and then allow people to make choices and let it go. BTW, the last part about letting go IS not easy for me. Anyway, you've shared the gift of fitness, and they aren't receptive. It isn't selfish for you to let it go. You don't have to give up..... you could just send them to the back of the line..... maybe one day they'll join you.

Your sisters are very lucky to have you!

 

[celestialtimes]

Kassia, If I were you, I would casually say, hey, you know...I noticed you weren't using that DVD...Do you mind if I take it back?" And say you know, if you want to borrow it, your more than welcome. The worst they can say is no...

It so nice to talk to people that share your interests...I know that...but no one will do it if they aren't ready. It's like leading a horse to water that refusing to drink. You can't hold thier head in the water and say do it...you just need to walk away and they'll find it. It's there if they want it...they know that...

Lisa,
Excuses are just that...excuses...you can't let be responsible for anyone's actions but your own...it's just like watching an alcoholic drink. Alcholics are going to drink no matter how much you nag them about it...and if you nag, they drink more and blame you for it.

Don't give her the oppertunity to give you an excuse...or just tell her...it's her choice not to exercise...she really doesn't need to make an excuse to you...it's herself that she's hurting...and really that's the truth.

Worry about what your doing...your doing what's best for you. IF you feel that you need to be accountable, post here and not to your sister. Leave her be. She'll either follow eventually or not.

It's her battle...

 

[LaughingWater]

So how do you handle it when they continue to checkin but give excuses? What does it really mean when they do this?

This is all so depressing for me and I continue to have to ensure that them and their issues do not impact my life and goals. That sounds so selfish to me on my part but honestly it's the only way I've found to protect my interests.

I just listen. My theory is that they bring it up for a variety of reasons:

1) Perhaps they feel guilty just being around someone who exercises, so they feel the need to vocalize their reasons for NOT exercising. It might make them feel better.

2) Perhaps they feel defensive. (I've noticed a lot of this with other people and parenting styles. Tons of defensiveness there!)

3) Maybe they're considering a lifestyle change and are still working it all out in their heads. What may sound like excuses could actually be a slow evolution towards a change for the better.

The kicker is that you don't need to do anything to trigger these reactions, as it's not really about you. It's all about them and how they perceive themselves. You're just an audience member.

You're not being selfish, and you should continue to remind yourself that their issues have little to do with you. Don't willingly carry it around and let it depress you. See it for what it is ~ someone else's issues. Wish the best for them. Be there if they ask for help. Even listen to the excuses with a healthy dose of compassion. But let it end there.