Etiquette Question

[Jaffas]

I've learned so much about how to behave at weddings, funerals, kid's parties, etc. from my fellow Calthletes that I just had to come here for an answer to my question. Through Facebook I was invited to a reunion of ex-coworkers. The invite was sent out months ago and I rsvp'd right away. Well, now that the event is this Saturday I don't want to go. There are about fifty confirmed guests and another fifty still on the maybe list. Problem is out of those fifty there are only four I want to see. Out of those four there are two I see on a regular basis so in reality there are only two I really want to see. On the other hand there are four people I really do not want to see. One is my pathological liar ex-friend that I mentioned in a previous thread. One is someone who's FB friend request I have ignored FOUR times. She is extremely anti-gay (the two friends I see on a regular basis are a gay couple) and I never liked her. Then there's an ex-supervisor that I didn't get along with. I've emailed the two people I want to see to make sure they're really coming. They also rsvp'd a long time ago, but they have not answered.
O.K. this turned out a lot longer than I intended. My question is, How rude is it to cancel at the last minute? It's a bring your own appetizer, drink, even lawn chair so it's not like the hostess it out anything.
Oh, and two make matters worse, apart from the eight people I've already mentioned I barely remember anyone else, including the hostess!

 

[morningstar]

A. if you go, you will have more fun than you thought you would

B. probably half those people that RSVPed yes won't show up and won't give advance warning.

 

[Worknprogress]

It would be my opinion that since the hostess is not providing anything and no money would be lost that I wouldn't feel bad to cancel. For things like weddings, etc. where head counts are given ahead of time - that would be a completely different story.

Plus it sounds as if it would give you more grief than pleasure to go.

I say skip it and make plans with the few you want to see.

 

[LauraMax]

It would be my opinion that since the hostess is not providing anything and no money would be lost that I wouldn't feel bad to cancel. For things like weddings, etc. where head counts are given ahead of time - that would be a completely different story.

Plus it sounds as if it would give you more grief than pleasure to go.

I say skip it and make plans with the few you want to see.

Ditto. Life is too short to spend time on things you don't want to do! Especially on the w/e.........

 

[Shoegal]

I just wanted to comment that it is a very odd reunion.

Well - here is where I stand with this - one - you could just not show up - and if asked later you just say that something came up . You don't need to elaborate or anything - you are an adult and "things" do come up. It sounds like a very casual get together with a lot of people - the hostess isn't providing anything and you don't even know her.

2 - If it makes you feel better - contact the hostess, express thanks for the invitation but tell her you won't be attending after all. You aren't required to give information about why - and a polite hostess won't ask. But if asked - say - "something came up."

Just my 2 cents.

 

[janie1234]

Well coming from the most anti social person in the universe. . . . .I actually would encourage you to go at least for the friends that you want to see. I wouldn't let the sour bad apples ruin the fun time that you deserve. Besides, I've come to realize that no matter what social situation I put myself in there is always a rude person out there that will annoy me and I have been trying harder to appreciate the friends that I do have. Of course since I am the most anti social person in the world from an etiquette point of view, . .politely tell your friends that you won't be going after all (e-mail style so you don't have to explain why) and offer to take out the friends you want to see out for a cup of coffee or a beer. I always find that smaller groups are easier to have conversations with and in large parties I always feel forced into talking to people I would not normally talk to. Either way it is up to you and you know we're all here to back you up. Let us know how it goes.

 

[RapidBreath]

A. if you go, you will have more fun than you thought you would

B. probably half those people that RSVPed yes won't show up and won't give advance warning.

Yep, what MStar said. I usually don't actually want to go places and psyche myself into it and once I'm there I usually have a good time.

 

[Jaffas]

Thanks for all your answers. You're right, Shoegal, it is an odd reunion. It's open to all employees past and present and it's a big company. We had another one last year but it was hosted by my gay couple friends and there were a lot more people that I knew in attendance. The other thing I forgot to mention is that it's only a mile away from my house. I think I'll just play it by ear and make an appearance if I feel like it. If it's really bad I can discreetly invite the few people I do like to my house for a drink . I've given DH permission to sit this one out. I'll let you know what happens.

 

[LaughingWater]

I'm going to be zero help here. I'm just posting some empathy.

I have the same problem at the moment and am considering canceling. Like others have said, life is too short to waste time on stuff like this, especially on the weekends. I so look forward to an evening when I can hang out, not do schoolwork, and just crochet or watch a movie with my dog. And my darn weekends seem to fly by so fast!

On the other hand, when I do force myself to go somewhere, I usually end up meeting or reconnecting with one or two really cool people. So by staying home, I'm isolating a bit more and missing out on what probably will be a fun evening.

Argh.

 

[janie1234]

I have the same problem at the moment and am considering canceling. Like others have said, life is too short to waste time on stuff like this, especially on the weekends. I so look forward to an evening when I can hang out, not do schoolwork, and just crochet or watch a movie with my dog. And my darn weekends seem to fly by so fast!

You see Lori, . . .you read my mind, . . .I thought that no one else felt this way. I just want to hang out and read, knit, sew, play with my kids, go for a bike ride. Socializing takes so much out of me and a lot of times with the groups I know it turns out to just be gossip and I hate being put on the spot when someone starts saying something mean to someone I have no problems with. It can be so exhausting. My weekends seem to fly by like nano seconds, . .which just a made of word for shorter than a second, .. . .and after cleaning, laundry, . . .and such I don't have much time for anything else.

 

[LaughingWater]

I thought that no one else felt this way.

I know exactly what you mean. I wait all week for my weekend, hoping that I will be able to get in some quilting or finish the blanket I'm working on, do some baking, read, go out for an early morning bike ride.

Sometimes I get one of those things in. Most of the time though, we have "plans" to do things we can't do during the week, like visiting family (which is an all day affair with my inlaws), going to some other function the girls want to attend, a house/garden project, or something like that. Throw in errands and regular housework, and *boom!* it's Sunday night, and I haven't even looked at my quilt top. I hate that.

My favorite is when the kids and I take a week off from school, but we don't actually go anywhere. We'll still attend their weekly social stuff, but we don't make any extra plans, and we don't have any schoolwork, so I can do whatever I want once the chores/errands are taken care of. I have to be careful though ~ my husband is the opposite and will fill up our schedule if he thinks we have oodles of free time. (He's so Type A.)

 

[syzygy314]

Hi Gabrielle!

Everyone has good points. The one thing I want to mention is that if you go and things end up being uncomfortable, you can always bow out early. You don't have to stay for the whole thing. Thank the host(ess) and just say you had something else that came up for the same day, but you at least wanted to come for a little while. There's nothing wrong with that.

I expect you'll end up having a good time, though!