Due next week but not quite ready

W

wetlandtraining

Member
I am due in 6 days with my first child but do not feel quite ready nor excited. I think it is because my husband is abroad and won't be arriving until Sunday, just 3 days before the due date. We were both working in a sub-Saharan African country and I returned to my hometown a month after discovering I was pregnant (due to the high risk of malaria and other tropical diseases). I have been keeping myself busy, teaching aquatic fitness, taking courses and getting our new apartment decorated. But I guess I only feel really pregnant when my husband is around - which has only been for 12 weeks of the pregnancy (for part of the first trimester in Africa and then 3 separate visits over the past few months). My parents are here and so are my 2 best friends from high school (although I haven't lived here for 14 years) but somehow I feel somehow neutral. I think I have somehow turned my feelings off, in trying to will this baby to wait until its father is here to be born. Has anyone else experienced this - perhaps with a husband in the military?
 
I feel bad that your post has sat here for quite some time without anyone who has been able to chime in! I haven't been in your shoes before in terms of having my husband gone, but I will tell you that it is NOT abnormal to feel like your emotions are all turned off toward the end. I think it is often related to fatigue and discouragement (as well as, in your case, the very legitimate issue of waiting for Daddy to come!). Well, it is Sunday, so Daddy is here!! --but don't be dismayed if you still don't feel ready or excited. I remember with my first pregnancy, I woke at 5 am in labor and by the time I gave birth at 2 am the next day (a very textbook 21 hour labor, neither abnormally difficult nor abnormally easy), I was just dead emotionally. . . I held my daughter and was somewhat intrigued, but my first thought was "OK, now take her away, I'm tired." I just wanted the nurse to deal with her! I was just wiped out! I felt no surge of motherly love, didn't get gushy or anything, I just was NOT excited or ready. I did, however, fall in love the next day!!

I just wanted you to know that it is not unusual for moms to not feel what they "ought" to feel and that is OK. Even if you feel that way after your honey comes, even if you feel that way right after you give birth, there will come a moment when it just clicks. Pregnancy is a HUGE change, it is a lot to process, and you will get there. Don't worry about not "feeling" ready or excited, because when the time comes, you'll do a great job!

Please keep us posted and I hope that you are enjoying a reunion with your baby's Daddy today.
 
I agree with Susan that first pregnancies are probably just that way for a lot of people. I am 2 mo. away from my due date with my second child now. My husband left me at 3 mo. along with my first. I was living alone and not all anxious to have the baby. When I did have him, I thought the same thing Susan did. PLEASE LET ME SLEEP! Now that he is almost 4 I can't imagine feeling that way, but I did! I can't wait for baby #2 to be born! My son and husband are also excited. Maybe some of your husband's excitement will rub off on you, but DON'T WORRY! You'll love the little tyke :)
Andrea
 
I just wanted to say - Excellent post!!!!!! I have a 2 year old and for the the first 6 months, I thought there was something REALLY wrong with me b/c I didn't have that total elation that is supposed to come with having your first baby! I was like you after I had my baby - wiped out - and all I wanted was a chicken salad sandwich. Then when I got home with my little bundle I was so nervous, and it was such a huge change in lifestyle that I didn't feel particularly overjoyed then either. Don't misunderstand, I loved my baby with all my heart but the best part came much later when she started smiling alot and crawling, and I really got to know her little personality.

I am now pregnant with my 2nd baby and I feel totally different. The thought of another little one is not nearly so scary as the last time and I do feel joyful. I guess I'm rambling now, but I wanted to share b/c I know it REALLY helps to know I'm "normal". When I talked to my sister about it, she could totally not relate b/c she did feel that total joy of a new baby, which is great, but again, makes you feel like you're just missing something.
Thanks for letting me share -
Kathy H
 
hehehehe!!! I am LOL about the chicken salad sandwich. When my first daughter was born I was THE SAME WAY!!! I felt like "just get this kid outta here and FEED ME!!!!" :9 :9 :9

It was the middle of the night so they pulled a roast beef sandwich out of their little fridge for me. OH, it was like manna from heaven! The sensation of having ROOM to eat and ROOM to breathe, oh my, it was awesome!
 
Hi! I believe that today is your due date, right? Who knows, maybe you are at the hospital right now as I'm typing this.

I just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling better. I'm glad your husband is now home with you to share in this very special time. Take Care!
 
I am now almost a week overdue - but at least my husband is here. Maybe this is nature's way of having a bit more time for my husband and I to experience the pregnancy together. But it is a bit difficult not being able to plan anything - just taking things one day at a time. And I can't step out of the house without someone calling and thinking that I have gone to the hospital.

I am feeling more ready but also more anxious, as I now have more time to contemplate things... like pain. But at least I know that my husband will be with me.
 
Hi!

Just wanted to say that I am glad that your hubby made it home safely and will be with you for the birth of your child!! Keep us posted. We are excited to hear the good news! Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH :)
 
Just an update - I am now over a week overdue and no sign of progress. I have had 2 fetal assessments this week and the baby is doing fine and just does not want to come out. I think that I was concentrating so hard on not having it come early that I never even considered that I would be so late. Maybe the baby (being conceived in Africa)is afraid of the Canadian winter.

I am scheduled for the next assessment on Monday morning if nothing happens on the weekend. I am glad that my doctor is not "induction happy," especially after reading some posts on that theme from September.

Unfortunately, I can't continue my Christmas shopping with this unexpected free time as I am to take it easy (although I feel great, my blood pressure is up a bit). And I am actually enjoying having my husband cook and clean.
 
hehe!!! Maybe he snuck a toe out to "test the waters" and thought "NO WAY JOSE!!! I'm stayin' in here where the livin' is easy!!"
 
One more update -

I am now 2 weeks overdue and will be induced today. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but the fetal assessment score decreased yesterday (now at 8/10, vs. 10/10 last week)so it's off to the hospital.

My husband and I gave up trying to pick out names - we just couldn't agree on 2 (1 for a boy and 1 for a girl). When people ask if we have a name picked out yet, I always say "yes, a last name." Which took a little bit of discussion, since I kept my last name and my husband thought I might insist on my last name or a double name for our child. But since my last name has 11 letters and his only 5, I said our children will have has last name - makes it easier when you have to spell it.
 
We'll be Waiting!

Have your hubby pop in here and let us know what you had! Can't wait to hear! Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH :)
 
We'll be Waiting!

Have your hubby pop in here and let us know what you had! Can't wait to hear! Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH :)
 
I had to laugh at your last name comment. We decided that the girls would have my last name, and the boys his. Well, we never had any girls, so one boy has his, and one has mine. I thought I would get all kinds of grief from my parents (I did for keeping my name), but they are thrilled. He will be the only one to carry on the name, and I guess they are happy about that. I like that your husband has an easy name. Both of ours are unique- and not in a great way. We started out hyphenating our names, but stopped within 2 weeks because we couldn't stand it.

Anyway, best of luck, my first was 10 days late, and an induction, so I know what you are going through. After having one each way, I don't actually feel the pain was worse for the induction, and they seem to go quick for most people. Can't wait to hear you good news.
 
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