Does this annoy you?

R

Reese777

Cathlete
Okay guys, this may sound arrogant and critical, so forgive me in advance, because I don't mean it in a mean way, but does it ever annoy you when people complain about their size, how their clothes fit, etc, but then they never exercise? And they don't eat right at all?

I work with one woman that starves herself when she needs to lose weight. She's not a big person but she doesn't eat right, and I asked her if she wanted to come walk the stairs with me and she said "ach..I don't like walking down the stairs, let alone UP them!" and I just walked on. Later she tried to get me eat some cookies that she bought and brought in.

Then another person I work with is overweight. She doesnt workout and makes absolutely no effort to lose weight or watch what she eats, but yet constantly talks about how she is so exhausted. She tells me all the time how she goes home and just falls asleep watching TV because she can't keep her eyes open. Then she just latches on to every and any ailment she can to milk for sympathy and attention. In the past year she's had back trouble, fibroid trouble that required a d & C, migraines, insomnia, depression and carpal tunnel syndrome. She takes stuff for the depression and stuff to help her sleep and a plethora of other meds for various issues.

This is tough for me because they are both great people - very kind and funny, but I find myself wanting to shake them! Bottom line is, if you want to be in shape and lose weight, it's going to take some "pain" to get there and you're going to have to get sweaty!

They don't want to hear that though...:(
 
I don't think it sounds arrogant & critical at all. To me it's like someone who smells bad saying "gee, I wish I could smell good" but refuses to take a bath. :eek:

I hear this comment all the time that annoys the heck out of me: "I wish I had your (insert body part here)." Well sister, it doesn't come from wishing. If it did we'd all have (I guess what we consider) the perfect physique.

While having a body like Cathe's takes a serious time commitment, real discipline, and lots of energy & hard work, simply staying in shape doesn't. It makes me nuts when people who are overweight to the point of threatening their own health refuse to even get out & take a brisk 30 minute walk 4X a week. I mean, when I make gentle suggestions to friends/family/coworkers I'm not expecting them to work out the way I do. Just enough to improve their health, self confidence & appearance.

I don't want this to be a fat-bashing thread. However, I don't have any problems w/a lazy-bashing thread. ;-)
 
I went to a wine party and met an incredibly nice woman who was as kind as she was big. A friend was talking about the Tosca Reno cookbook and how she was over 40, lost weight, and moved on to a figure model and look fabulous. This young woman (she is 28 but look like she's in her late 40s and was in pain and sweaty merely from the short walk from the car to the house) piped in and said "Oh sure, you can do anything with a personal chef and trainer."

She was simply unconvinced that someone could transform themselves without tools that a woman like her lacked. Maybe she's ignorant but more likely she feels discouraged, hopeless, and unable to ever break the cycle, a cycle she may not even realize that she is caught up in. Who doesn't feel this way at times? Some people are lazy, some people as the Eagles sing "so often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key." How many times have you (all of you out there) talked about how nice it would be if you were rich yet you fail to read up on all the investment literature out there and spend you money on numerous exercise DVDs that you don't truly need because you already have a library of 500? Try to be kind, try to be patient, and try not to judge. It's hard but at the end of the day you'll feel like a better person for it.

And when pressed say "the only place success comes before sweat is in the dictionary" ;-)
 
Reese - I totally know!!! You know what I hate? ANd I don't say the hate word lightly...but I graduated with a girl from high school with whom I have kept in touch over the last 10 years. SHe has always been like (since I lost weight) "it must be nice to be so thin"..."must be nice to have a house"..."must be nice to have a good job"..."must be nice to have a son and a daughter"..."must be nice to live on your street"...She makes me sick. I won't talk to her anymore after her last comment that I am "perfect" because of the above. I was embarrassed for her b/c she said it in front of other people. You know what?? If you want to workout like 90 minutes, six days a week and get up at 4:30 then by all means. You want to go to college with a baby and be pregnant at the same time while your husband is at war and you are buying a house all by yourself and working an internship in the meantime...then by all means. But if you just want to sit around and eat ding dongs (she told me she does this) and feel sorry for yourself, then don't take it out on me! I work soooo very hard for everything I have. So, yes, I totally can say that annoys me! Clarissa :)

Whoops...sorry to vent so much. Her comments just hurt me is all..hee hee.
 
Oh, yes, bugs me to no end.

We used to have a secretary who would occasionally say "I'd do ANYTHING to lose weight." Well, her anything obviously didn't including eating right or any form of physical activity (I'm not even talking 'exercise' per se, just some walks and being more active). It was more like "I'll try any pill or diet shake for a short period of time, as long as I don't have to change anything else." She was even about to start phen-fen (fen-phen?) when it was taken off the market.

Now, she's got type 2 diabetes (which several of my relatves have, and control through diet and exercise), and instead of changing the lifestyle habits that got her there in the first place, continues to eat the same food as before, but takes a pill beforehand so she can.
 
Beavs, I think this is the more mature attitude to take, and one that I think and hope I am now more able to adopt towards others.

To get angry at these people is senseless and arrogant. It is not as if any of us were perfect specimens of humanity after all. Everyone has a mental block about something, or some degree of inferiority complex or self doubt. For these obese people dealing with health crises, this is the locality of their doubt and inferiority. It may be that their self-esteem has sunk so low, they no longer think they deserve good health. And we all know it is way easier to swallow a bunch of pills than to get down to the gym or hit the trails in running shoes on a daily basis.

Perhaps compassion is the better approach. And if you can't manage that, then at least stay away from these people so that you don't explode in their faces one day with irritation and anger and make them feel even worse about themselves than they probably already do.

Clare
 
Beavs,

I did not mean to sound judgmental with my comments. I'm sure there are factors that play into both of these individual's lives and decision making processes that I don't know and may never know about. I guess it just annoys me because they'll say they want to change, but yet I've spoken to both of them at length about working out - from minor things to more advanced (like Cathe) and they'll have nothing to do with any of it.

It's annoying like people who complain and complain but won't even examine a solution you offer them, and it drains your energy!

:-(
 
I am currently working with at risk youth as a personal trainer. This program is voluntary for the participants and theoretically only the interested people signed up. Since I am the largest of the trainers I took all of the larger girls so they wouldn't be intimidated by a tiny trainer. As we try to work out with them every week they stop at the smallest bit of discomfort. Then they cry that they are so upset about their size. I also call them midweek to see how things are going, and trust me things aren't going with them. I am getting very frustrated.

They ask very pointed questions about getting fit and losing weight, but refuse to act on the information. This week we give them a new resistance program with bands (we use bands so we can send them home with equipment since they can't afford any). Two of my girls did only one rep of several of the exercises, said it was too hard and completely shut down. These girls are around 16. We are trying to give them the opportunity and tools to make life changes before they face a lifetime of struggle, but they are not open to it.

I do have to give them kudos on their creativity. The excuses they come up with are very original. I am always curious for Monday to come so I can hear their newest excuse.
 
Likewise I don't wish to be judgmental of anyone (although I can be--I fall quite short of perfect on a daily basis). I have just been going through some things in my life that have made me realize that we can be trapped by own thinking and behavior patterns and we are be the very people setting up obstacles in front of ourselves without even realizing it. I've also realized that after what I have been going through with sick relatives and the like that I truly appreciate the compassion extended to me and I wish to do the same for others. Just my mushy comments for the day.
 
"..but yet constantly talks about how she is so exhausted. She tells me all the time how she goes home and just falls asleep watching TV because she can't keep her eyes open. Then she just latches on to every and any ailment she can to milk for sympathy and attention. In the past year she's had back trouble, fibroid trouble that required a d & C, migraines, insomnia, depression and carpal tunnel syndrome..."

I would guess the woman you describe is desperate for attention. Some basic need is not being met. Being concerned about your health is the privledge of those who are having their basic emotional needs met, I guess. It must be so frustrating for you listening to her complain about the same things day in and day out. You want to help, but she doesn't want help for what she's complaining about. She wants help for something else.
 
>I don't think it sounds arrogant & critical at all. To me
>it's like someone who smells bad saying "gee, I wish I could
>smell good" but refuses to take a bath. :eek:
>
>I just laughed out loud for a good two minutes on this one, Laura!
 
Yes..it is very frustrating because my natural response is to be kind of abrupt (my downfall...I was raised in an environment that didn't "baby" anyone, which is good in some ways, not so good in other ways) and tell this woman "look, you're exhausted because of all that extra weight you're carrying around." But what would that do? Nothing. It would just lose a friend for me. I think you may be right about the attention thing. She was determined to run out and have surgery on the carpel tunnel problem and I worked with her for an entire day through email to get her to postpone it to see if a chiropractor could help her first...(they have helped me with so many things, I thought - what can it hurt? At least it's not invasive like surgery) and she finally caved and did what I suggested, BUT I think it's mostly because she chickened out over the surgery, and that is because her "ailment" isn't as bad as she originally made it out to be.

Of course, I could be completely out in left field too.:+
 
Behavior change is a process and takes knowledge, commitment, dedication, specific skills and lots of hard hardwork. Not everyone who makes a comment about wishing for a change is at the stage for actual change. I used to be judgemental also, but learned the hard way to be more tolerant and accepting of people for where they are in the process. Whenever I get discouraged about other peoples's choices, I recall the collorary to the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know, that person is me."

Clarrisa, it seems you are interpreting your high school friend's comments as hurtful and it robs you some of your joy in what you have achieved. I'd suggest a different tack with her; when she makes her "it must be nice" comment, comeback with something along the lines "yes it is nice, I've worked really hard to achieve the things I have, and I'm really appreciative/grateful. Thanks for noticing - that makes me feel good!"

SSL, Deb
 
Thanks so much Deb. I am such a pushover at work, home and in all-around general life. I would love to say what you suggested. Perhaps I will find the courage someday. My tactic is usually to avoid the situation or apologize for something I didn't do. Thanks again though :) Clarissa
 
>I am currently working with at risk youth as a personal
>trainer. This program is voluntary for the participants and
>theoretically only the interested people signed up. Since I
>am the largest of the trainers I took all of the larger girls
>so they wouldn't be intimidated by a tiny trainer. As we try
>to work out with them every week they stop at the smallest bit
>of discomfort. Then they cry that they are so upset about
>their size. I also call them midweek to see how things are
>going, and trust me things aren't going with them. I am
>getting very frustrated.
>
>They ask very pointed questions about getting fit and losing
>weight, but refuse to act on the information. This week we
>give them a new resistance program with bands (we use bands so
>we can send them home with equipment since they can't afford
>any). Two of my girls did only one rep of several of the
>exercises, said it was too hard and completely shut down.
>These girls are around 16. We are trying to give them the
>opportunity and tools to make life changes before they face a
>lifetime of struggle, but they are not open to it.
>
>I do have to give them kudos on their creativity. The excuses
>they come up with are very original. I am always curious for
>Monday to come so I can hear their newest excuse.

One thing I have found out with coaching teenage girls is they are 1. drama queens, and 2. don't recognize that muscle burn from lactic acid is a good burn. So when they start to get a tiny bit of discomfort, the drama queen comes out, and they say they cannot do it. Some get past it, some do not. It is quite a triumph though to get them past it when they realize how darn good they feel for accomplishing a hard work-out.
 
An interesting thread here! My best friend, DEAR best friend who lives directly across the street from me (so we see them ALL the time), is ALWAYS saying, "I'd rather be fat and happy". As if I, who works out, eats clean, and takes care of myself, am UNhappy? lol

I've stopped trying to correct her. I've stopped trying to give her advice. Like everything else, the person has to WANT to do it.

Ah well.

Gayle
 
Everyone is so different, it's really hard to compare. While exercise is helpful, in the end, it's what you eat and your metabolism that determines whether or not you are overweight. I naturally love foods that are good for me, and have a wide range of foods I love. I can give up a few (good-bye cheese!), and still have lots of others to make me happy. But for many people (it actually seems like most people to me), it is MUCH more difficult. They usually have a narrower range of foods they enjoy, and their taste buds are just different from mine. For these people, getting to a healthy weight seems to be a daily struggle, with lots of feelings of being denied and even punished. Gayle, when your friend indicates that she can either be thin or be happy, it's probably really true! Everyone is really different. If I had to suffer through each day to be thin, I'd probably be a failure at it. :p Therefore, my tendency is not to pass judgment on someone else's size. Of course, if they were chewing my ear off about it every day like Reese is experiencing, that would be a different matter! ;) I do feel for you, Reese.
 
I don't really think I'm being judgmental. If people are overweight & OK with it then I say kudos to them. I just don't want to hear them complaining about it if they won't do anything.

I AM one of those people who struggles with weight. If I didn't constantly diet & exercise I'd probably be obese. But I work very hard to stay slim & fit & I sacrifice a lot in the process, so I guess I resent it when I hear the "I wish." I don't judge, but I don't want to hear it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top