Does it REALLY have to be like this?!?

Jonezie

Jonezie

Cathlete
The Serial Bully thread...I have to say I've received about 15 PM's since posting this thread last night, from people thanking me for speaking up, and people furious because they felt attacked. For those of you who are CONVINCED this post is directed at you, let me say this. Despite what you think, my intention wasn't to attack you. My intention was to connect with the people on this forum who feel alone and ganged up on, in their personal lives or on this forum. There are people who are talking about leaving the forums forever, others who were scared away a year or two ago and are just now returning, and still others who have chosen other "friendlier" forums to frequent. Do you really want that? Don't these people deserve to know there is a camraderie and support system here, available to them, as much as the rest of you do?

Research is beginning to show that (in schools, at least) the people who stand by and watch someone getting picked on are just as crushing as the bullies themselves, in some instances. I have no desire to attack someone personally, nor is it my right to tell anyone how to talk or act. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let someone feel like they are one person against 100 and not extend some offer of compassion. And for the life of me, I can't understand why posting an article that might make them feel more informed and LESS alone has to be a personal assault on another Cathlete. WHY do they have to be mutually exclusive?!?

PS...As I was posting the characteristics of a serial bully, I couldn't help but think I might have committed about ten of those, in previous threads and at some point in my personal life. I'm sure a couple of people on this very forum would consider me a bully. It made me think...made me genuinely remorseful to those I've hurt with my careless words or actions...and made me determined to be better. Isn't that what we all want? To be better? I do.

Jonezie
 
Hi Jonezie,

I just wanted to chime in for a second to say that i think that we all have to remember that we're here because we have something in common- a love (or maybe love/hate!! :)) relationship with fitness and an admiration for Cathe and all that she does to help us be our best. The forums are a place for us to support each other. I took no offense to your posting.... to be honest, I try not to take anything that I read on the forums too personal. I just take what I like... and leave what i don't!

Thanks Jonezie for taking the time to care about people (most of whom you really don't even know)!!
 
AYLE09 said:
Hi Jonezie,

I just wanted to chime in for a second to say that i think that we all have to remember that we're here because we have something in common- a love (or maybe love/hate!! :)) relationship with fitness and an admiration for Cathe and all that she does to help us be our best. The forums are a place for us to support each other. I took no offense to your posting.... to be honest, I try not to take anything that I read on the forums too personal. I just take what I like... and leave what i don't!
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Thanks for the wonderful post! I don't think Hemingway could have said it better.

:) Jonezie
 
AYLE09 said:
Hi Jonezie,

I just wanted to chime in for a second to say that i think that we all have to remember that we're here because we have something in common- a love (or maybe love/hate!! :)) relationship with fitness and an admiration for Cathe and all that she does to help us be our best. The forums are a place for us to support each other. I took no offense to your posting.... to be honest, I try not to take anything that I read on the forums too personal. I just take what I like... and leave what i don't!

Thanks Jonezie for taking the time to care about people (most of whom you really don't even know)!!
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ITA!!! I think it's the part that's highlighted in red that really means a lot to me. Most people think "I don't know you, so who cares." Treating everyone with kindness, especially when you don't know them or they can't do anything to help you, is what real humanity looks like. :)

Melissa
 
Yeah, I think it does really have to be like this. Trying to get everyone on here to get along would be like herding cats. Or like a goat rodeo.

Of course, people should be nice, respectful, generous with praise, careful with criticism, good at listening and hearing others, willing to apologize when they goof up. And some people do try and I think that's great. It's just not always gonna happen. And I know I'm guilty of making mistakes on this forum as are many others, and I do apologize when I can see that I've done wrong. But you know what, sometimes I don't apologize because I really don't feel I've done wrong. I was pretty harsh earlier in the week on another thread and I am aware of that but I still feel like I was right, so I haven't and don't plan to apologize. I'm sure that makes me look like a jerk to certain folks, and I accept that.

I don't mean to be rude or glib and I understand the frustration. It's just the truth, in my honest and humble opinion. As Rodney King put it so well: "Can't we all just get along?" Nope, Rodney, sorry dude.
 
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Thanks, Melissa. I'm filled with glee that you think so. You always have a way of erasing all the negative comments...like the Midas touch. Is it like this at your house, too?

OK...I have to ask about the dog now. I need details (name, breed, and the story behind dressing the pup in a sweatshirt and getting him/her to pose for photos). Love your avatar!

:)Jonezie
 
Jonezie, I haven't been posting on this forum very long, but you make me feel welcome! Thanks for that!:D Linda
 
lrusso said:
Jonezie, I haven't been posting on this forum very long, but you make me feel welcome! Thanks for that!:D Linda
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Linda...that's nothing...just wait until I organize an all girls Cathlete weekend on an island somewhere. We'll all sip drinks out of coconuts, get hot stone massages, and bet on whose going to be the first to parasail. It's coming! Do you have a swimsuit?

:)Jonezie
 
Jonezie said:
Linda...that's nothing...just wait until I organize an all girls Cathlete weekend on an island somewhere. We'll all sip drinks out of coconuts, get hot stone massages, and bet on whose going to be the first to parasail. It's coming! Do you have a swimsuit?

:)Jonezie
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I'm ready, sign me up!!!
 
pixiesis said:
Yeah, I think it does really have to be like this. Trying to get everyone on here to get along would be like herding cats. Or like a goat rodeo.

Of course, people should be nice, respectful, generous with praise, careful with criticism, good at listening and hearing others, willing to apologize when they goof up. And some people do try and I think that's great. It's just not always gonna happen. And I know I'm guilty of making mistakes on this forum as are many others, and I do apologize when I can see that I've done wrong. But you know what, sometimes I don't apologize because I really don't feel I've done wrong. I was pretty harsh earlier in the week on another thread and I am aware of that but I still feel like I was right, so I haven't and don't plan to apologize. I'm sure that makes me look like a jerk to certain folks, and I accept that.

I don't mean to be rude or glib and I understand the frustration. It's just the truth, in my honest and humble opinion. As Rodney King put it so well: "Can't we all just get along?" Nope, Rodney, sorry dude.
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Well put, Amy, and I agree with every word!

Jonezie, as I read your post I was struck by how much I agree with you... in principle. However, there are striking differences in our reasoning and ultimate conclusions.

I agree that it's nice to try and make connections with people who are seemingly (my word) alone and/or "ganged up on". But in recent examples, we are completely at odds in our assessment and identification of the individual(s) under attack.

God knows I've made my share of mistakes, and there have been moments on this forum when I regretted my remarks, but I hope I err on the side of compassion, and on the side of what is morally right. For instance, I don't like to even give so much as the appearance of my support to anyone who gossips and/or posts speculative comments, be they about me, you, Cathe, or anyone. I find this type of behavior abhorrent and totally destructive. I can think of nothing that kills the human spirit more than a wagging tongue. To me, the victim in this situation is the one being subjected to speculation and gossip. I try to avoid these threads, but when I find myself in these situations, I think the right thing to do is to point out that speculation and gossip hurt people.

There are people who are talking about leaving the forums forever, others who were scared away a year or two ago and are just now returning, and still others who have chosen other "friendlier" forums to frequent. Do you really want that? Don't these people deserve to know there is a camraderie and support system here, available to them, as much as the rest of you do?
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Quite honestly, I really don't lose any sleep over this. This is a big forum and it's been around for a long time. There is, and always has been, a steady flow of people coming and going. Most of us have been subjected to unkind posts or perceived attacks at one time or another. Some choose to leave, others realize that it's but a blimp on the radar and are able to set it aside and continue to enjoy the camaraderie.

This is a fitness forum, not a cyber therapy session. You have commented on more than one occasion that you teach a program to school age kids that deals with bullying. I mean this in the kindest way, but when you come to the forum you should take your bullying teacher hat off and just kick back, relax, and enjoy yourself. You're amongst adults and we can all take care of ourselves. I understand that you have the best intentions, but trust me, these situations usually have a way of working themselves out. You don't need to draw the wagons into a circle to try and bring us all together. You don't need to send PM's and start several threads on the topic. These tactics only serve to stir the pot and fan the flames. Just let it go. ;)
 
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Miss Lee said:
Well put, Amy, and I agree with every word!

Jonezie, as I read your post I was struck by how much I agree with you... in principle. However, there are striking differences in our reasoning and ultimate conclusions.

I agree that it's nice to try and make connections with people who are seemingly (my word) alone and/or "ganged up on". But in recent examples, we are completely at odds in our assessment and identification of the individual(s) under attack.

God knows I've made my share of mistakes, and there have been moments on this forum when I regretted my remarks, but I hope I err on the side of compassion, and on the side of what is morally right. For instance, I don't like to even so much as give the appearance of my support to anyone who gossips and/or posts speculative comments, be they about me, you, Cathe, or anyone. I find this type of behavior abhorrent and totally destructive. I can think of nothing that kills the human spirit more than a wagging tongue. To me, the victim in this situation is the one being subjected to speculation and gossip. I try to avoid these threads, but if I find myself in theses situations, I think the right thing to do is to point out that speculation and gossip hurt people.


Quite honestly, I really don't lose any sleep over this. This is a big forum and it's been around for a long time. There is, and always has been, a steady flow of people coming and going. Most of us have been subjected to unkind posts or perceived attacks at one time or another. Some choose to leave, others realize that it's but a blimp on the radar and are able to set it aside and continue to enjoy the camaraderie.

This is a fitness forum, not some sort of a cyber therapy session. You have commented on more than one occasion that you teach some sort of a program to school age kids that deals with bullying. I mean this in the kindest way, but when you come to the forum you should take your bullying teacher hat off and just kick back, relax, and enjoy yourself. You're amongst adults and we can all take care of ourselves. I understand that you have the best intentions, but trust me, these situations usually have a way of working themselves out. You don't need to draw the wagons into a circle to try and bring us all together. You don't need to send PM's and start several threads on the topic. These tactics only serve to stir the pot and fan the flames. Just let it go. ;)
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Miss Lee...Don't worry...you don't have to come to the wagon circle if it's not for you.

;) Jonezie

PS...Does this mean you don't want an invite to the all girls Cathlete island excursion I'm planning? We're gonna be drinking out of coconuts!
 
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WOW, Michele! You always know the right thing to say. WOW!

Now, excuse me while I go give this post a 5-star rating; it just took a nice turn!

ETA: It must have had a lot of one-star votes; my rating didn't budge it much! Sorry!
 
Miss Lee said:
This is a fitness forum, not a cyber therapy session. You have commented on more than one occasion that you teach a program to school age kids that deals with bullying. I mean this in the kindest way, but when you come to the forum you should take your bullying teacher hat off and just kick back, relax, and enjoy yourself. You're amongst adults and we can all take care of ourselves. I understand that you have the best intentions, but trust me, these situations usually have a way of working themselves out. You don't need to draw the wagons into a circle to try and bring us all together. You don't need to send PM's and start several threads on the topic. These tactics only serve to stir the pot and fan the flames. Just let it go. ;)
Click to expand...

What??????? You mean to tell me all this time I thought this was a cyber therapy session? ;) I guess I missed that memo. :D I keed, I keed.
 
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