Do you have Friday off?

Nancy -
I get the feeling that his kids just don't want to be bothered, and besides that, the squeeky wheel (meaning his ex-wife) gets the grease, as they say!

He enjoys my family, so that makes it nice for him.
Just Do It! :)
 
> but one year I suggested that she let me "do"
>Thanksgiving at my house (there would be lots of catering
>involved)


ROTFL.........so true for me too Nancy!



I'm sorry, I hate to be a big humbug, but I absolutely and totally hate the holidays, namely Thanksgiving and Christmas. T day is all about who in the hell has to cook while they all complain about it. Then, I have to go to 3 or more houses since my whole family is broken up. It is painful to spend the holidays with my family members who are throwing their life away (brother, drugs) or completely inept and selfish (father) or completely changed and I don't even know them any more (mother, boyfriend). It is hard for me. Then top it on buying presents that I STILL can't afford to buy and then try so so so hard to plaster on that "Oh, Isn't it a joy it is Christmas" smile/attitude and it is all I can take. This year it seems, so far, especially hard. Pathetically, my husband is cooking Turkey dinner. I have no kids so this isn't a "have to" yet, although he acts like it is. I could care less, honestly. My family keeps laying on the guilt that it is now MY TURN to take over Thanksgiving. Sorry, passing the torch isn't going to happen for me. I don't want it to anyway. I have seen first hand all the stress my sis has had preparing everything and I don't want it!!!!

I don't know why it is so unacceptable to tell your family members that for just this year, you can't afford presents. Recently, I got a new job but have been in school, struggling to pay bills and taking out aid. I told hubby that we should just be strait up with his family (who lives far away) and say we just can't afford to do it this year. I told him to tell them not to get us anything either. And THEY JUST WON'T DO IT. I get that they want to cuz they have the money or whatever or feel overwhelmingly guilty, but that is their problem!! I feel like this year I am asking people to give me a freaking break and they are just ignoring me................so I have to go spend money I don't have anyway. I mean, if people really love you, what is the big deal about doing what you ask?? Don't they get that I feel bad about the circumstances this year, but it is only temporary, and refusing to not get me anything is just rude? Anyone go through this??

Plus, no one knows each other anymore....so either we don't know what to get them or they say they want something stupid, like basic white T-shirts. Hubby's family writes it on a list and we go out and buy it. Even if it is white T-shirts. Then we pay to ship it. All because we couldn't just agree to send cards this year. Sorry, don't get it. I want to buy people lots of great things and it saddens me to just go out and spend my $$$ on a T-shirt.

Ok............on the bright side.............I am thankful for hubby (even though he is being a butt lately) and for my health and being alive. I am thankful for having the ability to work out but am not thankful that I let myself get fat over the last year and a half. I am thankful for the opportunities I have had in my life to go to school. I am thankful that I got a job now that pays more than my previous job and seem pretty cool, even though I am still only training.

Oh sheesh, sorry to ramble!!!:D
 
Janice,

i know what you mean. if i do get anything i get something small like a little stationary kit or something like that. or a bath kit. usually you can get them cheap at wal-mart or dollar store. hubby is the only one that works right now so we did the cheapos for the adults. if they don't like it then they can pay my bills and i can have more money to spend on ppl. my family is cool about not getting anything they just like getting a card and a mini newsletter with pictures about all the accomplishments of the year. we also make alot of stuff. usually for my mom b/c she is the pack rat of arts and crafts that us kids make for her LOL. i also make my own cookie platters but since my family is far away we just stick with cards and they are very happy with that.

you do what you have to do and don't let anybody get you down.i don't think its asking much that you don't want anything for xmas. and you shouldn't feel bad b/c you can't do much this year. you are healthy and seem happy with your life so that should be good enough for you.

i think doing presents should really be a kids thing anyway. i mean how long are they going to believe in santa,the easter bunny, and all that??

kassia


When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
Janice-
We used to have a "Hanukah party" every year where everyone gave everyone gifts. But it got so stressful, one year I just suggested that we limit the gifts to the kids. That was MUCH better. Recently, we even gave that up for lack of interest. There is nothing wrong with speaking up. But if all else fails, I say just give everyone Barnes & Noble gift certificates for $15. They can buy a book for that price, and you don't have to know what they like.

HTH,
Nancy (who should be working instead of posting)
 
that is true you can't go wrong with gift certificates

kasssia


When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
That is what I TRIED to do Nancy.........SPEAK UP. I mean, why can't X-mas be about the kids and THAT IS IT? I tell everyone that I don't have the $$, don't get me anything.........and they just ignore me and buy me some sweater or something that I will likely NEVER wear. My family has been more respectful, I think because they know I am serious, than my husbands family. My family lots of times will give me $$. I told my husband that if his parents had to go out and buy me gifts (they send like 15 gifts to each of us for pete's sake) to just go ahead and save the effort and send me cash, because what I need is $$$ for school. He said, they won't do that. It's like, "OK, well, whatever THEY want". I mean, it is ludicrous. I NEED $$$ for school. What I really want is $$$$ for school. Why can't I get that. LOL. It drives me nuts....

Oh well. I'll just play the stupid game like I do every year. HA! If I am lucky, I will get enough cash money to break even for what I spent on gifts. Usually, that is the best I hope for.:)
 
For several years now I get EVERYONE gift certificates. It make it much easier, and I can shop on Dec. 24! I've lately gone to bank gift cards so they can go to any store. Kids love them because they think they're credit cards!
Just Do It! :)
 
My mom's flight is in tonight at 9, then a 2 hour drive home...Tomorrow is DH's side of the family at his folks, Friday is my side of the family at our house...Saturday will be putting up Holiday stuff (and the tree), Sunday is a breather!!

MJ
 
I'm off Friday but DH is not. I'm sure Nik and I will just hang out at home and enjoy our day together!!

I find all holidays emotionally draining because of my SIL's significant other. He is a bigot and a very unhappy person and he makes every holiday miserable for those unfortunate enough to be around him. Last year on Thanksgiving he brought along his own pint of vodka and a big can of Arizona Sweet Tea. He asked for a glass with ice and both the vodka and tea were gone when they left two hours later. That would have almost been bearable since he's rarely sober anyway, but he and my SIL were going at it verbally like they were guests on Jerry Springer. It was horrible.

I took her aside after I calmed down days later and told her she was NOT to behave in my home like that again because I was not going to expose my young teenage daughter to that kind of behavior. I don't care if she's DH's only sister - my daughter does not have things like that go on in her own home. Home should be a safe place. I told her she and Rich were no longer welcome if that was the only way they could manage to behave, family or no family. My kid comes first.

Anyway ... I digress. I'm looking forward to Friday!!

Carol
:)
 
I have 2 t-day dinners this year because my brother has to work: My SIL always does T-day (thankfully, because otherwise my sister would do it and she is one of the worst cooks I've ever encountered). Anyhow, on Thursday, BF and I are cooking, then on Saturday we take the 2.5 hour jaunt out to my brother's; get there at 4, then run out the door at 8 p.m. because I don't feel like getting home much later than 10-11 p.m. I like seeing my family--my dad is really getting on in years--but it is exhausting to go out there. I keep asking them to start their parties earlier (they do most of the family events), but they're always so busy with other things that they can't. Oh well, at least my SIL is a really good cook.
 
"AAA said more than 37 million people will be traveling during the holiday weekend, undeterred by more expensive gasoline, rental cars and hotel rooms."

I hear that many folks have snow too. It's SOOOO cold here in NY! :eek: But no snow so far.
 
Carol-
Sounds like a fun guy. My SIL's BIL always comes to Thanksgiving and he's a bigot too. I limit myself to "hello" and "good-bye" with him. Fortunately, he's pretty quiet and doesn't bother me if I don't bother him. Another winner.
 
Families ... can't really pick 'em, can we?

We're supposed to get up to 2 feet of snow overnight here in some counties!!!

Carol
:)
 
I just want to say one more thing before I go back to work (yeah, right):

I really appreciate that this thread is allowing us to express some negative feelings about the holidays. I don't know how it works for others, but for me, if I get all of my negativity out, I can wind up being in a pretty good mood by tomorrow and be a lot nicer than I would be if I didn't express myself. I think it's great that Jeanette started a "what are you thankful for" thread, but today I just don't feel thankful yet, so I'm not posting. Once I'm finished being grumpy, I'm sure I'll be just delightful. :D }(
 
Nancy, I think it's really "normal" as adults for us to have mixed feelings about holidays. I know for myself the things I posted as being grateful for I'm grateful for all the time, not just this time of year. My childhood memories of holidays are so different from what I'm able to do now. Family is scattered and once my maternal grandparents died there was no longer a focal point. No one wanted to take their place, and we all live so far away from each other now. I tell myself it's okay because my daughter is building her own memories and will cherish those as I cherish mine, but overall I almost dread holidays anymore. DH's family members who live close by are down to his sister and the dreaded SO. His aunt and cousin live close but they always travel out of town on major holidays. I love cooking for Thanksgiving and decorating for Christmas, but every year I wish there were many people to share it with who really appreciated it. DH and Nik love it too, so at the very least we have each other, but I grew up in a huge Italian family and I really miss them this time of year.

Carol
:)
 
>Christine - I grew up in NJ too. What part are you from?
>


I grew up in Cranford, NJ and enow my mom lives in Freehold and brohter in Brielle. You?
 
Shelley, we are nuts about Christmas at my house! We put up seven trees and they're all done already and the outside lights are up. I'm really excited this year because my boss and two co-workers who live in Tennessee are coming up to Ohio the second week of December for a meeting with the co-workers on our team who live here in OH, and they wanted to get together for a Christmas party as well. I offered my house for the party, so I FINALLY get to cook Christmas dinner for more than the three of us! It'll be almost like having family around for the holidays. DH's sister and her dreaded SO don't "do Christmas" as he puts it, so we usually just see Kathy for a half hour on Christmas Eve so she can give Nik a gift, and it's just the three of us otherwise.

Carol
:)
 
Awwww, Carol. It's understandable that you miss them if that's what you grew up with. I think that's the reason so many people get the holiday blues. It's never like we remember it, or, for some of us, it's never like we THINK we remember it.

Yup, Shelley, Thanksgiving really has become a big deal in the U.S.

-Nancy
 
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