Do you have distorted body image?

D

dutchgirl

Cathlete
I think I do. Not the super distorted image that anorexicss have of themselves. Rather I'm pretty sure I don't see myself accurately most, if not all, of the time.

I came to this realization yesterday while doing some spring shopping with a friend. We were in a store trying on capri pants, skirts, tops, etc., and I was finding fault with everything that I was trying on. I was making comments like 'Can you believe how these pants make my thighs look?', and 'This top makes me look like I have back fat', and some others I can't think of this morning. Apparently my comments were pissing off my friend because at one point she barks at me 'You just don't get it, do you? You have no f^*$ing idea that most people would kill to look like you. Hell, I would kill to look like you.' She then proceeds to go into my dressing room and pull out all the clothes I had been complaining about and starts holding up the tags and says, 'What size!'. I got really quiet and she started rattling off 6, 6, small, small, etc. Then she asked me if I wanted to look at the labels of the clothes she was trying on. Needless to say, I felt horrible and things were really wierd.

We went back to my house and we talked about what had happened and things with our friendship are fine. And this whole experience really showed me that I don't think I know what I really look like. Have years of being a chubby kid, teen, and young adult permanently skewed my vision of myself that I'm stuck with that mental image forever? I'm in the best shape of my life right now and on many levels either don't believe it or don't believe it will last. I also don't think I've really acknowledged that my success is because of my hard work and I DESERVE it! And I can have this for as long as I'm willing to make the commitment to do what it takes to stay this way, both with eating and exercise. Why I am having such a hard time grasping this?

I know that I'm not 'fat'. I know that I have some great upper body definition and some good abdominal definition. I don't understand why most times I blow right past this and focus on the lumps, bumps, and ripples on my thighs and butt. And, according to my friend, even those are pretty damn good.

I'd like to see myself as I really am, the great, the good, and the 'room for improvement'! Sometimes I think I'm there. Last night proved I still have a ways to go. Anyone else struggle like this?
 
It's getting better for me, but it's still somewhat distorted. That's one of the reasons why when I started my fitness journey a year and a half ago, I decided to take a pictoral log. I took a set of pictures in my workout gear about two weeks after I stated exercising and then again at the first of the following month and then each month thereafter until just a couple of months ago. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn't see the changes, but when I looked at two sets of pictures side by side, the changes were amazing even from that two week mark to the 4 week mark. Even more amazing from the 1 month mark to the six month mark.

As I said, it's better now, but when I look in the mirror, I still tend to see large hips. They really aren't, but that's what I see. I think it's time for another set of pictures! Haven't taken any since I found Cathe! :) :) :)
 
Sabine,

Thank you for your post! I needed to hear that somebody else has so many doubts about how they look too. I too typically wear a size 6 now, but most of my life I have been somewhat larger. Never really overweight, but just bigger. I don't know that I will ever be able to look at myself and consider myself to be "thin." I am in the best shape of my life too. I have a great upper body and I am looking forward to summer so I can show it off some, but I get frustrated with my hips, seat and thighs. They will never be perfect.

Sometimes I wonder if I would recognize a picture of my body if it were mixed up with pictures of other peoples. You know, a picture where you can't see the faces. Would I know my own body or would I think that the body of somebody heavier was mine? Sounds kind of silly I know.

It is frustrating and I don't know if I have any advice. I guess we should just be proud of ourselves for working so hard to acheive what we have. I look around at my friends and coworkers and none of them workout and very few of them could fit into my clothes. That makes it hard to talk about diet and exercise, because they think you are bragging or showing off. I work mostly with nurses and when I talk about cleaning up my diet, they all ask me why do YOU need to diet?

I really appreciate hearing your story, Sabine. This topic has been weighing on my mind for some time now because no matter how hard I work, I am never happy with my results. The other frustrating part is that even though I know that my weight is very ideal, I don't like what the scale says. I am 5'6 and 145 lbs. I would love to be about 135, but I don't have 10 lbs to lose. I would have to quit all strength work to get there. I can't convice my entire brain that my weight is okay.

Enough rambling,

Thanks,

Tina
 
I think when you get within striking distance of fat-free and chiseled, you don't see all the good parts anymore, just the last few ugly lumps that keep you from being "perfect". This is the case for me, and for many other women I have spoken to who are only 5-10 lbs of fat over model thin.

I too wear a 6 or 4, and am 5'8". I have no fat at all on my upper body, all the muscles are nice and cut. But there is soft jiggly fat on my butt and thighs and it makes me crazy. Everything is all about how "HORRIBLE" those lumps make me look. Never mind that I look better than almost everyone my age (46), and most people a lot younger. Never mind that I'm very healthy and really pretty dang thin. I have not removed every scrap of ugly jiggly fat, and so that's often all I can see. I really am self-conscious about it. A friend told me to put a big huge sign on my back that said "Please do not look at my butt." I think that made his point really well.

Rationally, I know I am being ridiculous, neurotic, etc. I know where you're coming from, because I do it too. I hate it. I know I've been manipulated by ridiculous marketing forces which are anti-health, anti-female, anti-aging, etc etc etc. Fine and dandy, but I still have this unrealistic desire to look "perfect" that I sometimes fall prey to.

Just remember that you really are healthy and beautiful and have come a long way and are doing great things for yourself. Try to remind yourself of that when you feel like you're slipping.
 
Sabine -

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I, too, am a
size 6, have great upper body definition but really focus only on my still-needs-much-improvement lower half. I was on the phone with a friend the other day and told her I needed to go work out. She told me to do a few crunches for her and that she could really use my stomach. My first response was, But what about my thighs? It's tough to really see the whole picture, especially this time of year when it's bathing suit season!

I try to keep in mind that I put a lot of time into my workouts and that I'm trying to make my body the best that it can be. It may not turn out the way I "picture" it, but at least it's healthy and strong!
 
DH says I do but I choose to stay in denial about it.

I wear a size 4-6 but still will not be satisfied until nothing in the butt jiggles. Now, how realistic is that since I am 49 years old. But...there's always a possibility, right? It's been pursuit for me every since I lost 45 lbs in high school.

What scares me is will I continue to have this fixation into my 70's? I know I'm gonna have to draw the line eventually.

I'll take one of those "Please do not look at my butt" signs.
 
Very interesting post. I'd say an emphatic yes!!! Same shopping issue...I came out and shocked myself at the image I saw in the mirror. It wasn't at all the heavier me that I carry in my head (although I've been at ideal weight for more than a year). What I saw that day in the mirror has been etched in my mind. I'm hoping that image will replace the negative images that I have of myself.

While my weight is where I want it, I'm still working to get that definition. I do have to admit though that I tend to set pretty high standards for myself in the area of fitness. (Oh, who am I kidding...in most areas of my life.)

Thanks for this thread...it is nice to know your not alone.

Sue<><
 
I have serious issues when going out to buy clothes. I do not feel that clothes are manufactured for real women! Yes, I'm overweight and yes, I have lumps and bumps where I never had them before. At any rate, I get so tired of feeling like clothes are manufactured for the tall, skinny woman with no shape! If I can find pants that fit around the waist, they are too big in the butt and then if I find them to fit in the butt, they are too big around the waist!

On the other hand, I vowed to myself when I started this journey to give my body permission to be what it's going to be. I know I'll never see that slim, lean girl from 1974, but I know I can be in much better shape than I'm in now. I just try to keep in all in a healthy perspective.

So next time you're out trying on clothes, just keep it in perspective. The clothes, too many times, are made in a straight line. Even at sizes 2-6 could suddenly make you feel fat. Is it any wonder there are eating disorders?
 
Sabine and all of you magnificent ladies:

You guys aren't alone. I know I have a distorted body image. I was overweight as a teen and was teased unmercifully by friends and had an uncle at our Thanksgiving table exclaim: *Wow, look how fat you got! Would you look at her arms!*... I was mortified and embarassed beyond belief. The summer before I began college, I started exercising (light weights, jacks, situps, etc) and lost weight, went from a size 9/10 to a 5/6. I knew I looked different but my *eyes* saw differently. I think those experiences in my teens really took a toll on me. To this day I still see myself at times as being larger than I actually am. But I have a great DH and friends who appreciate me and how I look and who have helped me in my journey. Now that I'm approaching menopause, my waist has gotten a bit bigger and that really upset me as I was working out at least 5 times a week in addition to teaching my martial arts classes. I've found Cathe and she's helped me to get this area more in control and I've been firming up more overall (You Rock, Cathe!...:)). I may not get back exactly to where I was in my twenties and thirties but I'm determined to be the best me I can and to appreciate and enjoy that.

Sabine, thanks for starting this thread- it was inspiring to read all of the stories and their Stars! You ladies are great.

Have a great evening everyone!

Elizabeth
 
A thought:
Don't all of us see ourselves in "extreme close-up"? When we look at our bodies, it's either from a very close angle that no-one else will ever see, or in a mirror, which tends to add some pounds, or in photos, which I think also add pounds (or maybe that's just wishful thinking).

It is good to have someone give you a reality check from time to time. I can be unhappy about having a bit of bra overhang, or having cellulite when I sit, or a poochy tummy, but a friend of mine is about 30 pounds heavier than I am, most of it being fat, and I'm sure she'd hate to hear me complain about what seems to her to be fine.
 
DH and I were watching the news last week when, once again, the ABC weekly news went into how fat Americans have become. I said, "Well, if the majority keeps getting bigger, I guess eventually I'll be really thin". He just rolled his eyes.

I guess it's my version of the Theory of Relativity.
 
I guess I have bigger things to gripe about than my body. I am typically a size 8. However, sizes today run so big that occasionally I'm a 6 or the other day I needed a 4 in a skirt. I've never been a 4 in my life. It was not a true size. I am flat chested, have a little pooch and have thicker thighs than I would like. You know what, I don't care anymore. I stay in shape, am healthy and eat pretty much what I want (within reason). Most of the people in my life wouldn't know a dumbell or a Step in it fell on them. When I go to a social gathering, I see how my friends have let themselves go over the years. Quite frankly it saddens me. On the up side, I feel proud of my accomplishments and how tone I have become and my increased endurance. I am far from a peerfect 10, but it just doesn't matter. I am so thankful for my good health and fitness and what exercise does for me, that when I look in the mirror when trying on clothes, I see what I have achieved and not what I wish I could be. Unfortunately, some of the styles today are not flattering for my stomach and I choose not to buy them. I just hate those low waisted pants they make.;( Oh well! More importantly I can roller blade with my kids, jump rope with them and show them how to do a cartwheel. In my life, that's what's important.:)
 
What a good post! And so many interesting responses. I can really identify.

I too feel I've got a bit of distortion in my self body image...I'm a recovered anorexic (as recovered as they get, I think) and still have a difficult time trying on swim suits. I just have to keep telling myself that every woman is different and I AM NEVER going to look like a super model - or even some of my friends that have 'to die for' little tiny figures. I am always going to have my square-ish long torso with no waist and poochy tummy that my dh just loves. That's life and no amount of cathe's killer ab exercises (think pub!) or anything else is going to change it!

We're all unique and beautiful and no two of us is the same.

(Now if I could just figure out which clothing styles fit my body the best...)

;)
 
Hi Sabine,

Thanks for starting this thread. Distorted body image is something so many of us deal with! It's really kind of sad.

As many others have noted, we are our worst critics, and for the especially critical, we know every part of our body that we think doesn't look right. Of course we think it's so obvious, and everyone else will notice too. Realistically, it's not true, and we know that, but it's so difficult to get rid of those thoughts.

Although I can't blame the media, airbrushing and other fixer-uppers create these images of perfectly toned, flawless looking women that can make us even more critical of ourselves. Have any of you noticed that even in the ads for plus-size lingerie that the models don't have a single stretch mark or cellulite??? What's up with that? Have you ever seen anyone on the red-carpet with a pimple? A scar?

My only hope is that all of use can stop picking on ourselves so much! Especially because of working out, we can look in the mirror and remind ourselves, "Hey, I'm not perfect, but I'm working damn hard to look my best!" Be the best you, because your mental image of perfection isn't realistic and will never come true. We will always find some itty bitty thing to dislike about our bodies.

Even as I write this, I'm thinking, "yeah, all this may be true, but you're still gonna be upset when you pass the mirror and catch a glimpse of your fat arms..." :( When I read my In Style magazine tonight and watch TV, I know I'm going to see more seemingly perfect images. So unfair, right lol?

At least we all have each other and know that we will be accepted despite our (perceived) imperfections!

And by the way, many of you wrote about your upper-body definition. I feel like no matter how thin I get, my arms look flabby or disproportionate. Any suggestions?

Happy thoughts everyone, happy thoughts...

Gina
 
Excellent and sensible posts coming in.

Yes, I agree with all that. I think too that it's easier to obssess about pooches or saddlebags than to think about suffering, pollution, injustice, etc etc. It's easier to shop than do volunteer work. I try to put all this 5-pounds-of-blubber-that-makes-my-life-insufferable stuff in perspective.

Gina said,

"And by the way, many of you wrote about your upper-body definition. I feel like no matter how thin I get, my arms look flabby or disproportionate. Any suggestions?"

You can borrow my arms for a week, if you promise not to look at my butt!

}(

OK, I mean it this time, no more silly remarks.
 
Sabine, thanks for posting this. Last weekend my neighbor dropped by to show off his baby just before we left for Houston. I had my 3-year-old in my arms so he could have a better view of the baby. And my neighbor asked me: "Have you been working out?" I said, "Yeah, how did you know?" He said, "Girl, you got muscles." I looked down at my arms that I still see as puny and said, "Yeah?" He looked at me hard and said, "Why? Don't you know?" And what came out of my mouth was: "It is so hard for me to be objective about my own body."

And there you go.

I had lunch with my friend today. At one point in the conversation, we talked about pregnancy and childbirth, and all the things that happened to our bodies during and after... Then she asked me what size I wear. I said I could fit into a 2. She said jokingly: "I HATE you." She asked me why I'd been strength training so hard and I told her that I wanted to change my body shape, to balance the upper and lower parts. While I was talking I saw how her eyes widened, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She said, "I would LOVE to have your body. If it's NOT good enough for you, maybe we can trade? Then you can reshape mine."

It was like a whack on the head. But it was a good whack. Reality check and all that.

Pinky
 
What an excellent thread!

My friend was commenting on how thin my arms were and how small my torso is and without thinking I told her, "Yeah, but I need to lose 10 more pounds in order to look cut." She looked at me like I was crazy. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a thin me and other times I see fat thighs and fat upper arms. I look much better bc I lost alot of weight but I still somehow have that image in my head.

Is it perhaps bc we are all perfectionists?
 
My body image is soooo messed up! I'm so certain that my arms are really skinny and that i just look "bad". My skin is bad, my smile (the worst part about me) is horrible. Funny thing is ... a girl in work commented on how nice my smile was and how her husband would like arms like me! Its been this way for years. Not seeing myself correctly. I'm not sure why it starts but its soul destroying and i really do know what its like to not like what you see in the mirror. W x
 
When I first made my WW goal in October of 2003, I still "saw" myself as 60 pounds heavier. It took me a couple of months to get used to the idea I was once again the same small size I was in college. Now, when I start to feel imperfect (as we all are anyway ... being human ... :) ) I remind myself of a few facts.

1. I'm 46, and every woman my age or near my age I personally know in real life looks nothing like me. I'm not saying this to be conceited or bragging - it's simply the truth. I don't know any women my age who have muscles, or are thin, or workout. I know they're out they (they're on this forum - LOL!), but I'm simply saying I don't know them in "real" life.

2. I have muscles!! And they're well-defined and cut. When I take off my warm-up scrub jacket at work and my co-workers can see my arms in the short sleeved scrub top I wear, they always comment on my muscles. It's always sort of a surprise to me that people notice.

3. I am in the minority when it comes to working out regularly. I believe statistics say only 3 to 5 percent of the US population gets any regular form of vigorous exercise. So, we are an elite group!! We care about our bodies and our health.

4. I will never be a fashion model with a rock-hard body ... and why on earth would I want to be??? LOL!! Seriously ... I guess it's because I see so many people at work and in other things I do in real life that remind me how fortunate I am. I'm 46, and I have excellent health, and I'm in shape. Most of them aren't. It's hard work to stay this committed, but it's worth it in terms of what I'm doing for my overall long-term health. That's why I do this. Not to look like a chiseled piece of stone, but to stay happy and healthy so I can watch my daughter grow up, and hopefully one day watch her children grow up. And so I can enjoy my life and all it has to offer!!

Well, that's my opinion. This is a really great thread!!

Carol
 
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