Do you/did you let your baby cry to sleep?

L

leighanntx1

Cathlete
I have rocked or nursed Hagan to sleep since we brought him home (he is about 2 1/2 months now) but was told by my doctor at his 2 month appointment to stop. She said the last thing he needs to remember is the crib, not me or my breast. Everyone else (SIL, friends, former co-workers) has told me the same. I have not stopped yet.

However, last night it was completely obvious that he was sleepy but he would not fall asleep and I was at my wit's end (and DH was really late and not home yet) so I just put him in his crib and after crying for 15 horrible minutes, he fell asleep. As I am typing now, he is in his crib crying again (and I am crying too) because he is obviously tired but again won't go to sleep in my arms. Once he goes to sleep, he is an awesome sleeper. He naps for at least 3 hours and sleeps for 6 to 8 hours straight every night.

I feel completely cruel by doing this but also can not rock and carry him around for an hour every time he needs to go to sleep nor do I want to be rocking him to sleep when he is 5.

What did you do? Does it ever get better?
 
Yes, it gets better. I nursed my first one to sleep until he was 12 months. I don't do that with my current baby because I learned my lesson. It really will be easier on you otherwise YOU will ALWAYS have to be the one to put your little guy to sleep. :7
 
Sleep issues can be so difficult. I used techniques from the Baby Whisperer and that helped a lot. It's called something like the pick-up/put-down method. You can get the book, The Baby Whisperer from the library and I think there's even a website babywhisper.com maybe. (it's been a while - sorry!) This worked very well for us, but my daughter was older when we did it. We weren't comfortable with letting her cry it out and this was a very nice alternative for us. Of course, every baby is different and what works well for one, doesn't work at all for another!

I do think that 2 1/2 months is kind of young to let a baby cry it out - he's still a newborn. But, that's just my opinion. Plenty of people do it and their babies turn out just fine!

Good luck!

Erica
 
I forgot to add that what I have done: I feed my baby a little before bed time. Then if I don't put her to bed right away, I make sure not to stimulate her too much so she can wind down. In the crib, I just give her a pacifier. Some times she will suck on it sometimes not. She used to fuss a bit, but not so much anymore(except that she has 2 teeth coming in). So you will have to put up with some degree of crying to get your baby to fall asleep. You can probably tell by now if his crying is a real need or if he's just mad that you're not there.

Good luck!
 
Ah yes,I have finally figured out the different cries and fusses and know that he is tired and just will not go to sleep. And I know the screaming in the crib is just anger (it is the same as the screaming in his car seat-he hates it). I wish he would take a pacifier for both reasons but he won't. I have tried every one ever made. He is already getting good at sucking on his fingers though.

He fell asleep in about 15 minutes and looks like an angel now. I admit 2 months seems too early too but my doctor and my SIL (who has 3) said he can get spoiled this soon. I just love this little boy so much and want him to be happy!
 
I don't mean to be harsh, but he's not your SIL's baby. Maybe she means well, but I don't think it's her place to tell you that you're spoiling your baby.

I have 4 kids and each of them are so different. One of my boys had all kinds of health problems the first year. He didn't sleep through the night and everyone told me that he "had" to sleep and I had to get tough with him. The poor kid was sick - there was no way that I was going to let him wail all alone in his crib and be miserable. Once his health problems were better, we worked on getting him to sleep and everything was fine.

I had sleep issues with 3 of my kids, but they're all perfect sleepers now!:) All 4 of mine refused the pacifier, too - they were all breastfed and wanted me instead. Very frustrating at times!

Erica
 
I'm also not advocating that you make your baby miserable and scream in order to go to sleep. I would never do that either. And I don't agree with the "spoiling your baby" thing. Your baby needs love and it is so annoying when people call that "spoiling." But if all your baby does is fuss for 5 or so minutes before being able to fall asleep, then by all means let him.
 
Hi
Sorry to hear your frustration. I believe that 2 months is too early. Usually Doc's say 4 months when to change habits because feeding is still on demand at 2 months. I believe babies are incredibly happy and sleep very well and off to dreamland on a FULL belly. Yes, all babies are different. But I would make sure he is belly full and you probably won't have a problem. My lil one is 9.5 months now and I don't have to feed her before she goes to sleep at night. She falls asleep very well on her own. But at 2 months, they ARE usually crying cuz they may just want a lil more food first.;-)
 
Do what works for you. yes, 2 1/2 months is too young to spoil, and is too young to calm themselves down but lets be real. We do what works. I often let Alexis, even as a newborn, cry herself to sleep in her swing so I could sleep or do housework. As a result, I was a calm , happy mother despite the fact that she was a difficult newborn. About 3-4 months I let her cry it out in her crib. I will say now that Alexis is a very happy toddler who goes to sleep easily and knows how to entertain herself.
 
I do still feed on demand. He was 14lbs and 4 ozs. at 2 months so I think he is getting plenty :) It is great if he just falls asleep while nursing which is what he usually does at night. He just sometimes will not even let me just rock him, he cries no matter what I do and I know he is full and I know he is sleepy. I do hope he knows I love him even when I have to put him down. I do not worry too much that I will hurt him but I do get a bit frustrated and better he be in the crib than my temper get us in trouble with him in my arms.

Oh, and DH is no help. That could add to the frustration as well for sure

x(
 
Could it be that he's overtired and just needs to cry a little to wind down before falling asleep?

Sorry that your DH is no help. Having a supportive spouse makes such a huge difference.


Erica
 
Gus is my third child (he's also 2 1/2 months). I'll let my kids cry, but no more than 10 minutes or so before I go in, soothe them, then put them back down. I also will not let them nurse to sleep (unless they're nursing in the middle of the night). After every daytime feed, we have awake time, then sleep. That's what's worked for us. Kristan
 
Just to chime in, I agree with everyone who said that 2 months is too young for it to be a spoiling issue. Babies spend the entire pregnancy right under your heart, hearing your voice, etc. so being alone in bed would be very strange and a little frightening.

In the 'every-child-is-different' vein, I can say that I have had 2 babies that I couldn't put to bed on a full stomach or any less than 20 minutes after eating or we would have reflux and gas pain. I either had to feed them and wait, or try different sleeping arrangements: carseat inside the crib, carseat on the floor near my bed, bouncy seat, swing, etc. My 7 wk old has been sleeping in her carseat in the bassinette next to the bed for the past two weeks... For us, the added bonus is that she's ready to go to daycare first thing in the morning :) I pick up the seat on my way out the door and I don't even have to wake her up!

Whatever you do, remind yourself that nothing is forever. Kids go through so many growth phases that as soon as you figure out how to handle one thing, they've moved on to another. Hang in there!
 
Thanks so much everyone!

I am sure it is a combination of many things. I do think sometimes he gets so tired that he might need to fuss a little to relieve himself. He also has reflux but is on medication that has helped a ton.

I am not going to worry about "spoiling". I will continue to try and rock him to sleep whenever possible but when I feel my patience running thin, in the crib he goes. Tonight I nursed him to sleep after his bath.

This is my first (and only) so I am just trying my best to enjoy each and every moment I have with the little booger :)
 
Hi, I'm a long-time lurker and new poster. I'm 10 weeks pregnant and this board has really helped me keep motivated to continue working out. Thanks, everyone!

I have a 17-month-old and I've never let her cry herself to sleep. When she's upset because she's not getting her way, I'm more than willing to let her cry and work through her emotions as long as she knows I'm there for her when she needs. To leave her by herself in a room not knowing where I am, I just couldn't do that. She's had so many sleep phases, I can't keep track. She's had periods where she's slept beautifully and times where it's been really spotty. I was the same throughout -- responded the same whether it was one time per night or five. The one thing I learned early on about her was as soon as I get used to something, it's going to change. So if she was sleeping well, I wouldn't get too used to it, and if she was sleeping poorly, I wouldn't get too distraught.

We co-slept early on, then put her in her own room. I would nurse her to sleep every night and then gradually weaned her. We still lay down with her to fall asleep, but she sleeps 9-10 hours through the night without waking up. At some point, we'll work on weaning her from us laying down, but right now, this arrangement is working for all of us. Everything we've done so far, we've just sort of followed our hearts. I read so many books when she was a newborn and was so confused because everyone offered such different advice and I was afraid I would follow the wrong one and screw her up for the rest of her life.

It seems like a lot of the angst around this subject is what kind of precendent that is being set (if we continue doing this, I'll be rocking my 5-year-old to sleep). I try not to look at it so black and white these days, after struggling so much early on with these issues. At it's most extreme, I think...well, surely her husband isn't going to be happy with all of us laying down together to fall asleep. :) And when I think about how fast she'll be grown, well, if she'll let me rock her at 5, I'll consider myself blessed.

OK, it just occurred to me that most of what I just wrote doesn't even address the current problem you're having, except maybe the idea that "this too shall pass." When my DD was young, one thing we found worked for us was taking her for a drive. When nothing else worked, when she was crying with no end in sight, no rhyme or reason, a quick trip around the neighborhood always did the trick.

Oh, just to ramble on further, a couple weeks ago over Christmas, my MIL watched DD and apparently she woke up from her nap while we were gone and MIL let her cry for quite a while because she was hoping she would go back to sleep. DD had the most TERRIBLE time falling asleep for a week after that incident. Anytime we even took her into her bedroom she would start to cry. Ugh!

I also wanted to say, I understand how you feel when you get really frustrated and you feel it's best to put her down and walk away for a while. There's been many times I've had to hand her off to my husband and take a break. Luckily he's really involved. If he wasn't, I'm sure she would have been left to cry, as I'm sure that would have been the better alternative at times like those.

OK, I need to return to lurkdom now. Once I start writing, I can't seem to stop! Hope you all have a great rest of your week!

Liane
 
First thing I'd like to say is, no matter what you decide, it DOES get easier the older your baby gets.

I will probably take some heat for this, but based on our experiences (we have 2 girls, another baby on the way), letting your baby cry does NOT hurt them in anyway...

When I had my first child, I never could set her down for more than @15 minutes MAX... If i wasn't holding her, she would fuss and cry...needless to say, I was a wreck...She would maybe sleep on her own for a few hours in the middle of the night, but that was it. She, by the way, had no health problems, just what you would call a very "alert" baby!!

By 6 wks, I was fit-to-be-tied....my Pediatrican, from when she was 2 or 3 weeks old, kept encouraging me to "set her down; you can't spoil a baby, but you can CONDITION them to get so used to something, that the longer you wait, the harder it will be down the road to change. He also strongly suggested a routine. Feeding, nap, bedtime, etc. Unfortunately, i did not take his advice until she was @ 10 weeks old.

I finally realized that I/my husband could not continue to live this way, so in came the 'routine'....

WOW, was it a painful adjustment. I cried more than my daughter...I had plenty of holding and snuggle time, but i forced myself to set her down. Forced my self to set up a pre'nap' and nap routine, etc. and stuck to it.

I can happily say that was the best thing I ever did! She eventually learned that it was OK for mommy not to always be carrying her around, and yes, she could go to sleep all on her own, without me holding her. But it wasn't easy. I took a lot of heat from my Mother in law, and a few others, who insisted that we were harming our daughter by letting her cry..("she will feel abandoned", etc.) I worried myself sick, but i new that the alternative would land me in an insane asylum!)

Our oldest daughter is now 5. She is so loving, affectionate, intelligent (she is reading at a 2nd grade level!) A pure joy. 'Crying it out' did not hurt her in the least, and she is testament to it!

We raised our 2nd daughter (who is 3) the same way. Again, a great kid!

Every parent hates to hear their baby cry; intinctly,you think you have to run to them (obviously if they are sick , in pain, thats a different story;)

You have to do what works for you and your family - best of luck!!
 
>First thing I'd like to say is, no matter what you decide, it
>DOES get easier the older your baby gets.
>
>I will probably take some heat for this, but based on our
>experiences (we have 2 girls, another baby on the way),
>letting your baby cry does NOT hurt them in anyway...
>
>When I had my first child, I never could set her down for more
>than @15 minutes MAX... If i wasn't holding her, she would
>fuss and cry...needless to say, I was a wreck...She would
>maybe sleep on her own for a few hours in the middle of the
>night, but that was it. She, by the way, had no health
>problems, just what you would call a very "alert" baby!!
>
>By 6 wks, I was fit-to-be-tied....my Pediatrican, from when
>she was 2 or 3 weeks old, kept encouraging me to "set her
>down; you can't spoil a baby, but you can CONDITION them to
>get so used to something, that the longer you wait, the harder
>it will be down the road to change. He also strongly
>suggested a routine. Feeding, nap, bedtime, etc.
>Unfortunately, i did not take his advice until she was @ 10
>weeks old.
>
>I finally realized that I/my husband could not continue to
>live this way, so in came the 'routine'....
>
>WOW, was it a painful adjustment. I cried more than my
>daughter...I had plenty of holding and snuggle time, but i
>forced myself to set her down. Forced my self to set up a
>pre'nap' and nap routine, etc. and stuck to it.
>
>I can happily say that was the best thing I ever did! She
>eventually learned that it was OK for mommy not to always be
>carrying her around, and yes, she could go to sleep all on her
>own, without me holding her. But it wasn't easy. I took a
>lot of heat from my Mother in law, and a few others, who
>insisted that we were harming our daughter by letting her
>cry..("she will feel abandoned", etc.) I worried myself sick,
>but i new that the alternative would land me in an insane
>asylum!)
>
>Our oldest daughter is now 5. She is so loving, affectionate,
>intelligent (she is reading at a 2nd grade level!) A pure
>joy. 'Crying it out' did not hurt her in the least, and she is
>testament to it!
>
>We raised our 2nd daughter (who is 3) the same way. Again, a
>great kid!
>
>Every parent hates to hear their baby cry; intinctly,you think
>you have to run to them (obviously if they are sick , in pain,
>thats a different story;)
>
>You have to do what works for you and your family - best of
>luck!!
>
>
WOW! This sounds like my little girl. I am so torn up about this. I agree that you can't spoil a baby but I worry that I am conditioning her to sleep ONLY when held. On the other had, letting her cry it out at this young age seems so harsh. And yet, I am starting to go a little crazy--I can't get anything done!
 
I was told from the get-go NOT to make a habit of rocking my baby to sleep. On rare occasions when he/she is super cranky and is fussing/crying for extended periods of time, it's fine but it should not become a regular activity that the baby will get used because then he/she wont'want to fall asleep any other way.
 
Here's what I wrote in another post:

You should definitely buy the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is sooooo worth the money. I found out that some things that I thought I was doing right were only making bedtime worse. I used it and my 3 month old now goes to bed at 7 pm and sleeps till 7:15 in the morning and doesn't cry when she goes to bed and hardly fusses at all during the day. The book has different chapters for different aged children. Good luck and keep us posted,
 
I am headed to Amazon.com now to look for that book. I heard about "The Baby Whisperer" too and might check it out.

Hagan is going to sleep really well at night (down at 8pm, up for a 5-minute nursing at 4am and back down until 8am) but naptimes are still a nightmare. I am trying my best to put him down at the same time each day for a nap but he is having none of it. He fights sleep so badly. I just do not understand why he fights it during the day so much and so rarely at night. I let him fuss for about 5 minutes at a time but do keep going in and trying to comfort him. It usually takes about 5 times of doing this before he stays down and then he will sleep for 3 hours or more.

He is also what I would call "alert". He does not like any of his toys by himself for very long. He will stay in the bouncy seat for about 10 minutes but no longer. He prefers to be in my arms and only with me up and moving. I, too, get nothing done except during his naps.

So sorry for everyone else going through this!!!
 
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