Dilema: Long... very long
- Thread starter darine
- Start date
Hello Dear,
If you are truly are miserable at your parents house (which it sounds that you are), then what's wrong with going to the justice of the peace and getting married now, so you can live with your HUSBAND in YOUR HOUSE and not feel negatively about your arrangement and THEN having the full blown wedding in April? You can just renew your vows then, and have the best of both worlds.
I can relate when it comes to the parents issue - about how they are "good" people but that you just don't mesh with them. I am nearly 40 and I have come to the understanding that I'll never please them, they will never be proud of me, and I will never feel a bond with them I long for no matter what I do.
You owe it to yourself to be around people that edify and uplift you - it can take YEARS to get over the negative input that just people give you and even longer if it's your family doing it. I can tell you without hesitation that I would leave. I would not stay with my parents if they treated me that way.
You matter.
If you are truly are miserable at your parents house (which it sounds that you are), then what's wrong with going to the justice of the peace and getting married now, so you can live with your HUSBAND in YOUR HOUSE and not feel negatively about your arrangement and THEN having the full blown wedding in April? You can just renew your vows then, and have the best of both worlds.
I can relate when it comes to the parents issue - about how they are "good" people but that you just don't mesh with them. I am nearly 40 and I have come to the understanding that I'll never please them, they will never be proud of me, and I will never feel a bond with them I long for no matter what I do.
You owe it to yourself to be around people that edify and uplift you - it can take YEARS to get over the negative input that just people give you and even longer if it's your family doing it. I can tell you without hesitation that I would leave. I would not stay with my parents if they treated me that way.
You matter.
I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles. Would you be completely opposed to moving in with your fiance before the wedding? Maybe sleep in different rooms? It seems to me as though moving out would solve a lot of the problems that you have to deal with right now. Your parents may criticize you for moving in with him before the wedding, but at least you wont have to hear their comments all day long. Also, this would help keep them distant from the whole process of planning the wedding. It would be you and your finace doing all the planning on your own and no one else has to know the details of unless you decide to share them. It would be much easier to do this while living outside of your parents house. No matter what you do, there will always be someone that criticizes you wedding, believe me, I am in the planning process right now too. You will never be able to please absolutely everyone, so do what is best for you and your fiance and everyone else will just have to accept it! This should be one of the most exiting times of your life, so don't let anyone ruin it for you!!! No matter what you decide to do, make sure you look out for yourself and remember that this is your wedding and not your parents'. Congratulations, by the way!!!!!
I truly think that the relationship that you have with your parents isnt healthy. I really do. If you are determined not to live with your bf before marriage, and you don't want to live in the house - and share different bedrooms - and you can't get married earlier, or go the route of the justice of the peace followed by April ceremony, then I'd highly recommend that you find somewhere else to stay - rent somewhere or something.
Otherwise your only option is to stay and endure the abuse and that's never the right choice.
Good Luck!
Otherwise your only option is to stay and endure the abuse and that's never the right choice.
Good Luck!
andtckrtoo
Cathlete
I agree with Reese. Do you have a friend with whom you can live for 4 months?
LeanneM
Cathlete
Hi Darine,
I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a miserable situation! If you don't want to get married now and have the reception in April, then perhaps getting your own place, like the others have suggested, is the best way to go. You want this to be a happy, exciting time of your life, and it sounds like your family is making things really bad for you. Can't you move in with a friend for just those four months? Or maybe find an apartment to sub-let?
Like Reese said, you DO matter, and you shouldn't have to put up with all those negative comments!
Sending hugs your way!
Leanne
I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a miserable situation! If you don't want to get married now and have the reception in April, then perhaps getting your own place, like the others have suggested, is the best way to go. You want this to be a happy, exciting time of your life, and it sounds like your family is making things really bad for you. Can't you move in with a friend for just those four months? Or maybe find an apartment to sub-let?
Like Reese said, you DO matter, and you shouldn't have to put up with all those negative comments!
Sending hugs your way!
Leanne
lesliemarie
Cathlete
My parents are just like that, I moved out when I was 18 because they pretty much told me what to do and when to do it and how to do it, so I split with just the clothes on my back, but when I moved back home when I got into trouble, Things were so miserable!!!! my parents were just like yours, I couldn't wait to get married, my mom made my wedding so MISERABLE!!! I wanted to just elope!!! I agree with others, see if you can just sleep in another room or maybe share a place with some friends or something,
debbydarestobefit
Cathlete
I'm sorry things are so difficult between you and your family, but it sounds like you've learned valuable lessons on how you want your faamily to be (and not). Many cities have apartment complexes that have little studio apartments, some furnished, some not. They often are rented out on a short-term basis to business people that have to stay for a few weeks to a few months. The rent is usually much less than a full-size apt. So if you can't stay w/ friends, this may be an option. Otherwise, you may want to limit your time with your family as much as possible, as altho, they may be good people at heart, they are poisoning you and affecting your ability to enjoy this important time of your life. Best wishes, Deb
MSJ
Cathlete
I'm confused. He is moving into your house with your parents in 2 weeks? If he's living in your parent's home with you, that would make your moving out a bit awkward.
My husband and I were in the process of planning our big white wedding when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Because we wanted her to see us marry before she died, we got married before a judge on a Monday morning and she was one of the witnesses. We planned to keep it quiet and have the big wedding the following spring.
Well, I got pregnant and didn't feel like doing the big wedding, so we let the secret of our marraige out and moved on with building our family.
All that to say, I never really missed having that big expensive wedding.
If you guys love each other, and you are miserable in your current situation, just get married now and start your life together. Have a party in April celebrating your joyful union with family and friends. Just think of all the stress that you won't have to go through and of all the money you will save.
Just a thought
Maggie
My husband and I were in the process of planning our big white wedding when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Because we wanted her to see us marry before she died, we got married before a judge on a Monday morning and she was one of the witnesses. We planned to keep it quiet and have the big wedding the following spring.
Well, I got pregnant and didn't feel like doing the big wedding, so we let the secret of our marraige out and moved on with building our family.
All that to say, I never really missed having that big expensive wedding.
If you guys love each other, and you are miserable in your current situation, just get married now and start your life together. Have a party in April celebrating your joyful union with family and friends. Just think of all the stress that you won't have to go through and of all the money you will save.
Just a thought
Maggie