maddiesmum
Cathlete
Lorajeanne:
I am sorry to hear that you have been through some troubles recently. There's a whole bunch of different problems all coalescing to make you feel pretty crappy right now. But, they don't have to keep having this control over you, and you can move past this.
"I shouldn't have drunk and put all that weight on..." Well, the first thing to do here is to acknowledge that you are simply human, you did what you did because at the time you wanted it or needed it, it now belongs to the past. Leave it there and focus on now and tomorrow. This, in the scheme of things, is a minor mistake or past action. It really is not the end of the world. Try not to lose perspective, as your husband seems to be doing! Forgive yourself, accept this humanity in you, and now move forwards, OK? I screw up every single day in some way or another. My daughters do too and they berate themselves for it to no end, but really, it achieves nothing and can be harmful.
Weight is gained, weight can also be lost. You didn't gain weight overnight, you won't lose it overnight either. But a friend of mine, aged 52 who does not exercise due to hip problems, has been working to lose weight: 18 pounds in 18 weeks is her total so far. It can be done at our age. Slow and steady is the way. Her solution is portion control. She measures all her food, does not put any single item on the 'forbidden' list, simply enjoys smaller portions of them because she wants to live her life and food and drink are some of life's pleasures. You have equal right to these pleasures. You are not here to deny yourself taste sensations to fit into anyone else's, including your husband's, idea of what you should look like at this age.
As we age, our bodies change. Fact. Does your husband have any stones to throw really? Is he exactly the same as the day you married him? Has time not wrought changes upon his body and metabolism? Well then. Do you love him still?
Many factors come into play to determine how and why and whether we are attracted to someone or not. Physical appearance is only one factor. If your husband bases your attractiveness to him purely on weight gain, then maybe he is a shallow human being and is doing you and your relationship a disservice. I can imagine that, what with hormonal changes, weight gain and now your husband's callous words, your confidence has taken a beating. Know that you are worthy. And you are lovable. And you are worthy of believing in yourself to go ahead and make small, incremental changes in your exercise and nutrition habits to help make you feel better and more comfortable in your own skin. You have to love you first: whether your husband does or not comes second. Try not to let his opinion derail your goals and the plans you make to attain them. And also, try not to let his words filter through into your head as the message that you do not deserve decent nutrition and must resign yourself to multiple meal replacements. You deserve better.
Meal replacements are not meant to be used as fuel long term. And they do not educate a person to resume a normal healthy diet at the end of this period of meal replacement. It is a form of weight loss diet and all diets backfire sooner or later. You truly are better off getting rid of them and focusing on nourishing your body and practicing portion control. You need a habit of exercising regularly and consistently and nutritional habits that you can sustain for this next stage of your life. Meal replacements will not help you get there. I am sorry to say so and disappoint you.
It is true however that we need fewer calories as we age, so, real food, but less of it than you ate in your 20s is what's called for at this point.
If you aren't already, might I suggest speaking to a counsellor of some sort? gaining another perspective on all these myriad troubles will help you to understand how and why they happened, how they are affecting you, and how you can move past them and start feeling better about yourself.
I wish you luck Lorajeanne,
Clare
You need to find what works for your personal metabolism.
