did I do something wrong?

Jacque1038

Jacque1038

Cathlete
So I have been doing the online dating thing. Not last Saturday but the Saturday before I go out with this guy. It seemed like there was chemistry. He was really attentive the whole night dishing out positive remarks about me left and right. We also hung out for like five hours which is a lot longer then the polite one or two when you know there is nothing there. At the end of the night he kissed me good night. The whole date it seemed like he was really intrested in me and not just doing the polite I asked you out now I have to put up with you for a couple of hours thing. He said we should do this again at the end of the date.

However I have yet to receive a phone call. I did not want to seem pushy so I messaged him online today and said something online the lines of "just wanted to say hi and see how your finals went". Was that wrong? I have read and know the rules of all the dating books for females. I know I am supposed to wait around for him to call me because if I have to contact him he "just is not that into me". However I have also scanned through info on the dating books aimed at guys. Geez if the guys followed those books and the girls follow their books nobody would ever get together because they would be too busy playing silly game. It is not like I called him a bunch of time or anything like some desperate psyco. I thought that was a way to see what is going on without being pushy or desperate. If he does not get back to me I am going to get the hint and leave him alone. However now I am second guessing myself and thinking maybe I did something wrong.
Anyone want to tell me what they think?
 
No, I don't think you were wrong in calling him. He may have thought maybe you weren't interested in him and know he knows otherwise. The ball is in his court now and I agree that if you don't hear from him then he's just not into you.
 
I have read and know the rules
>of all the dating books for females. I know I am supposed to
>wait around for him to call me because if I have to contact
>him he "just is not that into me".

That's where you're wrong. There's no rule book that says because you're a woman you should wait around for a man to call. Don't let him string you along. I think it is GREAT that you contacted him! Let him know you're on equal levels here. Do not wait around like the meek little female waiting anxiously for him to call. Either call him and ask him what the deal is and why you haven't heard from him or go live your life and forget about him. Ugh. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING irritates me more than that whole "dating game". You're not doing this to play games. You're doing this to find someone who you enjoy spending time with, who enjoys spending time with you, and who may perhaps be the person you want to grow with and spend the rest of your life with.

Again--you ARE NOT supposed to wait around for him. You are a strong, beautiful, successful woman who doesn't have time to sit around waiting for some man to call you. Get out there and have fun!

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
No, you didn't do anything wrong. I think the only thing you did wrong was to second guess yourself. There is nothing wrong with sending an email to say hi. It's possible that he is really busy, sick or he really doesn't want to see you. If he doesn't get back to you then I would forget him. You need to do with feels right for you, not what it says in a book for what someone tells you to do. Your gut and your heart will usually give you the best advice.
 
Thanks for the replies.

First off I just want to say great advice and that has kind of been what I was thinking. However because I read "expert" advice I started second guessing myself. The "experts" say basicually if a guy likes you he will call and if you contact him it will scare him away.

I also just wanted to clarify that I am not waiting around for him. I am still going on dates with other people and making plans with my friends. It is just that I did like him so I was kind of hoping to go out with him again. I thought maybe giving him a quick message online was a way of like you said putting the ball in his court without calling him or seeming desperate.
 
The only reason my SO and I got together (we met on a blind date) was because his 95 year old grandma teased him and told him to get off his arse and call me (we had left it that he would call). He told me he was so nervous he was glad when he got my voice mail. LOL! So, I think your having contacted him was perfectly fine. If he doesn't get back to you he isn't worth wasting your time, whatever his excuse. Remember, men are not often as smooth as you might think.
 
Nope...I don't think you did anything wrong either. If he is into you, it really doesn't matter if you called or not. He isn't going to be less attracted to you b/c you called, thats just silly.
If I was attracted to a guy I would let him know and if he wasn't attracted to me, then atleast we would have that out of the way and we would both move on. But if one is waiting for the other to call...then to me, thats just annoying.If someone hadn't called me after a week, Id start looking again.
I called DH after I met him and he thought it was pretty cool that a girl was calling him. I didn't seem needy or pushy and he liked the fact that I was some what forward, seen what I wanted, and went for it:)
Don't stress about it.You did nothing wrong and if its meant to be, the 2nd date is just around the corner.
 
I'm in agreement with the rest. If he spent 5 hours with you on the first date, something was "there" for him.

You did nothing wrong whatsoever. You waited over a week from what I read. That's not looking desperate, that's seemingly concerned. And life gets in the way sometimes... finals? Maybe he felt he needed to concentrate on those and not get consumed in a new relationship.

On a personal note.. I did the online thing too. A man and I had gone out 4 times and all seemed really great. Then I knew he had to be full time father to his kids for a week as his ex went out of state to be with her terminally ill father. Well, I didn't hear from the guy for a week, after daily contact. I finally called him and he said he was so embarrassed and was touched that I called (I asked about the former FIL). That was about 3 months ago and we've been an item ever since!

Diane
 
I totally agree with the other posters. You have been polite, kind and let him know that you would like to keep in contact. If he doesn't reply then he is timid at least and rude at worst. I've dabbled in on-line dating over the past year and have learned that there are no rules. Everyone has a different take on what 'protocol' is. I would have done exactly what you did and then let it rest. Good Luck!!

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
Think of it this way -- have you ever seen a guy reading a "Rules to Dating" book????? They don't. I have found that many guys like to have a girl show some interest first. So, see if he responds -- and if he doesn't move on. But remember you did NOTHING wrong.

Best of luck!!
Michelle
 
You did the right thing. Heck! If I didn't write my husband a letter (e-mail didn't exist at the time) after our first date telling him what a great time I had (I didn't, but I liked him anyway!;-) ) he never would have pursued me.
 
Sometimes us gals have to be a bit forward. I met my husband, D, through a mutual friend. We hung out at her house a lot with her and another mutual friend. I liked D, but he was totally oblivious, nice, but clueless. We were sitting around the living room one evening. I was curled up on a chair and he was stretched out on his stomach on the floor at my feet. I got the notion in my head to put my bare foot on his back. I thought about it for several minutes and finally just did it. It clicked in his brain that I was interested and the rest is history. ;) I like to joke that I had to step all over him before he'd pay me any attention. :7

April
 
Two weird things I found/heard while internet (and not internet) dating:

1. "It's a modern world. I don't play by the old rules becuase these days women want to control the situation so they can feeel safer and know that things are moving at their own pace."

2. This happens all the time. I went out with a guy and we had a great time. We chatted away, had tons in common, were attracted to each other, etc. He not only mentioned seeing me again but suggested a few things to do. Never called. Didn't return the call that I later made to him. I have had friends in similar situations as well, though I think it's bizarro. Someone even told me that there are a lot of people on those sites that just go on a date or two with every person they meet & leave at that, no matter what the connection ("serial daters" was the word he used).

So it isn't you at all! Hang in there!
 
I agree with everyone else. You did nothing wrong and everything right! You decided not to sit around and wait to hear from him so you decided to do something about it. GOOD FOR YOU! Life is too short to play mindreader. If you don't hear from him, it doesn't matter. You had a great night to store in your memory bank and you're continuing to enjoy meeting new people. When the timing and person is right, it will happen.

I look at meeting new guys as an adventure. Several months ago I was at a dance club and I was drawn to this guy in the band. I was trying to catch his eye but it wasn't happening. He went to the men's room and I called him over when he came out. We spent the rest of the evening dancing and having a SPECTACULAR time. He never went back to play with the band. ;-) We had this incredible chemistry. As I was driving home at 2:30am (from the dance place, get your mind's out of the gutter:p ), he called me on my cell to say that he had a great time and is looking forward to getting together again. I figured I'd hear from him the next day and was actually looking forward to it. I didn't hear from him until 3 days later. He left me a message stating that he wanted to call me the following day but didn't want to seem pushy. HELLO, we had this incredible chemistry and agreed we both wanted to see each other. I called him back and left him a message and never heard back from him. Perhaps he didn't get my message. Could I have tried again? Absolutely, but I follow my intuition which said to me to just let it be. I had a most amazing evening and when I think about it, I just smile. I went out with this guy about 6 months ago who would call me again if he didn't hear back from me. I love how people all differ. I look at that situation and just believe that I'm getting closer to meeting the "right" one. You're doing a great job in getting out there. I'm not as "out there" as I could be but things will happen in time. Keep us posted!

Bam
 
Of course not! You did just the right thing. Casual, friendly, not pushy at all. Perfect, if you ask me.

Any and all weirdness is on his part, not yours.
 
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