Did anyone see Dr.Phil today?

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exercise forever

Cathlete
They had a couple on there that the husband was the boss over his wife. He told her how to brush her teeth and just picked on everything she did that he thought that was wrong. He said that she is to do what he says. Boy, he wouldn't want to meet me! My DH and I are 50/50 in our marriage. I think it is crazy the way women put up with this. But I don't think it is their fault. some of these women love these men to death.

This is so funny how we saw the same thing in my brother and his wife. They went to the beach last week with us. About the middle of the week he is accusing her of cheating on him at the beach. She is with him day and night and he comes out with this stupid thing. She is so pitiful, because she hasn't done any thing wrong. He is very possessive over her. He is probably worse than the man on tv. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but then thought it was none of my business. I really feel sorry for her. The last night we were there, she come to my husband and was crying and wanted him to walk her to their place. From what my DH said was that she is scared of him. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but if he asks like that he deserves everything he gets. No one should be treated like that.


He has taken a girl who come from a nice family, went to a good college and is intelligent and brought her down. This is my brother but I will not stand behind him when he acts like this.


and yes he has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar and refuses to take medicine. This runs in our family and if you're not going to take care of yourself,I have no sympathy.

Sorry this is so long, but when I saw this show it reminded me of those two. They have been married a year and I don't think it will make it another one.


Is there ever a time when I should get in the middle? This is somthing I don't want to do.



kim
 
That is really sad, Kim. Listen to your heart. Emotional abuse is horrible too and if you tink you can help, maybe you can. What did Dr. Phil have to offer? Maybe a little information to your sister in law on the sly would be just the thing.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
Dr Phil told the man how he should treat his wife. Not to treat her as a child. Basically to treat her with respect and to say things without belittling her. My brother has called her a wh*re and she didn't deserve it. I mean she is totally innocent. I will have to pray for them and especially that he will change. Doubtful!


Please everyone pray for them.


kim
 
I will definately remember them in my prayers.

How is your relationship with your brother? There was a Dr. Phil episode a few months back that totally reminded me of my sister and her current living situation. Their relationship was my sister and her BF TO A "T"! I was afraid because I saw how their relationship could evolve over a decade. So, I did talk to her about how she treats him (and other things in their relationship) and offered for her to come over and hang out with me when she got angry, or to call me, or whatever she needed to do to cool down. He is not innocent by any means, he does have problems too. But my sister is really good at bringing him down and making him feel like a loser. I also encouraged her to get cousiling. She has a lot of unresolved issues from our childhood......Oh, and when we talked, it was private just the two of us. I would never intervene in front of BF or in the middle of an argument. It only fuels the fire and it will not help on iota. It only puts you on opposing sides and makes it harder on the SO.

Anyways, long story short, don't be afraid to talk to your brother (if you have that kind of relationship) and let him know that you love him and you want his marriage to thrive and you want him to be happy, but by acting the way he is he only heading towards misery. I really hope he starts the meds. I would, just because I am me, really make an effort and go out of my way to be as kind and friendly and helpful to SIL. It sounds like she could really use a great friend and support.

Let us know what happens,
Missy
 
Thanks Missy and Bobbi. I wish I could talk to my brother but he is one that knows it all. He is gone to florida with his job this week and I wonder if that time apart is good or bad. I talked to her tonight and I think she quit her job because he didn't like her working there. She is coming over to the house tomorrow night to eat supper and I hope she will confide in me about whether she quit her job or not. That is the worst thing for her to do when she has been paying the bills,as his jobs don't last very long. He didn't like her working there cause it was not close enough to keep an eye on her. She had such a good job too.


I have had to distance myself some from this situation because I can't let it bring me down. But I am there for my SIL. She is a sweet person and doesn't deserve to be treated like that.


Well enough about my babbling. Thank you for your support and any advice.



kim
 
That Dr Phil show was a rerun. They did a follow up show on that couple and he did a total about face. He really works on treating his wife well and they are doing much better. The husband said the light bulb went on for him when Dr. Phil’s wife said something along the lines that she likes that her husband (Dr Phil) makes her feel safe and loved, and she doesn't feel that their family is complete until he gets home each night.

I didn't see the rerun that was on so I can't remember Robin's word verbatim but it was something along those lines. Anyway, The guy really did seam like he realized he was handling his marriage very wrong and knew he had to change if he wanted his marriage to stay intact.
 
I believe the issue of his Bi-Polar disorder is being overlooked here. Until your brother acknowledges his disease and starts taking treatment, I don't hold much hope for them. You SIL should try to get more information and education on his disorder. Bi-Polar disorder totally controls the individual who has it so really, he doesn't have the mental fortitude to control his behavior like a normal individual.

DH lived with a girl with Bi-Polar disorder for five years and he said the last year they were together was the worst of his life. She was diagnosed but refused to take medication. She actually physically attacked him one evening for no apparent reason. Kicking, scratching and screaming. He called the police at that point.
 
Kim, she knows you are there for her and that is a wonderful thing. Keep telling her what a wonderful person she is and keep praying she will know that deeply enough to take steps to be treated as she deserves to be treated and, hopefully, it will come about. You are a good sister-in-law and she knows how you feel and that could very well be one of the things that helps her to get help for herself. There's hope for your brother too and I have to believe that if he truly loves her, he will come to see that hurting the one you love is not part of a healthy relationship. Jealousy, possessiveness and control don't belong in a loving marriage. Was it the Dr. Phil with the petite, pretty blonde wife who looked so beaten down and sad? I think I saw it earlier this year. I was amazed at how blind he was to what he was doing to her and how utterly careworn and timid she was. But I agree you mustn't let it get you down and you are probably not the right person to intervene. He's your brother and you are sitting on a powderkeg. The right person will come along and it may be someone who has dealt with such a situation and found the way to change it! So, chin up, okay? You will also be in my thoughts and prayers. :)
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
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