DH eating issues

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
DH and I went for our annual physicals this week and the doctor called with our results yesterday. She said that DH's blood sugar level is "borderline normal" and his blood pressure is a bit high, even though he is on meds for it. Her report says these things "indicate the need for weight reduction".

He's pretty good about exercising during the warm weather, because he loves to ride his bike. The problem is really his eating. We are so different. I grew up with a Mom who was a great, health-conscious cook, so I learned to love everything that is good for me. He, on the other hand, had a (wonderful) Mom who was a disaster in the kitchen and didn't have a clue about healthy eating. Fortunately, he does like vegetables, and he now loves to eat salads with me for dinner. Unfortunately, he uses a high fat, high sugar bottled dressing and uses too much of it.

He's tired of hearing from me on this topic, and I don't want to preach to him anymore. I suggested that he see a nutritionist, but I think I'm going to have to mention it several more times to get him to pay attention.

Sometimes it feels like we're in a mixed marriage. Almost like we have different religions and don't understand each other. He seems to think it's fine to go to doctors and have them give you medications for things like high blood pressure, whereas I want to control as much as possible with natural, healthy, preventative measures.

I know. I'm not him. If he's okay with getting diabetes, who am I to stop him? But I want SO MUCH to stop him from getting diabetes NOW, while there's still time. Do you know what I mean? Does anyone else have this kind of issue? Any suggestions?

-Nancy
 
Hi Nancy-

I really feel for you because I know how concerned you are for your DH's health. (I'm hoping everything checked out fine for you:) )

I don't have any advice at the moment, but will give it some thought. Fortunately, my DH has always exercised, however, his eating left a bit to be desired -- until I took over.}( Fortunately, he was prettily easily led once he saw the benefits I was reaping.

Keep being a good example for your DH and I'll get back to you if I come up with any wise (or devious) plan.
 
{{{Nancy}}}

I'm not in your situation, but I wanted to send you some support. It must be difficult, like you say, to feel that you and DH have such different belief systems, and to know that they are doing something that is self destructive.

One suggestion I would make is definitely get him to see a nutritionist. A 'neutral third party' who will do the diet correcting instead of you. Maybe the doctor could make this a prescription, since DH seems to have confidence in the medical profession.

As for food choices, I'm sure you already know there are ways of making healthier options for near the same taste. The trick is to get DH to like them or even try them. For his dressings, for example, why not try that new spray dressing? Sounds like it would give more flavor for less dressing.

Who buys and makes the food for your household? I would think you would have a chance to make some input there.

Have you told him of your concern for his health, and that the reason why you want him to change for the better is so he'll be around a lot longer? Have the talk, then back off a bit (but still get him into the nutritionist).
 
Thanks, Melody. Yup, everything checked out great for me. I hope he doesn't compare his results to mine. I don't ever expect him to be as health-conscious as I am, because he's not me, and that wouldn't be realistic. But I'd sure like to see him prevent the onset of diabetes and bring down his BP a bit.

-Nancy
 
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband eats horribly! His diet consists of mayonnaise, sour cream, meat and potatoes, and sweets. He does not eat a single veggie or friut, minus V8 juice. I did get him to drink Coke Zero instead of the regular. I always bug him to get healthier. He doesn't exercise. I know you can't change someone if they don't want to change, but I worry about him.
His BP is OK, but I am sure his cholesterol is throught the roof. He has agreed to walk with me a few nights aweek. Hasn't done it yet though!! I hope he does. I want him to be around for awhile you know?
Maeghan AKA megadoo
 
I feel the same way about my kids, 10 and 13. I know kids and husbands aren't the same thing, but it is hard, no matter what, to make anyone eat something that doesn't appeal to them. They are actually small for age and don't show any ill effects (yet), but they have a really poor diet and spend way too much time in sedentary activities. My transition to healthy foods came a little too late to help them and I still have enough junk food beasties around to be a bad influence.
 
I like the idea of having the doctor prescribe a nutritionist. I have many times sent my diabetic or "pre" diabetic patients to a nutrtionist. Also, does your DH know the complications that go along with diabetes. They die usually of those not the diabetes. Not trying to scare or upset you, but sometimes painting the real picture of what "can" happen if he doesn't change will help him make a choice to change. As you have said it is his choice- he needs a vested interest in making these changes.

It's hard. Society has gotten so complacent (sp?) They don't want to change. Just give me a pill to fix it and all will be better. The best treatment for diabetes esp at this stage is lifestyle changes. I feel like I am rambling and being of little help. Good luck with your ordeal. I hope your DH finds something to inspire him to form some healthier habits!!

Catherine
 
I think that's the key right there. "I love you and don't want anything awful to happen to you, so, though it annoys you to hear me preach, I must (!) because I love you and don't want anything awful to happen to you especially if it is a preventable something awful". Keep on bugging them about the diet. It's so important. My husband ate a large bowl of chocolate ice creat smothered in caramel sauce the other niht. Made a second and covered it in hot fudge! He'd eaten a Reese's penut butter cup as well. He mostly eats healthy because I feed him but he doesn't care one bit about overdoing fat and eating crap. He's slim so he things it doesn't matter. My latest rant revolves around high fructose corn syrup. It may fall on deaf ears now, but I remain optimistic I'll get through. :)
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
Nancy, <<<hugs>>>> to you, first of all.

I don't know if this will help but here's what I did. DH started to put on weight right after we got married, and my suggestions did nothing to motivate change. He just saw it as nagging. So, one day we talked about it, and I told him I was done pushing him on this, and intended to shut up about it, but first I was going to have my say. I said that I'd once heard a doctor say that the 40s are a health minefield for men, but that if he got through them unscathed, he had a good chance of health through his 50s and 60s (I don't know how old your DH is, but you could modify the time frame!!) I added that his health was not just "his business," as he liked to say, because when we got married he took on a responsibility to me to maintain his health, just as I have that responsibility to him. I told him that I would be furious with him if he was taken from me at a young age simply because he couldn't be bothered to make a couple of small changes in his life. I told him I would take it personally if laying around eating junk was more important to him than living a long, loving life with me. Then, I told him I wasn't going to mention it again, the ball was in his court. And I didn't. Low and behold...changes slowly happened.

HTH,

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Could you be at little sneaky and find a close "healthy" twin to his bad salad dressing and start mixing the good with the bad and slowly change the ratio? First make it 3/4 bad and 1/4 good, then keep upping the ratio of good, never telling him till you get him totally using the good kind? Then it would be, "Surprise! You really DO love healthy salad dressing!"

Sounds like you HAVE already made some strides, so it may not be that hard to get him to change his ways even more, especially if he visits a nutritionist who teaches him that healthy eating does not equal eating cardboard.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
I've done precisely what Honeybunch suggested with great success, and the only thing I would change is: Never, EVER let the cat out of the bag that you've been slipping in healthy alternatives under the wire.

A couple of years ago I started making DH's coffee surreptitiously with skim milk (mine, in one of my trying-not-to-hate-milk phases) rather than the cream he was used to. He never, ever noticed the difference. About three weeks after I started doing this I chortlingly let him know about it, and he threw a fit like a two year old. (A cute two year old, but a two year old nonetheless.)

After his heart attack a little over a year ago he went to skim milk.

A-Jock
 
Much wisdom in HB and AJ's. Also...try a few recipes, especially snack food type things, or whatever tricks his trigger. I have been making whole wheat muffins for our family with flax seed, sunflower seeds, dried apricots, and when they come out of the oven and smell great - they really enjoy them. You may need to try a couple to find the right one. Once you've centered in on what he "can tolerate" and actually enjoy - let us know and we'll post 1 million recipes that are similar, okay?:7 :7

On a side note, I'm getting my kids to eat salad by buying these little "pill" things that you soak in water and they turn into a sponge animals, or trucks or whatever. The deal is they eat a bowl of lettuce (they hate salad dressing and eat it plain - sounds gross, but they prefer it this way). When they've choked it down, they get to pick a pill. They are so thrilled with this, they are eating sometimes 3 bowls a day and we are going through salad like rabbits. When this wears out, I'm going to find some other cheap treat (NOT CANDY - of course). Does your dh like sponge animals that blow up in water? This trick is much cheaper with children than men, who tend to enjoy more expensive toys!!}( }(

Briee
 
HB, A-jock, Kathryn and Briee- I love the idea of sneaking healthy stuff on him, but unfortunately we share the food buying and preparation. In fact, most of the time we prepare our own, separate dinners, although we always eat together.

Kathryn and Catherine- I like the idea of having the doctor tell him to go to a nutritionist. I can call her and then have her call him to suggest it. That would be a good sneaky thing to do. }(

Catherine- my DH isn't crazy about needles. Maybe I should find some pictures of the equipment that diabetics need to use and show them to him?

Sparrow- I like your speech. I've been working myself up for something like that, but wasn't sure what to say. You've given me some good ideas.

We went out today and stopped at a little coffee shop for a bite. I had a lowfat yogurt and he had a bagel with lots of butter and a bottle of chocolate milk. We went food shopping and he bought lunch meat: bologna. He loves turkey, so why buy bologna? Sigh.

Everyone-thank you so much for your support. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

-Nancy
 
Nancy, I don't have any advice, but I want to wish you good luck, and your husband good health!

It's definitely rough. I've been nagging my mom to get back into exercise - she used to be pretty good at it oh, 10-ish years ago. Just yesterday she told me she has osteoporosis. I asked her, "now are you going to start exercising????" She said yes. Sometimes it takes a real health scare to wake people up. Now, I just hope she sticks with it.
 
Nancy, I just tried a new salad dressing I got at Wild Oats. It's called Renee's Gourmet Wellness Dressing in Roaasted Garlic Ceasar and it was fantastic. I can't wait to try some of the others. Wild Oats carries a number of the ultra healthy types, including one which contains the omega 3's from a tiny fish It's a raspberry vinegarette and even my kids will eat it. They have no idea it has fish oil in it. :) The brand escapes me but it's good.
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
Nancy-

Have you tried the "what if the situation were reversed" speech on him and had him think about what if you were not healthy and he feared losing you?

Other than that, I totally endorse the underhanded, sneaky, pull-the-wool-over-his-eyes any way you can, do whatever the he!! covert-type approach you can come up with.:)

I never realized how fortunate I am in regards to converting my DH. I mean first, it was exercise. Then came Sugar Busters. Then came Ultra Prevention and a host of other books. DH even did a Cathe ab workout the other day. Guess what, the sucker (aka DH) bought me "Vegan Planet" as one of my mother's day gifts.:) This afternoon he looked at the book, looked at me and said "Oh crap!"

Ain't love great! :+
 
Melody, that is so great! I think the biggest problem I'm facing is my DH's palate. He's a grown-up in so many ways, but it's like his palate got stuck at being a kid. He never developed a taste for coffee or tea or wine or any other alcoholic beverage. Just like a little kid. As soon as you remove the fat or the sugar from something, he doesn't like it anymore. For some reason, his palate just never developed into a grown-up's palate. How many grown-ups do you know who drink chocolate milk? I think it's some kind of developmental problem. I'm going to do some research on the internet and see what I can come up with.

-Nancy
 
> Society has gotten so complacent (sp?) They don't
>want to change. Just give me a pill to fix it and all will be
>better.

Our allopathic system of treatment is focused on pills, surgery and symptomatic relief rather than prevention or lifestyle. And it seems people are more willing to listen to follow the dictates of 'experts' like doctors than to take control of their own health by changing their dietary habits (just think of the power we have: many diseases are preventable with the right lifestyle, and each of us is in control of that! Unfortunately, many people don't see it that way. They almost seem to take a 'victim' stance when it comes to illness).
 
Kathryn

Your comment on how much power we truly have over disease is so true. I realized that about a year ago after reading "Ultra Prevention". It's a shame drug and insurance companies do not make it attractive or profitable for doctors to promote prevention.

I, however, had not had much success getting my genetically-induced high cholesterol and high blood pressure down without drugs and with my family history resorted to a med for each because my immediate risks were so high even with a lifetime of exercise and pretty clean eating (yeah, we all know I cheat, but not as much as I make it sound:) OK, I had brownies today).

I am currently considering attempting the conversion to vegan in an attempt to reduce or go off meds. I, of course, will do this while being monitored by my internist. He is not one to pass out pills, (that's one reason I felt I had better go on the meds) so I feel comfortable that he will work with me and be upfront. I'm not sure I'll be able to take away the meds because my life so far has proven genetics to be pretty strong in all physical aspects of my life.:p But it certainly couldn't hurt!

I'm browsing my copy of "Vegan Planet" today. Watch for lots of questions from me.;-)

EDIT: Nancy, sorry about the thread hijack.
 
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