Can you all help me with my mom? Nothing bad, just need help

[amyg]

My mom just called because I had sent her an email telling her I'm selling all my Firm tapes on ebay.

She already does an hour workout at a Boot Camp exercise group (the place where I'm interviewing on Monday), and she started the conversation saying "I want to lose this weight ["this weight" has existed, no kidding, since I was born almost 29 years ago] and I think the way I need to do it is not by focusing on the food so much but on exercising two hours a day."

She wants me to tell her what to do for an hour of cardio every day. I don't have to do it with her, but I do have to do it. She's willing to pay me.

She doesn't want me to sell my Firms, she wants me to save them for her and tell her which ones to do.

I pointed out to her the following:
1. She will need to focus on food if she wants to lose weight- exercise won't do it.
2. She will need to actually attend Boot Camp and work while she's there instead of chatting.
3. She has had my Fanny Lifter and videos for months at a time and returned them to me untouched.
4. She has done a Firm workout with me before, and complained about the difficult choreography through the entire thing.

I think she would benefit from Cardio Coach, and had already suggested that for her a few weeks ago.

It seems like she wants to pay me to make her stick to her resolution, whether she follows it or not. I'm not sure what to do. I know I'll end up doing whatever she asks, but I only want her to succeed and I don't think her plan will necessarily get her there. (I haven't told her that the reason I was able to lose weight and keep it off was initially a reaction to her 24 years of complaining and not doing much to fix her problems...) I guess this is a good first challenge as a personal trainer...?

Sigh. This is really LONG and I apologize!!! I'm looking for some support, I guess, from you guys because I know you all are like me when you put your mind to something, you work hard to achieve it.

Any thoughts?? Thanks so much, everyone, you're wonderful.

 

[honeybunch1]

Can you turn down the job? Seriously, she may be better off working with someone else at the gym. It sounds like she has her mind made up about what she wants to do, and I'm not sure she'll listen to you, or anyone else for that matter. The impression I get from what you've written about your relationship that you would be talking to a brick wall. My first instinct is to say, "Don't do this!"

IMHO, this is NOT a good idea for your first challenge as a personal trainer! Just a suggestion, take it or leave it!

I just went to a restaurant last weekend (Hartville Kitchen, DebbieH) where the waitresses walk 8-1/2 hours a day. You'd think they would all be skinny, but most of them were about 30 lbs. overweight. Long story short, cardio is not enough! Your mom needs to re-vamp her food intake, too, whether she likes it or not.
Just Do It!

 

[SRP]

I agree with Honeybunch. Advise her to use someone else as a personal trainer. I know that if I had to work with my mom on such a project, I'd just flat out quit wanting to be around her. And our relationship is quite good.

 

[Armywife]

Personally, I wouldn't do it either. I keep trying to give my mom suggestions because she keeps asking me questions but then she just brushes off what I say. Since you are her daughter, it will be to easy for her to cheat or to write off what you say. I believe she should get a different personal trainer. That way, you don't get aggravated by her when she doesn't want to take your advice and then it won't hurt your relationship. Let her know you will always be open to questions she may have about anything the new personal trainer says just to see if they are telling her the right things. Other than that, I say RUUUNNN!!! Just kidding.

Toni

 

[Pellmel]

Moms and daughters! This is tough 'cause I think she's the one client you can't turn down. Maybe she is "trying" to "help" you get started? Or she really wants to get fit but is not out of the self sabatage "I know what to do" phase and is at least making an attempt.

Maybe you 2 could find a happy medium. You could suggest training to her and follow up and she could make sure that she reports to you to start. Instead of jumping into the personal trainer relationship full on 100%, just agree to give it a try for a few weeks, but limit the amount of training/pay.

Hope this helps!
Melissa

Keep your head in line. Your butt will follow.

http://www.picturetrail.com/pellmel

 

[kathryn]

>4. She has done a Firm workout with me before, and complained
>about the difficult choreography through the entire thing.

Difficult choreography? LOL! Make sure to NOT give her a Cathe workout.

Your situation sounds tough: maybe almost as bad an idea as lending money to a relative. It turns the family structure around, so the "parent/leader" now becomes the 'client/follower." I'm not sure how well it can work. I can see a lot of potential conflict (when "client' doesn't want to follow her "personal trainer's" advise or program, and turns it back into a "mother/daughter" relationship.)

Maybe just type up an outline of what she can do for exercise, and leave it up to her?

 

[amyg]

I just got back from a run and thought about it while running. I called her and told her (while I was walking back to my house) that I'd do the first week for free if she bought a chest strap (for my old HRM, which I would give to her) and if she bought 2 Cardio Coaches. I think she has no idea how hard she does work, so she finds it easy to say she's working so hard she needs to stop.

She didn't jump right on that suggestion... which tells me how much she values my opinions...

I'm really not invested in this at all. I've gone through this routine so many times with her before.

She really just wants ideas of how to spend time on cardio. I did tell her not to go in with a bold statement of "I'm Going to do One Hour of Cardio Every Day" and instead to just try for 30 minutes. She seemed okay with that.

I also told her I think she needs to do more groundwork to figure out why she exercises at all, what she likes about it, etc. I think that's the best way for me to support her.

Thank God for therapy. I wouldn't be able to be in the same room with her at ALL were it not for years and years of therapy!!

 

[honeybunch1]

I thought of another why you may not want to do this - if she's not happy with the results, or lack thereof, from working with you, she may gripe to the other members (potential clients of yours!) in the gym and not help your credibility at all. You need to get off to a positive start, and this is not a good launching pad, IMHO. It sounds like she doesn't want to break a sweat, and not change her eating habits either, not setting herself for success at all.
Just Do It!