Calling all wedding-planning stories!!!

F

futurefitnessdyanmo

Cathlete
I am currently beginning to plan my wedding (YIKES!!!) and literally have no idea where to get started. I thought it would be fun to hear some stories from everyone here- funny, inspirational, even horrible, as well as any advice you have. Please lend me some wisdom!

FYI we are going small, under 75 people, and the biggest feeling I want to create is sweetness, 'cause that characterizes our relationship best (AWWW, ain't that sweet?.)

:p
 
Well, since I got married in 2001, and my stepson just got married today, I have a bit of knowledge. First thing to do is to pick a place for the wedding. Once you have chosen a venue and a date and the approximate number of people you want to invite, everything else is just details, IMO.

Is yours a first marriage? Are you a young couple? Are all the parents alive? Who will be paying for the wedding?

-Nancy
 
Nancy,

This is our first marriage - I am 28 and he is 31. The payment thing is an interesting thing. I thought the bride's family was supposed to pay for it and the groom's to pay for the honeymoon - I read in a book, though, that now lots of couples pay for the wedding themselves. Both of our families would be able to pay for it, whereas he is just starting a new job and I'm trying to get a practice off the ground, which takes at least a year. Thus, we aren't in the greatest position to pay. But I feel guilty asking my parents when other couples manage to do it...
 
Congratulations. First thing is to have several dates that you would prefer and start trying to find the key things that are open that day - church, reception etc. If you have a particular photographer you wanted check on that too. September is a popular month here so I ended up going with a Friday night and that was planning a year ahead. We had the ceremony at the reception so our key things were the hall and the cake lady that also provided the most beautiful decorations! Next was a photographer and DJ and ceremony music. Good luck! Enjoy the planning.
 
Well, you got a lot of do's so I'll start with the first don't. Don't drink a large glass of champagne before you walk down the isle or up any steps. And if you do, make sure you have your dress hiked up enough that you don't trip, like I did. YIKES!!!
 
The wisest thing you can do is to understand your body type, what's the most flattering style dress that you wear that emphasizes your assests, THEN look for a bridal gown.

Do not pick out a bridal gown because you love it first, then hope your body wears it well.

Chose your most flattering style based on your wardrobe and your figure.

Congratulations, it's the most exciting time during all the planning and anticipation. I am married almost a year and I miss the planning phase.

ENJOY!

X
 
Congratulations!!

I just got married last year. I could not have done it without going to the local message boards at www.theknot.com! I found out SO much information and planned my whole wedding using that site. It was great. Just click on the "Talk" tab and then choose "Local Boards" and then choose your city and state. You will get to talk to a bunch of other brides who are planning their own weddings in your city. You'll also get a ton of vendor recommendations from real brides, not vendors.

See my link below for wedding pics and vendor reviews. I even have a few video clips from my wedding in this link below. The one that says "Dani's Bio" has my wedding pictures and clips. Turn up your volume. They are just like music videos. Except for the clip that says "Vows". There is no music set to that one.

Good luck!
 
Dani -

YOU should be a wedding planner! You seem to really dig weddings and everything associated with them. Ever thought about it?

Just Do It! :)
 
Honeybunch! Yes, I have. I think it would be great fun! :)
I still hang out on www.theknot.com every so often. There's a spin off of theknot Chicago boards, and I'm on there all the time chatting with brides who are both planning and already married. I'm hooked!
 
I think you are young enough that your parents may wish to pay. That is especially so because it is your first marriage. I bet they will offer.

I know what the books say, but personally I am very much opposed to the bride's parents paying for the whole wedding. As parents of the groom, as soon as we heard about the wedding, we called the bride's father and said this is a marriage between equal partners, and we want to pay our share. There are some old-fashioned ideas that are lovely and should be preserved forever, and some that are just silly. IMHO, payment by the bride's family is just silly.

Just my 2 cents.

-Nancy
 
Dani's right - theknot.com is awesome! I spent SOOOO much time on that website when I was planning my wedding (a year and a half ago). Sometimes there's some cattiness in the Planning Forum, because everyone has a different idea of what is tasteful and what is tacky. So many arguments amongst brides over whether it's "tacky" to do a dollar dance or if it's "tacky" to have a wedding cake that isn't white, etc etc. Tacky is in the eye of the beholder.

As for who pays for the wedding - the conventional rules are completely out the window these days, since couples are marrying older and after they are established with careers and such. DH and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves (we were 26 when we got married, working full-time jobs with good incomes, and did not find it necessary to ask for parental funding). So the biggest thing for us was creating a budget and sticking to it. We did pretty well with our budget - it was a small budget, and we were having a very small wedding (25 guests), and I am crafty enough that I was able to make a lot of things myself (invitations, programs, placecards, centerpieces, bouquets, etc), which saved tons of money. I have a bazillion tips for saving money, PM me if you're interested. Many brides have the luxury of not having to worry about money. Ahhh, to dream... :)

Some things to keep in mind - many vendors will try to rip you off as soon as they find out you're planning a wedding. See if you can get a price from them BEFORE you ever mention the word "wedding". Use a term like "family get-together" or "family reunion" (because weddings often are a family get-together). There is a book that you NEED to get, if you are at all concerned with budget, called Bridal Bargains. It will help you negotiate the best prices for everything for your wedding.

Trying on wedding gowns is a LOT of fun, so DO go to several bridal shops and have a grand time. Don't let a bridal shop rope you into paying a "try-on fee" or paying to keep a file of your favorite dresses. You shouldn't have to pay a dime to try on a dress. Bridal shops are notorious for being very poorly-managed businesses that use all kinds of sneaky underhanded tricks to make an extra buck. Certainly there are good ones out there, but the industry as a whole has a very bad reputation. Get everything in writing and don't agree to anything you're not 100% comfortable with. There are other options besides bridal shops too, so don't forget about that.

Most importantly, have fun planning! Enjoy the food tastings when selecting a caterer, and hanging with the bridesmaids, and being excited when your invitations arrive in the mail. It's a fun process! :D
 
I hear you Emily about the cattiness on the Planning and Ettiquette boards and a lot of the main "talk" boards there. That's why I ONLY stayed on my LOCAL boards. I avoided those main boards just for that reason.

The LOCAL boards are the best! Everyone is VERY nice! Just choose your city and state (or nearest one) and chat there. I loved it.

Oh! I also second that Bridal Bargains book by Denise and Alan Fields. It is the best!
:)
 
Well I'd start with who ever you want to marry you and if it's going to be in a separate place from the reception, get that nailed down too. Then move on to where you want your reception.

My wedding planning was quite uneventful, only slightly stressful and VERY fun! I had a blast! No particular stories come to mind but just to say that if I had to do it all over again, I would! IN A HEART BEAT! I loved planning it and I had sooo much fun at my wedding!:)

Best of luck with yours!
 
Oh, Wendy just reminded me. One of the kindest things you can do for both yourself and your guests is to have the ceremony and the reception in the same place. I highly recommend it!
 
Yeah, I would have gone to a local board, but they didn't have one for my city! :( Boo hoo! Maybe they have expanded since then, though.
 
Nancy brings up a good point, although it often isn't practical, say if you're getting married in a church that doesn't have facilities for receptions. But it sure is a lot easier for the guests to not have to drive somewhere else for the reception. I remember a wedding I went to and the reception was a 45-minute drive from the ceremony location!!! It was ridiculous! (The reception was gorgeous though, so I guess it's a trade-off - you could never have a reception like that in a church.)

We had our ceremony and reception in the same place (at a historic mansion) and it worked out really well since all of our guests were from out of town and didn't know their way around the city. I have been to several weddings where the reception was in the same place as the ceremony and it was really nice not having to pick up and drive somewhere. But they were also relatively unmemorable because they were in churches and church halls tend to have pretty boring decor. Some of the best receptions I've been to have been in a different location. The most interesting that comes to mind was one in an airplane hangar (sans airplanes).

Just remember it's YOUR wedding and you decide where you want your reception. :)
 
Oh Emily! An historic mansion! How lovely! We were married at a country inn, and the rabbi came and married us there in a lovely garden. To this day, 4 years after the wedding, people still tell me how elegant and charming the wedding was. And by the way, it was not expensive. Just want to make the point that there are lots of way to combine the ceremony with the reception.

-Nancy
 
Congratulations! :)

DH and I got married last year. We had a small weddding, about 50 people. If you are trying to cut costs, or have an "offbeat" ceremony, my advice would be, if you have people you are close to who have decorating/planning/craft skills, let them help or ask them to help! I am the worst planner in the world (i hate details) but my sister could be Martha Stewart. DH and I got married in November; I told my sis I wanted to get married outside but it was too risky, weather-wise. So, she created autumn inside for us, in the most graceful, simple, whimsical way. Another friend is a seamstress; she made my dress ( I didn't have a long white dress, it wasn't for me.) Also, ignore what people tell you "should" do and go with what you and your SO want instead.


Sparrow


________________
www.scifichics.com
 
"Also, ignore what people tell you "should" do and go with what you and your SO want instead."

Sparrow, you hit the nail on the head. This is probably the single best piece of advice that anyone can give.

-Nancy
 
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