Bulimia

randidiane

randidiane

Cathlete
Is anyone here a recovering bulimic or still doing it? I just got out of a short term stay rehab hospital for eating disorders. Went through a lot of group therapy and they put me on Lamictal, a mood stabalizer and helps a little with depression.
Is anyone else out there familiar with this medicine?
Any advice on healing?
I appreciate your advice
Randi
 
I do have experience w/ it. I have bounced back and forth between working out way to much, not eating, and bulimia. Since ttc and having my children I have not struggled as much as I did in my late teens/early 20s. For some reason pregnancy helped keep me okay for a while. Anyway, I don't know about the medicine, but wanted to say I know where you are coming from and you can do this! Since discovering Cathe workouts and lifting weights I have really found that my body is so amazing and it might be all in my head, but I think the more weight lifting I do the less bad feelings I have about my body. I never would have thought I could go a day without thinking I was fat or wishing I was something else. I can honestly say now most days are good days and I rarely have the urges I used to. It does get easier. ((hugs))
 
Thanks for you feed back ladies:) You guys are very supportive and thank you!
It really sucks I just get back from the hospital and I've still been doing it! I'm going to continue to get help from my therapist and Dr. I'm on medicine because of depression which leads to my bulimia. My body looks great according to my mom and everyone else just not to me! And what really sucks is I workout with Cathe 6 days a week being healthy about that then ruining it by trowing upx(
Randi
 
Randi - I understand what you are going through. I went through this when my husband was in Iraq. It is not something I like to talk about though. I wish you much luck. PS - your pictures are sooo beautiful! You look perfect - please stay healthy.
Clarissa
 
I was hospitalized for my eating disorders 3 years ago. For the most part I no longer engage in the behaviors, but the thoughts are still there. Ultimately I found being hospitalized to be a very pivotal point for me as I saw how much and for how long the other women I was hospitalized with had suffered. I used that as motivation to get healthy. I am lucky that I have an amazing husband who does his best to support me even though he doesn't understand. Use the resources you have now that you are in the system to develop many coping habits. In the long run the more ways of coping you have the better you will be able to avoid the destructive behaviors.

Good luck.

Shayne
 
Randi,

I also want to wish you well. I have no words of wisdom either but I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Lisa
 
Hi Randi,

I also don't have any advice but wanted to let you know that we're all thinking about you and wishing you all the best in your journey towards getting healthy.

Jodi
 
Hi Randi, this is not something I've personally dealt with, though I've had good friends and family who have struggled with eating disorders. I just wanted to share a web address with you--Jen (owner of Advanced Workouts) has struggled with anorexia and she has a nice blog at http://advancedworkouts.blogspot.com. It is partly about working out, partly about training for her appearance in Amy Bento's new DVD: Slo-Mo Strength Challenge, and partly about stuff like her eating disorder. If you go back to July and August you'll see some good entries about that.

I hope you have a great support system around you at this time!

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=purple]***Lainie***
My fitness blog: http://fitnessfig.blogspot.com/ http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/7.gif
 
Hi Randi -

Lora from Hardcore here. Sorry to hear this. This is a a tough one. I am a recovering drug addict.....so I know how hard it can be to get past these illnesses. I have toyed with the idea of unheallthy eating and because of my "addictive" nature, I really have to watch it when it comes to food and try not to let it become an obession.

Has your therapist suggested a 12-step program and support group? I know that when I was living in Philadelphia and going to meetings for NA....there were people in our groups recovering from bulimia. I think a 12-step program would be a wonderful addition to your life.

I hate to sound preachy, but actually if everyone worked a 12-step program, the world would be a much kinder and gentler place. It's just a basic tool to start with and it does take a lot of determination and support from family members........but one day at a a time....things will get better slowly and as time goes on....I think you will get stronger and used to living a more normal life.

It concerns me that you say you've done it since you've gotten out of the hospital. I know relapse is very common in addicts/bulimia...thus the reason a support group might be helpful. It always helps to be able to talk with people that have a similar thought pattern and have gone thru similar experiences.

If you ever want to PM me or need to talk, please know that I'm here. I'm a very non judgmental person and would love to be "there" for you if you need me.

my prayers are with you.

I hope this didn't sound too cheesy.
 
I was bulimic for 20 years. Yes, 20. It started when I was 16, and just went on and on and on.....
I thought I would never be able to stop, and now I can't imagine ever doing it again. Seriously, it just doesn't cross my mind.

Do you know how you can stop this, for good? When you learn how to stop hating yourself, to deal with anger, get confidence, and stand up for yourself. Bulimia is all about hating yourself, hating your weakness, pushing down that hate and anger, and punishing yourself by sticking your finger down your throat and heaving until you're exhausted. You're committing violence against yourself, you are literally beating yourself up. I know, I did it.

You know how I stopped? I found a great therapist, dealt with the depression, and figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I've taken medication for 10 years, depression runs in my family, it's a chemical imbalance. I'm on Lexapro, but you may not need to stay on medication. For me, I know that it's NOT the medication that's keeping me from throwing up. I don't NEED to throw up anymore. I like the person that I am. I know that I always try to do my best, to do the right thing. If somebody wrongs me or someone I love, I stand up for myself, I go toe-to-toe with them. I never would have done that before. I would have slunk away, then gone home and thrown up. That would never happen now. I would deal with the issue, then get on with things.

You can beat this. You can recover, and not have to resist the temptation to do it again. Like I said, I don't think about it anymore. It's a non-issue, because I don't hate myself anymore. You may be saying, "but I don't hate myself." Yes, you do. Somewhere, deep down, you do, and that's what is driving this, self-hatred pure and simple.

Best of luck to you. You can do this. :)

Gail
 
Randi,

Hi, kudos to you for getting help. I really like what Gail just said above.

I work with people who struggle with the body wars, and I dealt with my own tribulations for years, but I am here to tell you IT DOES GET BETTER! Know that the steps you've taken are courageous, you are on your way. Be tender with yourself, keep loving yourself. You hold that magic.

I would like to add that I know how the internet and mainstream media can be extremely triggering - even "fitness" sites can be triggering. So, just steer clear of what triggers you. I do like Cathe because she promotes balance in her workouts - she encourages listening to your body to ease up when you've pushed it too much and to let the energy go when it's ready!

Again, hang in there. You're already halfway there by reaching out. Stay around positive people and honor positive messages.

All the best to you,
Caroline


;-)
 
Hi Gail
Thank you for understanding. I dont know why I do it, it's not like a eat a whole bunch of bad stuff and purge. Like you said it is depression that makes us do things to harm ourselves. I'm basically on a mood stabilizer not really a medicine for depression. I've had depression and a eating disorder since I was 16 but it goes away and comes back if I dont stay on the right medicine or if I stop seeing a therapist. Depression runs on my dad side of the family. Its not fair that out of my mom and dad and brothers i'm the only one who got it:(
Take care
Randi
 
Randi: I am so sorry you are going through this. I struggled with this and other forms of eating disorders since I was a little girl. I learned through therapy all the things that Gail said... for me it was about pushing down my emotions so that I could maintain my happy, well balanced outward appearance and not cause stress for others around me. Of course it was also about self loathing, punishing myself for ever being not perfect, etc. That's how I've always been. I have now learned how to deal with my emotions in other ways. However, I also know that there are just eating patterns that will lead me down a bad path so I have spent the last several years figuring out what works for me. Soemtimes I take the healthy lifestyle to extremes, but in good ways and never to the detriment of my health. I am not on medication like some others, but if I ever felt like I should then I would not hesitate to do so.Still at 41 I struggle every day to be healthy and binge/purge free. I have been for about 7 years now. It IS possible, but it's work.

I am praying for you in your recovery. I haven't ever shared this on these forums yet, so this is kind of rough, but I know we met at the RT and before on the RT check in and I think you are such a sweet, absolutely beautiful girl and I feel compelled to offer you support. If you need to talk ever please feel free to email me. Best of luck...
 
>Depression
>runs on my dad side of the family. Its not fair that out of my
>mom and dad and brothers i'm the only one who got it:(
>

Randi, you forgot the most important part of your thought (the self loving part):

"but now I am changing that!"

X
 
Bulimia started for me when I was 17. It was not depression that made me do it. It was this need for control of something in my life. I had parents who were rather... involved, to say it nicely... I still have times where I slip but I have thankfully reached a point where those slips are not so hard to get back on track from. I am now 43. It has been a long process of discovery for me about what was really, truly bothering me.

I wish I had great advice for healing for you. I think others have provided excellent input. I just wish you good luck in your recovery..

Take care,
Joyce
 
Major kudos to you for going through the program and for being open and honest about your plight. EDs thrive on secrecy.

I haven’t heard of that particular medication, but nearly a decade ago I was in an in-patient ward for eating disorder issues for about a year. During that time I was on 3 different medications. I think they helped me get well, and I still take one of them. My only advice is this:

-Talk about your problems, feelings, fears with somebody (family, friends, therapist, etc)

-If your group/doctor gave you a meal plan – FOLLOW IT! I didn’t follow mine and almost died (I was pretty sick). Next time ‘round I stuck with it, and, well, I’m here talking with you now.

-Don’t beat yourself up if you backslide. But don’t let a relapse of symptom use turn into a daily occurrence. Try to figure out what caused the episode and work towards stopping it before it even begins next time.

-Know that you are not alone.

Marcia
 
Randi - Depression runs in both my Mom's and Dad's family and I think depression and addictive behaviors/diseases go hand in hand most of the time. I have never taken anything for my depression (other than Elavil which is more for chronic pain) and it gets really rough sometimes. I find that exercise helps a lot (but you already know that)....yoga and aromatherapy. I really use aromatherapy a lot!

I agree that you NEED to talk about it. It's very important that you verbalize how you're feeling and not hold it inside.

One day at a time...........and baby steps. Hang in there. We are all here for you.
 
RE: Bulimia - Yes Randie there is a "getting through this"

I am living proof. 20 years, no slips, the occassional over eating (and we all know what this is versus an all out binge, don't we? pass the flour and sweet n low washed down with water). I went the OA route, and it was great. I have two beautiful little girls now and we never talk about fat or diet or bad food. There are foods that make you big and strong, and foods that don't. You eat more of the first, you can have the second. I do not focus on body image, and counter all the negative crap out there thrown at them so very young with "Well that my dears is unrealistic crap."

So Randie there are thoughts that make you strong and thoughts that don't. Have more of the first,and when the second ones come up - say "no, you're wrong, my strong thoughts win". You are not your thoughts Randie. You are not your past, you are not your parents, you are not your illness. You are you - beautiful, wonderful you. And today, right now, while you are reading this, you are ok. From what I see, you have strung together far more moments of recovery than relapse. It's food - you gotta have it every day so the addiction you face is not like drugs, or alcohol. From where I sit, you are winning.

Share or walk away from these boards if you need to. Sometimes we all get caught in the obsessive-compulsiveness of exercise (which can be a big form of addiction to be sure), and these boards can trigger the 3 hour a day must burn every morsel thoughts. Come back when you can handle all that. There are tremendously wise women and men here as well.

I used to be ruled by bulimia Randie. Today, by the grace of an awesome higher power, I am free. I never thought I would be when I was in it. I am. Free. You will be too. You will!!!!!!! PM me any time whatsover; I will give you my number if you ever want to call.

Hugs, strength and love,
Julie


Fit Over 40
 
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