Break-ups and staying motivated . . .

L

lynnesq2

Cathlete
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jun-24-02 AT 01:55PM (Est)[/font][p]Hi everyone: i know this isn't a forum for crying on your shoulders, but does ANYONE have advice to keep motivated as far as working out right after a serious relationship ends? It is really difficult to focus on working out/caring for yourself when you are apathetic about life, after having been betrayed, especially by someone who you thought was "the one." Does a number on your self-esteem. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
PS. i am asking this crowd, b/c i sort of feel like you're "family;" it is very uplifting to read all the support here. thanks.
 
Hi, Lynne!

Just wanted to jump in to say I am very sorry to hear about your break-up and please, ALWAYS feel welcome to cry on our shoulders ANYTIME! There are certain to be times we will need yours! I think the best advice I can give you is...JUST DO IT!!! I know that sounds cliche, but I also know that anytime I have been down or maybe not feeling well, that my workout did wonders. I know it's easy for me to say that to you. Just keep in mind that your workouts are for YOU and hopefully someday down the road, (HOPEFULLY SOON) everything will feel much better. Thinking of you and sending a BIG cyber Hug along. {{{Lynne}}}

Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
My heart breaks for you. I don't post often, but I just wanted to let you know that I've prayed for you because there is One who knows what it's like to be betrayed. As for activity, when I went throught an awful betrayal a couple of years ago eating became a struggle which only exacerbated my lack of energy. Eat what you can and do what you can--don't beat yourself up because you're not doing Cathe 5x a week. I couldn't do cardio, but stretching/yoga/pilates and prayer carried me along (even that was a struggle...in fact many of my prayers started "I don't feel like praying but..."). Counseling from one of my pastors was also vital. Keep us posted and God bless you. CinDee
 
Hi Lynn,
I can't say I know exactly how you feel. However, after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about 6 years ago, I began on a long, steady period of gaining weight and not exercising, when I really had no excuse, other than, "I don't feel like it." Ben & Jerry's was my best friend for a long time (yep, I am a comfort eater).

I tell you this because I felt so sluggish and sick all the time from failing to feed myself good food and exercising. You will feel much better if you do as much exercise as you can, than you will if you stop everything.

I know you will make it through this difficult period. Try to keep moving! I'll be thinking of you.

Linda
 
That is why it is called "OPEN discussion"... I am glad you wrote to all of us! I am also very sorry that you have been betrayed and are now hurting. I will try and stay focused on your request on how to stay motivated to work out...

Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself in one capacity or another, it helps me to put things in perspective by considering people who are worse off than me. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how lucky you are to have at least still have your physical abilities. Think about people who are in wheel chairs or have other limitations such that they can't just do whatever Cathe video they pop in. It makes me feel like squatting just because I can--but then again, I am not in your predicament.

Also, maybe you should try workouts that keep your mind occupied. For instance running and S&H may give you too much time to think. Do Circuit Max or something quick changing.

Time heals all wounds. Be patient. Jeanne
 
thank you all. emotional pain is so devastating. i truly believe that extreme physical pain is a walk in the park, compared to this emotional turmoil; as anyone who has been through it knows.
i know exercising is supposed to be for "me," but when you feel like "why bother" it's so hard to mentally get into working out.:-(
 
Hi Lynne, I hope this doesn't sound stupid or shallow but sometimes when I've been having relationshiop troubles, and asking myself, "why bother?" the answer that has come to me is "to make that person sorry they betrayed me!"

I have sometimes been able to really dive into a good workout knowing it's going to make me glow, look and feel better, and maybe that person will regret their behaviour someday when they see how great I'm looking. I have also used kickbox workouts to let out alot of anger. You can really put a lot of intensity into the punching and kicking drills if you imagine that the betrayer is at the receiving end.

Christine
 
Hi Lynne!

I feel your pain! My fiancee and I called off our engagement about 3 months ago, and about a month later I came to the decision that we shouldn't even see each other anymore. You know, I read somewhere that breaking-up is in many ways similar to the feelings that you experience during the death of a loved one. I believe this is true because I don't think I have struggled this much since I lost my mother about 4 years ago. Things are looking up now, so I guess all I can say is that you need to be patient with yourself. I am sure you are a wonderful person and that you deserve to be happy. I have decided that being alone could never be as terrible as being with someone who isn't right for me. Just be patient and trust that you have done the right thing. In a few months, who knows, maybe even sooner, you will feel more like your old self. Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon!
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jun-24-02 AT 06:07PM (Est)[/font][p]I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I know just how you feel. I react to grief/anger like CinDee and just have no appetite and like she said, it just makes you physically weaker and you don't want to do anything (except dwell on HIM). I didn't exercise back then tho, and I sure wish I had. Like someone else suggested, I'd do a workout that takes concentration. Get your mind on what you body is doing and off of that other stuff just for a little while. And if you're not eating, just try to get something down. I know how hard *that* is.

I know it sounds trite, but in time this wound will heal. My personal belief is that without pain, there is no joy. Now, when the joy comes along, you'll be able to recognize it!!!!!

Take care of yourself.

Robin http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/flower.gif
 
Hi Lynn! I'm very sorry to hear about your break-up. All I can offer is to tell you to just try your darndest to stick with your workout program, and be careful to not do any emotional eating. And come here for support whenever you need it! Take care.

Hollie
 
Hi Lynn,

I know very well how you feel. You may just need to cry for a week and talk to friends. Not that you'll feel better right away, but in time you will. Remember how many millions of people are in the world. He wasn't the one for you. He wasn't out to hurt just you. He's just a jerk. You're not. This is probably one of the best things that will happen to you!

If you still can't get motivated, maybe a friend could take a walk with you. It's better than nothing until you get back on track.

I hope you feel better soon :)

Andrea
 
Ever heard the saying, "Living well is the best revenge"?

I am sorry to hear of your break-up. Believe me, I've been where you are and it HURTS, plain and simple. A few years ago, during a time of trouble in my marriage, I used working out as a stress reliever. I worked out until I was skin and bones. I am not recommending this to you, but I will tell you that it really helps to lose yourself in a workout. It takes your mind off your troubles and puts a different perspective on things. Not only that, you'll look better and feel better, and THAT is definitely the best revenge!

Time does heal. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Jeanne
 
Hello. I am so sorry to hear of your break-up. I can't say that I've had a break up but I've had a shocking loss lately. I got laid off from my job. It was totally unexpected and hurtful. I keep playing it over and over in my head. It is difficult for me to want to work out and I can certainly relate to feeling betrayed. I have found it easier if I get up and go in the morning before I've had a chance to decide if I really feel like going. I guess it is like forcing myself in a way. I just get up and do it as if it were brushing my teeth or bathing. I can't say that I am put everything I've got into my workouts but they do help me relax and get my mind off my job and financial worries. I don't know what to say to help. Break-ups are no fun and it is reasonable to feel the way you feel. I hope you start to feel better soon.
 
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. It happened to me after 10 years of marriage. Working out helped me so much. Sometimes I would tell myself-I'll do it for just ten minutes- and I usually would do it longer. Writing down my feelings before I went to bed helped me a little to. I could look back and see that I was healing. I'm sure being on this site will help a lot too. Everyone on here is so wonderful! Stay strong-do things for yourself, take care of yourself.
Joanne
 
I agree the best revenge is to live well. Nothing burns worse than a man seeing a woman he betrayed looking FABULOUS and HAPPY.
My new favorite quote is:

"It is perfectly fine to sit on your pity pot once and awhile. Just don't forget to flush when you are done."

I suggest a "break-up" party. My friends threw me a divorce party, which was great. I live in Las Vegas, so we went to a male stip joint (LOL!) and then off to a friend's house and watched movies like Waiting To Exhale; we drank champagne and ate strawberries & chocolate, & talked about all the things I needed to work through. ( Basically, we man-bashed all night). Then the next weekend I went to a day spa & Magic Mountain; by myself. It was great.

You have to let yourself grieve the relationship. Then you have to have some symbolic "burial" of it. Then you can move on and get back to life. :)

Hang in there!
 
Hi Lynne,

Ugh I know just what you are going through, that happened me to almost exactly a year ago. Anyway the day I found out (over EMAIL - MEN) that my relationship was over, I was so upset I had to leave work for the day, BUT I happened to have a tae kwon do belt test the next day so I HAD to go to class that night to practice, you can imagine the state I was in after crying all day but I forced myself to go. Anyway it was the best thing I could have done. I turned all my negative energy into my workouts and it really helped - I'm also in better shape now then I've ever been. Found Cathe shortly after that too. The grief and anger takes a lot of your energy away but working out is the best thing you can do for yourself. It also ensures that you are not sitting around stewing in your misery - at least for the hour you are working out, and that is something. Don't let some guy ruin your goals. Also may I suggest doing kickboxing workouts? Punching - even if it is just in the air - is so very cathartic.

Hang in there, it gets better.
 
Thanks again friends. sometimes it's just comforting to know others have made it through this. I'm 37, so its not like i've never had my heart broken. I think its worse than 'puppy love' though, b/c at this age, you really know what you want. Also, this is someone who i had a relationship with 5 years ago, and we got involved again. i was thanking God for bringing him back into my life and was never so happy. Now this. . . plus, there was not any real 'closure' and that is always a difficult thing to deal with. In a way, as bad as it sounds, at least when someone dies, you know you will never see or talk to them again, i now have to worry about running into this person, mutual friends, hearing about him, getting weak and calling or emailing, etc, etc.
 
Lynnesq2 and R Burke

Just a cyber hug for both of you. Very tough.
You will find your way--and these things have happened to open new doors for you..Believe It..Envision It. Your Friend, Murph
 
RE: Lynnesq2 and R Burke

This thread pulled at my heartstrings so I need to jump in here. First of all, I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting. I am currently trying to help one of my best friends survive a breakup after 30 years of marriage. Her husband is almost 50 and is having a mid-life crisis of the worst kind. He just up and decided he wanted something "different" in his life. Walked away from his kids (college age) and the woman who adored him through the years. Needless to say she is devestated and depressed and feeling the ulitmate rejection. My heart is just breaking for her. Her pain is so deep she has even mentioned suicide. I suggested exercise and a lifestyle change that would make her fit and fantastic so that one day her dufus-soon-to-be-ex-husband may look back and wish he'd held onto this terrific lady.

Breakups hurt but I hate to see it defeat a person's spirit. I've not been through a breakup or a divorce (knock on wood) but I'd like to think if it ever happens, I would not stay down for long. I love it when I see a person emerge from it better, stronger, and more gorgeous than ever. I pray that's where you'll be soon. Take good care of yourself.
 
RE: Better dead than a cheater

Lynn, don't feel like you are an awful person for feeling it would be easier if your ex were dead. It's the truth. Especially when you aren't the one who wanted the break-up, have mutual friends, and live in the same town, it's very hard. Your stomach hurts when you go into a place you know he frequents, you constantly think you see that person or his car, etc. etc. Like others have said, try really hard to be good to yourself and don't let your grief take control over you. Honestly, the only thing that helps is time and keeping your mind occupied. You have to keep busy so you don't ruminate. Try to get back to your work outs, even if your heart is not really into it. Pretend to be happy even when you aren't. Read books, rent movies, try to be around people at least for a little while each night. Change your old routines around, and let your friends & family be there for you! Best of luck and happiness.
 
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