Birth Control 4 18 year old HELP

worseenemy

worseenemy

Cathlete
Ok my 18 years old dd come home yesterday and said to me, Mom I have an appointment for friday, and I said for what? and she said for a birth control...Whattttt she just went to get that shot I don't even remember the name her friend give her a ride and it took for ever, I mean she is not sx active not even boyfriend so why does she need for? she said that the nurse oh who ever talk to her ask, why she wasn't taking any and she answer my mom won't let me and this person said, well you are 18 so you can come with out you mom. I don't know what to do I don't think she need any yet until she is ready for this..

My husband is deploy and I'm sure his going to be mad when he found out this, he thinks that this is like OK now you can go and have sex is like giving permission or green light to go get and do what ever she want..
Or what do you guys think help me please...you guys think I'm crazy and just let her do it?
Thanks
Eunice
 
oh yikes!:(
I've got 3 girls but they are 7 and younger. No clue.
But I know my day will be here before I know it!
My inkling is that if she is in your house she abides by your rules....
good luck!
 
1) She is 18 and CAN do this without you or your spouse's permission

2) How do you know she's not sexually active?

My DD surprised us with the birth of a severly handicapped baby when she was 19. I wish she would have been smart enough to either listen to her parents and not have pre-marital sex or at least used birth control.
 
Hi Eunice - Are you upset that she did it, or upset that she did it without at least telling you about it first?

In reality, she is 18 and legally an adult. You could be angry or you could look at it another way and see that she's actually being responsible for taking control of her family planning responsibilities.

FWIW, I did exactly the same thing when I was her age.
 
Sheesh!

I come from a very conservative background. I do not believe in premarital sex and am celibate even though I am 31 yo. My doctors and even my father have never believed me. They put me on birth control to control my endometriosis which I had at 19 yo. I like to have my cycle even. It does seem to help with that. But, doctors and nurses are always certain that you are sexually active and never believe you if you aren't. They started requiring me to have pap smears when I was a teenager. Those hurt! :mad:

As for your daughter, since she is 18 yo she does get to decide. What she doesn't get is for you to pay for it. If she insists on that she can move out and pay for herself.
 
I think you should back off on this one. You don't know for sure she isn't active. Maybe she is and doesn't want to tell you. At least she is trying to be safe. I do hope she knows it doesn't prevent STDs, though. I went when I was 18 to get BCP's - not active, but was getting there and trying to be careful. They did a pap at the time to. They sent the ltr in the mail hope that the pap was ok - addressed to me, mind you. My dad opened it, I guess bc it was from the Dr office - and yelled across the house "Your pap smear was normal!" I wanted to die.

If you don't agree with your dau doing this, I would make her pay the bill (deductible, copay - if she's on your ins) but other than that, I would let the issue slide. At least she told you - that means alot. She may be looking for advice.

Nan
 
I don't know, although I am not a big fan of birth control in form of the pill or shots, I would say I'd rather have her take it than her ending up being pregnant at a young age.

I know that many feel that people should be abstinent until they are married, I don't but that is a different subject. So in a perfect world young people would be abstinent until they get married but unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world. And that is why we have so many unwanted babies and abortions. I believe that birth control is the lesser evil.

Legally speaking, I don't think there is anything you can do. I would probably try to find out why she thinks she needs to take birth control and try to get past her initial response that the nurse had asked her why she doesn't take it.
 
I think that now is the time that you hope and pray that the values and morals that you instilled in her take hold. She is starting into adulthood. It's tough to stand back and let them make their own decisions in life.

Have faith that she will follow your life teachings.
 
WELLLLLLL,

I work in the medical field. My instinct is to say that if your daughter feels she needs birth control, let her go ahead & get it. There is some reason she wants it---while she may not be sexually active, she may be attracted to someone & thinking that she might decide to have sex soon. Or some teens I have counseled sometimes have the mentality of "all my friends are on birth control, so why shouldn't I be?"

Whatever you decide, I would recommend talking to your daughter in a un-opinionated way (as much as we Moms can manage to do that) and ask her why she feels she needs it. It may be something as simple as, "I heard that YAZ stops acne, so I want to start taking it" or "I want the birth control pill that stops my period".

Most importantly, make sure she understands the consequences of sex--again strive for that non-opinionated tone ;) It's so important for teens and young people to realize that they open themselves up to sexual transmitted disease when they become sexually active. They need to know the importance & benefits for striving to remain abstinent until they meet Mr. Right, or at least plan not to have sex with more than 5 partners in their entire lives. The mentality that sex has no consequences other than pregnancy is not true. Make sure she realizes that there are several STIs out there in which there are no cure (herpes, HPV, HIV) and unfortunately I have seen folks limit themselves to 1 partner, but they still end up with an STI. Condoms offer some protection (not perfect protection though) & the HPV vaccine protects against 4 strains of HPV, but there are a total of 40 strains that can cause genital disease.
I tell folks that the only 100% way to protect against STIs is to remain abstinent. Once I spell out these facts, teens seem to look at sex in a new way! :)
 
I applaud your daughter for being a responsible adult. She is 18 and these decisions are now hers to make. I agree with the others who say she may already be sexually active. If she didn't feel comfortable coming to you for advice about birth control she may not feel so about having had sex either. I was younger than your daughter when I got on birth control. I was not yet sexually active but knew it was just a matter of time. I grew up to be a well adjusted happily married woman with no unwanted pregnancies. I also have no problem with people having premarital sex and yes that's another subject.
 
I come from a very conservative back ground too so something like this would probably upset me at first. But what you need to look at is that she told you now. She could have kept it a secret for a long time. Whether she is active or not, this sounds like a wonderful time to have some talks with her. Share your feelings, give her the opportunity to talk if she wants. Educate her not only with your beliefs and why you feel waiting is important, but also the consequences and risks that she will have to take responsibility for due to her choices. Let her know that if she doesn't need them now, there is no pressure to take them even if a doctor recommended them. Also let her know that if she does need them, that you are proud of her for making choices to be responsible. Try not to be judgmental and accuse her of being active, because if she isn't, she may take the attitude "Well if my parents don't believe me, than I might as well do it". At 18 they think they know everything so just talk with her and let her talk to you. No matter how we raise our children, in the end it still comes down to them making their own decisions at some point. (hopefully before they are 40 and still living at home, LOL).
 
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My step DD came to me at 15 and said pretty much the same thing. It could be worse. I could not say a think because her MOTHER encouraged it. :eek: She went on to the pill, though, and did not get shots. If the shot she got was Depo, she may have gone on it because it basically eliminates the menstrual cycle. I did go on it for a while in my late 30's because I was PMSing horribly for 2 weeks straight - it was depo or checking into a mental institute. It definitely provided relief. I switched to the BC pill taken continuously for 3 months which pretty much does the same thing without the horrible side affects that depo can have.

I agree with the people who say that she is 18 and there is not much you can do. But, I would make an appointment with your OBGYN to discuss all of her options - depo has too many side effects (do a web search). I think there are safer alternatives out there.
 
Congratulate your daughter on her demonstration of responsibility. There's no reason to tell your husband about it. This is a female health issue.

I remember a priest coming to my high school sociology class and said that if you are going to practice the sin of premarital sex, please practice the sin of birth control, while you are at it! :D

I also had a lot of bad reactions to Depo. Some have taken it without any problems, though. I'd be sure to remind her to use condoms to prevent STIs, like the other poster recommended.
 
Thanks guys

Oh MG,this is so hard for my, I know she is not active because she hardly go out,and no boys come to this house or phone calls and if she like some one she always introduce them to me.
When I ask her why she wanted this she said that(you guys right because everybody does) and because that will help her getting her period on time and she will know when it will come, I mean she always tell me stuff like, "Some of my friends have baby's and yuuk there stupid and bla bla bla.
I know I'm not the best person in the world but I married when I was her age, not the best decision because we end up divorce and about sex, I only want the best for her I know even sex is not easy at least not for me, because that was bad thing when I was growing my mom was BIG time conservative so even smile to a guy was bad...

Thanks a lot you really open my mind....
Eunice
 
So, I've had tons of problems hormonally (like the longest period I ever had was 13 mos and the second longest was 9 mos) so I had to go through a lot of BC medication. I believe you're talking about Depo Provera which I was on and it worked for a while for my problems until it didn't. (if it matters, a potential side effect is weight gain.) My DH's friend has a sister who is special and the special child gets the shot more for protection than anything else because its not like she's sexually active.

I think its a responsible thing to be on control actually. Even if she's not active now, maybe she thinks she wants to be later and she's planning. Though I hope she realizes that it would only protect against pregnancy and not STDs.

Does she have bad periods? Because when I was younger my mother wouldn't let me go on BC because it was BC so I had to deal with severe pain AND it took longer to figure out everything. It took my sister in my senior year of HS to convince her to let me get the medication.

Do you even have to tell your husband? I mean, she is 18+ and its her body. But if you're curious what prompted her decision making, I would ask what drew her to Depo instead of say, the pill? Is it because you have to remember to take the pill every day at the same time? Has she considered the Nuva Ring because its monthly (and a lower dose of hormones)? That way maybe you could figure out her reasoning...
 
worseenemy said:
Oh MG,this is so hard for my, I know she is not active because she hardly go out,and no boys come to this house or phone calls and if she like some one she always introduce them to me.

Eunice
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Unless of course he's really cute but happens to have tattoes, body piercings, and a few misdemeanors under his belt and your daughter decides it's better to keep that one to herself. Point is, you can't know everything and you have to hope that what you have taught your daughter sticks when she's out there in the big bad world. I think that she has come to you to discuss is to your credit as a mom.
 
hiitdogs said:
I don't know, although I am not a big fan of birth control in form of the pill or shots, I would say I'd rather have her take it than her ending up being pregnant at a young age.
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My sister had problems with the shots (is it depo-provera?) ... she developed all kinds of hormonal imbalances. She was in her mid 20s at the time and under a lot of stress, eating badly, so maybe those things contributed.

Still, I agree with Carola. The hormones may be the lesser of two evils here.
 
Boy, this one is tough. Just because something is legally ok, does not necessarily mean it is ok on a logical/moral/emotional level. With that said, I would certainly have a problem with this is if I was still fiscally responsible for her livelihood. Until she can afford the consequences of her decisions on her own, the decisions need to be made with involvement from you. This would infuriate me . . . which is probably why I don't have kids!

So sorry you're dealing with this.

Mo
 
There is one side of this issue which has been missed...

Both of my parents were very conservative and never even mentioned sex in our home. I learned everything from misinformed friends and when my period came along I thought I was bleeding to death! :) I didn't even know what options for birth control were available until I was into my late teens.

Fast forward to age 19...
I was in my second year of the Navy and was raped by two officers on the base where I was stationed. My bad luck was worsened by a pregnancy as a result. Let's just say that birth control would have been a godsend for me.

IMHO I don't believe that birth control is a written invitation to have sex. It is a drug that should be considered for ALL of the reasons. The individual who is taking the pill should be well informed on the potential side effects, positive and negative. I realize that my past situation is probably very rare, but I feel that it is important to not immediately rush to judgment on such a personal choice.
 
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