Wow, this is a post that I could have written.
First of all, I wanted to say, don't beat yourself up! And mostly, don't skip your dinner tonight. Eat something healthy, like a salad, but don't skip it! Don't punish yourself. It sends the wrong message to your subconscious mind.
I don't want to hijack your thread and talk about myself, this is not about me, but I hope it will help you.
I was never a binge eater, never on a "diet" and I was never overweight. I weighed between 115 to 120 lbs at 5'7". I was a fairly healthy eater and exercised regularly. When I got pregnant with my first son, I gained about 45 to 50 lbs, I lost all of it within a couple of months. When I was pregnant with my second son, I had moved from Europe to the US and the OB/GYN thought I was gaining weight too fast, so I was sent to "nutritional counseling" with a clinical dietician.
Big mistake! HUGE! I was put on a low-fat diet and I stuck to that diet to a t. That's when my problems started, all over sudden I had uncontrollable hunger pangs resulting in binge eating. Went back to the nutrionist, they lowered my fat intake even more and it got even worse. I went from 125 lbs at the beginning of my pregnancy to 220 lbs. Obviously, I lost some with the birth of my son, but still ....
Tried to get the weight down with the help of a nutritionist at first, again, low-fat, low-calorie and exercise. It did help, some weight came off, the intial results made me stick to it even more religiously. No deviating from my plan. And then, all hell broke lose, hunger pangs and binge eating. I did the same thing that you describe, binge eating and then skip a meal - bad idea. It made things even worse. I couldn't control my eating with sheer will power anymore and my weight shot up to more than weighed after my son was born.
Then I started entering the vicious cycle of "fad diets". Atkins, The Zone, South Beach, Rotation, Fat Flush ...... you name it, I did it.
Long story short, all of those diets, after the initial weight loss (probably mainly water), did nothing than deplete my energy, so I kept falling off my exercise schedule and eventually gaining the weight back plus some. The only thing I never did was weightloss pills. In my desperation I even started smoking again, which I had quit years and years ago. I do think I was punishing myself and going on a downward spiral.
At my worst last year, my scale topped at over 250 lbs (I am sure I was in the 260s I just stopped stepping on the scale).
Last year I was totally fed up with myself, me, Ms. Health Conscious, Healthy Eater, Never Overweight and Religious Exerciser had turned into an obese slob who couldn't control her eating. Don't get me wrong, I had phases where I religiously stuck to my eating and exercise plan, no matter what, but those times got shorter and shorter and the binge eating kicked in more and more, and longer and longer and I kept punishing myself with skipping meals, fasting ..... I had even turned to alcohol, maybe because I did't want to face my reality anymore.
So last year, I drove a stake in the ground, Cathe workouts were no longer possible - try and do a Power 15 at 260 lbs
So I decided walking would be good, I needed someone to keep me accountable and I got my dog (yeah, I know you guys will say, there she goes again with her wonder dogs
) I started walking 30 min twice a day. I think I can credit my dogs, however, to keep me accountable and starting me off on the right track and right state of mind and I don't think I could have done it without them. NO, I am not saying, get a Mini Aussie
Things didn't fall into place right away. I did lose some weight and the binge eating got less but I still had it. However, my state of mind changed, I knew I was doing something wrong with my diet and all the diets that the numerous "nutritionists" that I consulted suggested.
I looked back at the time when I was happy, healthy, trim and WITHOUT hunger pangs and I realized, I was eating differently back then. So I threw every fad diet and every nutritional advise that I had gotten over the last 7 years out the window and started eating like I did before.
I went back to adding - YES, GASP - fat in my diet. I no longer eat non-fat dairy (once in a while I do, if my total fat intake is a little too high), on average I eat about 60 to 70 g of fat a day - give or take. I eat lots of fresh veggies and fruit, and I do plan on cheating EVERY day, I don't do it every day, but I plan for it.
Meaning, if I have a craving for a spoon of Nutella (chocolate spread), I will eat it and feel terrific about it. I will no longer shuff carrots, celery, broccoli, a glass of skim milk (gag!) or low-fat crap in my mouth to keep me from eating what I really want and end up eating it anyway plus the additional calories that I took in before, and then end up not only with a spoonful but the whole goddamn thing, hating myself, eating even more crap. And then punish myself with not eating lunch or diner or both, or exercising until my tongue is dragging behind me on the floor, starting a whole new vicious cycle.
Every day, I plan on eating 6 meals - one being a cheating thing. Now I am at a point that I can eat a little bit of "bad" food and plan on it on a daily basis, but not end up eating it, because I don't feel like doing it or craving it - unheard of for me just a year ago.
I can't do whole "cheat days" because I am so wired "all or nothing", if I do a whole cheat day, I'll be falling off track, but the little bit every day, or every other day, works well for me.
I exercise 5 to 6 times a week, plus the daily walks with my dogs, I am not hungry and I do practice a little grace and forgiveness for myself for not being perfect. I think that is the major thing I learned. We are not perfect and trying to be perfect will end up in catastrophe - binge eating in our case.
So far I have lost at least 41 lbs ( remember, I stopped stepping on the scale at 252), 21 of them in the last 3 months and I rarely have any binge eating attacks anymore - I do have them the day before my period, but I plan for it and I am ok with it.
Sorry this was so much about me and my story, but I hope it helps you to see that you are not alone (I am sure you don't have as much weight to lose as I do, if you even have any weight to lose) and I hope my story helps you to practice a little forgiveness for yourself, because I sure don't want anyone to make the same mistakes I did.
We all always think it can never happen to us, and I was one of them! I have blasted obese people for the majority of my life. And now I am one of them. I have attacked people who don't have any "will power" and I sure look like I have no will power, don't I? Life works in mysterious ways sometimes and we are all here to learn a lesson or two. I am learning mine, and I hope I can pass on what I have learned. Sorry this was so long-winded.
My advise, forgive yourself and eat your dinner tonight!
Carola
