Bad news yesterday and I'm devasted

S

Shanda

Cathlete
Hi,
I'm 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I went for a ultrasound yesterday and they found thickness on the back of the babies neck I could tell by the doctor's face something was wrong. They did one ultra sound then a transvaginal ultra sound. So, they called my doctor and she had me come to her office immediately she sat me down and told me that the baby had cystic lyfomgia something like that. She told me that I have to undergo a ammuno I have no idea how to spell it but I can't have it done until I'm 14 weeks. It takes two weeks for the results to come back the doctor told me that it was 80-90% the test coming back postive for a bad chromosome and 10-20% the test coming back that the baby is ok. I was devasted, and she also told me if it comes back 18 it will mean I will have a miscarriage in my second trimester.

I could barely get out of the bed this morning. Trying to figure out what to do is so incredibly hard. My doctor says to me"I don't know how attached you are to this pregnancy but you could terminate and start all over" I thought that was just a heartless comment. But I talked with my family and they told me no, let's just wait for the test results and pray. I feel so helpless and guilty I was worried about gaining weight. I even worked out the day before the ultra sound and you wonder is that what did it? I know it's not but the guilt and pain that you feel is beyond anything I've ever felt in my whole life. I don't care if I hit 300lbs I just want the lord to bless me with a healthy baby so bad. I just can't imagine having an abortion I'd rather miscarry I just can't abort, I just can't. I'm going to try and stay positive and wait and see what the resutls say. Please pray for me.

Shanda
 
I'm so sorry...

that you received such devastating news. I'm sure it's alot to digest right now. I'd like to suggest to you a couple of things that might help you during this time period. Find out what the actual condition is that the doctors suspect, like what does a bad chromosone mean, worse and best case scenario and start researching. Sometimes, doctors present only "worst case" scenarios. By your researching, you will become more informed about what to expect. Use the internet, use the library. I know so many people who were diagnosed with conditions, who found alternative treatments, (and I don't necessarily mean natural) while researching. They presented them to their doctors, who agreed to try them. In one case, the doctor actually encouraged the patient to research what treatments were available and present them to him!! There may also be other tests they should or could do to assist them in diagnosing. Please don't think I don't trust doctor's opinions and diagnoses. But the more you know, the better the dialogue between you and your doctor. And if it is worse case scenario, you may find a support group to help you through this time. I hope this helps and I'll be praying for you.

Jackie
 
Hello Shanda,
So very sorry to hear about the bad news. Just wanted to let you know that doctors are not always correct. My friend had an ultrasound when pregnant with here little girl. They said she had a growth on her neck and suspected some strange disease. They said they could remove it when she was born, but that it usually will occur again and again throughout her life and cause alot of disfigurement. Sorry I can't remember the name of it.
Well, when she was born they found out different. The growth was actually a sack of pus. All they had to do was drain the pus and she was fine. No recurring problems. Not a disease at all.
And my friend had been so worried. She had even found out all about the disease they said her baby had and had even found a support group for the disease.
And be careful about having an amniosentisis--they can actually cause a miscarraige to happen.
So just remember, doctors are not God and are not always correct. You and your little one are in our prayers.
God Bless,
Heather
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jan-14-03 AT 11:59AM (Est)[/font][p]Sending <<<<<<<<<<<CYBER-HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>> Shanda, will be praying for you.

Anna
 
Hello Shanda,

I don't know if you know me as the moderator of this forum because I have not posted for awhile due to illness. I felt that I had to jump in this morning after reading your post to tell you that there is nothing that you did that could have caused this - especially exercise. Exercising is one of the best gifts that you can give to you and your baby when you are pregnant. Research has shown this over and over again. Also, don't feel guilty worrying about the "weight thing." Everyone who works out has some fear about gaining the extra weight of pregnancy. Some are just more vocal about it than others. It was okay for you to voice that concern, especially here where people really understand.

I agree that you should find out exactly what condition they suspect and do some research on your own. There are so many technological advances out there here in the 21st century. Use the time between now and your amnio to find out as much as you can and by all means keep up your normal exercise routine. It will help relieve some stress, which you will definitely need. The next few weeks are going to be quite challenging for you and I just wanted to let you know that your FitMoms family here on the forum will be with you every step of the way. You and your baby will be in my personal prayers.

Please keep us posted. I am so glad that you turned to the forum. It shows what a wonderful venue this is for pregnant women to share, both the good and the bad.

Here is a big hug. My heart is with you.

Sheila

Sheila S. Watkins, MLSci.
Founder and National Program Director
Healthy Moms(R)Fitness
 
Hi Shanda

My heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine the pain and stress are under. I'll be praying and thinking of you during this difficult time. Let's think positively and hope for the very best for you and your baby. We are here for you.
 
the risk of miscarriage w/ amnio...

Shanda,

First, I'd like to send you a big hug to you and that sweet baby inside of you.

I am so sorry that your OB was insensitive -- There are many, many stories about things not being as they seem in an ultrasound... my sister just had her 3rd baby, a healthy little girl. Her measurements (femur bone, pinky) along with a slight heart valve abnormality led her OB to fear a chromosomal abnormality, but the amnio showed that all was well. It was a rough 2 weeks between the amnio and learning the test results. So, I guess I'm trying to say that you should keep the faith... your baby may be as healthy as healthy can be. Just remember that our blessings don't always come in the packages we imagnine they will.

As for the amnio, the risk is fairly low (1/200-1/400) for causing miscarriage. I don't think that you should add the amnio to your list of worries. Both my sister and my best friend had them, and they said that the worst part was the numbing agent they used before inserting the needle. Neither had any problems during or after.

Take care of you~
Susan
 
Hello Shanda. I, too, am so sorry you received bad news. I will pray for you and your baby. Know that yet another person out there cares and welcomes your sharing your thoughts and experiences here. Please take care of yourself. Gina
 
Shanda, I will be praying for you and your baby.

Don't take everything the doctors say as "God's word." They do not know everything and often make mistakes. Here is why I tell you this:

When my sister was pregnant with her 3rd child the ultrasound technician could not find the babies esophagous(sp?). They did the amnio and still they could not find it. They presented the abortion situation to my sister and bil. That was a horrible suggestion and very insensitive, period. My sister is a woman of faith and she would not hear of killing her baby and not giving it a chance (I personally would have jumped on the doctor for even suggesting that, then fired him). Her husband is of the abortion persuation. They decided to wait. At the time of the birth, I was there. I saw it and recorded it all. They had a team of doctors like you would not believe! There were neurologists, surgeons, NICU staff, special doctors, etc. because supposedly this baby was coming without some parts....guess what!?! By the Grace of God, that baby was HUGE, beautiful, and COMPLETE!!!! There was nothing wrong with him. If my sister had allowed the doctors' views and her husband's fear (of future inconvenience taking care of a sick child) control her, they would have killed their baby because of what they "saw" in an ultrasound and amnio. My sister (we all) decided to pray and trust God with the baby. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby and God healed him, who knows???, but our faith in God prevailed.

Trust God. Pray. Research the disease they are telling you it could be. Like you, I would rather miscarry or give birth to the baby and let whatever will happen, happen.

May God grant you the peace and wisdom you so desire during this trying time.

Blessings from our home to yours, Runathon
 
Shanda, my heart goes out to you. Please try and let go of your guilt - nothing you may have done or felt is responsible. The others here have offered wonderful advice; I just want to add my warmest wishes and prayers for you and your baby. I hope the amnio finds that your baby is just fine.

Please take care of yourself.
Sandi
 
I have no words of wisdom like the others here, and feel a little weird because #1 I hardly ever post on the forum, and #2 I don't have any children, but I could feel your pain when reading your post, and wanted to let you know my prayers are with you.

Teresa
 
Hi Shanda,

So sorry to hear about the news but as someone said doctors aren't always right and they can definitely scare you by magnifiying the worse case scenario. Definitely find out all you can about this condition the doctors say your baby may have and know that I'll be praying for you.

valerie
 
Hi everyone,
Your responses to my thread have just bought tears to my eyes. I just can't thank you all enough for the encouraging stories and the positive thoughts. I can hardly type this for crying thank you, it feels so good to be able to talk with other people that understand that's why I posted it. I just finished reading some of the stories to my mom and she was just as touched as I was. I'm going to see a specialist next wednesday and I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.

Shanda
 
Shanda, I just wanted to add to the other posts and let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best for you and your baby.
Take care,
Erica
 
I am so deeply upset for you and so very sorry, Shanda. I remember you from the old Firm forum. You will be in my prayers.

(((((Hugs)))) from London


Your friend in fitness, Fitnik
 
I'm so sorry!

Everyone has already given you all the best advice. Let me just add my hugs and prayers. Hang in there!
 
I am praying for you both

I am sorry to hear of your distressing news. I hope it o.k to say that God has a plan for you and this baby. It may not be what YOU planned but we can not always understand His logic. I will pray for the health of you both.

Blessings,

jeni
 
Hi Shanda! Wow, I just got to the forums now and am shocked and so deeply saddened to hear of your news. I know this is a very difficult time for you and I am praying sooooooooooo hard for you, as we ALL are. I'm glad that you have come to the forum for support. It sure will help to ease some of the emotions and anxieties you must be feeling. We may not always have answers but we most definitely have big open arms for you. Please come visit us any time. HUGE CYBER HUGS ARE COMING YOUR WAY. Take Care. Cathe
 
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