carrie123
Cathlete
Having a somewhat mental break today, due to a severe nightmare...
It turns out when I woke up from this horrid nightmare it in fact was a flashback... As much as I wish it had been a dream, it had been real. As much as I rationalize that it's in the past, my dreams remind me otherwise. It seems small amounts of stress will trigger these unresolved memories. My whole mind, body and soul ache when these nightmares lead me down an incredible whirlwind of memories, like a dominoe effect, I can't stop them. I wait until they run their course, then I am emotionally exhausted, from feelings of anger, sadness, fear, helplessness, shame unforgiving, you name it...
It's like taking a beating and whatever else they could do all over again, like it was just yesterday...I hate putting forth any energy toward those s.o.b's. I had myself believing it could have been worse and I should count my blessings, and I do!!! Everyday I thank god, for all the wonderful people in my life. Twenty years of pure hell...Thirteen years of tring to forget...
I talked to my hubbie and I talked to my sister, but still the dreams exist...the pain still exists...
I was wondering if there was anyone out there who knew something about this sort of thing...
I tried keeping journals, but I was so afraid someone would find what I've written that I just couldn't bring myself to put it down on paper...I think I'm fine one day, an incredibly strong and independant woman, mother, wife, sister and daughter, but every six months or so I wither into a ball of nothing and am unsure of everything....I know I have to work through some issues to move forward, because apparently even if you repress memories in your waking hours, they surface in your sleep...whether you want them to or not...Just not sure where to begin...I don't want to talk to a shrink, I'm not good at letting other people in...I feel like I would just be another client on the clock...nothing less, nothing more...
Sorry for dampening any spirits...Thanks for letting me vent. Again, I'm sorry for sounding so yucky today...
Carrie
;(
It turns out when I woke up from this horrid nightmare it in fact was a flashback... As much as I wish it had been a dream, it had been real. As much as I rationalize that it's in the past, my dreams remind me otherwise. It seems small amounts of stress will trigger these unresolved memories. My whole mind, body and soul ache when these nightmares lead me down an incredible whirlwind of memories, like a dominoe effect, I can't stop them. I wait until they run their course, then I am emotionally exhausted, from feelings of anger, sadness, fear, helplessness, shame unforgiving, you name it...
It's like taking a beating and whatever else they could do all over again, like it was just yesterday...I hate putting forth any energy toward those s.o.b's. I had myself believing it could have been worse and I should count my blessings, and I do!!! Everyday I thank god, for all the wonderful people in my life. Twenty years of pure hell...Thirteen years of tring to forget...
I talked to my hubbie and I talked to my sister, but still the dreams exist...the pain still exists...
I was wondering if there was anyone out there who knew something about this sort of thing...
I tried keeping journals, but I was so afraid someone would find what I've written that I just couldn't bring myself to put it down on paper...I think I'm fine one day, an incredibly strong and independant woman, mother, wife, sister and daughter, but every six months or so I wither into a ball of nothing and am unsure of everything....I know I have to work through some issues to move forward, because apparently even if you repress memories in your waking hours, they surface in your sleep...whether you want them to or not...Just not sure where to begin...I don't want to talk to a shrink, I'm not good at letting other people in...I feel like I would just be another client on the clock...nothing less, nothing more...
Sorry for dampening any spirits...Thanks for letting me vent. Again, I'm sorry for sounding so yucky today...
Carrie
;(