Argh, the stress is getting to me! Help!

S

stephl

Cathlete
Hi all, I need a little 'chin up, girl' talk!

We have been living in the UK for four years. Four GREAT years, we've had a lot of cool adventures, traveled a lot, etc. We decided last year that we wanted to move home in 2006/07. My DH works very hard, is very good at what he does, and has moved up and gained quite a lot more responsibility in his company since taking the job here. So, why is it taking so dang long to find a job in the US? He's been looking hard since September, and has had a couple offers, but they are in the wrong part of the country (he is set on moving to the NW/Seattle area to be near family) and they paid half of what he is making now. He has a lot of contacts, and is applying for a lot of jobs, but things just seem to be moving very, very, very slowly. Plus he is insanely busy w/ his job here and is working all hours of the day and night getting stuff done here, plus trying to make contact w/ people in the NW (8 hours behind us.)

I know he will find a job in the NW, and it will be the right one for him and us. I know that the higher up you get in a field, the fewer number of jobs there are. I just wish that we KNEW when we'd be moving. The constant uncertainty, stress and anxiety of the situation is really getting to me. I don't want to share my feelings w/ DH too much, as I know he is feeling the same and is very stressed about his inability to find a dang job. It wasn't nearly this hard finding a job in the UK, and that required jumping through a lot of hoops!

I just need to vent about how scared, anxious and stressed I am. We are going to Minnesota to spend Christmas w/ family and friends and I know everyone will be asking "Have you found a job yet? When are you moving? Why haven't you found a job yet?"

I feel ready to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and hide until this is all sorted. But we've got an 8 year old boy and I have to stay upbeat and positive for him, and to support DH.

Please give up some positive vibes and prayers for us! You'd think that a person who is so good at what he does that the people here are saying "Don't go, how are we going to replace you, you're one in a million!", who gets tons of kudos and awards for his work and is recognized as an expert in what he does in Europe would be able to find a dang job in his home country!

OK, vent over. I'll try to pull my socks up and get on w/ my workout, and day. Thanks for reading, anyone.
 
(((((((Stephanie))))))))))

I'm sooo sorry your DH is having these problems. I have one word for you that could very well be the root of this issue OVER-QUALIFIED! If your DH is at the top of his field then he may know TOO much for the jobs he is applying for. Employers don't want to hire someone that is TOO good at what they do or knows TOO much because they are afraid the person will get bored fast and leave or possibly because they can't afford to pay enough to keep a person who is that good.

My mom has hit the over-qualified "wall" in the past. This is how I know about it...

It's a double-edged sword sometimes being so good at what you do. It can make it hard to find another job. It seems so wrong that someone who is such a hard worker would have it so tough finding a new job but it can happen. I know it stinks. :-(

Keep your head up! Be proud of your DH! He sounds like an AMAZING person! I'm sure he'll find something soon and I'm sure it will be worth waiting for!:)

Take Care!
 
Thanks Wendy! I am very proud of DH - he is amazing, and very smart and talented. I know someone will realize that soon, LOL! Thanks for your kind words.:)
 
Steph,

Chin up, Girl!!!;-)

Your husband WILL find a good job eventually. He has all the qualifications. My first thought is that offering up a job, sight unseen, for employers is probably hard. I would think his chances of landing a great job would increase once he is here and applying. I am sure applying from there hurts him. Just a thought. I know that doesn't help you now, but.....
 
I can understand your frustration and agree with Wendy that he is probably perceived as over-qualified. That, and, it can be difficult to find a specific job within a preceise location. I'm just going to throw out some possibilities based on my own experience - and may not be applicable at all to your situation, but just give you different perspectives to think about?
I think, based on my own expat experiences, that it is very difficult to replicate success on two continents. In the US I loved my career and my experience/education/qualifications were valued. Here in the UK, the opposite has been true. I don't fit the typical British mold in a field where diversity is not valued - so I struggle constantly to even have a career. I am also a registered professional in the US but I have no way of gaining this acceptance in the UK b/c the equivalent body does not recognise american qualifications at all (yet it accepts canadian degrees). I've been told to go back and get another bachelor's degree in the field - when I have one plus 2 masters.
I've also noticed that certain professions get much more respect and financial compensation in Europe than they would in the US and vice versa. Could it be that this is the situation for him in terms of pay?
In general, maybe the jobs in the US are also discounting his European experience? and not valuing it in the ways that they should? At the same time, I can understand your pride in him - what he has accomplished here is not easy in a foreign country and shows tremendous strength and flexibility. I am sure that a company in the US will eventually appreciate his abilities and seasoning for this reason. I think, in genral, american companies appreciate adaptability far more than their european counterparts. So, I am sure he will find a job and this uncertainty in your life will come to an end. I would find it enormously stressful as well. Moving countries, repatriating in particular, is never easy. And, if you ever wish to come back to the UK, it sounds like you would have a very easy time of it and he would be able to work here again. Take care of yourself and take all of these stresses out in your workouts:)!

mta: I belong to an american expats in the UK site and there are lots of ppl there that can provide you with good advice on repatriating. If you are interested, the site is www.americanexpats.co.uk
 
Thanks for the advice. What's so frustrating is that he works for an American company (it's a global company, American based and owned,) the same company he's been with for over 11 years, and is trying to find a job w/in the same company, just a different area. So it's not like he's a complete unknown - he's even presented at different company conferences both in the US and the UK (not big keynote presentations, but still...)

I just gotta hang in there.

PS, thanks for reminding me of americanexpats.co.uk I was a member there several years ago, then drifted away. I'll have to check it out again.:)
 
Also keep in mind the time of year - your husband is looking at the "worst" time (although it is a great time to be getting himself out there). Most major companies slow down hiring at this time of the year due to the holidays, to year-end comp matters (bonueses, etc) and to fiscal budgets. Many jobs won't be "released" until after the first of the year. If his industry is a bonus-paying industry, people aren't going to begin moving (and freeing up jobs) until after bonuses have been paid. Keep pushing and you will see - things will loosen up around January and into February. Hiring bursts frequently happen in the second half of the first quarter.
 
Stephanie, all I can say is I remember a time in my life when EVERYTHING was up in the air and it was the most stressful thing imaginable, so I sympathize. I didn't know where I would be living or working. I kept paying my rent, but I was so in flux, I didn't even dare join a gym for fear I would have to cancel. I remember getting too skinny and taking so much Maalox that I carried the bottle in my purse. A year or so later I was out of a bad relationship, in a great job in an adorable apartment in New York City, having a great life. :D To this day, I'm glad I suffered through and held out for the good stuff. Chin up. :)
Nancy
 
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