are you friends with your kid's friend's parents?

M

Michele S

Cathlete
That's a mouthful!

My son is starting a new school this year. We're taking him out of our public school and putting him into parochial school, so we haven't moved or any of that. In the past few years, I have become very friendly with his friends' moms - three women to be exact - and have lately felt that with our decision to switch schools, I'm slowly being axed. At first my feelings were hurt - phone calls not being returned, always me trying to make contact - and I've now told myself that if switching schools bothers them so much, then we weren't really friends to begin with. I think it's the why-is-it good-enough-for-us-but-not-for-you mentality!

My question is, how many of you have become friends with other parents? I'm really thinking now that it's probably not such a great idea, but don't want to isolate myself from the "new" people that I'm going to meet!

TIA!
Michele
 
I wouldn't say that I am friends with my kids friend's parents. We enjoy talking to each other and socializing at school events and seeing each other at birthday parties, working together on PTO but I really wouldn't say we are Friends, but more of associates.

Associates come and go. You may find that you are associates with a co-worker, but when that person changes jobs---your contact slowly ends.
 
Hi! I'm on the other side of the kids in school thing!

I actually made some wonderful friends throught my kids! I made the most through sports as the kids were doing something they loved and we loved seeing them enjoying themselves.

There definete are the associate type but also some very good friends. I found when my daughter went off to college I had to reconnect as I didn't realize how it would take a real effort to stay in touch. It's kinda cool - I've been a single mom for 17 years and 2 of the Mom's have just gotten divorced so the 3 of us are going out again in a few weeks!

Actually the friends that are on IM I stay in touch with A LOT more and email friends as well. Phone folks - yep I do find I lose touch.
I make a big effort to keep in touch with former work friends and it doesn't take much and soon they have become really good friends even after we worked together. It definetly leads to a lot more variety in friends :)

Enjoy the years ahead it goes SOO FAST!
 
Nope. A simple answer for a long question:)

The reason I am not is b/c I am so much younger then the mothers in her class. I am only 28 and my daughter is in Grade 5 so most of the mothers are in their late 30's or early 40's and if they grew up in this town then they tend to hang out together.
I have my own friends that are my own age and they are only just having kids. I am 23 weeks pregnant now so I have a feeling that I will be friends with more mothers this time though, just b/c I won't be so young.
Its to bad that they are making you feel this way though, strange huh?
Lori:)
 
Michele,
the school switch thing is a big deal, IMO.
My kids are 13 and 10, now, and we go to our neighborhood school, but when my oldest was in K-2 we were at a private school and things were more chilly towards us in the neighborhood. Now we are fully integrated, have a lot of good friends who are parents of both of my kids' friends.

So I think it's hard for people to feel supportive of you when you are deciding to do something different for your kid. Since we went the other way on this, some of the friends I have now, who were previously chillier toward me, told me eventually that they felt bad we chose (and thus rejected), the choice they were making for their kids.

Hard issues, I think, but don't give up on making friends with your kids' friends' families. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, oh well. But don't rule it out in advance.

The real friends will stand by you. (Oh I forgot that then the parents from the private school we were friends with eventually dropped us because we moved out...) So I think this is more about switching schools than befriending kids' friends' parents.

Just my two-and-a-half cents, though!
-Barb

:) :) :)
 
it really depends on the person. i am friends with most of them but others i really could deal without. such snobbish ignorance especially on how i raise viola. once i explain austim some of them move to the other side of the room anyway. but you are right, if they are going to be like that towards you then they really weren't friends anyway, but don't let that stop you from making better friends b/c you never know when you meet somebody that can change your life. have to go through a million a##holes to find that gem of a good friend.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
 
I would say that most of the time I tend to become the mothers friend. But sometimes, at least in the neighborhood, I just get to know the family enough so I feel safe letting my son go to their house without me. But I always make sure that I know the parents and feel comfortable enough to call over to their house when I want. I feel that is very important.

Kathy
 
Hello everyone!

I would like to introduce myself as one of the three women Michele S is talking about. I feel the need to let everyone know that there are two sides to every story and I'm about to tell you mine. I will only speak for myself to say that I have always considered Michele a very close friend and I'm extremely hurt by what I have read. I have gone above and beyond to be a good friend and have told Michele numerous times that sending her child to a different school had no impact on me or my family. In the past few years that we have been friends, things have been said that have hurt my feelings. For example, Michele seems to have a hugh problems with the fact that I do not work and I'm a stay at home mom. She has made negative comments about other women who don't work to me, and then covers it up by saying,"but I don't mean you." She has also made remarks in the past about how she doesn't understand how we can afford the things we have on my husband's income alone. Personally, I feel that it is none of her concern, just as she feels that sending her kid to another school is none of ours, which I agree. She has also made remarks about our religious practices. I have let those things slide, still trying to be a good friend. Recently, a mutual friend of ours had a summer camp at her church and for some reason she couldn't get past the fact that I wasn't sending my children. By the way, I don't even belong to the church that had the camp and she has made negative comments about the church to me for the past 3 years, so I was confused about why she kept asking if my kids were going and why she was so concerned that they were not. As far as not returning her calls, In 3 years I have only not returned in call ONCE. I was very busy preparing for my daughter's 10th birthday party and had every intention of getting back to her. I think because I don't work, she thinks I sit home all day with nothing to do. I find it interesting that she is upset about not being called back because she has continuously done it to me and the other two women she speaks of for the last 3 years. Their are many people who have warned me about Michele, and I'm not talking about the other two women, and I continued to stick up for her over and over. I couldn't have been a better friend to her if I tried and I still got crapped on. If anyone has doubts about befiending my children's friend's parents, it is me! It is aparently very hard to live up to her standards of a friend, and I'm getting tired of trying. I'm going to be 40 in April and don't need to be playing highschool games. By the way Michele, you're not the only one with feelings and you should be more careful about the things you post on the WORLD WIDE WEB. You never know who is reading it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michelle C
 
>>>>>>I continued to stick up for her over and over. I couldn't have been a better friend to her if I tried and I still got crapped on>>>>>>


Michelle C--
I don't usually respond to things like this....but it wasn't so friendly to post what you did...

Of course there must be more than one side to this. If you don't usually post here, though, then Michele S wasn't trying to embarrass you?

We all post here with the hope that there is a little sliver of calm outside of the craziness of our daily lives where we can find some support, understanding, advice, and maybe some perspective. This forum and the anonymity it provides has helped me numerous times. Sometimes we need a friend with a blank face??

But surely there's a better way to handle your hurt feelings than to join the Cathe forum just to tell off Michele S.

Please join the forum as a regular poster. Chat and get support. Do you exercise with Cathe tapes? You would be welcome here!

Friendships are so complicated. When kids are involved, it gets even more complicated.

I feel sad that Michele will have to walk out of her driveway after reading this note from you and feel bad. She tried to seek some support online, something I have done many times. Don't punish her--open your heart, please.

Keep trying...don't quit....solve this problem in a way that will make you feel good about who you are.....

I wish you well and wish Michele S. well and hope you guys can work things out or at least feel a sense of peace about a friendship and connection that didn't blossom as you wished and go on and wish each other well....
 
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