Anyone Ever Lose a Friend because of Exercise?

L

lisaannjam

Cathlete
I am curious to know if this has ever happened to anyone else, knowing you are all fitness enthusiastes out there...I started really getting into daily, intense, exercise about ten years ago when I went through a painful divorce. I started going to the gym every night when I got home from work because I hated coming home to an empty house. I got in shape and gained a new self confidence, which was a great thing. Unfortunately, I lost my best friend of over ten years because of it. See, we used to sit on our lawn chairs in our backyards and eat donuts and say we wanted to get in shape, but never did anything about it. Well, when I went through my transformation, my best friend really got upset with me. And believe me, I didn't talk about the gym with her or anything like that. I knew she wasn't into it. But, I could see she was actually annoyed with me for looking good. She would tell me so and make snide comments. This hurt so much and it was so UNLIKE her to behave that way. We were so close and I would have never, ever have expected this from her. After some time, I just lost her completely. I know intellectually that it's really her issue with herself. But, I still cannot believe that I lost her when I needed her the most. You see it was always she that had some kind of turmoil going on and I was always happy to help in any way that I could. I feel that exercise has brought so much good to my life mentally, physically and spiritually. Heck it's even my occupation now. It was so sad for me. Can anyone relate?:-( :-(
 
Sorry, cant relate....but be proud of yourself. Some people will hold a grudge against you for succeding, even if they dont try to succed themselves.

Joanna
 
Joanna,

THANK YOU for the kind words. It means a lot! It's so nice to meet some very nice new people who can share in the joy of exercise and other things as well.
 
I just want to 2nd the comment about being proud of yourself. You go girl! The two of you used to sit around and talk about getting in shape, and you're the one who actually DID something about it! Way to go! She probably became jealous of your positive transformation and that's what caused the tension. It's sad when this happens - and it happens for other reasons than one friend getting into shape (happens when one friend gets married, or one friend has a child, etc etc). But you learn who your real friends are. And you become stronger yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, and keep up the good work. :)
 
Maybe part of the problem was that she depended on being able to pour her turmoils out to you so you could "deal with them" for her. But, when you started going to the gym, that took you away from her. Good for you!!! My mom always seems to have some turmoil going on in her life, too, and always likes to pour all that negativity out to me. Well, I got fed up with it a few weeks ago and have basically said, "NO MORE!" From now on, my mom will deal with her own problems, because many of them are self-created, anyway...and I just don't have the time or the energy to deal with them.

Also, while I read your story, the saying "misery loves company" came to mind. People want to keep those who are around them stuck down in the muck with them. They don't want anyone in their circle of friends to do better, because then that makes them feel bad about themselves.

This reminds me of crab-fishing. Do you realize that crab fishermen don't have to put a lid on a container that contains a bunch of crabs? You wanna know why? Because the fishermen know that if one crab tries to climb out of the bucket, the rest of the crabs will reach up and grab onto the one trying to escape and pull it back down into the bucket. Rather than allow one of their own the chance to gain its freedom and escape certain death, those crabs will make sure that none of them escape so they all share the same dreadful fate.

Many humans are like this, too. Many people don't like seeing one of their own escape from the negative bucket of slime and actually succeed at something. They get jealous of those who've successfully lost weight or who have successfully worked themselves into a lucrative profession. Many people think that if they have to suffer, then so should everybody else...just like the crabs in the bucket.
 
Catwoman, thank you for telling me about the crab bucket thing! There was a song getting big airplay here awhile ago called "Crab Bucket", and while I thought it was a great song (very "catchy", pun intended), I never understood what the heck he was singing about. It all makes sense now.

Cheers!
Sandra
 
Congrats on your transformation!!!!

I can relate, not about the divorce, but losing a friend to exercise. She did make many snide comments as well to me and even said to DH that I was taking this exercise "thing" too far. It is a lifestyle and I love it. I have met a lot of friends at the gym and have helped other friends who have applauded my transformation. I now teach Bodypump at my health club and am getting certified to teach PiYo as well. It was a sad thing, but my life is better not having all of the turmoil go along with the friendship. I am a much happier person the way I am now.

Michele
Mom to Jack and Parker
 
It wasn't because of exercise per se. More of the weight loss. My first two years in college, I gained weight. Shot up from 95 lbs. to 125. It wasn't a fast weight gain, but when I saw a picture of myself in shorts and when my oldest brother christened me "hippahips" I knew I needed to do something. So one summer I went to the gym and lost 25 lbs. It didn't really go so well with my girlfriends. I got comments like, "You lost all that weight and you still have a big butt." And that's just one of the many green-tinged comments tossed JOKINGLY my way. Well, my best friend was going through orthodontic treatment and she lost weight, too. The girls around us started comparing our weight loss and somehow my best friend joined in. It became a question of who had the smallest waistline, who had the shapelier body, etc. This all graduated to who had the cuter boyfriend, who came from a better family, who was driving the nicer car... Oh lordy! So I withdrew. It was going too far. Well, the girls couldn't let it go. Eventually there was a rumor about me wanting to steal my best friend's boyfriend away. Good lord, I had no idea these two were dating. I knew it was meant to get my attention (not to mention hurt me and muddy my reputation), but that was it. I was gone. End of relationships. I'd known these girls since grade school. I guess the most ridiculous part of it was how my best friend thought I was in some competition with her when all I really wanted to do was look better and keep my brother from teasing me, and how she bought into the idea that one of us had to be better than the other.

Oh well, life goes on. I'm off to better things.:)

Pinky
 
First, Congratulations on your new body! That is great! Divorces can really suck but sounds like you are much healthier now!

LOVE the crab story! I, however, REFUSE to be a crab! I will do what I can to help hoist out the other crabs and I hope they'd do the same for me! That is the way women SHOULD be!

Let me tell you how a best friend should be....6 months after having my son, I was down to my current size (not fitness level, but still fit). When my best friend saw me, she was amazed, happy and asked what I had been doing. I told her and she went out and bought the Firm stuff I used and thanked me for the tip! From then one, I bought and lent her Cathe videos! She's freaking gorgeous and I make sure she never forgets it!

If your friends are only your friends while you are killing yourself with donuts...they aren't worth having! I am sad for the loss of your friendship but your health is way more important!
 
LOVED the crab story Catwoman and unfortunately all too true. I also lost a "friend" because I got in shape and she didn't. I was hurt initially, then I realized that I didn't have time for friends who tried to suck the energy out of me. I'd rather spend my time with people who were supportive of me and could separate their own issues from mine.


--Lois

"Don't forget to breathe!"
 
This might be a downer but I recently Lost as in dying a friend because of exercise. That is what I thought the original post question was about until I read the replies. I had a really good friend whom I worked with for many years. A great guy, the best of the best, glass always full kind of guy. In all the years I worked with him never once saw him mad or upset and in the copier sales business that is rare. He came over to me on a Friday and told me how he passed out as the gym the week before. They said "dehydration" well that weekend he went for his usual run and died of a heart attack. He was only 43(looked like he was in his 30's) Always exercised. Left behind a wife and 2 beautiful girls.

Life isn't fair sometimes. I did learn and I think everyone at my company was reminded to cherish life and cherish and take care of your body. Don't be STUBBORN. If you have a weird pain or like pass out like he did insist on seeing your Dr. HE was scheduled to see his Dr but not till the following week

Sad employee of Ikon office Solutions
 
Thank you all so very much for your thoughtful perspectives!! I appreciate it more than you know. I loved the crab story as well! I am so grateful to have such positive people who are happy to cheer me on and I'm more than happy to cheer you all on as well!!
 
lisaannjam,

Congrats, on getting in shape and turning your life around, that can be really hard espeically when your best friend doesn't back you up. I had this also happen to me. My friend was really jealious of how I looked to start with I didn't know it until years later, we became friends in high school. She was tall and thin and she had been in a car accident when she was little that screwed up her arm, as not all the kids in high school were nice to her. But she was fun to be with once she got over testing to see if you were really going to be a friend or not. But her *testing* drove guys away and some I'm sure wouldn't look at her because of her arm. In high school, I fell in love with working out, as it was my escape from everything including the pain I was in everyday from having my neck fussed. She started to get really upset when I wanted to start a aerobic step club, and then I got a job teaching step at our local gym. She didn't like the fact that we couldn't just go off after school and do something. I invited her to the gym and the club if she ever wanted to, and that was as far as I went about talking about fitness. We made it threw high school, and by then my body had progressed into being very fit. One day we were taking a walk by the lake, and a couple of guys came up and started talking to us. And after they parted she went just nuts, yelling and screaming about how I was only her friend because I felt sorry for her, and how I was working out just to make her look more like a crippled. She hasn't spoken too me since, and I tried for quite a while after that incident but I guess she still thinks I make her look bad. And I know all about losing a friend when you need them the most, I could have really used her then with losing the man I truely loved in a car accident, a few days after that fight.

But I kept going and I am so thankful I had my exercise at that time, I don't know if I would have gotten threw it with out.

Kit
 
You did the right thing for yourself and you should be so proud. Don't let anyone bring you down for it.
I do have a friend that just does not get it. I told her how I was doing with my workouts and how I gained weight and dropped body fat and all she could say was...."you don't need to lose anymore weight". And then she will go on to discuss "A" workout she did to Richard Simmons. Hmmmm. She obviously didn't listen to me. She is not into working out and binges on food. I have seen her at all different sizes everytime I go to visit her. I guess I can't discuss fitness with her, but maybe other things.
Life goes on.
Charlotte~~
 
I have met a lot of this negative crap throughout the years. About 9 years ago, when I lost a lot of weight, almost everyone around me was negative at some point. I was "losing too fast" "losing too much" "starting to look too thin," etc. I lost 80 pounds rather quickly - at some point, of course, the results started looking dramatic. However by no means were they negative. I even had some friends joke (I was in college at the time) that I'd rather stay home and exercise than go out at night. everyone sort of forgot that I was mourning the quick, unexpected loss of my dad rather than saving calories from not drinking beer. I find it amazing how people can make a positive thing so negative without much effort!! I lost a very good friend b/c he wanted to continue the bender of drinking and wasting our lives away 7 days a week and I lost interest. Plus, I had a rather huge life's blow when my dad passed away and if nothing else, a reality check. He's not the only one that has walked out of my life (or I have walked away from) b/c of this issue and I bet he's not the last.

It's one part jealousy, two parts vanity and one part stupidity. Be the better person and keep your chin up. GOOD JOB! YOu did what you needed to do, you made yourself healthier and you accomplished a goal. And you did it at a time of sorrow - DOUBLE Good AWESOME JOB!

Christine
 
Congrats on your new lifestyle! You should be so proud of yourself. That is quite an accomplishment.

My husband's cousin and I became friends. We could get together a few times a week so our children could play together. Both of us were overweight but I was disgusted w/myself so I decided to do something about it. When I started losing weight, she stopped calling and coming around. I couldn't tell you the last time that I saw her or spoke to her and I know that it is because of my exercise and weight loss.
 
Congrats on your new lifestyle! You should be so proud of yourself. That is quite an accomplishment.

My husband's cousin and I became friends. We could get together a few times a week so our children could play together. Both of us were overweight but I was disgusted w/myself so I decided to do something about it. When I started losing weight, she stopped calling and coming around. I couldn't tell you the last time that I saw her or spoke to her and I know that it is because of my exercise and weight loss.
 
Kit,

First, I am so very sorry for your losses!! And thanks for sharing your pain with me. It's hard when it's your best friend, isnt' it? I'm so sorry. We strive to be the best we can be and we do gain new friends that can be happy with us. It's still hard losing your best one, though. God bless you and YOUR strength. And I know what you mean about the exercing getting you through!! Thanks, again!:)
 
Christine,

Thank you!!! I'm getting a little teary-eyed over here. What you wrote was so right on and very touching to me!! It's so ironic that you, a total stranger to me, could see that I did need my friend and that it was very hard for me at that time. And, I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your Dad. God Bless you!! And my chin is up now, so thanks a million!!!:) :)
 
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