Anyone ever get like this?

gidget1978

gidget1978

Cathlete
Dh and I had a little tiff two days ago_Over something stupid, non the less, and we really haven't been talking alot.Only what needs to be said.Bottom line...in-laws that know to much.
Anyway,its been 2 days since we really had a conversation and its the longest time we have ever went like this.But I am in one of those moods, where I just don't care.Ever get like this? Im not mad, sad,angry or happy.Im just like "whatever".Talk to me if you want, don't if you don't want to....Whatever. I know it will pass and he tried talking to me today when we got our coffee but I was in "don't care mode"...whatever.Just picture me with eyebrows up and a not so concerned look on my face.hahahaha Tell me Im not the only one.
Lori:)
 
Lori,

I'm a big believer of not holding onto anger. Just chalk it up to my life experience, but when we go our separate ways each day to our jobs, etc., we never know if it will be the last time we'll see each other. Just my 2 cents.
 
Lori,

I get what you mean...I can be like that myself. I think of it as an "off mood" that will pass...Does DH think you are pist at him when you get like this or has he figured out that you are just being "a woman"? :p
 
Sorry, Lori, but I beg to disagree. Your "whatever" attitude towards him is anger. You may not feel any anger, but you are being aloof and uncommunicative and the effect is to punish him. You are enjoying watching him squirm. If the effect is to punish him, then there is underlying anger in there somewhere. I'm the same way, not all that in touch with my emotions, so I have to play detective to figure them out.

Sorry for the reality check if that's not what you wanted.

-Nancy
 
Anything is good.Ill take "whatever"...see there I go again:7 I agree, I think part of it is anger and I don't think I am trying to punish him but in some way I probably am.
He knows I am mad about what happened.It wasn't what happened as such but the underlying reasons that sort of ticked me, thats all.
I have to lighten up and give up my "don't care attitude" thats all.Im sure when we actually have a conversation again is when I will feel better myself.
We do have a good marriage and we rarely ever fight so sometimes when we do fight b/c we fight so little, it may be a big one.Its like letting all the things out that we let slide for the last 6 monthes.Make sense? Thanks girl, just wanted to know if I was being a b*ich:)
Lori:)
 
Lori,

These are your words "Just picture me with eyebrows up and a not so concerned look on my face.hahahaha". That's punishment.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with expressing your anger that way once in a while. I've done it. And I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it. He probably does. I'm not even saying you should stop it. It just puts you in the driver's seat if you understand what's going on.

I often resort to that kind of passive behavior when I'm frustrated from trying to express myself because it's falling on deaf ears. You just kind of withdraw and "give up" in your own mind. It's understandable to be passive about your anger sometimes, as long as you don't make a habit of it. In general, it's better to just come out and express your anger in a more active way. I think it's healthier for the relationship. But sometimes you're just too beat down to care.


-Nancy, the amateur shrink }(
 
Hey Lori, I know I'm a little late but I get like that too sometimes. It has helped me deal withthe problem immeidatly for myself but I've noticed that it really doesn't help with my partner. Try to talk to him and see what happens, who knows, he may be taking your "whatever" as "leave me alone". Then nothing will get resolved. ;-)
 
Thats why I figure as much as I seem to not care right now, (and Im sure that I do care) I would imagine that this is how some relationships can go down the tubes.When people bottle things up its not healthy.Not from just one arguement but from many that leave you numb.I don't get like this very often but when I do, its usually passed by now.I think with everything going on, it just to much of my energy to concentrate on one thing! If that makes any sense.
And maybe its b/c I don't feel very well.And when your not up to par, not much else matters.
Either way, I think the best thing for me to do is talk to him.We don't have to talk about what happened b/c we have already done that.Ill just start giving him more then a yes or a no.
Lori:)
 
I would agree with you Lori about relationsips going down hill. It turns out that a couple of weeks from now you don't even know what the fight was about and you just know that now your relationship is a yes or no roomate situation. That sucks x(
I agree don't bring up the fight again but if you are over your hurt feelings then talk to him, bring things back to normal.
I only say this because I've made that mistake and it is very hard to fix it. :)
 
Thanks...you know what it was about?His mother having the last say.I hate it that he is 30 and his mom still has the last say...anyhoooooooo:) Now grant it she is probably right but I hate it when she as the last say
Lori
 
Lori,

Send your DH one of those cutsey, sappy e-cards at work. I've done that before and my DH gets a big kick out of it. He really loves it. Really, don't let the sun go down on your anger. No good can come of it.

Michele
 
What you're describing is called passive-aggresive behavior. It really isn't very healthy. DH and I hash things out, no matter how unpleasant. Resolving conflict can be very uncomfortable but helps intimacy to grow in your marriage.

I used the silent approach with my X...not my current husband. I respect him too much. I feel it's important to communicate my feelings to him and allow him to respond.

Good luck!
 
No words of wisdom from me on this subject, just a comment - Nancy, I LOVE your posts on stuff like this!! I'd like to go to lunch with you sometime - I'll bet you'd be fun! Not to say that your post was funny, I just enjoy your perspective.
Just Do It! :)
 
Hey Lori, I hear you with the mom thing. I've been there with something similar, I know how you feel.
I would say, it's tough to deal with especially with MIL, but be careful not to turn it into a battle between you and her...don't make him chose sides. You guys look like a great couple I'm sure you will be fine :*
Good luck Lori.:7
 
Everything is o.k now.We are fine. I normally talk things out with him but not this time.Im usually one to go into something head first no matter what might happen, but I almost felt to lazy to deal with anything.If that makes sense.
I know its not healthy but I was just wondering if I was being normal.I guess we all act differently for different reasons at times.
Lori:)
 
Yes, Lori you're exactly right. We all act differently at different times. You were probably feeling a little uncomfortable with your feelings, too and that's why you were asking.

Emotions and how we deal with them can be a moving target. Especially for us girls :)
 
Lori,
I definitely have this same reaction when I get upset. I don't let all the things out (except in my head) and it just festers and gets silly. But my husband has a HUGE knack for getting me out of it - he just does something insanely silly or is super nice out of nowhere after something like that, and he just gets me out of it. He is definitely the one who will get over whatever we were upset about at each other first. I know for a fact that this is one of the major reasons why we have such a strong successful relationship.
I wonder though now if through that I have learned to do this sort of getting over it act of truce myself. I guess I'd like to think I would (but I sure have a steel stomach to trap these emotions in!)
Maybe you can think of some silly thing that could break the ice in these kind of situations. Even if it doesn't make sense. Then it can kind of be a signal when you both can realize it's just getting silly, you know what I mean?
Although after all is good between you too, you should definitely talk about what started it all in the first place. Hopefully once the tension that silent treatment causes has calmed down, you both can get your thoughts out.
Good luck!
:D
 
HB, thank you so much. I know why you like my comment. I sound a bit like Dr. Phil. LOL.

Seriously, though I would just love to come to Ohio and go to lunch with you, and with DebbieH while I'm there. Do you ever come to New York?

-Nancy
 
I have not been to NYC since I was 7 years old - in 1956! I would not know where to begin if I were to step off the plane at JFK airport, so I would need to be led around by the hand. I WOULD love to come sometime if I were to have a guide. However, I DID manage to fly solo to Philadelphia to go to Cathe's gym and survived OK.

Do you ever get to Ohio?
Just Do It! :)
 
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