advise needed please

L

lesliemarie

Cathlete
Hello all, I have been away for so long, been so busy with my dogs and kids. Here is all the fun stuff that has been put on my plate, First of all. The school tested my son since he was in special education because then he was diagnosed as developmentally delayed and since he is now 7 he can't fall under that catagory so the ran more tests on him and his IQ score came in at 74 and the normal is about 90 and up. Basically they said he is mildy retarded. I knew something wasn't right with him just by the way he talks and things. They have him mainstreemed with regular class and they take him out a few hours a day for special education needs.
Ok here is the biggest one! I know some remember my daughter and her leg troubles? well the leg is healing great and no sign of the tumors growing back, so what does she do??? she has been seeing this guy at school, senior also, and they decided they were old enough to get engaged!!! now my daughter is only 17!! we are all freaking out and she doesn't understand why we are all upset. I am trying to talk her into waiting and getting to know him better, they really don't go out on dates he comes here to hang out or she goes to his house to hang out, so how can she really know him??? just when I think I can reduce my stess level all this comes up!
Ok I just had to vent that. as for working out I got me 4 new DVD's and would love to buy her new ones she just got out. But for now I am going to really try and tone up.
 
Oh, Lesliemarie...I send you peace. Remember, she is 17 and only engaged. I have an 18yr. old daughter so I understand what the "weather" is like in your home...so to speak;-). Honestly, I think what I would do is simply get to know the boy. Ally with your daughter and get to know the family. YOu may find that as YOU and your Husband get to know him She will too and may find the whole "marriage" idea less attractive. In any case, getting to know he and his family is good right? Try not to freak out...I said t-r-y I know it is harder said than done.

My son was also developmentally delayed and had some troubles in elementary school. I understand a bit about this. It sounds like you and the school have things under control. It will be a life long journey of love, support and exposure to the right things for him and his needs. I send you hugs and peace. Don't give up your workouts girl, they help bring things into perspective. deb:)
 
Hi there! I also have a son that is developmentally delayed--he was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 18 months and is now in kindergarten. I just had PT conferences and had to stop myself from smacking his teacher in the head. He goes to a private Catholic school for which we pay a hefty tuition. I listened to her call my son "immature" about 50 times--he's 5!! And she criticized him for putting things in his mouth (which I thought was pretty common for kids that age), rocking (which he does when he's tired--always has), and not following directions on a color-by-number. He's 5! She also told me I needed to work with him every night to get him up to speed. She did NOT tell me he's not ready for kindergarten (which I would have preferred as I was taking a chance in starting him this year). Of course, they would then lose our monthly tuition. Now, of course I will work with him, but I get to see him 2 hours a day and would like to do something besides homework especially because he's only 5! He will be going to public school next year--where they have something called special education teachers.
Sorry. I guess I needed to vent too!
 
I feel for you there, I started him at the age of 4 in a preschool and the teacher called me and said she can't have him anymore that there was something wrong with him and sent me to Nebo school district where they conducted some tests which showed he was a year and a half devolopmentally delayed but they were very optimistic to me that he will catch up, well the next year came and they said he isn't quite ready for kindergarten so they put him in special education called transitional kindergarten and then last year was his first year at kindergarten, and he ran all the way home, he had to cross some railroad tracks that are quite busy at times, so scared me when a neighbor told he she saw him running and I knew I put him on the bus, but there he was, he ran away a few times and gotten calls from the school about him running off, well comes this year he is now 7 years old and I can now see that he is not the same as other 7 year olds but I kept thinking he will be ok, that is till they ran some more tests and we had our IEP meeting and they pretty much stopped short of telling me he is retarded!!! I had tears in my eyes as the principal and councilor and the special education teachers watched me. then we worked out a schedule for his special education. His therapist says though his scores are so low that he feels my son would benefit more with a half day special education teachers and the other hald mainstreamed with the regular classes. it breaks my heart to see him struggling so much.
 
I know. Unfortunately, I have been trying to get my son up to speed and it's frustrating me too! I would rather they told me he's just not ready. The saddest part is that he loves kindergarten so much! I know what it's like to watch the other kids and know that there is just something wrong. ((((HUG)))
Hopefully, both our boys end up happy and healthy!

As for your daughter, just talk to her. Tell her why it's crazy--not just because of college and things that you're thinking about, but because she won't ever be able to date another guy. If Justin Timberlake came to town and asked her out, she couldn't go! Try to talk to her in a way she might understand. Also, remind her that it's FOREVER. You are married until one of your dies. He boyfriend may be cute now but what about when he's 80? I think she'll eventually come around. The worst thing you can do is forbid her to see him. That will just make them want to get married even more.
 
Money is a harsh reality -

I would add up all the bills and the money you spend on her that would include life/health/auto/renters or home/disablity insurance/food/rent/clothes/lifestyle/retirement/college tuition and also show her what a utility bill/water bill/cable bill/phone bill/cellphone bill looks like - add the monthly total and ask her and her boyfriend if they are ready for these responsibilities -

Sometimes a good harsh reality check is needed - - say you support them in their decision if they decide to go through it and you want to provide them with all the information they may need to have a successful marriage...

I don't know what to tell you on the other topic -I am in unfamiliar territory there - but I send you lots of good luck!
 
LeslieMarie,
First of all, let me start by saying this place is a great place to come to for support. I do remember you talking about your daughter's leg pains a while back, but I didn't know that anything ever came out of it. I agree with the other poster to sit down with her and go over the income she and her fiance would be earning, make a list of bills (everything you can think of), and see what that outcome would be. My husband does that a lot with his students (he teaches middle school), and it does bring them to reality. When his students don't hand in work, or don't try at all, he asks them what they think they will do in life? When they tell him, that's when he starts his speech.

As for your son, I am sorry to hear all the frustration you are dealing with. I do have a degree in spec. ed., so I understand. In PA, where I live, the IQ score for mentally retarded is 70 and below, so I do know of cases where student's IQ scores were just right above that. You have got to be an avocate for your son because no one else will be. Read up on IDEA (spec ed law), and see if you can find a special ed advocate (someone whose job is to speak for your son-kind of like a lawyer, but not). If you can't, then it's your job! When teachers/administrators know that parents know the law, then they will provide you with anything you need for him to succeed. For example, gather as much data as you can about his academic achievement in the regular classroom, reports from his teacher, etc. When that data is combined with the IQ score, you may be able to receive services. Maybe your son can benefit from a TSS (a therapeutic staff support person). This person is paid for by your insurance, and he must show that he needs help to succeed in the regular class. Or, maybe he can receive some special education services in reading, writing or math to help boost him in those areas. Or, if he is not eligble for special ed services, he may be eligible to recieve Title I Math or Reading services (these are not special ed services).

I wish you well!
-Jen
 
I have talked to my daughter and told her getting married out of high school is scary, she will be going from a high school environment to an adult serious relationship, it would be better if she waited till she finished her degree as a vet tech and got a stable job and put some money away in an account. So now she told me she had planned on waiting till she was like 19 or 20 but agreed with the plan I told her about. Makes me feel more secure now. that gives her plenty of time to think about this guy and learn more about him.
As for my son he is in special education for math and reading and speach therapy since his language skills are still way behind. When they tested him for math and reading his scores we way low. The total score put his IQ at 74 so he is just barely above 70. He will get tested yearly to see where is is at. He is the sweetest boy. he loves to smile and sing, but when he gets overloaded you can tell, he gets real mad so I have to watch how we talk and interact with him, he is not the same as the other kids so I had to learn a whole new way with him. What breaks my heart is the kids his age don't want to play with him. My mother in law is mad because of this and won't help in how she talks to him or interacts with him. I told her if she treats him like a normal 7 year old his brain doesn't process that but she thinks if we do this it will keep him acting like a 3 year old. I say not.
 
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