Adult only weddings

I

Imafitnessfreak

Cathlete
I know we discussed this before. I just received my 3rd "Adult Only" wedding invitation (3rd in a row). Brides and brides to be...just wondering what the reasoning is behind an adults only wedding? Not trying to debate, seriously clueless to the reasoning, that's all.
 
Does the bride or groom have children? If I did get re-married (I eloped the first time) I wouldn't want any kids at the reception. I don't have children & I wouldn't want any running around my party, where I would hope everyone would be in the process of getting stinking drunk & probably not acting appropriately for children to be present.
 
Sarah,

I had kids at my wedding but I invited those kids specifically because I knew they were well-behaved and their parents watchful. I think alot of people don't want kids to come anymore simply because so many kids are so poorly behaved, and many parents seem to think their kids can do no wrong, you know? JMO, I could be wrong.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Sahra,

I've never heard of a wedding without children.

Am I that old fashion? I'm also clueless.

How will children ever learn their peoples skills without a wedding to practice in? Or any other celebration for that matter.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Sarah,

I'm not married or engaged, but thought I'd butt in anyway :)

I went to a wedding this spring that had lots of kids in attendance. During 90% of the ceremony, one kid screamed his head off. The parents would not take him outside. The whole church full of guests, the minister, and the bride and groom turned to glare at them, and they never left the room. The minister had to YELL to be heard over the child. That experience makes me see the potential value of an adults-only wedding. OR asking the ushers to act as bouncers and escort people out if they are disrupting the ceremony. Of course, some man's cell phone rang during the ceremony ... TWICE! He didn't turn it off after the first call! So, having only adults doesn't guarantee a smooth ceremony. Also, there were at least 20 other kids who were quiet the whole time. Maybe some people think it cuts down on the risk of interruptions.

Tonya
 
Hi Sarah. I've taken my kids to weddings when they were very young (under 18 mos) and while they were always pretty good at sitting for the first 20 minutes or so, invariably there would be some kind of delay and by the time the ceremony got underway, my kids were done being "kid patient". Now I would always get up and take them out of the ceremony so as not to disturb those around me or the wedding participants. But not everyone does that. I've been to ceremonies where a child screams throughout and the parent wants to be there for the wedding so refuses to take the child out. I think that's so inconsiderate, but not everyone thinks like I do (we've established THAT on these boards more than once ;-)). For that very reason I had an adults only wedding - but I was very understanding of friends or relatives who could not or chose not to attend because of that. Just my $.02.

Lorrie

"Pain is temporary - quitting lasts forever"
Candace Grasso, CC-V-6
 
IMO - If someone is having a formal, dressy, "adult-type" wedding, it's really not an environment geared toward kids anyway. They're gonna get bored, get into things, etc. If that's the situation, I think the kids would have more fun at home.

ETA - As for learning people skills, teaching kids how to behave in those situations should most definitely be done, but maybe not at someone else's wedding. Some parents are great at knowing that their child is going to have a meltdown during the vows and should step outside for a while, others unfortunately are not.

For the record, DH and I had a very kid friendly, outdoor, casual wedding. :)
 
I can honestly see the attraction that couples have to an Adults Only wedding. With as undisciplined as today's children have been allowed to become, it would truly be a distraction! Also, some parents today are completely clueless that their children are he!!ions and take no responsibility for them.
Also, I would not want to be responsible for the possibility of the children getting a hold of alcohol at the reception. My SIL is a prime example of not teaching her kids what acceptable public behavior is and allows her 2 boys to drink underage (which is fine at her house, but NOT at my wedding reception where I could be charged legally for contributing to the delinquency of a minor!)

ETA-
Gayle, good point! Bored children opens lots of doors that should remain closed at weddings!
 
Well, I haven't been a bride in a long time, but when I was, I had an adult-only affair. My reasons were:

1. Cost. There are too many kids in my family, period, and it's impossible to invite some and not others without hurting someone's feelings.

2. Disruptions. I didn't want kids screaming, crying, or hogging the dance floor. I know that sounds mean, but I've been to weddings where the kids act like they are in a zoo and the parents do nothing about it. Ridiculous.

3. Tradition. In my area, most weddings are adult-only events. So I'm surprised that you're surprised. :)

On a somewhat related note, a good friend of mine refused to have a flower girl because she said she was not competing with anyone who was going to be cuter than her that day. lol

Marie
 
>On a somewhat related note, a good friend of mine refused to
>have a flower girl because she said she was not competing with
>anyone who was going to be cuter than her that day. lol
>

LOL!! My Boston Terrier, Chelsea, was my flower girl and she was most definitely cuter than me! :p
 
Another thing I wanted to add: we had one set of relatives that threw a fit that their son could not come to our wedding. They ranted and raved for months beforehand and did everything short of sneaking the kid into the reception. My EX and I did not speak to them for YEARS afterwards. I mean, it was ridiculous and I thought my father was going to have a stroke before the whole thing was over. It was our wedding and we were paying for it (well, my parents were and we had agreed to minimize the guest list) but they refused to understand that it was not personal. They didn't want to see how unfair it would be for us to make an exception for them and not for other people.

Anyway, just pointing out that it's usually not personal when the kids aren't invited. (Not that you seemed to be taking it personally, Sarah, but some people obviously do.) We did provide babysitting services for out-of-town attendees and also were understanding if people couldn't come without the kids.

Marie
 
"3. Tradition. In my area, most weddings are adult-only events. So I'm surprised that you're surprised. "

I'm not surprised, just didn't know the reasoning behind it.
 
My parents own a bed and breakfast, we hold alot of wedding receptions on our grounds. Most of the weddings are adult only.
There are kids here at times but more often not. They own 20 acres
and all the receptions are held outside so there is plenty of room
but there still are not alot of kids. We don't allow kids to stay here so maybe thats why.
garilee
 
To echo the others, I didn't want any kids running around during the day, or at the reception. Too many times, people bring their kids, and feel like the other people in the room will keep an eye on them so they don't have to. I have these offenders in my family, and I wasn't giving them a chance.

I've also been to serveral where people have tripped over children that were running rampant. Having had that experience myself, again, I chose to pass.

Our decision to be kid-free did cause some rifts in my family. But at the end of the day - it was our day and that's what we wanted.
 
No, not offended at all! However, my mother is very offended and it does not affect her at all. Well, a little it...it's my step sister, her step daughter getting married. Now my mom will be at the wedding with none of her own kids there (we all have kids). She says that isn't why she is offended. But my mom does not drink (at all) either. She actually loves watching kids dance around the dance floor.

As for me, can't get offended! The second I saw "Adult Only Reception" I thought "Thank God, now I don't have to go!" Those 3 little words mean I feel no obligation to drive 7 hours in one weekend. No obligation to shop for clothes for the entire family. No obligation to purchase a wedding gift. No missed training runs. Those 3 little words saved me a lot of time and a crap load of money! Offended?? No...I'm over joyed!
 
"As for me, can't get offended! The second I saw "Adult Only Reception" I thought "Thank God, now I don't have to go!" Those 3 little words mean I feel no obligation to drive 7 hours in one weekend. No obligation to shop for clothes for the entire family. No obligation to purchase a wedding gift. No missed training runs. Those 3 little words saved me a lot of time and a crap load of money! Offended?? No...I'm over joyed!

Sarah"

Hey Sarah-

Your thinking is my thinking and is exactly the reason I did not attend my niece's wedding last month. I wasn't thinking of offending or disrupting others at the wedding with my DSs, I was thinking completely selfishly -- "I don't have to go, I don't have to go....or do the clothes shopping or packing or riding for hours in a closed vehicle with 3 DS..."

BTW, I think it is sad, BUT TRUE, that everyone views most of today's kids as undisciplined (not a fault of their own). I'd just like to brag that my boys are very well-behaved, well-mannered and considerate of others. That said, a bipolar child and autistic child can be totally unpredictable and is why I don't take them to weddings.
 
>How will children ever learn their peoples skills without a
>wedding to practice in? Or any other celebration for that
>matter.
>
>Janie

Janie, I'd agree 100 percent if they were actually learning anything. But I have been at events where kids were tearing around the tables, screeching and laughing and acting like maniacs, and the parents never said a word.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
>>How will children ever learn their peoples skills without a
>>wedding to practice in? Or any other celebration for that
>>matter.
>>
>>Janie
>
>Janie, I'd agree 100 percent if they were actually learning
>anything. But I have been at events where kids were tearing
>around the tables, screeching and laughing and acting like
>maniacs, and the parents never said a word.
>
>Sparrow
>



Agreed, for sure. The catch is, first, the parents must learn how to teach their children proper behavior and manners AND care enough to do so.
 
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