a question for parents whose kids play sports

MSJ

MSJ

Cathlete
...or anyone else who wants to chime in.

My Ds has played organized sports for years with some great and not so great coaches. This year he is playing freshman football and the coaches swear constantly--I mean like dropping the f-bomb in every other sentence, not just when they are mad or something.

My son doesn't like this and my husband and I think it's highly unprofessional, but we've told ds that there will probably be lots of situations in life where someone in authority uses lots of bad language and if he is otherwise enjoying football to just try and let it go (there are indications that the coaching may be sub par in other areas, but practice just started, so that remains to be seen)

Anyway--is this normal? Like I said neither my husband,nor I,nor my son have ever had a coach use other than the occasional bad word.

Just wondering what your experience is.

Thanks
Maggie:)
 
These are the school coaches??? Not that it matters; I still think it's inappropriate to talk like that around kids that you're supposed to be coaching/teaching/supervising. I'm not a prude, and I can 'cuss like a sailor (it's just a hobby of mine), but not around kids.

I'd say something to them and/or the school about it.
 
Yes--these are high school coaches and it's all the coaches (4 or 5). Dh heard it too, so we know that ds isn't exaggerating.

Thanks for answering.

Maggie:)
 
So if DS told you about it, doesn't that mean he's uncomfortable with it? If so, that's enough for you to feel justified talking to the coaches or the organization/school.
 
I don't think that kind of language is normal, or acceptable, for that matter.

In your shoes, I'd call the athletic director at the high school to discuss what you are hearing and that you find it unacceptable.
 
Both my boys play sports and that is NOT normal. If I were you I would contact the school or league. I would NOT talk to the coaches directly because unfortunately this could cause them to discriminate against your child....affecting his playing time.

My husband even plays sports (baseball) and they are not allowed to use language like that even with just adults playing. If any of them are even over heard in the dug-out swearing they are ejected from the game.

Don't be afraid to say something. They should be able to get their point accross to the kids without having a potty mouth.
 
Maggie-

I don't have any children, but I am a coach so I thought I would add in my two cents. As far as the swearing goes it is normal around these parts. I do not choose to swear at my players, but many others (especially the boys basketball and football coaches) do.

My opinion is that you have two options. Either tell your son he needs to put up with it, or talk to the coach. I know a previous poster put to not talk to the coach due to discrimination. This is a valid concern, but more often than not if you go OVER the coaches head without talking to them first it would be more likely the coach would be upset. Most coaches appreciate a concern being brought up to them instead of going to the administration or talking with other parents. Not only that, but also the fact that the administration usually backs the coaches.

As far as which one of these options, I would choose to just tell your son to try to put up with it. More than likely the coaches (especially since its all 4) are established in the program, and anything you say to the coaches will not change their behavior (especially if its a successful program) and would possibly make it worse for your child.

I guess another option would be for your son to try mentioning to one of the coaches he is not comfortable with it. Since most coaches will take concerns from their players, but tune out parents trying to interfere with their coaching styles. The problem is they would also more than likely look at him like a "softy" and maybe even get on his case harder. (I could also see this same scenario coming true if you talk to them)

I know it doesn't really solve the problem. As long as the coaches are treating all the players the same way, and not signaling out your son, I would just leave it alone. Just tell him to try not to take it personally, and work through the season. It may get better as the season moves forward. Hopefully this helps ease your concerns about what you told your son is right.

Sorry this is so long - I just wanted to give you a honest opinion as to how the coaches and admin might see it. I really hope it all works out for your son and he has a good season!
 
Hi ladies--not to bump the thread up and keep this going, but I wanted to thank all of you for your responses.

I mostly wondered how wide spread it was as no one in our family has never experienced this before in any public school or community sports program.

Ds has decided to live with it, if the coaching is otherwise good. If not, he'll just forgo football and focus on his wrestling club, where the coaching is excellent, and prepare for the wrestling season.

Maggie:)
 
Do you know if there are any other parents that are concerned? Maybe if there's a few of you, you could talk to the coaches/admin together. It just seems pathetic to me. Not because I don't swear (because I do :p). But any moderately mature adult knows you keep that stuff in check in situations unless you're sure it's okay.

It might not hurt just to drop an email to the administration, not to really complain or request any changes, but just to let your thoughts be known. Something like that would probably go on record, and might make a difference if some other parent is truly offended and has to complain. Even if you're okay with it, I guess I'd feel bad wondering if there's other parents out there with strict religious beliefs for example, that simply wouldn't be able to tolerate it and could end up pulling their kids out of the program. I just don't think the coaches should have the right to act like that. And seriously, is it going to hurt ANYBODY if they have to suspend f-bombs? They could be hurting others though, and that they should be offended by.
 
That is a little extreme. Every once in awhile coaches will have an expletive even at Pee Wee Football, only because they are human and want the best. But when it is every other word, that is extreme.


Annette Bethel
 
I would probably pull my kids from the league. I wouldn't put up with a coach that talks like that as an adult, so I wouldn't put up with that behavior for my kids. I'm super conservative though. ;)

How frustrating!!!!

~Melanie~


Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
 
Thanks again, ladies--I'm thinking that this isn't the norm, which is really what I was wondering to begin with.

However, we have decided to let it go for the time being. We feel that ds has to learn at some point to deal with less than ideal situations and conduct himself with grace and dignity and a non-whining attitude.

If the laxness of the coaches regarding language translates into laxness or neglect or abuse of authority in other areas (say allowing the hazing of younger players or allowing pornography in the locker room, etc.), we would definitely step in or pull him from the team. Those issues would be too much for him to handle at his age, but if it's just language, we think he can handle it, even though we don't like it.

I do appreciate everyone's input and opinion and you've all given me much to think about.

thanks
Maggie:)
 
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