A little offended

gidget1978

gidget1978

Cathlete
Let me start off by saying I love my inlaws. They are really sweet people who go above and beyond most of the time but last night my MIL kind of struck a nerve.
Since having DS 9 monthes ago, I lost all of my baby weight within 4 monthes and after I stopped bf'ing I dropped an additional 8 lbs. That right now brings me to 122 lbs @ 5'4". A good weight as far as I am concerned. Im not skin over bone and I eat...but keep in mine I am still very active with my workouts plus keeping up with a mobile baby.
Last night I was getting ready for a girls night out and we ordered in pizza. I sat next to my MIL while eating my pizza and wings, then went to get ready. When I came back I asked DH where my drinks were. He bought some drinks called Smirnoff Ultra One, which to them sounded like it was going to be high in alcohol, instead they were low in carbs and cals.100 cals a bottle and I like them so why pick up a higher calorie drink just to make everyone else happy?
I was heading back up the steps when I heard her say, " I can't wait for her to get pregnant again so she will stop her foolishness" When I came back down she said it again, to me. She also mubbled something about watching everything I eat....did she not see me eating the pizza? Does she not know where the brownies and the cookies came from that she found in my fridge?
After she said that DH got up from where he was sitting and came out. He said, "mom, she eats alot. But she also works alot. Anyone who runs the amount she does and worksout like she does, has to be small". She kind of got a little sheepish and just said that she was jealous b/c when DH first started going out with me we fit into the same size clothes and now we don't anymore. She is 10 lbs heavier and I am 10 lbs lighter. Not to mention I am toned while she isn't.
Then when I get out with the girls, I said to one of them that I had a bad stomach. She said "thats cause its probably empty" That also left my scratching my head wondering what she meant by that.
Are people assuming that just b/c I lost another 8 lbs that I am starving to death? Im getting tired of explaining myself. I like the way I look. I like the fact that I can wear any pair of jeans in my closet without feeling nipped off in the middle. But I hate the comments. I guess in time they will get use to it.

Lori:)

ETA: The pics in my picture trail are before I lost the extra weight. Ill try to get a new one up from last night
 
Lori,

I think you look great. Some people just don't get it. Especially the ones that don't workout. When people tell me I am to skinny I know its just being jealous. They think I am to skinny and I still and trying to lose 10 pounds:) Try not to let it bother you, I know easier said than done. Take care.


Steph
 
I checked out your pics. You look great. We're the same height and your weight is perfectly fine. What you described has been my experience, too, although not with my MIL. A couple of weeks ago, someone very close to me confirmed what I've suspected all along. My healthy lifestyle magnifies their unhealthy lifestyle. They feel like "pigs" (their word - not mine) around me. I resolved not to make their problem, my problem. I encourage you to do the same. Let the comments roll off you like water off a duck's back. Keep up the good work.
 
Uggggghhhhhh!! If my MIL calls me "skinny" one more time x( I totally know where you are coming from. I get this from friends and family all the time. Now, anyone who hangs out with me on a regular basis knows that I eat constantly. My DH is even amazed at how much I eat. Don't sweat it. You look great!! BTW you baby is such a cutie pie :)

[font color= purple size=+3]Catherine[/font]

http://www.rykat.org/forums/style_emoticons/default/arrowhead.png

http://www.picturetrail.com/fit_fairy

http://69.89.25.157/~extremf4/forums/images/smilies/chinup.gif
 
(((LORI)))

I get the same thing. Mainly from my own mom and my best male friend. Too skinny. Yeah, sure...whatever! LOL I am 130# at 5'3". I am NOT too skinny! I am just lean and muscular. There is a difference! A BIG ONE!!!! In all actuality I still have some pudge over my abs and in my thighs that I'd like to get rid of. If I ever succeed at doing that, I shudder to think what people will say!:eek: I am learning to blow it off. They have no idea what they are talking about and will turn around 10 seconds later and complain that they need to lose weight yet when I offer to help them they want nothing to do with it. Oh well...too bad for them, right? Don't let her get you down girl. You look fantastic!:)
 
Lori, I am so sorry that you have to put up with these comments. I checked out your picturetrail and I think that you look great. Also, your baby is such a cutie. I hope that you are proud of your accomplishments and can figure out how to respond to these people that comment about your weight.
 
Lori, while I could say I'd love to have your problem (no one thinks I'm too skinny...yet) I know it's hard for you to get hassled like this. You just have to be proud of yourself (and I know you are) and try not to let them get to you. Part of it is envy of course, and part of it is that so many people nowadays are too big. We get used to seeing the average-sized person so that a fit person looks too skinny (except for those Hollywood people or airbrushed people in magazines who really are too skinny). I remember when we lived in the Netherlands and we went back to Houston to visit family (and Houston is one of the fattest cities in the U.S.) we really noticed how big the average person was (not just their trucks). So if I want to feel skinny, I should probably visit my family in Houston more often. Anyway, just trying to say you look fabulous and the rest of the chubby world just has warped vision. Not sure if I'm making sense because I have a 2-year old who is climbing all over me right now!

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=teal]***Lainie***

My fitness blog: http://web.mac.com/lainiefig/iWeb/Site/Exercise/Exercise.html
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"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." -- M
 
Hi Lori

May I say I have looked at your pictures previously and you are a stunningly attractive lady and certainly work very hard to look as good as you do. Sometimes people say things and they don't realise how hurtful they can appear. May I echo other posters who have said take no notice. I know its difficult when people close to you make negative remarks but alot of the time its through jealousy and lack of understanding. Just let it go in one ear and out the other.

Take care and keep up the good work.
Laura
:)
 
Isn't it sad that obesity and poor health has become so normal and accepted that health and fitness has become something to insult people over? I will never understand it.
 
I think a lot of people think that in order to lose weight, you have to go on a super low-calorie diet, or eat nothing but salads and drink nothing but water, or take pills (or be bulemic or anorexic).



While I tend to dislike it when people are too quick to label these reactions as "jealousy", I think in the situations you mentioned, it might be true

Catherine: I'm with you on the 'skinny' label. I HATE it when people call me skinny (not just because I'm not, but I think it has such a negative connotation, or applies to people who look like Lindsey Lohan or Nicole Richie at their smallest---though I think sometimes others think it's a compliment? Though I'll always remember my dear departed grandmother being concerned about my weight at one point, saying: "You're not fat!":D )
 
Kathryn, that's exactly how I see "skinny" A couple of weeks ago I had someone ask me what I do to stay so "fit" I was elated- not necessarily that she called me fit, but that she didn't call me skinny :+

I do ascribe to the thinking that many in this country have become so accustomed to people being larger that when someone falls out side of that they think they must be sick, starving themselves etc,...


[font color= purple size=+3]Catherine[/font]

http://www.rykat.org/forums/style_emoticons/default/arrowhead.png

http://www.picturetrail.com/fit_fairy

http://69.89.25.157/~extremf4/forums/images/smilies/chinup.gif
 
Lori, I have found that when people find lack in themselves, they need to judge others who excel in that area in order to justify their own actions. It's human nature for the insecure person to want others to conform to "their" way of thinking, being, doing. It is very validating for them. I sometimes go to tag sales looking for exercise paraphernalia and when I ask if they have any, I often get, "Why do you need to exercise?" My response will depend on my mood but they're generally attempting a compliment and then they talk about their lack of motivation for exercising. Your MIL admitted that she was jealous that the two of you aren't the same size anymore so you know where her comments are coming from. If you feel you need to say something, keep it light and in a very upbeat tone. Something like "I'm happy with my choices as I'm sure you're happy with yours. Isn't America great?!" Then just change the subject, or just be blundt but always in a light tone - "O.K. everyone, that subject is a little old and it's time to move on." I usually say this or something similar if I feel others are being antagonistic towards me. It works for me. Don't feel as though you have to justify anything that you do. That gives others more fuel anyway. You're doing great and you look great and your choices ARE the only ones that matter. Good luck!

Bam
 
Lori,

I think you look fantastic, and just like another poster said - when you look good, you make other people feel convicted over the things they are doing that they shouldn't be doing. That old saying "misery loves company" is true! Do not feel bad about what she's saying - see it as a reflection of her feelings toward herself. She's basically saying "hurry up and be unhealthy so I won't feel so badly about me!"

Maybe you should tell her to keep those comments to herself? Would that be appropriate - do you have that kind of relationship where you could do that without causing a major blow out?

:eek:
 
Thanks for your comments everyone! I mentioned it to DH last night and he said " I think her issue was with the fact that you didn't eat supper" I said, " I did!" The pizza was a party size pizza and it was cut into squares. Not the biggest peice of pizza you could get but I didn't want to blow myself up on garbage. Not to mention that I knew there was going to be dips at the party, not to mention the slab of chocolate cake that she fed me.I knew I wasn't going to starve between then and when I got home.

Reese, my MIL is a very abrupt lady. Sometimes she just blurts things out but if I said something back to her, she might cry! LOL They do have hearts of gold. Like Sat night I asked them if they were trading their old van in on the new one they had out for a spin. My FIL informed me that they were keeping the other van for me until my jeep comes in this spring. Now, what kind of people would do that? They are taking a loss themselves, just so I will have transportation! I don't think I could ever say anything in return. And DH did pick up for me, with that, she did get a little sheepish and admitted to being jealous.

The other thing is, my SIL has had 2 kids. Before this she was super slim, but naturally thin. Since having the girls she as kept on about 10 lbs but as been working to get it off. Why didn't my MIL say anything to her? She looked good with the extra weight on. Instead my MIL talks about how good my SIL looks and that she might have even more weight gone since I seen her last.

Thanks again everyone!!!
Lori:)
 
Hey,
This really eats at me, I've known and had to deal with people like this my entire life..
When I was real young was when it was the biggest problem (like late teens/very early 20's).. I've always had to deal with ignorant women that think that obesity and/or total neglect for their physical appearance and health is something that "just comes with age". Hated it. "Everyone that's old is fat and completely helpless over their physical health"? Please.
They would put me down telling my boyfriend to "get me pregnant and see what happens"... are you kidding me?!
They used to carry on about how they looked like me when they were my age.. OK, "so I guess it will have to happen to me some day".. (incredulous sarcasm there).
I know I actually had a compulsive eating problem since the onset of puberty and have only very recently gained control over it.
Sure, when I was in my mid to late teens I was 103 and couldn't gain weight (I tried the weight lifting thing then as well, and didn't have the patience to get where Im at with it today).
But I couldn't stop eating! 2 slices of cheesecake a day that my grandmother used to make for me.. wendy's biggies, footlongs with XXX mayo on them.. and my grandmother commented once that she thought I was anorexic! (she only felt that cuz I wouldn't eat her slop-- so It must be me I guess lol)
I have since kept my compulsive behavior at bay AND gained tons of knowledge on health and fitness.. well, I guess also with a big attitude about it now hehe, but I don't let people talk to me like that anymore.
I still get ones that think that i look the way I do cuz.. "it hasn't happened to me yet.. but it will", but I know that now I have the knowledge (and the Cathe bug) to keep myself in the shape Im in when Im well into my 30's and 40's.
If someone wants to make condecending comments about you being healthy, comment to them about being lazy and not gving a crap anymore ;) (kind of joking, kind of not)
 
Lori,
That's too bad that people have to be that way. I think it's cause they don't get it!!! That when you exercise and eat the right foods, you can and should eat more to keep your muscles. And like your DH said, you are running a lot and so you need to eat a lot to keep your energy. She's jealous and atleast she admitted it. You look great! You've been a good motivation to me to try and run more. Other people just wish they were as in great of shape as you and that's how they act out. You probably should get use to it!!! ;)
 
The difference between inlaws and outlaws is:
Outlaws are wanted.:eek:
Okay not a very nice joke.
You look wonderful.:) ;-)
 
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