"A little offended" Spinoff

CollinsMom

CollinsMom

Cathlete
I'm just reading this post, and the responses -- all of which I could not agree with more!!

But anyway, it makes me once again wonder -- people don't walk around calling people fat (at least not to their face). So why is it okay to tell someone that they are skinny? Seems like the same sort of thing to me...
 
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*ahem* I actually like it when people tell me I'm skinny. I don't care much if they say it in a disparaging way or not. Of course, I NEVER believe them so it doesn't really matter.:p
 
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I agree...I believe it is rarely ever appropriate to comment on someone else's weight, whatever it may be.

I used to work in a supermarket. One of my co-workers was a recovering anorexic. It was sort of obvious, but for some inexplicable reason people always felt compelled to tell her how she 'needed to eat a big dinner' or some such completely stupid remark. Of course, these comments made her feel bad and made what was already a bad situation worse for her(I mean, really, this is a person who clearly already has body image and food issues, who could possibly think making these comments could make this situation better for her?) She always said she would love to tell an overweight person that maybe they didn't need to be buying that ice cream.x(

Weight is a personal topic. I can honestly only think of a handful of situations in which it seems appropriate to me to comment on someone's weight. Just because someone is 'thin' doesn't make it okay to talk to them about it. And, what is even more incomprehensible to me, is that people are usually trying to make someone feel bad about it!
 
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>But anyway, it makes me once again wonder -- people don't walk
>around calling people fat (at least not to their face). So
>why is it okay to tell someone that they are skinny? Seems
>like the same sort of thing to me...

I was thinking this exact thing earlier when I read Lori's post. I was also thinking about when I was pregnant (and I was kind of big when pregnant--big baby both times and extra fluid plus honestly just fattening up) and people always commented on my size. A lot of "Wow, that must be a huge baby" or "You look like you'll pop any day now" or "You're so big--are you having twins?" I never understood why people thought it o.k. to make those comments, especially when they were usually people I hardly knew.

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=teal]***Lainie***

My fitness blog: http://web.mac.com/lainiefig/iWeb/Site/Exercise/Exercise.html
7.gif


"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." -- M
 
A Different Perspective

“People don't walk around calling people fat (at least not to their face).”

Oh, yes, they do! I speak from experience here. Even strangers feel free to made rude comments when you are visibly overweight. We live in a very superficial and judgmental world. I personally find that rude comments about physical appearance are rampant no matter what you weigh or what size you wear. I am blown away by some of the comments that people post about Cathe in her own forum of all places, and do not even get me started on what has been written about Cedie in the past.

I personally do not like the word “skinny” either as it has a connotation of weakness and starvation. Of course, I would not be offended by it after battling obesity for years. ;-) The women who have PictureTrails posted here are lean, fit, and strong.

Women who are confident and secure do not feel the need to constantly comment on other women’s size and shape whatever that may be. They do not base their own worth on measuring up to some standard set by society and do not feel the need to tear down other women to feel better in comparison.

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
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There is a gender thing like that too. Sometimes people tell me I'm "small" or "tiny" and I like it. Can you imagine saying that to a guy?? It would be the worst kind of insult. But this weekend when my SIL said "you're so tiny and that blouse looks adorable on you", she obviously meant it as a compliment, and I bought the blouse. :p

I think the key is to know who you're talking to. I'd say things to some people I wouldn't dream of saying to others. I like to be helpful, but I don't think it does any good to hurt someone, and I would never do it purposely.
 
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I agree with Heather. There is no need to make comments on other people's body size, unless you are good friends with the person and know what is going on with them and you are trying to be supportive. But we need to be careful. I remember when my father was battling cancer and when he was weighed at the hospital prior to a procedure, the nurse made an innane comment about his losing weight and how she wished she could lose weight too. Now my father was losing weight due to the cancer progressing and he was desparetly tring to maintain weight while she assumed his weight loss was good thing. A colleague lost weight and so many people commented with enthusiasm for her telling her what a good job she was doing, but again the weight loss was due to a terrible illness which she hadn't disclosed to these people. These comments didn't make either of these people feel good, only reminded them of the severity of their diseases. IMO, it's best not to make comments about other's bodies. The comment making says more about what is important to the person saying the comments. And the comments can hurt even if they're not meant to hurt. Leave it be.

Deb
 
RE: A Different Perspective

>Women who are confident and secure do not feel the need to
>constantly comment on other women’s size and shape whatever
>that may be.


As usual, dear Heather has hit the nail on the head! Thank you Heather!

I posted this in another thread on the same topic, but I try to live by the philosophy of, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" If more people did this, the world would be a kinder place.
 
RE: A Different Perspective

I agree Heather!! For one thing, we are all God's children and should treat each other as such!! I like this quote "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.":) Sandy
 
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Not sure, but I get the comments too. I am not what I consider rail thin or "tiny", but I am much smaller than most of my friends and I always get the comments about being able to eat something or "well you are small" or you can afford to eat that. I am small because I bust my butt and eat right. I never feel the need to comment on anyone reguardless of their size. Now I have been know to comment on a womans body if she is muscular. Usually I say wow look at her arms or abs or whatever. :7
 
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Trish! I could've wrote your post! DH's fam is not a group of healthy-eater for sure. They always say things like "Well, you're so thin, you can afford to eat dessert tonight!" when I try to skip it. I always want to say "Well, skipping dessert is how you STAY thin!" My FIL, a very funny man (about 50 lbs. overweight) who I adore, always says "C'mon Kate, you'll never look like me if you don't eat that!":7
 
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I agree and I hate the word skinny. I'm beginning to reply with "skinny compared to whom?" and that stops them dead :D .

Darlene
 
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Kate, your FIL has a great sense of humor. :7

I saw my mother on Saturday and she said "you're getting too thin". It didn't bother me at all. She still remembers my teenage years as an anorexic, and she's a jewish mother, so I figure she has worry rights. ;) In any event, I don't think she means I don't look good, just that I shouldn't lose any more weight, and she's right.
 
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There's an older neighbor of mine who started asking me if I'm feeling alright because I've gotten thinner over the last two years. I'm not offended because she genuinely seems concerned for my health. Since I started telling her that I've lost weight because of my working out, she seems relieved.

But I have had both friends and complete strangers comment on how "tiny" I am and I never know what to say. I've even had people ask if all of my kids are "mine", that they can't believe I gave birth to all 3 of them, before commenting on my size. They are apparently trying to give me a compliment, but I don't feel comfortable thanking them for telling me that. If someone says that I look great or something similar, then I'm happy to thank them for the compliment.
 
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Good for you on getting back into shape after 3 kids. I have 3 as well and I almost weigh what I did before my first. I do have more muscle now so I might not lose the last 3-4lbs since I am more muscle now. I fit into all the clothing. I think people just assume that having kids = being heavier. I never really understood that. I have received the comments to about if the kids are mine.
 
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I had another mom ask if I was the mother or the nanny at my son's nursery school one time. She thought I was the nanny because she said I dressed more fashionably than the other moms, though, not because I was thin. In fact, I think I answered, "Yeah, I'm the mom, can't you tell by the mom belly?" (It was when I was about 30 lbs heavier than I am now.) I really am not that fashionable, but she was always in sweatpants so I guess she thought all moms were the same.

I think it's great if people think you look "too thin" to be a mom and I wish people could say that about me (I still need to lose some pounds) but on the other hand, I can see how that would be an annoying thing to hear, especially when you're proud of being a mom and you worked hard to get your figure. I know there are those people out there who don't have to work too hard to be thin, but I know there are many more that really earn their figures (I even had to earn mine which is not yet thin but so much improved from what it used to be.) It's so silly the way people say, "I wish I could be that thin" but they don't change their behavior to lose weight (and I've been guilty of the same).

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=purple]***Lainie***
My fitness blog: http://fitnessfig.blogspot.com/ http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/7.gif
 
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