A close relative is a cutter

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danglinglight

Active Member
Hi,

I come here today with a very delicate subject: cutting. A very close relative, girl around 15 years old, has been practicing the act of cutting herself. Not so deep that it would risk her life, yet I don't think this can ever be taking lightly. Twice in her life so far, when she has experienced emotional downs, she inflicts little wounds on her arms. After doing so, she feels bad and regrets... but that doesn't mean she won't do it again...

I was thinking, you being such an educated and healthy crowd... Has any of you experienced with close relatives (siblings, offspring) being self-harming? If so, how have you handled the situation? Is excersising a good option to release the stress instead of cutting? Is there any other method besides going to a doctor, assuming this is just beginning?

thanks for your support!
 
I think someone with this problem needs to seek professional help to get to the roots of their compulsion to cut. It may be 'just the beginning,' or it may just be that she's been doing it for a while and only recently has anyone noticed. Definitely not something to tackle on one's own, IMO.

(I have not known any cutters personally).
 
I agree with Kathryn. This is really the area for a professional. This can very quickly get out of hand. I have known two people in my life(both friends, not relatives) that engaged in this behavior as tennagers. Both 'only' did it on one or two occasions when they had very stressful situations in their lives(breaking up with boyfriend, etc.) Being that I was a teenager myself at the time I thought it was not a good sign but I certainly didn't try to intervene either. This was also over 15 years ago.

Kids today feel much more pressure and stress. As an adult I would take this very seriously since kids seldom will just open up and tell us what is wrong for fear that we don't 'get it.' If you feel very strongly that this is 'the beginning' and can possibly openly communicate with her AND really don't want to seek a professional out just yet, I would try talking to her. Does she have a relative/adult that she feels close to? One that she sees as non-judgemental? If it's possible to talk to her about why she does this and what is causing this I think you will be in a better position to deal with this. Unfortunately, a lot of teenagers just really won't confide in their family/adults. Even if you think they are telling you everything, there is a good chance they are just telling you what you want to hear to get you off their back. Of course, she is your relative and you know her better.

A professional is an objective, non-judgemental adult. She can open up to her/him without fear of punishment or criticism. As a stated above, this can become very dangerous, very quickly. I wouldn't wait too long to decide whether you think professional involvement is needed.
 
Thanks ladies...

I'm thinking professional help would probably be better... I didn't want to make a big fuss yet... but better safe than sorry, right? It's probably the best way to go before things get our of hands.

thanks for your words...

regards.
 
My daughter is and has been a cutter. Her arms are so scarred.

She says it is to release pain and make her feel "real"

It scares me to death, but she is 25 years old and I can't do much except try to support her and let her know when she hurts herself, she hurts others.

I think it's a cry for attention in many cases.
 
I think the media has a lot to with encouraging cutters.

Amy Winehouse, Linsday Lohan and other young talents/celebrities send the message that cutting is a way to deal with emotional issues.
 
Children inflict pain upon themselves to distrac from other pain!
I remember when I was a kid, whenever i used to complain of something.. like a headache or whatever.. my uncle used to tell me to go slam my big toe in the door (just a stupid example here :T
Anyway, this can been as early as babies and toddlers. When mom and dad are fighting and screaming relentlessly the children will often times squeeze, scratch or hit themsleves in the head-- anything to distract from the terror and pain going on around them.
As you get older and you are able to verbally express more and find more mature and responsible ways of coping with stress and conflict it usually lightens up a little.
But some kids still have troubles with it. Often times it is stress and conflicts either within themselves or with other kids at school, sometimes it lies within the home and the environment there.
Although karate is always been known for helping with his kind of stress, simply because it allows you movement (unlike yoga is a little too sedentary (sp?) for stressed youths), yet it teaches you dicipline, self control AND self respect. It can also not be what someone at her age needs.
More contact sports might be better for her. KICKBOXING is GREAT for releasing stress and anger! It has worked so well for me you'd catch me at the gym 6 days a week JUST to go at the heavy bag!
I would try that for her. I can tell you that unless she is having a "cry for attention" type senario form not having her parents affection for too long, then it's likely that she doesn't want any more attention from them than she's getting (if the problems aren't coming from home but from school and pressure from other kids).
This will very mostl likely NOT go away. Anger managment activities should be intruduced. Give her as much space as you can bare to give while trying to help her, but if it doesn't work then she will need profesisonal help. Pro help is VERY hard on troubled kids regardless of where the issues are coming form. They usually ust want to be left alone, that's why Id try helping her without interveining to the point that she feel betrayed. But if it doesn't work then you need to seek professional help.
Hope ive helped and not confused :)
 
i have not read the posts but wanted to comment. i have treated many adolescents who are self-mutilators. unfortunately, it is becoming more and more prevalent. they do it for different reasons. some for attention. some to deal with emotions. some because their friends are doing it. some as a precursor to suicide attempts. whatever the reason, it is always serious and, in my opinion, should be handled by a professional.

i think trying to get her to exercise or deal with things without professional help is not enough at this point. once she is being treated, she will, hopefully, learn positive ways to deal with her issues.

find a trained professional who is familiar with issues of adolescence as well as self-mutilation to help her.
 
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