Working Mothers?

[gidget1978]

Do you think you can be a better mother by working?

I currently work a job that is shift work which allows me to be home with my son alot through out the week. But b/c of the night shifts, I may be a little more moody then I would like to beleive sometimes!
My hours are changing at work (working alot more day shifts) which I am not looking forward to.
In the meatime, my DH is looking for someone to work at our store. He is now offering me salary to work whatever, whenever, although I am assuming I will have to work 4 days a week and most times 5.When I told him I didn't want to leave DS that much he said " well...we can't always have what we want" Which is true and made me think....maybe I should do it.

DS is now 2 yrs old and loves to be up in my arms. Most days when I am home with him all day, I may be at my wits end by the time DH comes home. I spend most of my time, feeling bad when I leave him b/c someone else as to watch him but maybe I would be a better parent if I left him more and had more time for myself?
So now on top of my current job I am thinking about adding in some days at the store to see if I even like it......

Just wondering..prehaps I would be a better mother if I wasn't home all the time. I love being home when everything is smooth sailing but most days aren't like that!

Lori

 

[sancho]

I think everyone is different.

When my twins were babies, I did not want to be home. It was just too overwhelming and boring for me. I am not good with change and this was a BIG change for me. I am a very independent person and this change was hard for me. We also still needed my salary to pay our mortgage.

But as they got older, I wanted to be there for them. I began to feel guilty about not being a "good" mother and guilty about not being a "good" employee. I felt like I was doing both jobs half way. About the time they turned 4, it became possible for me to stop working. I really don't miss it at all . . . but at 4 (and now that they are 8) they were in school for a good part of the day. It gives me time to get all the housework, grocery shopping, personal errands, etc done. When they get home, they get my undivided attention. Yes, I still get frustrated with them. I'm still exhausted by their energy by 6:00 pm. BUT, I know I would be even more exhausted if I had a full time job also. I personally think I am a better mother by not working (this isn't necessarily true for everyone). Surprisingly, my husband prefers it also (he was against me not working at first). Now he realizes how much easier it makes things for him. He no longer has to help with the daycare (or school) pick ups and drop offs. I take care of all the driving to activities (even on the weekends). He basically does nothing around the house (this is not said with bitterness). I do all the errands, all the shopping, all the house fix-it stuff, etc. He works and works and works. He often joins us for weekend and evening activities, but it's as his schedule allows. He isn't obligated to be there. It works for us. Before I quit work, I was getting bitter that I was working AND doing the bulk of the kid and housework. My husband is happy to have the opportunity to concentrate on his career. Just one way of doing things, probably not for everyone.

I do think there is something to be gained for a child to see their mother working and I know my girls are missing out on this. We talk often about the fact that I used to work and what I did. I do think it portrays a positive role model, just as being a stay-at-home mom is a positive role model also.

It's such a personal decision and one that can change often over time.

 

[Worknprogress]

Gosh, to work or not to work is a dilemna all mothers face now. It is never an easy choice.

I am a SAHM and have been for over 5 years, but I miss the work environment of having my own paycheck, my own contribution to a job, my own co-workers, etc.

I have often thought about going back to work but then feel guilty so I don't.

Obviously, I have no advice for you, just wanted you to know that I understand the position you are in.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[LaughingWater]

I think everyone is different.

It's such a personal decision and one that can change often over time.

I think Sancho summed it up well with the above two sentences.

I know some moms who would hate being home full time, and through their resentment and frustration, would end up inadvertently creating an unhappy, stressful home. Balancing work and home with their spouses makes them much happier, which in turn is good for everyone involved.

Other moms like myself found staying home full time to be natural. Aside from the initial shock of going from working to SAHM back when my first daughter was born, I quickly grew to love my new occupation and couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. Working outside the home would have made me miserable, and then I too would have been inadvertently creating an unhappy environment.

Then I became a homeschooling mom. I've been home with my kids, 24/7, for the last 14 years.

You'll just have to experiment and see what works best for you. I have to say...the timing of this post is interesting. I just filled out an application for a job today ~ a teeny part-time job on weekends ~ and if I'm lucky enough to get it, it'll be the first time I've been out in the workforce in over 14 years. Filling out the employment history was rather entertaining.

"May we contact your former employer?"

I wanted to write: "Sure. He may or may not remember me. Assuming he's still alive, of course."

 

[lulu68]

Working mothers

I think Sancho summed it up well with the above two sentences.

I know some moms who would hate being home full time, and through their resentment and frustration, would end up inadvertently creating an unhappy, stressful home. Balancing work and home with their spouses makes them much happier, which in turn is good for everyone involved.

Other moms like myself found staying home full time to be natural. Aside from the initial shock of going from working to SAHM back when my first daughter was born, I quickly grew to love my new occupation and couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. Working outside the home would have made me miserable, and then I too would have been inadvertently creating an unhappy environment.

Then I became a homeschooling mom. I've been home with my kids, 24/7, for the last 14 years.

You'll just have to experiment and see what works best for you. I have to say...the timing of this post is interesting. I just filled out an application for a job today ~ a teeny part-time job on weekends ~ and if I'm lucky enough to get it, it'll be the first time I've been out in the workforce in over 14 years. Filling out the employment history was rather entertaining.

"May we contact your former employer?"

I wanted to write: "Sure. He may or may not remember me. Assuming he's still alive, of course."

I have been a stay at home mom for over 12 years and I love it! My little one is just turn 4 and soon will be going to school, and I'm heart broken for me and and for him because I know how much it will hurt both of us. I work from home doing childcare for working parents from my experience some of the young toddlers are so needy and throw tantrums, and I think is because they feel sad because there moms leave them everyday. I'm home with my 4 year old but most of the time my time has to go to the other little ones that are having a hard time with mom leaving them, so therefore my son gets push to the side (Makes me sad and mad that his not getting the attention that he sometimes needs from me) He will be going off to school soon and I'm seriously considering giving my 3 week notice to all the parents so that I could spend my time with my precious boy, (They grow up so fast need to treasure the time I have with they)

Lourdes

 

[Clarissa]

I had the same dilemma and is thus why I now work from home as a personal trainer. I used to work long, stressful days as a human resources manager. When DS was 2-ish (he is my first baby and is now 7 1/2), I graduated college and worked internships. I was gone about 30 hours per week and my mom helped. My DH was in Iraq at the time. I was much younger and was very depressed. I just didn't want to be home all day, everyday, because it made my days very long. But when I was home w/ him, I made the best of it. But then, when DD was born, I hate to say it, but I took a "good opportunity" HR job when she was like 11 weeks old. I left my little baby and I really can't believe I missed all that time with her. DS was now 3 1/2 and hubby was home of course.
I worked until she was 3 1/2 and then resigned last March and became a full-time personal trainer from home. Now, I can see clients in the early morning when kids are still asleep, and in the evenings when DH comes home to watch them. I also see a few when she is at pre-school on Tue and TH. It is much better for me. She is nearly 4 1/2 now. I have loved this past year at home and am expecting my third (which will make things more complicated).


Do you have an option to work from home at all? It feels great to make money doing what you love while staying home w/ the kids you love! Good luck!

 

[jaypea]

I really believe that this is a personal decision. What makes you happy will make your kids happy. And, nothing is permanent. Good luck!
-Jen

 

[dorothyrd]

I gave up a very high paying salary to stay home when my son was 9 months old. My employer valued me so much they called me and asked me to work part time from home, set my own hours. I did that for 17 years, and through the birth of my daughter. A full time opening was available a few years back and I took it. My daughter was then in Jr High, my son a junior. It was very, very hard at first doing with a lot less money, and staying home with a toddler can be very frustrating, but I am glad I did it. There was plenty of time to go back to the big salary.

 

[dss62467]

It's a debate that will always be there and just doesn't have the right answer. For me, yes....working makes me a better mother. Because I need to be engaged and using my brain, and Baby Einstein just didn't cut it. Plus I was married to someone who made less than half than I did, my job was important. I've never regretted putting my daughter into daycare (besides the debt that I'm still paying off because of it) because she learned social skills and makes friends much easier than I did when I was her age (I didn't go to any sort of preschool). She had fun all day with kids her age, was taught by skilled daycare providers, and so has been doing well at school.

I didn't miss any of her big events either. I was there for her first word and her first steps. But I also had a break from her meltdowns and could recharge enough so that I could deal with them more patiently. I guess it depends on what your job is too. If I had a really tiring job, with a lot of stress, I may have felt differently.

You should just try it. It sounds like your husband needs you at the store. If he has to pay someone else to work there, but it's not benefitting your own financial situation, it's obviously not as good. Give it a try for a few months and if it doesn't work, no big deal. Just make sure you don't bargain hunt on your daycare/preschool providers. Yes, I shelled out about $9k a year (and I'm relatively sure the prices have increased since then), it does make a difference. You need to be sure your child is safe and happy.

 

[Peaceful Rainbow]

Take sometime and really listen to your inner voice. Listen to you own instincts as to what is right for you right now. Everyone is different. My sister works from home/travels a fairly often and staying home with her kids 24/7 would drive her insane. I stay home with mine and have no interest in going back to work. So, listen to you and what you believe would be best for your family.

 

[mabdoo]

You have to do what is right for you. I am a teacher and I went back to work after our first daughter was 6 months old. It was the start of the school year and we had a wonderful daycare provider. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later and worked until March when I was taken out and put on bedrest. So our daughter still went to daycare everyday as I was not allowed to lift her very much. She went until the end of the school year and it gave me 6 weeks to spend with our younger daughter alone during the day. I did not go back to work this fall but still sent my girls to daycare a couple of days a week so that I wouldn't lose my spot. Our provider is wonderful. She loves the children like they are her own and our kids love going to her. Plus they love the interaction with the other kids. I will be going back to work full time for the second semester of the school year and I am looking forward to it. I drop the girls off at 7:15 (thank goodness we are all early risers and always have been) and pick them up at 2:45. I will still have 5 hours with them every eveining in addition to the hour with them in the morning. I am starting to go crazy home with them all day. I have been home for 11 months and it is time to return to work for me. I have friends who plan on staying home until their kids are all in school. That is great for them but it is not for me. Does it make me a bad mom to want to get out, no. I think I will be a better mom because though work can be stressful I need to take care of me too and staying home full time is not for me.