Women can be so mean to other women.

M

moni_stout

Guest
I am so glad I have this outlet to discuss fitness and related subjects that are exciting to me. When I mention to one of my girlfriends that I am increasing my weight training or investing in a barbell set, their response is usually, "Why?" and they will look at me like I am from another planet. It is soooo frustrating! Also, it seems like the people in my life who don't exercise think I am "obsessed" because I work out six mornings per week. It's not obsessed -- it is part of my life. Also, when I lose a few pounds my girlfriends act like I am fading away or something. They never pay a compliment, only act like something is wrong with me. I think that my body weight is very healthy -- 5'4" and 120lbs (down from my start of around 140lbs last year). I don't understand some of the rude remarks. My friend had the nerve the other day to state that I look emaciated! Isn't that rude? I am by no means emaciated. I am a healthy size 6. Why do women act this way. Guys don't act like this! Thanks for listening!

Monica
 
Monica, I think it is safe to say that all of us have run into these type of women a time or too. I have read the same sentiments from several other women which mirror your comments here on the forum. You are definitely not alone here! Don't be a stranger; we are all here for each other. Have a great day! :)
 
They are jealous. Someone asked me the other day how I stay so thin and a friend of mine said I work out like crazy. I said I do not work out like "crazy". I was going to continue and explain that I love to work out, ride my bike, run etc., it is my way of life, I love it, I stay active and it makes me feels great and I try to eat good but I dropped the subject because those people don't understand. And, I don't need to explain it to anyone. And, you are right, it is great to come to this Forum because we all understand.

Joanne
 
Monica,

That's so typical!! Too bad. You are not alone in that experience though.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Hi Monica-
My sister does the same thing to me. She's put on some weight and is not into fitness and exercise so when she sees me NOT gaining weight with the years she has a tendency to slam my workouts. She rolls her eyes if I won't drink a soda or have to go home to do a workout. She thinks that I'm wierd for lifting weights, as though I'm trying to be Miss Olympia or something. I've given up on her jumping on the bandwagon with me but it's her problem. I love her dearly but I don't let the comments or attitude bother me anymore.
 
>Hi Monica-
>My sister does the same thing to me. She's put on some weight
>and is not into fitness and exercise so when she sees me NOT
>gaining weight with the years she has a tendency to slam my
>workouts. She rolls her eyes if I won't drink a soda or have
>to go home to do a workout. She thinks that I'm wierd for
>lifting weights, as though I'm trying to be Miss Olympia or
>something. I've given up on her jumping on the bandwagon with
>me but it's her problem. I love her dearly but I don't let
>the comments or attitude bother me anymore.


I have had the rolling eyes reaction too if I turn down having cake at work or something. It seems like someone is always bringing in cake or some other crap at work and you are expected to eat it (wasn't this a Seinfeld episode?). If you turn down any sort of dessert, others will roll their eyes, or say, "Come on, you can afford it." Trust me, if I want to eat the stinking cake, I will. However I usually don't. It's not about whether I can afford it. It's about how crappy I feel sitting at my desk the rest of the day bloated and coming off of my sugar high. I will stop now -- I think that I could go on all day!

Monica
:p
 
Well, I can say I've seen the attacks come from the other direction as well although not as often. I don't understand it to be honest but I would let it go in one ear and out the other, and find some new friends.
 
its just the green eyed monster. some will secretly try to hide the fact they like the way you look but don't want to put the effort forth so they will down play eating and exercise as an obession rather then the necessatiy to getting healthy and fit. and most still have the weight training makes you look like a man mentality in their mind so they will brush that off too.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
 
Kassia has hit the nail on the head. People know deep down that exercise would benefit them a multitude of ways but lack the ability, for whatever valid or invalid reason, to commit to the effort. So, they just make comments to assuage their guilt feelings I guess.
 
I think your best bet is to make friends with women who do not have such a low self esteem and those who are not so insecure.

You could join a group that centers around a physical activity...like a running group. Or take a class at a local gym. I joined a running group at the beginning of the year and my weight has NEVER come up. The only time diet comes up is when a friend from the group is asking for advice. It is WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!
 
> Also, it seems like the people in
>my life who don't exercise think I am "obsessed" because I
>work out six mornings per week. It's not obsessed -- it is
>part of my life.

Ask them how often they brush their teeth, or eat , etc, every day, then tell them (no matter what the answer is) that they must be obsessed. (OMG, you eat EVERY DAY? And more than once? )

There is such a thing as exercise obsession (and those lazy folks who can't get up the gumption to work out at all like to cling to that idea for all it's worth), but it's much more than one workout 6 days a week.

Just tell them it's a healthy obsession (and, in general, ignore these people, because letting them bother you is giving them power over you, and they don't deserve it).
 
I hear ya sista'!! I think it is unfortunate the way some women and men for that matter ,(because they to can be extrememly katty and critical of one another ),treat eachother.It is so enenrgy zapping and basically...SUCKS.I think the movie "Mean Girls" is a great example of this and it really helps put a comedic spin on it.It is not Oscar worthy but it does capture the essence of how stupid this behavior is and sadly it happens enough that there is a movie dedicated to it.Check it out if you have not already.Also,consider that knowing "friends" for some time does not mean you will stay tight forever.Unfortunately there is comfort for some people in trying to keep the people around them down and who needs friends like that.Maybe devote less time and energy to them which in turn will free up space for other more confident,secure women in your life.Goodluck!!:)
 
Monica, years ago, they used to say women should weigh 100pounds at 5'...and add 3 lbs for every inch after that....somewhere in the 90's they upped it to 5 lbs....so at 5'4, you are the rare oddity to be a normal weight! SO! MY question - I also work out 4-7 days a week, is what do you eat to drop that midlife weight????

I'm a Coronary Care Nurse and I won't be seeing you soon! God Bless, Michelle
 
The more in shape I get, the more negative feed back I get from female friends (and I use the term friends lightly.)
I have never had lots of female friends, because for whatever reason, women tend to keep mess going. I'd hoped as I got older, things would change, but it seems that women still carry and that petty silliness through adulthood. So my male friends out-number my female ones quite a bit.....(you can just imagine what the women have to say about me hanging out with so many guys }(
But life is less dramatic that way.

Sometimes I wonder if it is just built in the female dna to be petty and jealous. Instead of complimenting and uplifting each other, we (as women in general) try to make ourselves feel better by belittling other women.

(PS. that's why I tend to shop alone instead of with other women...I'm trying to find the bargins, not talk bad about every women that crosses my path)
 
I have learned pretty quick not to discuss my weight/diet/exercise with anyone at work. I am at a new job, started Feb. and was able to put this "rule" in place. Saturday in the break room, 2 overweight women were complaining about being heavy and one of them says that she bought Yoga Booty Ballet and it's just too hard. (Jeez, Cathe would fry her brain) One asks me how I stay slim and I said that I exercise and I watch it. And then I changed the subject. I am already sick of the comments about my healthy lunches. There is no way that I'm going to give them a detailed run-down on my program, I can't see a lot of acceptance there. I've learned the hard way. Changing the subject works wonders. So does leaving the room.
 
I'm going to go with jealousy as well. A size six is definitely a healthy size. I used to have a (so called) friend like that. Everything I would do to improve myself she had a negative comment about. I never received any encouragement from her and I thought that is what friends are for. I finally ended the friendship because her negative attitude was too much for me to take. If your friends don't have the dedication or discipline to workout the way you do or to take care of themselves the way you do that's their problem and not yours.
 
Ahhhh, let's consider that not ALL women are non-supportive, cuz look at the support on this forum! I think it might have something (at least for some) to do with not having a common interest. For example, if I talk about golf to non-golfers, I often get smart-ass remarks, or if I talk investments with non-investors I often get strange looks, or if I talk about river-rafting (a topic at work today) I'll get crazy comments from people who have never been and never will seek the adventure. People just tend to like what they're used to and have a hard time relating to someone who talks about/engages in something different. Most of us have probably done something similar in conversation with others. If I want to talk about digital photography and someone makes a negative comment, that comment is more about their interests (or rather lack of) than a slam against me. We just have different interests, the key is to not take the comments so personally when it seems people are being judgemental or critical. :)
 
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