Why get married?

I had no problems when it came to changing my last name. It was ten years ago but I was young and didn't have many things to change.
I have three beautiful boys and love spending time with them and watching them grow into the men they will one day be. That said, I have friends that do not have any children and would never suggest that they do if it isn't what they want.
Children have a way of figuring things out. If their parents had been pushed into having children that they didn't want the children would be the losers in that situation. If you want children, great! If you don't, at least you have the guts to stand up for what you believe is best for you!

Nicole

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. --Erma Bombeck
 
I didn't have any problems changing my name at the DMC (in NY state) when I got married 15 years ago. I did consider keeping my maiden name, but decided to go ahead and change it. My husband still jokes that I only married him for a shorter last name!

As far as kids, I have one 8 year old son. Before I got married I told my husband NOT to marry me if he knew he wanted children. Obviously things changed as I got older and I wouldn't trade my son for ANYTHING, but it is a very personal decision. After having one child, then you get asked when you are having another. All of our friends and relatives have stopped asking.

When are people going to realize they should just mind their own business?
 
I was happy to change my last name when I got married 3 years ago. I went from a last name that I had to repeat and spell out to everyone to a very common last name.

I do feel you though on the children thing. We don't plan on having children and the in-laws just don't seem to get it. My BIL and SIL have a daughter and are pregnant with their second child and you'd think the in-laws would be happy that at least one of thier sons is giving them grandkids. No, they want us to give them some too. She just doesn't get that we don't want children. It's frustrating!
 
27 years ago my wife changed her name to mine it didn't make our marriage any stronger or weaker. She wanted to do it, I could have cared less. My sister didn't change her name and the only gripe I have is how to address the Christmas card I send, every year I get creative, "Occupants" this year.

As far as kids. Some people don't want them other people feel they have to manipulate and second guess everything you do. If you and your SO (significant other) discussed this prior to the nuptials and you're both on the same plane then you're good to go. Tell all of those other people to butt out of your life, polite at first and with greater feeling if they are too dim to get the message.

Kids are a lot of work, and it's a crap shoot. We tried for a child, almost had triplets, two made it. My son is autistic and my daughter is ADHD, BiPolar with two suicide attempts. They're 19 yo, does it get any easier, hell no. Were there times I regretted having kids, I'm honest yes there were. Overall I am happy to have been a dad, a very active dad.

The important message is if you and your SO are in tune, who cares waht the band is playing?
 
Oh Lauramax that is so funny about changing your name. The story made my day. Thanks for the laugh

Kim:)
 
I just want to thank everyone for letting me know that I'm not the only person out there. I know my DH tells me he doesn't care if I change my name, but I know deep down he really does. He also has known from day one of dating where I stand on the whole having children business, and so far he has supported me with my desicion. I know everything will come together sooner or later.

Thank you for helping ease my frustration.
 
I had this long Polish last name so I happily changed it.What a disaster trying to change it! Everybody wanted our marriage certificate! There are some things that after six years of being married I still haven't changed. Some just required tooo much!
Ellen
 
That's my girl. That's telling them. I will surely use this one in future "when are you going to get pregnant?' questions.:D
 
I went from a complicated long last name to a smaller more common last name so I gladly switched. Even though my maiden name was ten letters long, I knew how to spell it before I entered first grade from listening to my mom spell it for other people. I wouldn't fault a woman, though, who wanted to keep her last name.

As for a marriage license being just a piece of paper, that's not quite true. It's a contract that can help you from getting screwed if things don't work out.

Also, if you don't want to have kids, that's nobody's business but your own. I have two and I love them to death and would never go back and change things but I can honestly tell you it's hard work and it's expensive. It's a big decision that nobody has the right to make for you.
 
I never changed my name because I like my name. Besides, I had already built a career with my name. Also, my husband is the son of a strong, hip, black feminist (in her 80's), and he never had an issue with my independence one way or the other.

I never wanted children either. But at 40, I had a change of heart and a baby will arrive in November. About the boy's last name, my husband and I have talked about both of us changing our last names to something really fabulous. I love the name MacCool, after the Celtic hero Finn MacCool. Anyways, we're still in conversation, and we will probably both change our name. Who cares what everyone else says?

As for people asking about children, as everyone here says it's none of their business. My strategy in my late 20's and early 30's, was to calmly look at such a meddler and say, "Why do you ask?" This puts the burden on them, makes them uncomfortable, makes them realize the impertinence of their question, etc. And it does so with class and politeness. In fact, as a practicing yogi/Hindu, sometimes Christian fundamentalists will ask me what my religion is (with the agenda of "saving me"), and I will respond, "Why do you ask?" This shuts people up quickly as they grope for words and realize that they are trying to pigeonhole me or meddle in my business.

Fortuntately, by my early to mid 30's, everyone had written me off as a "reproductive failure" and stopped asking me about it. Then, I shocked the #### out of them to be pregnant at 42. Now they're all freaking out about that, saying it's too old. But I don't care. I live my life according to my schedule and nobody else's. When you live according to everyone else, you can do nothing right.

So I say, kudos to you. Keep your name. It's the 21st century for heaven's sake. And whenever somebody asks an impertinent questions about your personal choices, calmly and politely set the ball back in their court: "Why do you ask?"
Manmohini
 
You could be like Phoebe and Mike....change BOTH your names.

You could be Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock and your hubby Crap Bag.

Sound good???}(

(sorry that is my all time ever fav friends episode, lol) Couldn't resist.:p
 
You could always get a pet and name it your husband's last name.

Then take a pic an give it to your MIL showing her that the family name is being carried on }(
 
"Why get married".....well....for the diamond :7 :7 :p ;)

I am only kidding!! Just my initial thought when I saw this thread!

Sara
 
>I had this long Polish last name so I happily changed it.

That's exactly the opposite of why I fought to keep my last name. After years of having a long Polish last name nobody could pronounce or spell and people making fun of it at school, now that I'm older I feel proud to have it! I wouldn't trade it for a simple, easier last name now.
 
When it came to our city hall wedding, my DH and I agreed to change both of our last name's, so that he hyphenated as did I in the same order, my maiden name, followed by his last name. My mother still calls me by my maiden name and his mother calls him by his maiden name. Yet, my sweet grand-mother, addresses us both by our hyphenated names. Go figure!
 
You have a right to make your own decision on having children. It's not something every couple HAS to do even though some would like to think so. Make the decision that you and your DH are comfortable with and don't worry about what others think. You are not a bad person just because you do not want to have children. That's cr@p so don't believe it.

I always said I wanted 2 kids. I now have a 2 year old son whom I love with all of my heart but very early on in his life I pretty much new I was done having kids. I have not closed the door on the idea COMPLETELY yet but it's close. I know everyone (including my DH) would like us to have 1 more baby but I don't think I want one! Aside from my own, my DH's opinnion is the only other one that TRULY matters in this situation. Thankfully he told me long ago that it's ultimately MY decision when it comes to having more kids so if I decide against it, he will be okay with it. That's all that matters.

As far as your name goes...Taking the man's last name is an age-old tradition BUT in today's day and age there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with NOT taking it. Do what you want. So long as you and your DH are in agreement on the issue, don't worry about what others think. It's not up to them!
 
Let me begin by saying, I am not married myself. I want to be someday!!

I am a big believer in marriage. I don't think it's a 'piece of paper' at all. The whole point is LOVE!! Two hearts bonding as one. We've all heard it before:) So, I think if LOVE is the reason behind the marriage, you should be able to come to an understanding with your husband on the serious issues that arise!! As long as you & he agreed not to have children or for you to change your name, ignore the comments of others, graciously of course. I understand frustration!! Give it time & good luck with the adjustment to marriage!
 
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