Why do I feel bad?

gidget1978

gidget1978

Cathlete
I use to be a hairstylist...oh...about 4 yrs ago I gave it up, but I still did family members on the side.
After I got pregnant with DS everyone started saying..."later you won't be able to do our hair" But I continued doing it, even to the point that last yr before Christmas I did everyones hair, 1 month before giving birth and my feet were the size of soccar balls when I was done:eek: Then they said "once the baby comes you won't be able to do our hair" But they still asked. Then it got to the point a couple of monthes ago when they said "when you go back to work, you won't be able to do our hair" And then they still ask. I guess I should just say no but its really only my parents and my inlaws.
My MIL use to get her hair done every 8 weeks when I use to do it for a living and she had to pay for it, but now that she doesn't she ask every 4 weeks to have it done. We aren't just talking about a hair cut here either. She has to have it colored,highlighted and cut...EVERY time! Who does that? If she had to pay $120 to get it done, she wouldn't.
So my MIL had her hair done for Christmas ,say around Dec 10th, now she is going on a trip,leaving tomorrow and she wants her hair done again.Really by the time she is gone and back again, she still wouldn't need it done. She asked me a couple of weeks ago and I said it would have to be on my short work week, which was last week. Now this is my 5 day week, i worked 2 night shifts, off for really one day and back in the morning and now she wants her hair done. She hasn't mentioned it since the other night and I have a feeling that she went somewhere else and had it done. This is what I would prefer and there are times I wish I had left my scissors behind me when i gave it all up.
I just can't do it. I can do it when its convient for me, but what convient for me, itsn't always for the person asking.
But now I feel bad. I feel bad for not doing her hair b/c they always help us out so much but why do I feel like I have to stretch myself so thin sometimes? Sure they take DS and DD when its good for them but if she as to work in the morning, she won't. So why should I feel like I have to spend my only day off, doing hair?
Sometimes I just wish I had a bigger back bone. I don't mind doing their hair sometimes, but not all the time. I can't work, keep a house clean, a husband happy and 2 kids in line ....AND cut hair!
Just needed to vent. I know that when they come here tonight to see the kids before they leave I will feel bad b/c she may have went somewhere but i shouldn't feel bad. My schedule this week just does not allow it and besides for that...she didn't need it done!
 
Lori, I'm having one of those days too! Sorry for what you're going thru. I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything that is on us right now. All I can say is I'm really looking forward to a stress-relieving step session tonight! Make time for yourself and I'll try to too!
 
I am kind of in the same boat. I have 2 small kids, still am employed in human resources(for now), have a house, a husband and a new puppy and am trying to transition into personal training full time. I am renovating my home gym and everything which puts me in my basement several hours a night. But friends and family now want all this free advice for working out and even free training. They are like, can you write a program for me? They won't be paying me, but they need to understand time is money. It really is. I don't have time to "write programs" for 10 people for free. I understand what you mean completelY about feeling bad!!! And I am too nice to say no.

Clarissa :)
 
Clarissa, you need to draw up a price list of your services NOW so whenever anyone starts with the "Can you help me..." you can say, as you hand them the paper "Here's a list of my services and prices..." and they'll know you're someone who knows her value. Do that from the start and nobody will try to do you like they're doing Gidget. It starts so innocently, as a favor, until you start to realize you're that tasty bowl of dip at a party everyone likes sticking it to... Gidget, you need to just stop doing anything for any of these moochers and simply say you're too busy, then BE busy. Don't do hair for any of these people (or anyone who knows them and has a big mouth). Much later, should you decide to go back to styling hair and one of the freeloaders starts up you, too, can say "Here's a list of my services and prices..." If they're bugged (nobody likes to pay for something they've been allowed to have for nothing) make it clear you're always booked up with CUSTOMERS (customers PAY) and that you don't have time to work, do favors, AND have a life so the favors had to go. Good luck to you both.
 
I already have the pricing list as well as my own website, cards, brochures and everything. It is just, people who know me think I will give them free advice and tips, etc etc etc. My sister is REALLY using me for this. Thanks for the advice! I need to get tough!
 
Do you pay them when they take care of your children?

I kind of see this as you seeing yourself being taken advantage of, but you don't see their point of view. They may think that it's a fair barter.

I would not want my mother or my beloved MIL to go to a salon and pay $120 for services I could provide for free.

But, this would only apply to my MIL and parents. I would never charge them for my personal training advice (if they ever asked!)

OTOH, you need to be firm with your sister. She should know better. Unless she watches your kids, too?
 
Gidget, Clarissa, you guys must be pretty young. :)
I do skin care plus personal training on the side, and just maybe in the last decade I learned that I can't please everybody.
I was also very nice and felt that I have to give free facials to practically every family members all the time. Of course you can do it when it is convenient for the both of you. But taking time away from your own family, or taking time away from paying customers is not always a very good idea. It took me a long time to learn that and also to not feel guilty. Maybe you can schedule her apptm with your MIL in advance, explaining that you have other obligations/clients too.

Clariss, when I started the training I was already more careful. Of course you have a selected few friends and families, but nobody should expect you to do programs for free.
It is not greed, it is being responsible. If you work too many hours for nothing -- doing favors all day long -- you'll be to tired, cranky, and you will just resent the whole situation. That's not good for anybody. Select the number of hours/week you can donate to friends and families, and stick to it, otherwise you go nuts. Good luck,Mari
 
Gidget, Clarissa, you guys must be pretty young. :)
I do skin care plus personal training on the side, and just maybe in the last decade I learned that I can't please everybody.
I was also very nice and felt that I have to give free facials to practically every family members all the time. Of course you can do it when it is convenient for the both of you. But taking time away from your own family, or taking time away from paying customers is not always a very good idea. It took me a long time to learn that and also to not feel guilty. Maybe you can schedule her apptm with your MIL in advance, explaining that you have other obligations/clients too.

Clariss, when I started the training I was already more careful. Of course you have a selected few friends and families, but nobody should expect you to do programs for free.
It is not greed, it is being responsible. If you work too many hours for nothing -- doing favors all day long -- you'll be to tired, cranky, and you will just resent the whole situation. That's not good for anybody. Select the number of hours/week you can donate to friends and families, and stick to it, otherwise you go nuts. Good luck,Mari
 
Im not asking for money. I don't want there money, nor do I think they should pay me. Im just complaining about the amount of times she wants to get her hair done, as opposed to, when she actually needs it done. Im saying that if she had to pay for it, she wouldn't get it done everyone 4 weeks.
Anyway, she showed up at my house last night without her hair done. I felt bad but then I thought, if she really needed it done, she would have went somewhere, right? I had absolutly no room in my day yesterday for haircuts so I shouldn't feel bad. If I was sitting around all day, then thats different.
Lori:)
 
Um well, no offense but she is flat out taking advantage of you. When she paid she waited longer for such treatments and now that it is free she expects more.

Your time is valuable too. Family unfortunately seem to think sometimes that it is ok because you're family to take advantage a little but it is not.

I would resent it too.
 
I'm with Macksa - the more giving you are and the older you get, the more you realize that you need YOU TIME and have to learn to say NO.

Perhaps you could let these people who "need" you know when you have time for them instead of the other way around. Or positively give them a short breakdown of your schedule and see if there is anything they can to in return for your time?

A sidenote: my coworkers sister is in the facial/massage business. She has a "friends & family" discount. That way you are not doing it for free, but they get a discount and it is a WIN/WIN situation.

Good luck.
 
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