Why am I feeling so blue?

butterflygurl

butterflygurl

Cathlete
Okay, I do not post a whole lot on here. I usually just lurk, get good info and will ask a question here and there. You all seem like a great group of people; very caring and knowledgable.

I have been feeling kind blue for the past couple of days. Let's start here and work my way back. I joined WW about three weeks ago- three weeks on Tuesday. I have lost 3.2 pounds thus far. I have a significant amount of weight to lose at least 120 more pounds to get to a healthy BMI. I have always known that I was overweight (since age 6), but I am active, kickbox, lift weights, usually am really a social butterfly. However, I saw a pic of myself from over three years ago (before I lost the first 45lbs) and knew I needed to go back and finish the job. I looked at the pic and thought I never knew I was that big- others said the same thing- I tend to think they were being nice. Anyway, I am 37 y.o., never married, no children (just lost a pregnancy in Februaary 2007- ectopic). I just got out of a bad relationship. Back and forth for almost 13 years. I knew he was not the right one for me but I just wanted to so badly be married and have children that I put up with someone I did not even like- although I loved him- does that make sense? Well after I lost the baby he just walked out on me. It still hurts a bit (I think that is more ego). But I am on my way to being over that. I believe things probably worked out for the best with regards to losing the baby and breaking up with him. However, I feel I am getting so old and have not been married, do not have children. I was depressed about the breakout for about 6 weeks then I snapped out of it and had been feeling better. Lately, I have been concerned because I have not been as social as I once was. Could I still be depressed? Is it a new depression? I won't say I am over him but I am glad that chapter has ended. Is this hormonal because for this past week I have been unhappy about my job and house too.

Additionally, I do not find my job challenging. I can sit all day and look at magazines and play on the internet. I am an attorney. I feel like I am wasting my law degree; but then again, I do not think I want to practice law anymore- but I have no clue as to what I should do. I know that I should be thankful to have a job in these challenging economic times. I just need to change so many things and I just feel... sad. I can change a job, I can change my weight and health at this point, but I can not change my marital situation and the fact that I do not have children. I do not mean to sound like a whiner. I just needed to get that out. Get some advice... something.
 
I don't know that I can give you wonderful advice so I won't try. I can tell you that you are not alone in worrying about marriage, family, and career (watching Sex & the City has become therapeutic!). To be cheesy and quote the Eagles "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains And we never even know we have the key" So who will you be? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to take along on the journey? Inside you there are answers to these questions. I read your post and I see nothing but opportunity so hang in there.
 
Please consider seeing a therapist! I was struggling with issues last year and talking to an "outsider" really, really, really helped. At first it seemed weird, but I can't stress enough how helpful it was. My favorite thing he told me was "you're going to be 40 anyway, why not be 40 and happy?". You obviously have a lot going on and it probably seems very overwhelming. But a therapist can help you walk thru making changes in a logical and realistic way - it can take time but it is sooooooo worth it! You're worth it!
 
From re-reading your thread, it is normal to feel depressed after losing a baby alone- then ending a serious relationship. I would be feeling the same way-that's alot to deal with. (understatement)
Give yourself time to heal, speak to a therapist, lean on friends, explore career changes, workout with Cathe and take good care of yourself. Do all your favourite things you haven't done when you were with this man. This comes from experience myself from losing a child and ending a relationship too (in divorce).
You're not alone and you're worth it!!
 
Physically, your hormones take over when you lose a baby. Even giving birth makes them wacky. Emotionally, you've lost a loved one! Add to that the breakup. And your job isn't giving you the satisfaction you need to bury yourself in work to get you through all this.

You have every reason and right to feel blue. Please see a doctor and get checked out. You may need to get a referral to a therapist also.

Diane
 
I agree with some of the previous posters -- you have been through SO MUCH recently, it's no wonder you are feeling down.

I would start with writing -- write each day when you have time, and get your feelings out. Also, try to write down a few things each day that you are grateful for. Gratitude can really change your life!

I also recommend seeing a therapist. If, after a few months of therapy, you are still not feeling significantly better, look into meds. Some may be against it, but I am on anti-depressants and may be for the rest of my life and I am a big advocate for medication if it is what is right for you and works for you.

As for the career change, that is scary but empowering at the same time. What kind of law do you do? Have you considered a career in law enforcement in another capacity? I work in law enforcement/criminal justice and I LOVE my job. I couldn't do your job, though...

Definitely keep eating clean and working out with Cathe or whoever -- you need those endorphins in your system right now.

Set goals for your new life -- personal, professional, love relationships, body, etc. and go for it!
 
Thank you all for the great advice. I have started journaling again back in March. That helps with my feelings from dealing with the break up and dealing with eating issues.

Diane, you said that I lost a loved one. I guess I never really thought about it like that. I was only six weeks when I discovered it and was given the drug to dissolve the embryo. But I was very excited. I re-read my original post and hope it was not taken the wrong way when I said maybe it was for the best that I lost the baby. I do grieve that loss. I am also realistic and know that I do not want to be a single mother. I know many great women who do it everyday and do it well. I just don't want that for me.

Earlier today, I went to check out some dance lesson at a community center near me. I will start those. I am excited about that. I will also continue to work out and eat clean and stick with WW- that is a sort of therapy for me.

I am do not want to seek thearapy now. I have done it in the past- dealing with issue with that same relationship that just ended. Right now I just feel I need to work my issues through with me and God. I believe therapy is very helpful and extremely beneficial. I just don't feel I need that now. I may be wrong. I will see. It helps to know that how I am feeling is not unusual. I guess the loss of the baby and relationship are still affecting me- I will discuss with my ObGyn. I still need to figure out the career situation....
 
Here's my opinion for what it's worth: I think you should take one thing at a time. First, you need to work through your grief. You experienced two major losses less than 2 months ago. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that you're not stressed out by a challenging job right now. If you can coast through your job, you can devote the necessary time and energy to sorting out your feelings. You may need to be depressed for a while, and that's okay. Depression is perfectly natural unless it continues for an unreasonably long period, and so far, it doesn't appear that the length of time is unreasonable. I think you should work on your health now, and let the job wait until next year. Don't set unreasonably high goals for yourself. A couple of pounds a month is okay. The slower you lose it, the longer it stays off. ;)
 
Thanks Nancy! I think I will/have been doing what you suggested. I just thought I should be over depression from losing the baby and the breakup by now. I agree with you- I need to take one thing at a time. Eating clean and staying on a regular exercise program is a job in itself. Fortuantely, my current job allows me to take an approx. two mile walk at 10 am and 2pm, in addition to working out in the morning. I am very impatient. I am learning that life is a process and instead of rushing through it enjoy every moment and learn from them.

Thank everyone for all their encouraging advice. I especially liked Beavs comment that she saw nothing but opportunity! Thanks all, I can not say how much I really appreciate you thinking enough to reach out. It means a lot to me.
 
Good luck, Butterfly! I agree with Beavs about seeing nothing but opportunity. Beavs is right on the money with that comment. :D
 
Hello, I don't know if my advice will be helpful or not but i just wanted to say something and to let you know my heart goes out to you. I have been in and out of depression for ever it seems, its not fun. I have discovered this book, its a self help book ( don't know if thats your thing, but it helps me ) its called you can heal your life by Louise L. Hay. See believes that we create our own experiences and what we believe becomes true for us. Something that helps me when i start thinking bad thoughts is just to repeat over and over in my head "I love and approve of myself" I find this stops the negative thoughts and after a while( of constant repition everyday) you begin to believe it and life just seems to flow. I highly recommend the book. Keep up the great work with the exercises and eating clean!! and Congrats on losing 3 pounds, thats big! You should be very proud of yourself. Take Care and All the best. ~Michelle
 
Hi,

It's quite normal after all you've been through to feel blue or depressed. After reading your post it seems this will be a great opportunity for you to heal and concentrate on what you want out of life. There can be many great changes for you on the horizon. Since it all can be overwhelming and you will need to do some soul searching I also recommend a therapist or a life coach to help you find your way through all this. Now would be a great time to focus on your health and also a new career or avenue in your law field. The relationship and child can come later. I would do alot of focusing on how you envision your life and works towards that. I have been through periods where everything seemed to be crashing down all around me and I was lost in confusion but many great things happened in the end for me. You will become an even better version of yourself....be strong, have faith. Everyday is a new day.

Tina
 
Tina,

Thanks for your words of encouragment. I have thought about a life coach- especially since I have been stuck in an unfulfilling job for quite some time. I have not idea where you find one... any recommendations?
 
You can find a specialized life coach at www.lifecoach.com. I've seen them listed in my area magazines that are based on whole foods and various other therapies. If you have a whole foods market in your area you'll usually see them at the exit. Also, there are books like Cheryl Richardson and her books probably have recommendations for finding one as well. May be pricey to work with one but worth it. It takes some time and research so be patient with yourself.
Good luck!

Tina
 
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