What would you do?

C

chars2boys

Cathlete
Hi everyone. This post isn't really fitness related except that I may use my muscles to beat somebody up!!! I'm not a regular poster but I post now and then. Here is my situation.....
About six or so months ago my husband developed a friendship with a woman he worked with. I spoke to her a few times on the phone and she seemed nice. However, she developed an attraction to him. He told her he was happily married but she persisted....calling his cell phone at all hours, leaving messages, etc. She even wrote him a letter saying she found the man of her dreams!!! It stopped for a bit but now she is text messaging him. Just last night she sent him a message that she "misses his adorable face" and needs to see him. I told my husband I've had enough and I'm going to call her and tell her to get a life. He said for me to let him handle it. If he ignores her, she'll go away. He thinks I am over-reacting. I'm really upset by this.
Any thoughts/suggestions?
Thanks guys!

Charlene
 
Gosh, Charlene! I don't have any advice, but she sounds like a fruitcake. I'm glad you at least know that this is going on and your husband didn't try to hide it from you. I'd be pretty upset too, but again, I don't have the first idea how you should handle it. Does this woman have a history of this kind of behavior?
 
You are NOT over-reacting, and if it were me, I would probably confront her myself.

How would he react if you had such a relationship with a male co-worker? He needs to think about that.

"You can't win them all - but you can try." - Babe Zaharias http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/musik/music-smiley-004.gif[/img]
 
Robin -
I don't know anything about her so I don't know if she normally does this kind of stuff or not. I'm ready to knock her block off though!!!
 
honeybunch1

My thoughts exactly!!! I did try to call her but she won't answer a call from my cell phone number. I'm thinking of using my husband's cell phone to call her just so she'll answer and I can give her a piece of my mind.
 
Well, she is obviously a total nutcase. I'm not sure confronting her is going to do you any good since she will probably hang up on you, BUT your husband needs to have a direct conversation with her, which includes (1) I am not interested in you, (2) my wife knows everything, and (3) if you continue to call me, I am going to press charges for harassment.

Seriously, I think I would have a problem with how he is responding in this situation. I don't think he is necessarily encouraging her, but he is obviously not discouraging her, either.

Then if she continues to call, press charges.

I'd be so furious, though, I have to tell you!

Good luck,
Marie
 
>Seriously, I think I would have a problem with how he is
>responding in this situation. I don't think he is necessarily
>encouraging her, but he is obviously not discouraging her,
>either.

I had the same thought. Not that he is looking to get involved with her but that maybe he wants to be mister nice guy and not hurt her feelings. Frankly I would tell him he needs to talk to her or it's going to get ugly. You said he works with her, if he is serious about making her go away he could talk to HR at work and let them know what is going on, especially because if she is vindictive she may do this to HIM if he lays down the law. She wouldn't be the first person to scream sex harrassment when she is rejected.

I don't know that she is nuts per se. I know many women, including a couple of friends, who feel like any man is fair game, regardless of his being married. we have to be adults about it of course - and stay out of jail, natch - but my first reaction would be to knock her block off. :D

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Marie - I think she'll hang up on me too and actually she'll probably be happy she got a rise out of me. I agree that my husband is not doing enough about it and I have told him he needs to flat out tell her to get lost. I am not defending him by any means but he does not like to have people mad or upset with him. I agree also that he is not doing enough to discourge it. It is really making me angry and I'm at the point now that I may say either tell her to leave him alone or I will.
 
Sparrow - I just replied the same thing to Marie that he does what to be the nice guy and not have anyone mad at him but all he is doing is making me (the most important one) very mad. He actually left the company and works in a totally different field now so it isn't like he even sees her everyday any more. It seems she is just infatuated (sp?) with him.
 
It was my thought exactly that by confronting her yourself you will probably only give her a little bit of satisfaction that she got you worked up over it. In her eyes, that probably makes it look like you have something to be worried about, which obviously you don't.

I agree with some of the other posts that you should talk to your husband about the way he is handling it. I don't think that ignoring it will do anything, it hasn't seemed to so far. He needs to be direct with her. I also think that threatening to press charges for harrassment might get her attention.

Don't let her know she is getting to you. I'm sure that's what she wants. I don't blame you at all though for being angry. I would be too.

Good luck!

Katie
 
I think Sparrow has a pretty valid point here. Your hubby has to work with this woman so things have to be handled as diplomatic as possible to avoid future problems.

Give him a week or two to deal with it. If he can resolve it, open a can of whoop a$$ on the crazy chick.
 
THANK YOU!!! You have all made me feel better about it. It is really upsetting me and making me angry. I will talk to my husband and make sure he sets her straight.
I appreciate all the quick responses. I'll keep you posted on how this plays out!!

Better start upping my weights just in case I have to handle it myself :)
 
Have you taken kickboxing lately?? It will come in use sometime:+ :+ :+ . I jsut say beat her up. Tell her where to go:7

~Adri;-)
|_|_|
|_|_|
|_|_|
 
Adri -

I do it about 2-3/week and am also certified to teach it. I would LOVE to get a hold of her and just pound in her face but I will try to be the mature one for now anyway.
}(
 
I agree that your husband must be the one to take care of the situation. Some women can be totally a pain in the doopa! My son had a girl who was always following him around, etc. He was down right mean to her and she still didn't get the message. I hope your husband becomes more forcefull and shuts her down. Otherwise, you may have to kick some a$$!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!
 
Why doesn't your hubby change his cell phone number???
It only cost about 35 dollars or so to do....

Rhonda
 
I agree 100% that your husband should be the one to handle this situation. He needs to be clear and not mislead her. I hate to say this but if it were me, I would be wondering if anything happened between them. I don't know the specifics about your situation and could be completely off base. It just seems like odd behavior by someone if there is/was no reciprocity. I have a little experience with the cheating thing, which could skew my perspective.
 
Wow!Some people are really x( awful. I think you are obviously very brave to be willing to communicate so openly on the forum about your situation.As much as I think it is good that your Husband has been honest and straightforward about everything with you (which says good things about how you treat your Husband) I agree that it is inappropriate that He is not being more straightforward with this woman.Whether or not He doesn't likes people "mad at him", is beside the point.Preserving and nurturing his marriage should be the priority and his lack of action out of not wanting to be "the bad guy" and/or combined by maybe being flattered, although not interested is damaging and absolutely not okay.Have you considered changing His cell phone number? No matter how many contacts we have in our business and personal life it is pretty easy to make sure they all have His new number.Also if you want to play Hard ball have your attorney draw up a letter stating that your Husband will see her in court if she does not stop Harassing him.Make a police report.Stalking can happen to men too.Then see how how fun Her manipulative ,destructive game is.I do not know her ,but women who I have known like her,seem to get off on the "Thrill of the Hunt" much like Men who are like this.I would not contact her,she would as you said most likely enjoy it or if she is a loon it may possibly be dangerous for you.When it comes down to it,He can and should put an end to this out of respect for you ,respect for himself and out of honoring his marriage.I hope anything i have said has not offended you,it is just my opinion based off of my interpretation of your message.Good luck and take care.
 
Deana - I did actually flat out ask him if anything ever happened and he said no. Him and I were having problems at the time he developed this friendship with her but he swears on our children that nothing happened. He just talked to her as a friend. My radar is up and beeping but he is always either at home with me or we are out together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top