What would you do? (friendship question)

gidget1978

Cathlete
I am going to make this as short as I can....:eek::p

I have this "friend" (some of you already know what I am talking about but I thought I would post this here to get some opinions) our husbands own a business together, where my DH works and so does my friend. We have been friends for about 6-7 yrs, minus the couple of times I have pulled away from her and did my own thing.

Well, this past month we all took a trip to Fl together. Totally their idea b/c they were the ones going. They wanted to know if we wanted to go with them. The other good thing was that she was bringing along her 13 yr old cousin and I also have a 13 yr old daughter. In the end, her SIL and fam ended up coming with their 12 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son....so they all stayed together in the one house. While we rented a house, just down the st with my sister, her DH and their 6 month old.

We get there on a Mon, I talk to my "friend" on Wed, they already have their plans in place...and we do our own thing. Thurs I find out that just the "girls" in the house have gone shopping for the day. No one bothered to invite us (even though they knew we weren't doing anything) or even invite DD to tag along with the two other girls. Also before we went away, DD and the other 13 yr old had bit of an argument but had made up. We use to call them, to try and get the girls together and my "friend" would always say that when they got home, they would call and they would get together. So DD would sit around in her swim suit, waiting for a call that never came.

On Sun we went to visit them (been there a whole week, seen each other once and have done nothing together) and I made it quit clear that DD was bored (when we didn't go to the parks) again, they say "when we get home tonight we will call"...and they didn't call. We leave on Thurs morning to come home...still have done nothing with them...not even a drink in the evenings. I thought forsure that they would come by to say goodbye on Thurs morning but they didn't. When I get on the plane to turn my phone off, my "friend" as sent me a text saying that she wishes we had spent more time together, and that we will make up for lost time when we get home" This poisned me. I was so mad! Who text someone unless you are 14 yrs old? We are growen women and she is texting me???? I was rotted! I made it quit clear to her that DD's best day was the day prior when my brother and his 3 kids arrived in Fl and we spent the day at seaworld. Apparently my text ticked her off....but not nearly as much as her orignal text had sent my blood pressure soaring!

I never expected to do things with them day in and day out, but I would have atleast expected a day of shopping, or supper together...or a few drinks in the evening. My goodness, we were on holidays...if you can't make time for your friend who is staying 4 houses away, then when can you? I knew shortly after we arrived that we were totally on our own. The guys would touch base on a regular basis and have a couple of drinks at night, but we were never (me and my sister) included in anything. Most times I lay down with DS in the evenings and I would fall asleep with him.

We have been home for over 2 weeks now and we still haven't talked to one another. We spent alot of money by going when they wanted to go and staying in the town where they wanted to stay. My sister was trying to convince me to go later (with my brother) and stay in a different town but I kept saying "oh no...they invited us, we have to go with them" But why? I have no intentions of calling her. I am tired of trying at this relationship, if she can't see what she did wrong ( Im talking about leaving DD out) then I don't even care to bother with her. She tried talking to DH about this but he told her that he wanted nothing to do with it and she hasn't brought it up since.

I seen her the other day for the first time and she took off like a bolt of lightening. I did everything in my power not to tell her off. She claims that she isn't going to call me...and thats fine by me. I know at some point we will have to talk b/c we own a business together and we have mutual friends but do me a favor...don't call me your best friend!

Am I being unreasonable?

Lori:)
 
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She sounds like a really self-absorbed person.

I feel bad for your daughter. My DD is 13 and would have been devastated! I would just remain distantly and professionally polite with your "friend" and never do anything social again unless it's business related.
 
I think the phrase that fits best here is "they're just not that into you".

Sounds like a totally one sided relationship where you extend yourself for little, if any, return on your efforts.
I wouldn't bother calling again. It's time to clean closet, and if you're like me, you have no time in your life for people that aren't as committed to you as you are to them.

I'm confused as to why they would ask you to come to FL if they had no plan to hang out with you. Or maybe they were mad that you got your own house? I don't know what the original expectation was there...
Either way, weird situation. And since it's pretty common for them to not call you, I think it's time to interpret the message they're sending as they aren't interested in spending time with you.

Cut them loose. There are plenty of other people that would value your time and friendship as a true friend would!
 
Thanks for your repsonses ladies!:)

She is totally self absorbed..there is no doubt about that and everyone knows it. A little while ago she went to NY and invited our other friend and not me. When I called her on it, she said that she had called me but I wasn't home, never mind the cazillion times after that. I then told her that I knew our relationship wasn't as close as it use to be and that was fine with me, I wasn't bothered by it either way. According to her, she was devasted when I said this and said that she wanted to fix our friendship. So I tried...but I am done trying.

The house thing wouldn't have been it. Their family had intended to go all along, I guess if my sister hadn't went we would have rented with them.

If I ever talk to her about it that is what I am going to ask her "why did you bother to invite us when you didn't intend to do anything with us" AND "why didn't you tell us you would call, have DD waiting for friends and then never called her?"

As for cleaning out my closet:) I gave her back the clothes I had belong to her the other day and I asked for my Cathe dvd back!:p

Before I left Fl I had made up my mind that I was done with her and I was done trying! She is to high maintance for me!

Lori:)
 
Forgive me for being blunt, but why would you waste your time with this person when you could get yourself a pet hemorrhoid? Wear your stylin' Nike Shox whenever you leave the house so that if you have the misfortune of seeing her you can RUN!
 
I agree with the previous poster. Keep your relationship with this woman strictly professional and get out and find real friends and interests separate from your business partners. Is she, maybe, jealous of you? The whole trip sounds like one big set up, almost like she was trying to make you feel insecure and excluded (What adult invites you on a fabulous trip and then ignores you???). I see a lot of this sort of nonsense where I work.
 
Forgive me for being blunt, but why would you waste your time with this person when you could get yourself a pet hemorrhoid? Wear your stylin' Nike Shox whenever you leave the house so that if you have the misfortune of seeing her you can RUN!

pet hemorrhoid. Good thing I didn't have a beverage in my mouth when I read that!:p
 
Sounds like you were invited just to bring down the costs of the rental. Not very nice of her. Don't blame you for being upset but I hope you and your family were able to enjoy your trip and not let her get to you. I know it is so hard to forget and move on when we're peeved at people heck I am soo guilty of doing that to the point where I can't get any sleep, but sounds like she's got the "me" blinders on and isn't losing any sleep over what she did. Try to look at it as lesson learned and don't let her get the best of you. She isn't worth your time.
 
We're having clique issues at the moment (both kids and adults...sheesh, it never ends), so I can sympathize. :confused:

This is probably why so many say never mix business with pleasure. It's hard enough finding and maintaining healthy friendships, but trying to do so within the context of a business must be twice as difficult.
 
I can't disagree with the other replies, but I'm wondering about what you did to set-up an evening for drinks etc? To some extent it almost sounds like you were leaving it entirely up her hands. Being only 4 houses down from each other it sounds like the guys felt comfortable walking over to see each other, but I know us girls sometimes seem to need to wait for an invite. Just playing devils advocate...

It also sounds like you really don't care to carry on a relationship with this person anyhow, before or after the trip so I would just walk away from it all and keep future interations inpersonal.
 

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