What someone actually said to me at work...

Clarissa

Clarissa

Cathlete
I am the human resources manager for a non-profit organization. Problem is, I am a good 20 years younger than the next oldest person...hard to get respect is my point. Anyway, I was in line for lunch and a housekeeper came up to me and whispered in my ear: "you itty bitty little thing. Your husband must love that little waist and those GREAT BIG LEGS...you know how the men love those big legs". I was shocked. She meant only the highest compliment. But, what did I hear??? "Fatty McFatty Pants...fat fat fat". I work soooo hard to be where I am. Especially that I am soon to be a personal trainer. I don't want people to think I am "big". Secondly, I couldn't believe she had the nerve to say that to a professional HR person!! Oh well. WHat do you all think? I never want to eat again now. Would you all have felt offended? BTW, I just giggled so she didn't feel stupid about the comment but boy was I embarrassed.
:) :(
 
Thanks...
PS - I mentioned the "age" thing because my point is, I truly believe if I was older, she wouldn't have had the nerve to say such things and would not have stepped over the line. I have heard other things said about me too since I have been there, but this one bothered me deeply since I work out like 90 minutes 6 days a week. It is my whole life. It is very challenging for me to get employees to take me seriously in my role in human resources because of my age. Does that make sense?
 
That was not a compliment!!! It was totally inappropriate and weird. Just coming up and whispering in your ear in itself was out of line, and the person must have know his/her actions were inappropriate for just that reason. Don't even be nice if this person approaches you again. He/She way overstepped professional boundaries. It almost sounds like they were hitting on you. Which again, would make the comment and actions totally inappropriate!
 
It was a woman employee... No harassment obviously (I wrote the policy!!! :) ) She really did mean to be nice...but how I have been stewing over it for 3 weeks now. I already knew I wasn't "skinny" in the legs, but are they actually GREAT BIG????
 
No, not a friend. Someone I hired a year ago on a part time basis. A dear lady. But what a weird thing. Like I said, so weird, that I didn't know what to say but smile and hoped she would go away and never say it again.
 
Clarissa, I'm a trainer and I lead daily bootcamp workouts for quite a few people. One of them said "oh, you're bottom heavy like me" once, about a year and a half ago. She followed it up with "you hide it well", but OMG I'm still not over it! I bought some new clothes last week and was thinking of her comment every time I tried on a pair of pants.

The truth is, though, it is true for me and I just don't want to be the kind of person who hates her body. Nature gave it to me, and I'm stuck with it. I work out quite a bit, and I love myself for doing that. Although I think I would be happier with skinnier legs, I've met quite a few women who can't stand their skinny legs. So I guess we each are what we are.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!! I'm sorry she said that to you. I do think your age problems at work will get better with each year, which is great for you! LOL.

Hugs to you and your legs WHATEVER size they are,
 
She was out of line, she's a weirdo, she's unprofessional. All of this is true and you can try and excuse her behaviour like this as much as you like. But the really problem isn't what she said but that you allow someone else's opinion to determine your self worth. Stop it!!! I know it's hard. I have to work on this myself too. But you know what: she's inconsequential. She has no place in your life, no role of importance. Whi gives a **** what she thinks? You know you are healthy and strong and the only thing that matters is what you think and feel about yourself. Your husband loves your figure? Sure he does, and he's not wrong. Let him console you. Then don't give it another thought.

Clare
 
How incredibly shocking that someone would think that it's OK to say something like that, Clarissa! Like Amy said, though, I think we all need to realize that even if we don't have stick-thin legs, they are strong and muscular, and I'm sure your legs look fantastic! I also probably would have reacted the same way -- whenever someone gives me a back-handed compliment or even something that's closer to an insult, I never open my mouth to tell them how rude they are!

Leanne
 
I'll probably get bashed for saying this, but in some cultures that is considered the highest compliment one could receive (and I can pretty much guess what the housekeeper's background is simply from the comment). If she thought you looked out of proportion, I'm sure she would not have said anything. If anything, try to take the compliment and toss the sting. She was telling you that you have a lush, ripe body with curves in all the right places. I know our culture tends to idolize skinny, but put my DD18 beside any of her "skinny" friends - all of whom she would love to be - and my DD18 would turn more heads because she's built very sensuously (and yes, she's pear shaped). There really is something to be said about curves.
 
THanks to all who replied! :)
Christine, I think I might know what you mean. The employee is a "minority", so if you are saying that is the highest compliment in her "culture"...you may be right. My husband thought the same thing. It all goes back to my past though. I am sensitive b/c i was the "fat girl" in school. Now 10 years later, I am a fitness freak - who would have known?? Can't wait for my reunion! But I always think of my legs to this day. Just didn't want anyone to ever point them out again. Oh well. I'll never get true self esteem but I want to help others because of what I have accomplished. I'll let it go! Thanks again
 
I sort of agree with Christine. I once had a co-worker make a comment about my behind that was obviously inappropriate but was clearly meant as a compliment. Since then I've actually felt even MORE secure about my appearance. I mean, if I possess a good enough tush that makes others want to compliment it who am I to complain? :7


Although I can understand that in our culture we don't always equate the word 'big' with good.
 
Clarissa, I am also a minority and in my culture, it is considered the height of rudeness to remark about another person's body, particularly in a manner designed to highlight a person's sex appeal.

I am sure you understand that the term 'minority' encompasses an enormous range of cultures and religions, and that there is no monolithic standard of minority behavior.

Shree
 
I didn't mean it that way. Sorry if I offended you. That's not the kind of person I am. I thought that was what someone was referring to when I said that. My husband was referring to to song "baby got back" and was making fun of me is all. Sorry again. I didn't say I agreed with him. It never occured to me when she said it or anything.
 
Hi, Clarissa. No worries. :)

I just wanted to throw my two cents in, particularly because I also think what she said was enormously inappropriate. Whether she is male or female, I think body comments in a workplace are always off-limits.

I am new around here (although I've been a silent lurker for a long time) and didn't mean to be overbearing.

Shree
 
I don't know if I should put this here. But I have the opposite problem. My MIL EVERY time I see her talks about how "SKINNY" I am. And I absolutely hate it x( I hate the word skinny!! I guess my bottom line is it's rude to comment about someone's wt in such a way. I think it's one thing to say wow, you look fit or wow those pants really compliment your figure,... You get my point. But people should be very careful about how they "compliment" someone. BTW, I know my MIL is trying to be nice- but it drives me insane!!

[font color= purple size=+3]Catherine[/font]

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Well, haha, funny you should say that! My mother says that to me. It is so rude! She'll say, you need to eat. Or lately it's "you look more and more like a man, what's wrong with you" b/c I am lifting with Cathe and have anterior delt definition. Oh brother. You are right Catherine! People shouldn't say anything if they can't be nice about it! I feel so much better now that you all agree ;)
 
All she needed to say "You look great, what's your secret?" kinda of thing. I wouldn't let her comments bother you. Even though, in her mind, she was paying you a compliment, I would pull her aside and talk to her about professionalism and what is apprpriate on the job.
 
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