Were you bullied as a child?

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
I saw this story on the Morning Show today about this poor girl who was bullied so badly she had to change schools twice. While the story had a happy ending, I was shocked at how extreme bullying has become. The internet has turned out to be a terrible thing when it comes to stalking--she was harassed, picked on, she even got death threats.

I was really geeky in high school & I got bullied quite a bit. I remember in gym class having the "popular" girls hurl basketballs at me as hard as they could while the teacher just watched in silence. But I never experienced anything as horrible as this girl. And I've heard lots of other stories about kids being bullied so badly they're pushed to the point of attempting suicide.

What's changed in our society? Are kids much meaner today than they were 25 years ago when I was in HS? Is it b/c they have more resources for their teenage dysfunction? Is it the increase of sex & violence in movies, TV & video games? Or is it just that my own bullying experience wasn't that bad & this kind of crap was already going on when I was that age?
 
I was bullied a lot, in many, many different ways. I hardly have any friends now because I mistrust people too much to get close to anyone. I just figure they're going to turn on me.

I don't know if it's worse now or if we're just way more aware of it.
 
I saw this story too! For some reason, in grade and middle school, I was always the girl that the "troubled girl" in school wanted to "fight." Maybe b/c I was tall and a good target (ha ha!) but I often wondered why this happened when this person barely even knew my name!


>What's changed in our society? Are kids much meaner today
>than they were 25 years ago when I was in HS? Is it b/c they
>have more resources for their teenage dysfunction? Is it the
>increase of sex & violence in movies, TV & video games? Or is
>it just that my own bullying experience wasn't that bad & this
>kind of crap was already going on when I was that age?

I think they they are, though I have no idea why. It could be any of the things you offer here or something else, but some kids seem to have a mean streak in them now that I don't remember seeing even in the worst kids when I was younger.
 
Yep. But only in elementary school. In first grade this second-grade girl who weighed about fifty-pounds more than me or anyone else in my class, took it upon herself to antagonize and hit me at the bus stop. But the worse was Linda King in second grade. She was horrible. She basically blackmailed me into being her "friend." You know, stuff like, "If you don't sit next to me on the bus (or play with me at recess, or eat lunch with me, etc.) I'm going to tell the teacher/principal that you said or did so & so" Honestly, I had a knot in my stomach the whole year.

I came across my old report cards a few years ago and was really surprised to see that I had only missed three days of school that year. In my mind, I had stayed (or tried to stay) home from school A LOT that year.
 
I was bullied a little bit. Nothing too bad, I guess. There were a couple girls that wanted to fight me over boys who liked me. And there was another when I was a senior who threw peanut butter balls at me in the senior lounge.

I think that it is worse these days. I think it's to do with parents' lack of attention to and discipline of their children. With all the responsibilities of dual-income families, I think many parents slack off at being parents. Or they want to be their kids' "friend". I find that concept ridiculous.

Once Teri said to me in anger, "You're not my friend anymore!" And I said, "make no mistake. I've NEVER been your friend. I'm your mother, and that's a whole lot better."

If I ever heard about, or witnessed, Teri being nasty to another child - she'd be in for it!
 
I was bullied through most of my school years. I guess it was because I was pudgy, had glasses and moved a lot. I think the bullying made me the woman I am today: strong, opinionated, and a loyal friend to those who don't screw me over.

I can't say for sure what the problem is today. I know that there are MANY more rules than there were when I was a kid. I remember that problems were solved "after school" and today, that kind of activity (or thought) is considered a crime in our area. All students here are told not to touch each other EVER. I specifically remember our gym teacher requiring students who fought to don boxing gloves and stay after school to "solve" the problem in the ring. Most educators would probably see that activity as dangerous or warped, but it seemed to work at the time.

Sometimes I think that all of the rules we have created has somehow increased the inner rage of our children. I know that my nephew has a lot of inner rage for some of the bullies in his school. My DH and I have always agreed that a little fist fight at school is no big deal. I will probably be flamed for this but if you honestly think back to your school years, you probably remember one or two fist fights. Point is...no kid was thrown in jail or considered hyper or mentally ill and in need of medication for a fist fight. The bullies usually got the meanness kicked out of them and the problem was solved. My mom always told me that bullies were usually the most insecure of the bunch and I think she was right then and the same applies now.
 
I didn't watch this segment, but this is what I remember...

(I admit that I was in the popular crowd at school which was usually the athletic crowd where I lived) BUT I don't recall us ever picking on other people except those already in the popular crowd - how does that make any sense!!! Its almost like in our small town there were a few different groups of popular people and amongst the girls there always were "spats" between them - it was the most stupid thing when I look back on it, but that is what it was.

I think there is always going to be some of that stupid stuff going on no mattter what, but maybe it has gotten worse because of tv violence, our obsession with material things in America - I don't know, but I almost wonder if teachers are afraid to step in anymore because it seems that parents will defend their children even when they are in the wrong anymore!!! ( I expect comments on that one )

Seriously though - I am pretty tired of hearing stories about parents stepping over teachers and principals and coaches to help their kids get what they want and validate their behavior!!!! RIDICULOUS! Kids need to learn to respect authority and follow rules, yet it seems to be ok anymore for certain youth to get away with their bad behavior bc the parents excuse it! SICKENING!
 
Oh in some ways that is so true!

My dad used to say if there was a problem, we took it outside! HA - now you could probably get suspended or expelled for that behavior! I think there is a difference though between settling a dispute of that kind "outside" or constantly bullying some defenseless kid.

Obviously if the kid cannot defend himself or herself its up to the teachers and parents to protect that child from emotional and physical harm and if your child is doing the bullying then as a parent its YOUR responsibility to discipline your child and not make excuses for them.

My sister is in highschool still and it amazes me how parents think that the trouble they get in couldn't have ANYTHING to do with their sweet innocent angel!!! My *ss!!! No child is perfect or innocent all the time! At least my parents are very grounded and dish out the punishment -
 
I was a pretty geeky kid in junior high (can you say Science Club!). However, the first time someone tried to bully me (ala Laura's gym scenario), I gave the sh!t back to them harder than they gave it to me, and that was that. So I guess I was able to establish myself as not an easy target.

I'm not sure how I would have handled being bullied over the Internet. That's a whole other beast.

When I was in high school, I dated a bully. I didn't know he was a bully at first. I don't know what the stereotypical psych profile for a bully is, but this guy had extremely low self-esteem, and the only way way he could make himself feel better was to put down those who were (or perceived to be) weaker than him. He tried to bully me for while too, emotionally, psychologically.

Bad times, man...bad times...

From what I hear through the grapevine, the dude hasn't changed a whole lot.
 
Believe it or not, I got picked on because I was too skinny. Kids had all kinds of names for me like "skinnybones", "toothpick", etc. I was always the last one picked for the teams because they thought I couldn't do anything. Except for gymnastics where I excelled and then they were jealous of me. We actually did football in junior high and I caught the ball and one huge girl didn't think I'd make it to the other end of the gym so she huddled over me the entire time I ran across the gym. Everyone thought it was so funny, they couldn't stop laughing. I also had a medicine ball thrown at me. Gym wasn't fun.

My DS inherited my physique but luckily none of the ugly comments. He has ADD and I saw that he excelled much more in individual sports like swimming, cycling and skating. When he was on team sports, he had no idea where to be or what to do. He now cycles every day to and from work.

Marcy
 
OMG Marcy! I played powder puff football! It was so out of control. After the first game the parents decided that there would be only a few more games because of all the shirt ripping and hair pulling! :) Apparently, we were way meaner than the boys!
 
Yes I was. In elementary school and junior high. I thought I had it bad until I read about this girl. I blocked out of my mind all of the details, but I have scars in my knees and arms from people chasing me to beat me upx(. I was scared to tell my parents or my teachers, but one day I told my dad and he taught me how to throw a good jab. It went downhill from then because I was beating up all the little boys that harassed me or my little brother. I can recall bullies getting stitches and all. If I ever have children of my own I don't know what I would do if they go through that. I hate bullies so much that I would probably do what my dad did. I know it's wrong though...:7

Did it affect me later on? Yes it did. I *still* have trust issues and self-esteem issues, but I'm trying to work on those.
 
<<My dad used to say if there was a problem, we took it outside! HA - now you could probably get suspended or expelled for that behavior! I think there is a difference though between settling a dispute of that kind "outside" or constantly bullying some defenseless kid.>>

I'm the oldest of three girls. When we started school, my dad told us: "Don't ever start a fight, but if somebody hits you, you hit 'em back".

That line probably makes a bunch of people cringe, but mentally it kept the three of us from being targets. I think it was his not-so-eloquent-way of telling us to stand up for ourselves.
 
I was bullied in 9th grade. A neighborhood girl decided she was jealous of me and got her druggy friends to harass me. The teachers stayed right on top of things and it never got physical until about ten years later (see below). A few years after the high school the ring leader came over and talked to me. I had no idea who she was until she finally told me she was the girl from the neighborhood (I recall towering over her...I was much taller) and I said "Oh, you" and walked away. Poor bully wasn't even recognized! Unless she came over the apologize for being an arse I had no interest in chit chatting with her.

Then some moons later one of the gang, by now looking like 30 miles of bad road, happened to be a few barstools away from a friend and I who stopped to get a drink. She had a few comments and I had enough. Suffice it to say she landed on the floor to a cheering bar with a little help from yours truly. I never went back to that place and never saw her again. It's really true about how fun it would be to go back to high school armed with the knowledge and confidence we have now. }(
 
Nope - doesn't make me cringe. It's one of the reasons I have my daughter in taekwondo. Not so she can go out and start trouble, but she will be able to defend herself if she needs to. I'm thinking there will be two scenarios for her when kids find out she's a martial artist. Either they'll think, "I'm not messing with her" or "She's not so tough, I'm going to kick her a**". I'm hoping that's more of a guy mentality, but who knows? I don't pretend to understand the reasoning of bullies.

The kids that do the bullying most likely won't know martial arts, because those that do are taught respect and responsibility.
 
Absolutely.

When I began to walk, I walked with a very strange gait.

So I had to wear special (ugly) ortopedic shoes to correct my gait.

When I was in the first grade, some girls laughed at me and called me Granny Clampett. Our class got to "vote" on which president we would select and I wanted to vote for Kennedy, but this group of girls said I had to vote for Nixon because I wore Granny Clampett Shoes.

In the 8th grade, there was this boy in my English class. Every time I rose from my seat or was asked a question by my teacher, he would say "EWWWWW! She is so Gross"! This really hurt me. Years later as adults, we met again and he asked me out. I said no because of what he had done to me. He said he only did that stuff because he had a crush on me.

In high school I never tanned. A lot of us went to the same pool and people made fun of my pale skin. I was a social outcast because of my pale skin. No kidding! I often wonder how these girls look today and if any of them ever got skin cancer....

My senior year of high school the guys in our class got to vote for "Calendar Girls" to be featured in our yearbook.

I did not make it as a Calendar Girl.

I did win the Phys Ed and Health award for outstanding students and was first runner up for the biology and English awards, but nobody really cared about that.

Being a Calendar Girl was valued a lot more than stupid academic awards.

That really upset me -- to not be considered attractive enough to be a Calendar Girl.
 
I am sorry you feel that way, Shelly.

But I have a difficult time getting close to people too.

I hope here at this forum we can at least trust one another a little bit....
 
There was a girl in my high school that never bullied me, but she had the reputation of being a bully. She scared me, and I'd walk a block out of my way to not have to pass her on the street. Once she beat up one of the tougher boys in our class, so I think that's where she got her rep. She was not an attractive girl, not at all feminine.

Then our 10 year reunion came and she showed up looking like a million bucks. She had a pretty figure and was so friendly. I was talking to her for a bit, then told her about how I used to avoid passing her on the street. She was dumbstruck. She started laughing and said, "who me?" Then I reminded her how she had beat up that boy and she REALLY started laughing. "Oh yeah!" I'm sure he deserved it. He was a real jerk in high school.


The one girl who DID try bullying me in school wound up having to leave to go to a foster home. She got pregnant in her later teens. One day I was at the local grocery store and she was standing behind me in line. About 8 months pregnant. I could just feel my shirt burning from the angry stare she was giving me. I never really found out what her problem was with me.
 
Do you know what became of Linda King?

I had a "friend" named Linda Barr. In retrospect, she was really pitiful since her parents were never home.

But she was cruel to me and was always making fun of me because I could not high heels (little tiny pumps) or shave my legs.

She also developed breasts earlier than me and used to make fun of me because of that.
 
I was picked on by the "slackers" in school because I was so quiet and I tried SO HARD in school always. I was also called "teacher's pet".

So much for being the nice kid.........


:)


"Life is short - Be the best you can be every day of your life"
 
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