Well, the new dog has been a disaster.
- Thread starter LauraMax
- Start date
Miss Lee
Cathlete
I pretty much agree with Carola. Introducing a new pet into your home isn't easy, but it's probably a good idea for Max as dogs are pack animals and they do better with a companion. It's wise to take your time and find the right dog -- one that will be submissive. I would avoid a puppy or an overly active, hyper dog. Good luck, Laura -- I know this isn't easy.
Heee...I have a solution for you!
(Keep in mind I've not read all of the responses to your post, so I could be repeating something you've heard already...and also - I mean this entirely in a jovial manner..)
Get your Max a CAT to play with! They are very independent, and therefore you won't have to invest time in it like you would with a puppy! They're friendly, and I know many pups that are pals with cats. They are great additions to the family (barring allergies and personality conflicts of course..)
:7
I love cats of course...I rescue them. So, I am biased as to how wonderful they are. Since 1997 my DH and I have rescued around 50 and had each one tested, immunized and fixed.
Take care,
I am THE cat woman (har)
(Keep in mind I've not read all of the responses to your post, so I could be repeating something you've heard already...and also - I mean this entirely in a jovial manner..)
Get your Max a CAT to play with! They are very independent, and therefore you won't have to invest time in it like you would with a puppy! They're friendly, and I know many pups that are pals with cats. They are great additions to the family (barring allergies and personality conflicts of course..)
:7
I love cats of course...I rescue them. So, I am biased as to how wonderful they are. Since 1997 my DH and I have rescued around 50 and had each one tested, immunized and fixed.
Take care,
I am THE cat woman (har)
LauraMax
Cathlete
It wasn't one meeting, it was 5 hours of hell. Unless you've been through it you don't know what it's like to see your little dog fighting, snapping, biting & snarling at another dog & I have no doubt if you did you wouldn't keep the new dog in your home. This was not scuffling, this was all out dog fighting. And it wasn't once, it was every time Cherry touched him. When they weren't fighting Max was off in a corner with his tail between his legs.
I don't just think Max can't handle it. I can't handle it either. I have enough stress & pressure in my life. My home has to be my haven, I can't worry about keeping 2 dogs from hurting each other while I'm there.
And I have to do what I feel is right for Max. I don't think keeping Cherry is right for him.
And yes, I definitely humanize my dogs. What 40 YO single, childless woman wouldn't?
I don't just think Max can't handle it. I can't handle it either. I have enough stress & pressure in my life. My home has to be my haven, I can't worry about keeping 2 dogs from hurting each other while I'm there.
And I have to do what I feel is right for Max. I don't think keeping Cherry is right for him.
And yes, I definitely humanize my dogs. What 40 YO single, childless woman wouldn't?
>
>However, I really liked Tuxedo, talked to the breeder again,
>read about how to introduce dogs, watched the shows about it
>and gave it another shot. This time around, I did not let them
>sniff each other or look at each other, took them both on a
>leash and for a 60 minute walk, one dog on each side. Well, it
>made all the difference.
>
OMG! That is exactly what I did when I introduced a young Husky to my spoiled American Eskimo and it worked like a charm. And my Eski is the type to yap at other dogs if I don't put a stop to it. But I put them on leashes took them for a long walk to a park, forcing them to stay on either side of me. We sat for about 10 minutes, again I was in the middle, at that point they just wanted to rest so they didn't even try to bother with each other. I gave them water then we took the long route home, another 90 minutes later and all three of us were exhausted. My dog didn't have the energy to complain about the new dog coming into the house. They both just wanted food, water and rest. I got this technique from Cesar Milan...I love the guy.
>However, I really liked Tuxedo, talked to the breeder again,
>read about how to introduce dogs, watched the shows about it
>and gave it another shot. This time around, I did not let them
>sniff each other or look at each other, took them both on a
>leash and for a 60 minute walk, one dog on each side. Well, it
>made all the difference.
>
OMG! That is exactly what I did when I introduced a young Husky to my spoiled American Eskimo and it worked like a charm. And my Eski is the type to yap at other dogs if I don't put a stop to it. But I put them on leashes took them for a long walk to a park, forcing them to stay on either side of me. We sat for about 10 minutes, again I was in the middle, at that point they just wanted to rest so they didn't even try to bother with each other. I gave them water then we took the long route home, another 90 minutes later and all three of us were exhausted. My dog didn't have the energy to complain about the new dog coming into the house. They both just wanted food, water and rest.
I got this technique from Cesar Milan...I love the guy. 
hiitdogs
Cathlete
With all due respect, Laura, it was 5 hours of hell because you ignored every piece of advise that was given to you ahead of time and wanted to do it your way. Do I blame you for it? No, absolutely not! It is your life, it is your choice!
I do know what it looks like when dogs fight, snarl at each other, bite, etc. Scooter and Tuxedo did! And I know it is not a pretty picture, I was mortified!!!!! I have been in the same shoes and I thought I was smarter than the rest. However, I wasn't! I just re-evaluated and took the advise of people who had experience with dogs, I took a chance and it worked out well in the end when I chose throw my beliefs overboard and just trusted in what dog-people told me. I am glad I did, for my sake and my dogs' sake. But it is a choice we are making, no one can force us to do that and my choice may not be the right choice for you.
As to your question what 40 YO single childless woman wouldn't humanize her dog? I don't know! I guess it all depends on what we want. The question is, is it about you, or is it about your dog? Humanizing a dog, no matter what, is never a good choice - FOR THE DOG!! If you humanize Max, it may be the right choice for you, cuddling a dog or any other pet is always great for us humans, it relieves tension, makes us feel wanted/needed, but it may not be the right choice for our dogs. I think Max is a lonley little fella and it would be good for him to have a companion. And it is not always easy to add another dog to the "pack".
You know I love you to pieces, I think you are an awesome lady!!! I disagree with you in this case and I wish you would consider the advise of people who have been through this and give it another shot, you maybe surprised. But whatever you do it won't change that I still think you are a wonderful human being.
I hope you don't get mad at me, but I just HAD to say it!
I do know what it looks like when dogs fight, snarl at each other, bite, etc. Scooter and Tuxedo did! And I know it is not a pretty picture, I was mortified!!!!! I have been in the same shoes and I thought I was smarter than the rest. However, I wasn't! I just re-evaluated and took the advise of people who had experience with dogs, I took a chance and it worked out well in the end when I chose throw my beliefs overboard and just trusted in what dog-people told me. I am glad I did, for my sake and my dogs' sake. But it is a choice we are making, no one can force us to do that and my choice may not be the right choice for you.
As to your question what 40 YO single childless woman wouldn't humanize her dog? I don't know! I guess it all depends on what we want. The question is, is it about you, or is it about your dog? Humanizing a dog, no matter what, is never a good choice - FOR THE DOG!! If you humanize Max, it may be the right choice for you, cuddling a dog or any other pet is always great for us humans, it relieves tension, makes us feel wanted/needed, but it may not be the right choice for our dogs. I think Max is a lonley little fella and it would be good for him to have a companion. And it is not always easy to add another dog to the "pack".
You know I love you to pieces, I think you are an awesome lady!!! I disagree with you in this case and I wish you would consider the advise of people who have been through this and give it another shot, you maybe surprised. But whatever you do it won't change that I still think you are a wonderful human being.
I hope you don't get mad at me, but I just HAD to say it!
LauraMax
Cathlete
I didn't ignore every piece of advice Carola. I ignored one piece & you're right in saying that's my choice. I don't think I'm smarter than the rest, I think I'll do whatever is possible to make sure Max & I have a happy life.
Also, you can't apply the same exact formula to every single dog. Regardless of your refusal to "humanize" dogs, as you call it, like humans every dog is different & has different emotional needs. You can agree or disagree if you'd like but you've never met Max & you've never met me. I'm definitely offended that you're so quick to judge me & try to force your opinion down my throat when I'm trying to do what I feel is right, especially since you don't really know me or my pug.
And experience with dogs doesn't mean expertise w/dogs. I've had lots of dogs in my life too Carola, but I don't think I'm an expert. I've never had a problem bringing another dog into the house until now. Can you not see it may be the nature of the breed or the personality of the individual dog?
What's right for you & your dogs isn't necessarily what's right for me & mine. I'm somewhat baffled at your inability (or refusal) to see this.
ETA: I would advise against starting any post "with all due respect." That phrase usually means the opposite & I've learned not to use it in ANY setting.
Also, you can't apply the same exact formula to every single dog. Regardless of your refusal to "humanize" dogs, as you call it, like humans every dog is different & has different emotional needs. You can agree or disagree if you'd like but you've never met Max & you've never met me. I'm definitely offended that you're so quick to judge me & try to force your opinion down my throat when I'm trying to do what I feel is right, especially since you don't really know me or my pug.
And experience with dogs doesn't mean expertise w/dogs. I've had lots of dogs in my life too Carola, but I don't think I'm an expert. I've never had a problem bringing another dog into the house until now. Can you not see it may be the nature of the breed or the personality of the individual dog?
What's right for you & your dogs isn't necessarily what's right for me & mine. I'm somewhat baffled at your inability (or refusal) to see this.
ETA: I would advise against starting any post "with all due respect." That phrase usually means the opposite & I've learned not to use it in ANY setting.
pippa
Cathlete
I agree with Carola! You should give them more time. When my parents got their Golden Retriever their 8 year Westie hated her and I mean, hated her. They were introduced outside(which I hate to say it, but I can't BELIEVE anyone who works in shelter would think to do differently--they should be ashamed of their ignorance)on neutral territory. They had several BAD fights(one or two that ended in the ER)but after a week or so of getting to know one another, they became buddies and were close up unitl the Westie's passing.
As for humanizing your dog, I'm totally guilty of this too, But I agree with Carola that it really is bad for the dog. I was having a problem with my doggie a few years ago. He had become willful and just wouldn't listen...he was like a 2 year old, except that he was 12 at the time. I talked to my vet and was complaining about how I felt bad having to 'jerk' on his leash and that I didn't know what to do. She gave me the best advice. She told me to stop letting him win, that I was in charge and that every time I let him think otherwise I was only making it worse for him. And she was right. I know it is hard. My doggie is my baby and I can't stand him being upset or not getting his way, but it really is doing a dis-service to your dog to let him 'tell' you what to do. You're the boss!
As for humanizing your dog, I'm totally guilty of this too, But I agree with Carola that it really is bad for the dog. I was having a problem with my doggie a few years ago. He had become willful and just wouldn't listen...he was like a 2 year old, except that he was 12 at the time. I talked to my vet and was complaining about how I felt bad having to 'jerk' on his leash and that I didn't know what to do. She gave me the best advice. She told me to stop letting him win, that I was in charge and that every time I let him think otherwise I was only making it worse for him. And she was right. I know it is hard. My doggie is my baby and I can't stand him being upset or not getting his way, but it really is doing a dis-service to your dog to let him 'tell' you what to do. You're the boss!
LauraMax
Cathlete
Max is a good dog. He didn't used to be but after we did Bark Busters a few years ago he's actually pretty well trained. Spoiled rotten, but he does listen, & he knows he's not the alpha. But he's my only family & does get treated as such.
I'm sorry, but I would never keep a dog in my house after that much fighting! Again, this is not just about Max, it's about me. I can't handle that kind of stress. The past 24 hours have been disastrous & I won't go through it again. It was much too difficult, & considering I'm away from home anywhere from 9-16 hours a day during the week I can't see how this could work out.
I don't understand why everyone is trying to talk me into something when it's obvious (I think?) I'm extremely uncomfortable with it.
I'm sorry, but I would never keep a dog in my house after that much fighting! Again, this is not just about Max, it's about me. I can't handle that kind of stress. The past 24 hours have been disastrous & I won't go through it again. It was much too difficult, & considering I'm away from home anywhere from 9-16 hours a day during the week I can't see how this could work out.
I don't understand why everyone is trying to talk me into something when it's obvious (I think?) I'm extremely uncomfortable with it.
hiitdogs
Cathlete
Well, I meant it, with all due respect!! It didn't mean the opposite. Sorry if you took it differently
I never said you said that you were smarter than the rest. I said, I thought I was smarter than the rest and it bit me in the butt.
I am sorry you are offended, I am not judging you and I am NOT trying to force MY opinion down YOUR throat!!!! I wanted to give you a different perspective.
Dogs do have different personalities but ALL dogs are the same in needing guidance from their humans.
I see that you get all defensive and that was not what I was intending.
You have been talking about Max's problems here for a while, you don't have to take any advice from anyone, by all means! But my questions is, with all the problems that he has as you describe it, how has it been working for you to do it your way? I REALLY don't expect an answer to that!!!
No, you are right, by no means am I an expert on dogs. I have owned dogs for the majority of my life and I have made so many mistakes with them and it wasn't until I had my Aussies that I was willing to reconsider and take a different approach, which worked well for me. I just had the good fortune to find some "experts" who passed on their expertice to me and I am glad I met them. Truth being told I wasn't very open to it right away. I was only trying to pass on what I have learned and it wasn't meant to offend you or put you down. I am sorry if it came across that way.
Yes, 1 out of 10 dogs don't have a problem with bringing another dog in the house. You seem to have 1 of the 9 that do have a problem. I was trying to give you a different perspective based on what I had learned, many others on the forum gave you exactly the same advise, you don't want to give it a shot, well, that is up to you, Laura.
But I thank you for your email, it's always nice to get hit over the head when trying to help someone. Sorry that what I had to say wasn't what you wanted to hear and I am sorry if the way I said it was offensive to you.
I never said you said that you were smarter than the rest. I said, I thought I was smarter than the rest and it bit me in the butt.
I am sorry you are offended, I am not judging you and I am NOT trying to force MY opinion down YOUR throat!!!! I wanted to give you a different perspective.
Dogs do have different personalities but ALL dogs are the same in needing guidance from their humans.
I see that you get all defensive and that was not what I was intending.
You have been talking about Max's problems here for a while, you don't have to take any advice from anyone, by all means! But my questions is, with all the problems that he has as you describe it, how has it been working for you to do it your way? I REALLY don't expect an answer to that!!!
No, you are right, by no means am I an expert on dogs. I have owned dogs for the majority of my life and I have made so many mistakes with them and it wasn't until I had my Aussies that I was willing to reconsider and take a different approach, which worked well for me. I just had the good fortune to find some "experts" who passed on their expertice to me and I am glad I met them. Truth being told I wasn't very open to it right away. I was only trying to pass on what I have learned and it wasn't meant to offend you or put you down. I am sorry if it came across that way.
Yes, 1 out of 10 dogs don't have a problem with bringing another dog in the house. You seem to have 1 of the 9 that do have a problem. I was trying to give you a different perspective based on what I had learned, many others on the forum gave you exactly the same advise, you don't want to give it a shot, well, that is up to you, Laura.
But I thank you for your email, it's always nice to get hit over the head when trying to help someone. Sorry that what I had to say wasn't what you wanted to hear and I am sorry if the way I said it was offensive to you.
<<I don't understand why everyone is trying to talk me into something when it's obvious (I think?) I'm extremely uncomfortable with it.>>
Because the reason you are uncomfortable is because you got and took some REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad advice from the shelter on dog-to-dog introductions. This didn't have to happen.
We like you a lot, Laura, you're our bud. We've seen you agonizing for some time over whether or not to get a pal for Max, and how to make him happy. No is trying to talk you into anything you don't want to do, but as lot of us here are trying to help with a situation that you've been stressing over for awhile. Carola was on target with her advice.
{{{{HUGS}}}}} and sending many, many stress lowering vibes.
Because the reason you are uncomfortable is because you got and took some REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad advice from the shelter on dog-to-dog introductions. This didn't have to happen.
We like you a lot, Laura, you're our bud. We've seen you agonizing for some time over whether or not to get a pal for Max, and how to make him happy. No is trying to talk you into anything you don't want to do, but as lot of us here are trying to help with a situation that you've been stressing over for awhile. Carola was on target with her advice.
{{{{HUGS}}}}} and sending many, many stress lowering vibes.
andtckrtoo
Cathlete
Roxie was adopted to another family right before Laura was able to adopt her.
hiitdogs
Cathlete
I don't want to answer for Laura, but I am not sure she is still online. The Pug Rescue people, like many other rescue organisations, haven't even gotten back to Laura on her application. The one that was adopted before Laura could adopt her was Daisy Mae, a Beagle/Bassett mix.
Funny how this works with some Rescue Groups, the way they act, it sounds like they have people lined up at their front door. I got turned down on a cat many years ago, because one of my cats didn't like other cats, or humans, she liked my Labrador though, they were sleeping together, Jake was the only one she liked and my younger cat needed a buddy. It turns out the cat that we got after we got turned down from the Rescue group, was Jazzmyn's biggest buddy, just what the doctor ordered and turned out to be the best thing that happened to her for the last years of her life. Go figure!
Funny how this works with some Rescue Groups, the way they act, it sounds like they have people lined up at their front door. I got turned down on a cat many years ago, because one of my cats didn't like other cats, or humans, she liked my Labrador though, they were sleeping together, Jake was the only one she liked and my younger cat needed a buddy. It turns out the cat that we got after we got turned down from the Rescue group, was Jazzmyn's biggest buddy, just what the doctor ordered
and turned out to be the best thing that happened to her for the last years of her life. Go figure!Don't beat yourself up over this, Laura. At least now you know that Max is happier alone than adjusting to sharing you and his turf w/ another dog. Not all dogs like companionship. My youngest is a 3 yr. old border collie, and she'd never accept a new dog. she'll be an 'only' one day.
Valerie
Valerie