Weight Loss and Family Reaction

C

CYBERSIS

Cathlete
Don't get me wrong I love my family dearly but every since I decided to change my lifestyle, they do nothing but critize. According to them I exercise too much and I've lost too much weight ( went from 155 to 125 in 8 months, a gradually and healthy loss )

I stopped eating fried foods and junk. I gradually introduced more vegetables and fruits. I joined weight watchers on line and that allowed me to understand more about food choices and portions. I have always exercised but I really got serious about results. I bought a good treadmill, a mountain bike and I expanded my Cathe DVD's ( I now own them all and can't wait for more!) I bought the weights I needed and am starting to get some good definition. I am really proud of all the work!

Everytime I see them all I hear are negative comments. "Your too skinny, you don't eat enough, your face is sunken, you exercise too much" Sometimes I just want to scream! Why can't they be happy for my healthy lifestyle.

Sorry for the lament, its just that its Easter Weekend, BBQ at my sisters house and I know that they will all be watching what I am eating.

I think I'll go up to my room, stand in front of the mirror and do some positve self talking. "You are strong, you are healthy, you are beautiful"
 
How old are you, and which of your family is causing this grief? Of course, these reactions of theirs are totally inappropriate, and you know if you would carry on like that with them, they would be insulted.

Please clue us in on your particulars, and we will help fashion responses for you.
 
I have found in the past when I have lost weight, I, too, get alot of negative feedback (except from my mom and sisters, whom are very proud). I think alot of times there is jealousy involved, and there IS alot of hard work that goes into a healthy lifestyle (if you're not accustomed to it). Meaning, it takes a lot of hard work to lose weight and be dedicated to fitness. You mentioned you are a ww online member (so am I). I ran across a few recipes there that members share, and there are a few 1 point cole slaw and a few 0 point cole slaw. I bought the stuff to make it, but haven't tried it yet. You could whip something like that up and woof it down while you're there for very little points, and it might shut them all up seeing how much you're actually eating. lolol. The next time they start harping at you, just repeat in your mind that they are jealous and eventually they will have to be accepting of your new and improved look. And who knows, they may decide to start asking what your secrets are!!

Have fun today!

Kim
 
You won't believe this but I am 40 years, married and have two children. The most negative reactions are from my mom and sister. I guess I shouldn't let it get to me but positive re-inforcement works better then negative.
 
I think one factor is that people don't like change, and they are more comfortable about people who are more like them. Are your family members on the heavy side?

[A former secretary in our office was always looking for a way to lose weight and she was rather round and unhealthy. One day when. I was talking to a colleague of mine who asked me about working out, and I said that I wasn't wearing shoulder pads, the secretary---a generally nice person-- said "those aren't shoulder pads" (and believe me, I don't have bubous, huge shoulders) and kind of cringed, unable to disguise her momentary feeliing of almost disgust. From HER persepctive, her body that she was used to, the esthetic she wsa brought up with, muscular shoulders on women were "gross." From my persepctive, having huge rolls of fat on your lap when you sit down--like she had== is "gross"--though I never showed my disapproval the way she did.]

Also, they may fee like you are rejecting them in some way, even though they're not aware of it on a concious level. Since you probably got to the weight you were when you lived at home (unless it's a more recent development), your losing weight could feel to them like you are going against them in some way. [I'm not a psychologist, but I play one on TV! Actually, reading and analysing a lot of literature can give you some insights into human behavior, though not always.]

When I gave up sugan completely for a while, years ago, my grandmother, who had pretty easily accepted my vegetarianism at the time, was appalled that I didn't eat cookies anymore !!!! (cookies = grandma love).

The only thing to really do is to hang in there and not get forced iinto some kind of argument, and not feel you have to be defentive. When they criticize, just say something like "I'm happy and heallthy, and I was hoping you'd be happy for me , too."
 
Thank goodness for my family's reaction. they tell me how great I look, and my sister says that I am her hero. My hubby is the one that is always trying to sabatage my working out --> you know it is too late, you did it yesterday, etc.
 
Some people just won't ever get it. I've now lost about 55 pounds in 3 years, but certain family members still insist that I'm frail, delicate, etc. They discuss my "eating disorder" behind my back.

It hurts and is frustrating, but I know that I am healthy and in control so I politely thank them for their "concern" and move on.

A frail, weak person with an eating disorder wouldn't have biceps like mine and they sure as heck wouldn't be lifting as heavy as I do.

You know the truth and no matter what you say or do some people are still going to have "issues" with your lifestyle.
 
Ok, you've gotten your affirmation from us here, but I have a question. How tall are you? I don't mean to sound like a negative nelly but if you are 5'10" and weigh 125, your family may have cause for concern. On the other hand if you are 5'5" and weigh 125 YOU GO GIRL! I'd give my right arm to get down to 135 (at 5'6"). I do feel your pain with the family criticism. I weigh 150 right now & my mother does the same crap. Hello, I have a fat ass & gut! I hide it well. She says, "oh well, you're nearly 40." Well you know what--BITE ME! I "know" 50 year old women here that make me so proud to know them. I want to be like them when I grow up & I'm working on it!
 
Now that we have established that you are an adult, of course you must know that they say these things to you because THEY CAN! You have not successfully let them know that you don't appreciate their comments, and they will continue to impose them on you until you draw the line.

It IS possible to let them know in a kind way that their comments are not what you want to hear, and you may want to use the broken record technique. Repeat your affirmation to them, whatever it may be over and over. "I am fine with the way I look, and I would appreciate it if you would not criticize me."

If that does not work and they continue to be mean about it, you can always try my favorite response to nasty relatives, "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it!"

Good luck - you deserve to have positive encounters with your relatives, and YOU need to teach them how to treat you.
 
Let me re type that reply:

I am 5'6" tall so I think that 125 is not too thin.

Sorry to the person who e-mailed me, I pressed delete instead of send. My treadmill is a Bodyguard. It is an upscale company from Quebec, Canada. They sell up end exercise equipment. They were higher recommended from two friends and our local rep was fantastic. He delivered the treadmill and set it up with my particulars and I have loved it every since. I started using the Treadmoves videos with it and am really enjoying the variety. I would recommend using Cathe's CTX series to begin with. They give you lots of variety with the bonus of weight sections. I just love that series. All of Cathe's moves can be learned if you are patient and give them time.
 
I've been up and down all my life. Until 3-4 years ago, I was the queen of yo yo dieters. I believe (hope) I have made a lifestyle change that now includes exercise and eating right. But no matter what I weighed, up or down, my family criticized. If I was down, I was too skinny. If I was up, I was too fat. But they love me, and I love them, and it just doesn't really matter. They have problems, jealousy, unconscious motivations, etc. But I'm sure they are unaware they are being hurtful. In fact, I know they would be appalled if they really believed they had hurt me, despite their hurtful words. So I just let it go. Blow it off. Smile and say "thanks" when they tell me I'm too skinny. Make a joke about being too fat. Then change the subject. Somewhere underneath it all, there's love.
 
You must look fabulous! I'm so jealous! Maybe in a few weeks I will drop this weight & get down that far too!

As I said in my previous post--YOU GO GIRL!
 
It took my family, my mother and sister in particular, about 10 years of my having achieved and maintained a healthy body composition for them to stop with the "you're too thin" malarkey, and this was after a lifetime of them yammering "you're too fat!" at me. Sometimes women just can't leave other women alone.

Keep up with the positive affirmations to yourself, both in front of the mirror and in your exercise space, as well as your kitchen. Exercise IS a positive affirmation, as is maintaining a healthy and happy eating life.

Continue to be proud of the work as well as the payoff, and continue to remind yourself that every hour of intelligent exercise you invest today probably saves you about 10 hours in a medical facility in the short- or long-term.


And keep coming back here.

A-jock
 
Don't worry about what people think. Everyone knows the majority of women are very catty. Also, I don't want to embarass you but are you small, medium or large boned? Sometimes if you're a large boned and you weigh 125 for your height, it's considered very thin. My cousin's wife is about 5'4 and she's somewhat big boned but slim and she weighs about 130 and she doesn't even look fat at all. Just a big bitch who thinks she's the queen of the world. If you're pleased with yourself, ignore others. Only you know what makes you happy and feel better. Keep it up.
 
I know Easter's over, but here's a comeback I saw on (this forum?) once: next time someone says you're "too skinny," pull up your sleeve and flex your biceps. Then say "Skinny?"

That'll put their minds at ease that you're actually fit. It'll mean they'll need to reassess what they've been saying, and plan a new attack, bu that'll take time, so they'll leave you alone for a while.

That will mean they don't have a leg to stand on: you are just way healthier than they are. Do this, preferably, in front of all the men in the family (and the rest who aren't bothering you). This will embarrass them into leaving you alone even longer.

HTH
-Connie
 
Families are families and they don't change much. I would play the doctor card. Just say "my physician says my weight is perfect and that my health is excellent" and then change the subject. You could also do the broken record thing (an excellent suggestion btw) with that statement.

What you're doing here is ending the conversation about this subject without putting them down. After that try and distract them from this topic. Women spend way too much time talking about issues of food and weight anyway.
 
I normally get negative feedback as well.None of my family memebers are big people but a while back(before I found Cathe)I gained 15lbs.Then I decided to make a change and I started working out again and cut out all junk food.(whatever happened to that motavation?:+ )
My mom use to always have something to say.What are you trying to do to yourself? Beleive it or not, it was effortless.I just had everything in moderation.
Just a couple of weeks ago she was here and they were sat down eating KFC, while I had a egg sandwich and she made some comment about I beleive you are getting skinner.Are you still trying to lose weight? No mom....;-)
Sometimes people don't realize what moderatoin and a little bit of exercise can do.The people I work with don't have a clue about that stuff either ut they never make any comments to me.
Lori
 
Thanks guys, all your suggestions were really appreciated. I got through Easter by using one of your suggestions. I made up a hugh spinach salad with red peppers, mushrooms and oranges and then made the dressing before going over. I also made low fat brownies. I ate the chicken (instead of the spareribs ) loaded my plate with salad and veggies and then ate a brownie for dessert! Everyone seemed to just glow with approval when I ate the brownie! Sometimes a little slight of hand can work wonders.
 
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