Wedding shower, go or no?

spyrosmom

spyrosmom

Cathlete
I got a invite to DH's cousin's (cousin in law??) 3rd wedding shower in the mail today. I really don't want to go, but I'm afraid if I don't I'll get all of the "why can't you go?" questions. Which of course, is rude all on its own. The thing is, it's not a 3rd shower for her 1st wedding, its a shower for her 3rd wedding. DH and I have been married for about 9 1/2 yrs, together for about 11. She had just gotten married to her 1st hubby shortly before we got together. So she is on her 3rd husb in 11 or 12 years, which seems a bit excessive to me. She really is a cool person and all, but the new man always seems to be waiting in the wings before the current hubby is dumped. He's always a "friend" and then the next thing, a divorce and a new engagement ring a year later. The future groom has never been married, so his mom is throwing them a couples shower. I can't see where they would need anything. He is around 50 yrs old and been living on his own for sometime, and she is mid 30s has had 2 showers, 2 weddings, and been living singly for awhile. How many blenders does one person need?!?!?!?

We will go to the wedding, bc its a family obligation, but I really don't want to go to a shower and spend more money on a relationship, that quite frankly, I don't see lasting. I know that's a bit on the negative side, but she seems to change men like some people change underwear. The 2 prev hubby's were perfectly nice people, too. She changes her style/mind/interests to suit whatever the current man like, so I think that's why things don't last. I'm not a marriage counselor nor a relationship expert my any means, but I see averaging a wedding every 4 years as a big joke. They've all been big, fancy affairs as they have been the grooms 1st marriage for #2 and the upcoming #3. I feel that if I go and fake interest and that I think it'll really last, I am just lying for the day. We are already stuck going to the wedding (we all live in the same town) but do I really have to go the shower, too?? If I don't go, am I still required to send a card? money? gift?

advice?
Nan
 
So she just trades them in every few years like cars? LOL! If I were you, I would not be bothered going. In fact, I would find it rather nervy of her to keep throwing these "all about me" parties very few years with the expectation that people shell out money every time her taste in men changes. If it really bothers you though, make a donation to a worthy charity in her honor and let her know when you send your regrets.
 
I would not feel obligated to go to the shower at all. I am not even sure that I would go to the wedding! Although I do have a cousin who is also getting married for the third time next summer LOL!! I think when people call with regrets it's kinda rude to ask why you can not attend. JMO!!
 
I agree with the above posters. If you don't want to go, don't. In three or four years you can go to her next shower with husband #4;)
 
If it were me, I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel in the least bit bad about forgoing the gift. I'm not a fan of showers in the first place, but three is obscene.
 
I wouldn't go, nor would I feel the least bit obligated. You have already given to two previous bashes, a third is outrageous. I can't believe they are throwing another shower and another lavish wedding. If you want to give something, send a donation to your favorite charity, in the bride and groom's name.
 
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Don't bother, . . I wouldn't. Send her some flowers the day of, make up a disease or something, bad gas, pms, and just don't go. I agree to make people feel obligated to go is just so "I've got the ME blinders on." I wouldn't want someone to come if they really didn't want to. Just pretend that she feels the same. Trust me she third time around she isn't losing sleep wondering if your going to go or not.
 
The idea of a "shower" has always offended me. Basically, you're supposed to shower the person with gifts. If it's a "couple's shower", they should just call it an engagement party and have one. Engagement parties can be lovely little cocktail parties where no gifts are opened at all, and the invitations can even say "no gifts". The point being to celebrate the engagement of the couple, which is a noteworthy event. Okay, rant over.

Don't worry about skipping the shower. Have a good excuse ready and just attend the wedding. That's good enough IMHO.
 
Now we have all given you "permission" not to go. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. Sending flowers would be a good idea.
 
Nope...I wouldn't go....

I just remarried...and I really just wanted to keep things low key...nothing to frilly or over done....and it was only my second marriage.

My first marriage lasted 11 years, we were just to young to really know what life was...we grew apart with our lives. I continued on with my education and he just stagneted in life not wanting to go or do anything new and different.

Long story short, I wanted my second marriage to be about my husband and I...our life together. We got married here on the farm, in the barn...with our closest friends and family. My horse gave me away and was the ring barer...It was the best...

I truly didn't expect a lavish party...my new marriage wasn't about that.

Don't feel obligated to go...and if anyone asks, you have a previous ingagement....that's all anyone has to know.
 
Do not feel obligated to go along with this party. If you don't feel it is appropriate then stand up for that.
 
So not even going to try to politically correct here...

WTF is she thinking having a shower for a THIRD marriage??? I'm sorry you've been married that many times, it's time to just go to the JP quietly & not make a fuss.

Don't go. I wouldn't.
 
Okay, I just had to post, although I usually don't. By all means don't go! You certainly are not obligated the third time around. I am with everyone else, a shower at this point is ridiculous. I won't send flowers either. But if you feel like you need to do something, I like the suggestion of the donation to a charity.
 
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